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Meth/Amphetamines: Serious Discussion Only

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chicpoena

chicpoena

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Hello Bluelighters! We in TDS are introducing substance-specific MEGA threads. This is the Speed/Meth/Amphetamines MEGA Thread. This thread will focus on the unique challenges and problems caused by amphetamine dependence. Having a substance-specific thread allows us to create a wider discussion with a broader perspective to provide greater support to the amphetamine-dependent community. Talk about your struggles with psychosis, battle to get clean and generally get support here!
 
these r great threads chic
i guess ill go first with this one although im not technically using anymore, unless my dexies count (and i spose they do cos i know if it wasnt for my mum keeping them id b popping them like candy)
for me its more the constant cravings associated with PAWS - i literally hav an obsession with methamphetamine
the only time i dont think about meth is wen im really involved with something like my riding
i still occasionally battle with psychosis, if i dont sleep well (like last night) - on those days i can not take my dexies, and this heightens my cravings for meth ( i dont crave the pills i crave meth :\), and i cant drink anything caffeinated anymore, even coke or dr pepper cos they can trigger off hallucinations (visual, tactile and audial)....pretty extreme huh.......case of fried brain.....sometimes i wonder if my brain will ever fully recover and that makes me sad
i know deep down i probly shudnt even b on dexies - i lied to my psychiatrist and told him i dont get psychosis anymore so i cud get them (which IMO is addict behaviour really but hey heres where we admit that kind of shit).....yes i do hav ADHD and they give me relief (god i can even read now) but still.....r they jeopardising my brains recovery?
well anyway, im particularly interested in this thread and wud luv to give advice and support to anyone here who is battling with the amp demons
 
^^
I also have an obsession with methamphetamine - when I'm not using I'm thinking about it - even when I quit for a year I'd spend my time thinking and talking about it, and spending time with people who used it.

I have a confusing drug and alcohol worker who told me last week I have a hope in hell of kicking it doing home based withdrawal, but told me this week I don't need to come in anymore because I'm managing by myself.

I think I have ADD too, methamphetamine in too small a dose will actually make me uncontrollably tired and is the best cure for my anxiety.

I think it's interesting what a person's drug of choice says about their personality, or how they may be self medicating.

I hate feeling like I've lost control of it, being without it/craving it makes my body feel restless, uncomfortable, just yuck... But I try not to worry about it too much... %)
 
I havent done any meth in about 3 months I think, close to it. But the fact is that if I had some right this second id be doing it, at least id probably smoke it coz IV'ing meth causes alot of problems and not so much with meth but other drugs. I'll go on a meth run then ill start drinking, and then the benzo's will come in which ill abuse the fuck out of, then at the end its benzo's and shooting oxy/morphine then after thats all done I feel like shit for a week. I know exactly how it goes before it even happens. Thats why ive been sticking to just opiates, because I can tell myself I dont need them and my mind will actually listen and opes are cheaper. Meth is just such a waste of money and brain cells.
 
footscrazy said:
^^
I also have an obsession with methamphetamine - when I'm not using I'm thinking about it - even when I quit for a year I'd spend my time thinking and talking about it, and spending time with people who used it.
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Well that's your problem right there! How can you forget about something when it's in your face? Don't hang round meth users. period. I left a lot of old 'friends' behind but shit happens... they are all so fucked up now, and it hasnt even been 2 yrs since I quit. In 2 years life gets so fucking bad on meth, but you'd be surprised how good things can get in 2 years without it.
And when you say you quit for a year... you actually quit? As in no meth at all? Be it birthday or whatever... none? cos if thats truly the case you still have time to get out before its too late and I suggest you take that option.

I have a confusing drug and alcohol worker who told me last week I have a hope in hell of kicking it doing home based withdrawal, but told me this week I don't need to come in anymore because I'm managing by myself.
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Yeh, I had a counseller like that. They talk big to scare you. But so they should, because breaking a meth habit takes so much of you. Maybe she said not to come in cos you aren't playing by their rules? I got told the same thing once and it actually wasn't how my brain heard it... it wasn't "don't come in cos you're doing ok by yourself", it was more "don't come in at all if you're not going to come in every time". But on meth you hear what you wanna hear. (not saying this is your situation)

I think I have ADD too, methamphetamine in too small a dose will actually make me uncontrollably tired and is the best cure for my anxiety.
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You don't have ADD because a small meth dose makes you tired. When you get to the stage where you req large meth doses, and your body expects it, then you surprise it with a tiny dose... you feel tired, because you are tired.
It'd be pretty hard to diagnose ADD anyway since meth pretty much fries your concentration anyway.

