same here
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H&R Moderators: VerbalTruist
Meth/Amphetamines: Serious Discussion Only - V.2: MERGED with amps quitting thread
- Thread starter panic in paradise
- Start date
- Status
same here
So I smoked meth for the first time a few nights ago,
since then I've spent a ridiculous amount of money on drugs (Just under 1k),
Smoked it again,
met dodgy people,
invested in things with no return
been accused of physically assaulting a girl.
I am not new to stimulants, I have used and abused dex before...
But this is differen't
Its been one week and I've already had 3 binges.
I am benzo'd out now, catching up on lost days.
How do I stay away from it, forever ? Get back to routine, gym...work..sober friends (Who I find incredibly hard to relate to, I am on a differen't level because of drug use)... ?
Reading this thread makes it seem like trying ot stay away is even pointless? eeek.
I have tried almost every drug, but meth and this ROA seems like a completley differen't ballgame.
since then I've spent a ridiculous amount of money on drugs (Just under 1k),
Smoked it again,
met dodgy people,
invested in things with no return
been accused of physically assaulting a girl.
I am not new to stimulants, I have used and abused dex before...
But this is differen't
Its been one week and I've already had 3 binges.
I am benzo'd out now, catching up on lost days.
How do I stay away from it, forever ? Get back to routine, gym...work..sober friends (Who I find incredibly hard to relate to, I am on a differen't level because of drug use)... ?
Reading this thread makes it seem like trying ot stay away is even pointless? eeek.
I have tried almost every drug, but meth and this ROA seems like a completley differen't ballgame.
**hAyzzZZ**
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Feb 24, 2005
- Messages
- 1,567
I wont bore you with any "stay the fuck away" propaganda. You have to find out for yourself just how bad it can get, if not already ![:\](https://bluelight.org/xf/BL_Images/Orig_Emoji/wrygrin.gif "wry grin :\")
I assure you, it just gets worse.
I assure you, it just gets worse.
I just read a few pages of this thread and its kind of scary...
How do I stay away from Meth ? I have tried almost every type of drug, and am wired to naturally need stimulants to function.
I have seen people before me waste their lives on the drug;and I am realizing I am literally surrounded by the drug.
Do I need to physically escape to a differen't place, ? Otherwise, I feel it is inevitable to use. There is no honeymoon peroid with this drug, it straight out turns me into a maniac.
How is everyone ?
How do I stay away from Meth ? I have tried almost every type of drug, and am wired to naturally need stimulants to function.
I have seen people before me waste their lives on the drug;and I am realizing I am literally surrounded by the drug.
Do I need to physically escape to a differen't place, ? Otherwise, I feel it is inevitable to use. There is no honeymoon peroid with this drug, it straight out turns me into a maniac.
How is everyone ?
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That post about video games. I was the same, just recently for a period of maybe 4 months+~ i never played any video games or watched tv or movies. Or properly atleast. When i became sober for a month i liked my alone time and found balance in going out and partying while being able to enjoy watching movies without getting bored and turning it off because i had no attention spam.
haven't used since oct. 15th (and didn't use two weeks prior to that) but finding myself craving some. had a couple of very intense (and pleasurable) dreams about meth the past week or two as well.
pretty healthy person, exercise regularly and watch what i eat, just surprised it's taking so long to go away. when does it go away, if ever?
pretty healthy person, exercise regularly and watch what i eat, just surprised it's taking so long to go away. when does it go away, if ever?
Legerity
Bluelight Crew
- Joined
- Jul 29, 2010
- Messages
- 2,965
What do you think you need to do? Are you living with other people that use meth, or are all your friends using it? If you feel that your living situation is contributing to your use then you need to evaluate for yourself what you are willing to change in order to stay off of it.
isaballsack
Greenlighter
so much truth in those words.I wont bore you with any "stay the fuck away" propaganda. You have to find out for yourself just how bad it can get, if not already
I assure you, it just gets worse.
noone ever believes it till they see it.&most are too far gone by the time they see it.i think i am.
jess10cc's
Greenlighter
Although
Although i have nothing positive that has come from a result of using and have brought only grief into my life i honestly don't feel or see an ending to my career in the tweek, I have done the treatment centers and whole heartedly made the effort but even then i still knew i was going to use, I used to think that some major event will happen in my life that will make me say OK THAT'S IT! But i find myself back here.So now i try to keep myself from litting it overflow my cup. Although i struggle with my vices i still have to be responsible for myself and mine. I guess i'm not really looking if there is anybody with a solution, more like understanding. anyways......