... But I try not to worry about it too much... %)
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Sadly that's the worse thing about meth. You can turn your back on it all. I used to get fucked up and go out partying from Thurs-Sun morning every week... no sleep, no food... just random women, parties and whatever other drugs I came across. Then I'd sleep the rest of the week. Then repeat. Next thing I know... 2 years are gone, I've failed uni, and my family isn't talking to me anymore.
Just remember, you never see a successful meth tweaker. You'll probably never find a responsible user because the fact is, humans need to sleep. You can be a functional heroin or morphine or benzo addict. But meth addict? No way. When do you ever hear of a meth user getting busted for anything other than desperation crimes? Like that guy here in Melbourne who went from weekend warrior to a guy in debt to bikies for meth... he said he could cook it up for the bikies, got an oz from somewhere and said to the bikies he cooked it... then of course he had to pay off his debt. But he couldnt really cook the shit. So he avoided them as long as he could til they kicked in his door and the police arrived and found him hiding in his closet. He was on the news when he got sentenced... crying. Wondering where it all went wrong no doubt.
I know it's hard to stay clean in Footscray (LOL) but yeh, do whatever it takes
 
I love meth. Not just for partying, but for helping me get throught everyday stuff, like studying. The thing is, to me its like a vitamin! It makes me feel better, smarter, more energetic and motivated. I try and go without it, but the thing is, I'll always 'know' that I could be doing everything better if I was on it.
 
I was severely addicted to both meth and dextroamphetamine since age 12, it was a very hard time especially with what I had to suffer through besides that, i've been clean off amphetamines for a few days now, I always relapse, apparently I have minor brain damage from prolonged use, I was involved in a vicious poly drug cycle with meth/dex and temazepam
 
djsim - wat u say is very wise, esp about the not hanging out with friends who r into it
respect for ur length of time clean
i hav to admit probly half the reason i am still so meth-obsessed is because i do see ppl who use - not around me, but theyre often high around me for sure
my brother uses, my best friend (who was clean for 9 months) started using again (and has recently got majorly busted) and her cousin (my oldest friend who now lives way farther down the north island in a small town) uses
the cousin, laura, is up visitting me today later on - and yes i am looking forward to seeing her
no i know its not wise but i dont make friends easily, and the way the 'P epidemic' thing is going in NZ, its like i make friends with ppl, thru NA, or the farm i keep my horse at (bear in mind, meth runs rampant in equestrian sports), and next thing u know.....wham.....theyre on meth
its weird - its like i attract methheads
as far as AD(H)D goes, that was actually partly how i was diagnosed - the fact that meth in fairly small doses curbed my anxiety, helped me sleep and calmed me down (didnt make me tired just stopped my thoughts racing)
but then, its always done that for me, even before i got the tolerance of a killer whale
and yea, meth does make u 'try not to worry too much' - in fact thats wat always weirded me out about it
as a stimulant id expected it to make me care more about things - in actual fact by the time i was using evryday i didnt give a fuck about anything or anyone......except meth of course
to sum it up, djsim - gd post....again, major respect :)
 
I'll echo in favor of methamphetamine being responsible for me considering myself being ADHD.

I've always did poorly in school and university. Though, I always thought it was because I was lazy, uninterested, or just wasn't mature enough to handle that sort fo responsiblity. I was capable enough, no question about it.

Now, when I first tried methamphetamine I was amazed that I could do work. I started slow, slept every night, but will or by force, and never really went on benders. Unfortunately, I eventually lost control over this and my usage spiraled out of control.

I quit, took time to clean up, and got prescribed medication for ADHD after a series of clinical tests. Not bad. I didn't abuse my medication and I found that I didn't really need methamphetamine in my life as much as I did before.

Do I still do it? Of course! It's my drug of choice. I can't stand the dirty "high" of Adderall and the Dexedrine I get are too few to be squandered. I just love the fact that methamphetamine can keep me high for so long off such a small dose.

Sure, by weight, it may be more expensive than cocaine, but take the cost per duration high ratio and you'll see what clearly is the least expensive alternative. Not only that, but abhore the clogged up nose after a cocaine binge.. Yeck.
 
^In response to your 1st post in this thread; I was addicted to coke for roughly 6-8 months or so, not using every day but 2-3 times a week, having been on occasional user for a year or so before that. I was using more and more each week until I had an OD (thankfully no physical damage was done) followed by an insane thought-I-was-going-to-die panic attack which fucked me up mentally for ages and caused me to stop using anything harder than cannabis for good. I made a thread on it in here actually. I know the level of usage pales in comparison to others experiences on here, but even though I haven't used coke in 7 months now, I still find myself thinking about it very often, at least once a day, fantasising about scoring, racking up lines, etc. Even had a few very vivid dreams where I'm binging on it all night like the old days. The obsession that I developed over the months of heavier usage has still not left me.

It's crazy how much of an impact it left on my mind even after all this time, and considering my relatively low level of use and time abusing it. I can only imagine the lasing effect if I was using every day, which I very may well have progressed to if not for my unfortunate experience.
 
I'll chime in on amphetamine addiction. It's great stuff, really. Maybe from there other people can go in and put in their two cents, but here goes...

It's sinister shit, to be perfectly honest. It's not like heroin, benzos, or alcohol. See, you can catch those a lot easier, you can even be a normal human being an function on them a lot easier due to the adverse affects being kept easily in check. After all, most people know they can't go jammed out on dope to see their family. Most people know they can't go into work shit faced on booze. Does it happen? Sure, but most know it'll lead to decreased work performance or their family will see something is up.

Amphetamines, though, are a complete different game. See, you're never really "fucked up" in the traditional sense. Sure, you get a feeling of extreme well being, but you aren't inhibited. I consider it being "more sober than sober". Not only that, but you're smarter, stronger, and more clever than you ever could be. You're you, except better. The sun shines, but a little more brightly. Breeze against your face feels a bit better. Everything has that little extra sparkle. Best of all? Besides people that know what to look for; nobody will really notice that you're amped up. It's the perfect do anywhere type of drug.

The long durations make it something you can be high on all the time. It's easy too. You administer the drug you're easily set for hours. You aren't running into the bathroom every 20 minutes for a line or any silly shit like that. You begin to justify to yourself that this "wonder drug" should be taken whenever possible. Why go to baseline? I mean, you're an inferior person then. You have to eat, sleep, and you're not nearly as capable.

Now, all this time you think you're doing great, but all the while things are slowly starting to crumble. You divert just a bit more money, because you notice you need a bit more too get that same "zing", you figure, the quality just isn't as good. No, that isn't the case, unfortunately. That's just tolerance. You get caught up in things, so you blow people off or just flake out on events. People start to wonder what is wrong, because you're so fucking scatter brained most of the time. That weight you lost? You think you've got a great skinny going, but you actually look like the living dead. Skin turns really pale and sunken in. You're so wrapped up in your amphetamine induced perceptions that you don't notice any of this.

It gets worse by this point. You're used to living like this. In fact, you're body has taken such a beating that you no longer can function without this drug. Getting out of bed becomes impossible, because opening your eyes hurts. You're so fatigued, due to sleep deprivation, that doing anything becomes a dull chore. Hell, you can't even experience fun or pleasure without it. So you take more just to get back to where you were.

It continues like this until you burn out or fix yourself. I'm sure I glossed over a lot of the parts, and honestly, it's impossible to describe unless you've been there. Those that went through this nightmare know exactly what I'm talking about and maybe can add their two cents. Just remember, you never get sick. No, it's all mental. It becomes a crutch that you rely on and next thing you know, you can't even do anything without it. Even when you clean up, you never really stop thinking about getting amped. It never leaves you. Ever.
 
3DayRun, that was an amazing, truthful bit of writing. You put it all so well, hit the nail on the head for me. Mind if I borrow it to show someone in need? I promise I'll give you credit :-)

~ Plum
 
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^ Hah, sure, go right on ahead. A message is no good if it isn't spread, right? Thanks for the compliment!
 
yes, 3dayrun - a fucking good read - i totally related
and no its not all mental
anyone whos gone CT off a fairly tough methamphetamine habit will b able to relate to that horrible crawling feeling under ur skin, the aching muscles, the headaches, the night sweats
also evry time i came off it i felt nauseous for about 2 days.....then so hungry id eat dog shit (well maybe not dog shit but u know wat i mean)
and the psychosis actually gets worse than wen ur on the shit!
so i hate it wen ppl say 'well its easier coming off meth than opiates cos with meth the withdrawals r all psychological'
ive come off both - and i will agree that opiate withdrawals make u sicker.....but ur still sick coming off meth!
 