Although i have nothing positive that has come from a result of using and have brought only grief into my life i honestly don't feel or see an ending to my career in the tweek, I have done the treatment centers and whole heartedly made the effort but even then i still knew i was going to use, I used to think that some major event will happen in my life that will make me say OK THAT'S IT! But i find myself back here.So now i try to keep myself from litting it overflow my cup. Although i struggle with my vices i still have to be responsible for myself and mine. I guess i'm not really looking if there is anybody with a solution, more like understanding. anyways......
complacent88
Greenlighter
- Joined
- Jan 28, 2011
- Messages
- 2
Meth long-term side effects??
I've been clean since Oct 2009, but noticed I've become EXTREMELY lazy....my house is a disaster, I have no desire/ambition anymore...I wasn't a hardcore user, only once in awhile on wknds....but I got SO much done around the house, now I don't know where to start with my clutter everywhere....is this normal?? I hate being this way!!!
I've been clean since Oct 2009, but noticed I've become EXTREMELY lazy....my house is a disaster, I have no desire/ambition anymore...I wasn't a hardcore user, only once in awhile on wknds....but I got SO much done around the house, now I don't know where to start with my clutter everywhere....is this normal?? I hate being this way!!!
Im a new member to this forum. I've just registered coz i find threads in this forum very interesting and maybe i could share my experience and knowledge. =)
(I've got a lot of things running in my mind to share, but keeping in mind abt this thread's rules.)
Shall keep it very short and will elaborate further if i need to.
I've been on and off meth since Sept 2009 (first try), up till today. It started off normal, as first timers don't really know what high it brings. On the first try, i thought i was gonna try this shit and just enjoy myself and my friends whom thought me how to use it, and was never gonna do it again.
They said it wasn't addictive at all, and its all abt the mindset. Of course, they lied or they never really got addicted to it due to the rare usage of it OR (now i know aft years of experience using the drug), denying that it was not addictive actual fact that it was. Living in denial.
Sorry got carried away with sharing my experience.
Okay keeping it short and simple, now.
I started off using it rarely, and then occasionally (denying that it's still not addictive though i realized that ive been using it more often) then weekly, with few months of break in between sessions, then quite frequently not daily with less then a month of break in between sessions to, daily with MAYBE a day OR two without it (when it starts to bring me the negative feeling of being down and "im digging my own grave if i continue to use it this often") of course i know for the fact that im digging my own grave every single time im using it.
(It all happens very slowly over a few years. Im just summarizing all of it.)
And now, (quite recently. early this month) im using it daily without any breaks. I actually need it everyday to feel normal without the negative aftereffects of using it daily, IMPACTING me drastically.
My dosage is not at all high. Of course i would take more if i wanted to feel high from it (a high that would : that would make me not feel relaxed and calm, eyes running 100miles/hr,obsessive, etc..)
But 80% of the time i chose not to climb high, i need to take a few tiny bowls in the morning, everyday without fail. (just feel normal with maybe just a slight little euphoria). And maybe again in the late afternoon if i choose to maintain that slight euphoric feeling. My dosage everyday is actually < than .1. To be very detailed, only 2 to 3 small stones in one session, to feel normal.
I've been wanting to quit coz it affected me negatively. (Mentally im still very good but physically im in bad shape. Due to not eating and that shit ate away my cheeks real fast).
I'm already a slim-build person naturally, and by smoking it made it worse.
I really need to stop doing it, ever again hopefully but i just cant find any ways in which i could do so.
I've tried many times but only time will tell. I soon relapse again.
Although I don't do it quite frequently, when i did relapse, (maybe once a few weeks if things go well and IF dopamine and serotonin chose NOT to fuck the negative feeling hell out of me), very soon it will be to where i was.
Things that triggered me:
The desire to feel extra good,well-being which cant be felt naturally.
Dealers that text-ed me when their stocks have replenished.
Negative side effect of withdrawal. (not being able to wake up early in the morning and head to college, feeling sucky, etc..)
Any very good ideas that fits my situation?
I don't want to stop using it, hopefully ever again. I just dont wish to.
I tried not to use it for days maybe weeks or months but i just cant seem to stop using it at all. Once i relapsed, it will surely get the better off me and i'll feel something's missing when i don't smoke it when i woke up and head for the shower.
Because of the side effects of meth(when i dont have it), im unable to get off early from bed and because of looking forward to do meth, im able to do so. It somehow made me think that its a source of motivation. By doing what im supposed to do daily, instead of lazing around and just sleep.
Coz now, i don't have the time for the withdrawal effects, as i need to head to college very early in e morning. And i hate the feeling of depression and super down and sucky once i leave meth to rest. I'm loving love the normal feeling plus a slight euphoric.
What the hell should i do? Im super fucked by it and dont want it to fuck my future.
PS: I took back my words of keeping it short. Got carried away, a little obsession.
I still have not shared the crazy times and experience of my life due to using it, but i'll save it for a diff thread maybe.
(I've got a lot of things running in my mind to share, but keeping in mind abt this thread's rules.)
Shall keep it very short and will elaborate further if i need to.
I've been on and off meth since Sept 2009 (first try), up till today. It started off normal, as first timers don't really know what high it brings. On the first try, i thought i was gonna try this shit and just enjoy myself and my friends whom thought me how to use it, and was never gonna do it again.
They said it wasn't addictive at all, and its all abt the mindset. Of course, they lied or they never really got addicted to it due to the rare usage of it OR (now i know aft years of experience using the drug), denying that it was not addictive actual fact that it was. Living in denial.
Sorry got carried away with sharing my experience.
Okay keeping it short and simple, now.
I started off using it rarely, and then occasionally (denying that it's still not addictive though i realized that ive been using it more often) then weekly, with few months of break in between sessions, then quite frequently not daily with less then a month of break in between sessions to, daily with MAYBE a day OR two without it (when it starts to bring me the negative feeling of being down and "im digging my own grave if i continue to use it this often") of course i know for the fact that im digging my own grave every single time im using it.
(It all happens very slowly over a few years. Im just summarizing all of it.)
And now, (quite recently. early this month) im using it daily without any breaks. I actually need it everyday to feel normal without the negative aftereffects of using it daily, IMPACTING me drastically.
My dosage is not at all high. Of course i would take more if i wanted to feel high from it (a high that would : that would make me not feel relaxed and calm, eyes running 100miles/hr,obsessive, etc..)
But 80% of the time i chose not to climb high, i need to take a few tiny bowls in the morning, everyday without fail. (just feel normal with maybe just a slight little euphoria). And maybe again in the late afternoon if i choose to maintain that slight euphoric feeling. My dosage everyday is actually < than .1. To be very detailed, only 2 to 3 small stones in one session, to feel normal.
I've been wanting to quit coz it affected me negatively. (Mentally im still very good but physically im in bad shape. Due to not eating and that shit ate away my cheeks real fast).
I'm already a slim-build person naturally, and by smoking it made it worse.
I really need to stop doing it, ever again hopefully but i just cant find any ways in which i could do so.
I've tried many times but only time will tell. I soon relapse again.
Although I don't do it quite frequently, when i did relapse, (maybe once a few weeks if things go well and IF dopamine and serotonin chose NOT to fuck the negative feeling hell out of me), very soon it will be to where i was.
Things that triggered me:
The desire to feel extra good,well-being which cant be felt naturally.
Dealers that text-ed me when their stocks have replenished.
Negative side effect of withdrawal. (not being able to wake up early in the morning and head to college, feeling sucky, etc..)
Any very good ideas that fits my situation?
I don't want to stop using it, hopefully ever again. I just dont wish to.
I tried not to use it for days maybe weeks or months but i just cant seem to stop using it at all. Once i relapsed, it will surely get the better off me and i'll feel something's missing when i don't smoke it when i woke up and head for the shower.
Because of the side effects of meth(when i dont have it), im unable to get off early from bed and because of looking forward to do meth, im able to do so. It somehow made me think that its a source of motivation. By doing what im supposed to do daily, instead of lazing around and just sleep.