See, I never got sick from methamphetamine withdrawal. Now, does that mean it's impossible? Nope, because everyone else's body is a lot different. Now, I will say that the aches, pains, nausea, and other ailments are caused more by the lack of nutrition / sleep and not by the drug directly.

I never got crawling sensations under the skin, I did actually get night sweats, I do remember those, and no headaches. It was more of this terrible fog that never lifted. It was almost as if everyday color was washed out like in Saving Private Ryan.

I never got psychotic after I came off of it either. While I was on it and up for days, sure, I was fucking crazed. When I decided to come clean for a bit I was just moody. Really irritable and snappy would be describe my mood.

I've also come off both, drug_wench, and I agree and disagree. I disagree that methamphetamine made me physically ill, but I agree that the psychological hold was a lot stronger. Hell, I never truly cleaned up. I still use, although in a controlled manner, and don't see myself truly stopping anytime soon.

Don't take this as me saying you're wrong or to invalidate what you're trying to throw out at people, but my experiences were just different. I guess that's what is so sinister about true addiction to methamphetamine and going cold turkey. It's going to hit everyone differently and be horrifyingly difficult to really beat.
 
3DayRun said:
See, I never got sick from methamphetamine withdrawal. Now, does that mean it's impossible? Nope, because everyone else's body is a lot different. Now, I will say that the aches, pains, nausea, and other ailments are caused more by the lack of nutrition / sleep and not by the drug directly.
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This is what I experience during meth WD plus a shitload of depression and craving and while my habit wasnt small, it wasnt big enough to get any significant WD's, alot of it was my needle fixation/fetish too which im still working on, meth is the least of my worries there days mostly due to money and other, cheaper, purer and more accesible drugs(opiates at a price you couldnt resist)
being available. Id use between .3g and 1g of meth of varying quality in a night, usually 3 nights a week so its as mostly craving, but I know people that do an eightball like everyday and im sure the WD's from that wouldnt be fun.

I send my love to all those having problems with this drug. I dont believe when people say once your on meth your on it forever, thats bullshit. Have confidence in yourself and you will succeed.

Have a ood one guys and gals :)

P.S How are ya drug_wench? Hope things are going well for you and it sounds as though things are much beter than they have in the past...stay strong lovely =D and smile for the world because they will smile back, or at least I will :p.
 
I also don't buy into the hype of, "Once you do meth; you're on it forever." See, quitting isn't an issue for me. I have a sack of meth staring at me every single day when I wake up and go to work. It's a fairly large one by most accounts and I don't touch it. Keep in mind that I wake up at the ass crack of dawn and could really use a pick-me-up at that hour of the day. I don't touch it, though. No way.

Now, a lot of 12 steppers might be saying I'm rationalizing (honestly, I'm glad the 12-step program worked for some, but I abhore it.) and that I'm one step away from full blown addiction all over again, but I don't agree. See, I don't really enjoy any other drugs.

Opiates? Meh, not for me. Had my fun and I'm done with them.
Alcohol? Hate the shit with a passion. Not enjoyable.
Cocaine? A complete waste of money. I hate the stuffy nose too.
Ecstasy? Shit that's been around is pure garbage. Probably BZP/TMFPP.
GHB/GBL? It was fun for a while, but got really old really fast. I'm all set.

Disassociatives such as PCP and ketamine are just obnoxious for me. I hate not being in control or being on point when I get fucked up. I despise being sloppy or in some other disconnected zone. Thank you, but no thank you. I won't eve list mushroom or LSD as "recreational" as those are more spiritual in nature to me and don't give "euphoria" in the traditional sense. They just aren't for me.

So, rather than rationalizing I see it as my weekend enjoyment. It's no different than having a few beers like most people do. So, not only can one completely stop methamphetamine use, but they can also control their usage. I think most people have this self-discipline; it needs to be found, though.
 
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