Coz now, i don't have the time for the withdrawal effects, as i need to head to college very early in e morning. And i hate the feeling of depression and super down and sucky once i leave meth to rest. I'm loving love the normal feeling plus a slight euphoric.
What the hell should i do? Im super fucked by it and dont want it to fuck my future.
PS: I took back my words of keeping it short. Got carried away, a little obsession.
I still have not shared the crazy times and experience of my life due to using it, but i'll save it for a diff thread maybe.
"Taking just one, if you are like me, is going to bring you right back to those hopeless, regretful and painful feelings again and these feelings will be multiplied." - quoted
YES YES YES! That's the fucking exact feeling ill have when im doing it again. Just one tiny piece of shit (of course in reality that would not happen, it'll be dozens more), would change my mindset from positive to a total negative and total darkness. I tried to overcome that but it just doesn't help by lying to myself that im fine.
Idk mate. I've been off it for 5 days and to me it's been a long time since i had it. I'll spent most of daytime sleeping and waking up only in late afternoon. -.-
I guess so too, that my recreational usage days are over. Coz everytime when i have it, i'll tend to drag it for as long as i possibly could. No more "okay, today is the time to enjoy". now "okay, why enjoy for 1 day, when you can get high every single day? thats brilliant!"
Most of my close mates,they'll tend to offer me at some random time. And i just couldn't fucking push it away. Thats insanely hard coz i know i want it.
I could stop it for day or perhaps weeks, but i know that day will come where ill just take it due to long awaited cravings, and fuck up the entire recovery process/progress.
"Its a hard thing to accept and, personally, I went through a mourning stage. I wanted to use but knew I couldn't" - quoted
For me, its hard to accept but i dont think twice when i wanna use it. And there's no such thing as couldn't for me. If i wanted it badly, ill fucking get it right away by hook or by crook.
Perhaps that's the diff btw coke and ice?
*I've stopped for 4 days now. Finally im feeling like a normal human being, doing daily activities w/o the influence of ice. lol*
YES YES YES! That's the fucking exact feeling ill have when im doing it again. Just one tiny piece of shit (of course in reality that would not happen, it'll be dozens more), would change my mindset from positive to a total negative and total darkness. I tried to overcome that but it just doesn't help by lying to myself that im fine.
Idk mate. I've been off it for 5 days and to me it's been a long time since i had it. I'll spent most of daytime sleeping and waking up only in late afternoon. -.-
I guess so too, that my recreational usage days are over. Coz everytime when i have it, i'll tend to drag it for as long as i possibly could. No more "okay, today is the time to enjoy". now "okay, why enjoy for 1 day, when you can get high every single day? thats brilliant!"
Most of my close mates,they'll tend to offer me at some random time. And i just couldn't fucking push it away. Thats insanely hard coz i know i want it.
I could stop it for day or perhaps weeks, but i know that day will come where ill just take it due to long awaited cravings, and fuck up the entire recovery process/progress.
"Its a hard thing to accept and, personally, I went through a mourning stage. I wanted to use but knew I couldn't" - quoted
For me, its hard to accept but i dont think twice when i wanna use it. And there's no such thing as couldn't for me. If i wanted it badly, ill fucking get it right away by hook or by crook.
Perhaps that's the diff btw coke and ice?
*I've stopped for 4 days now. Finally im feeling like a normal human being, doing daily activities w/o the influence of ice. lol*
Hey OverDone!
jyeah thanks mate for those support.
I visited a picture thread in TDS a couple of minutes ago.
Wow they're all full of personalities i will say. Cool shit people and homes.
And you sir, wow.
I've seen ur pic, and no u really don't look like one who uses meth. lol.
thought you're just a moderator here. guess i was wrong. ^^
thanks for the support. man this little forum down here could make me strong just by readin em.
jyeah thanks mate for those support.
I visited a picture thread in TDS a couple of minutes ago.
Wow they're all full of personalities i will say. Cool shit people and homes.
And you sir, wow.
I've seen ur pic, and no u really don't look like one who uses meth. lol.
thought you're just a moderator here. guess i was wrong. ^^
thanks for the support. man this little forum down here could make me strong just by readin em.
yea i've seen improvements in myself, but those changes are too tiny for me to notice the difference. maybe ill just have to wait a lil longer to see it for myself.
idk. i may stop for weeks or MOST to MOST a month. im afraid that aft that period, i might use it again and end up back to square one. like a circle of never endings. =/
So far, its been going great. ^^
idk. i may stop for weeks or MOST to MOST a month. im afraid that aft that period, i might use it again and end up back to square one. like a circle of never endings. =/
So far, its been going great. ^^
footscrazy
Bluelight Crew
That cycle of quitting then using again is very common, I've been using for 7 years but wanting to quit for the last two - I know how discouraging it can be to do your best to quit only to end up using again. It can make you feel pretty discouraged the next time you try and stop. I know I find it really hard to be proud of anytime I spend off, because I don't want to let myself down even further when I use again.
I do believe though each time you quit you get better at it. You know what to expect. I know now that quitting from daily use will leave me in bed for a week very sore, followed by a week of insomnia. I know from experience now that getting those overwhelming cravings doesn't mean it's all over, and that in a few days I might feel completely different.
I'm a month off heavy use right now and I feel so much better. I decided to stop again because I went for a walk around the block and could hardly make it without physically collapsing from exhaustion. While meth motivates you in the first place soon it makes you completely apathetic and completely kills motivation. Paying bills a month ago seemed an insurmountable task, now I'm getting that shit done and that feels good.
I don't know if this will be the time I stay off for good, I hope so, but regardless, using again wont negate the time I've had off, it's still worth it.
I do believe though each time you quit you get better at it. You know what to expect. I know now that quitting from daily use will leave me in bed for a week very sore, followed by a week of insomnia. I know from experience now that getting those overwhelming cravings doesn't mean it's all over, and that in a few days I might feel completely different.
I'm a month off heavy use right now and I feel so much better. I decided to stop again because I went for a walk around the block and could hardly make it without physically collapsing from exhaustion. While meth motivates you in the first place soon it makes you completely apathetic and completely kills motivation. Paying bills a month ago seemed an insurmountable task, now I'm getting that shit done and that feels good.
I don't know if this will be the time I stay off for good, I hope so, but regardless, using again wont negate the time I've had off, it's still worth it.
I won't even know if i could ever break that cycle and be free from it ever. It's way off my mind right now. Guess that not how im supposed to see things. So, im breaking it down for now. Im taking small tiny steps, just keeping myself busy and distract myself from thinking of it.
Since the day i stopped, i had these weird dreams of it. lol. and every single day it tends to get worse.
ystd in fact, i dreamt that i found this huge chuck of ice and i smoke it like nobody's business. lol. and i keep thinking of it till i get myself busy with things. damn that was tempting. lol.
and yea, with dealers still bugging me, its twice as hard.
i've just met a close friend of mine whose dealing, ystd and he's talking abt it like telling wonderful stories of it and showed me some big chucks of it. i think if i had enuff money, i would've bought it at that instant. thank god i didn't. ^^
yea it nice here in this forum, with people caring and showing support. i've never actually met anything like this before. yea you know with people sharing their point of view and experiences, its a good place to gain knowledge.
FC : you're still using it? reality hunts me down like a fucking piece of crap every single time i fail and reflect. and yet fail again. it must have been really fucking hard for you to be coping with all of its madness. how did you managed to go thru all these, you must have balls of steel.
if i were in your shoes, i think motivation would be so negative, it penetrates right thru me.
Since the day i stopped, i had these weird dreams of it. lol. and every single day it tends to get worse.
ystd in fact, i dreamt that i found this huge chuck of ice and i smoke it like nobody's business. lol. and i keep thinking of it till i get myself busy with things. damn that was tempting. lol.
and yea, with dealers still bugging me, its twice as hard.
i've just met a close friend of mine whose dealing, ystd and he's talking abt it like telling wonderful stories of it and showed me some big chucks of it. i think if i had enuff money, i would've bought it at that instant. thank god i didn't. ^^
yea it nice here in this forum, with people caring and showing support. i've never actually met anything like this before. yea you know with people sharing their point of view and experiences, its a good place to gain knowledge.
FC : you're still using it? reality hunts me down like a fucking piece of crap every single time i fail and reflect. and yet fail again. it must have been really fucking hard for you to be coping with all of its madness. how did you managed to go thru all these, you must have balls of steel.
if i were in your shoes, i think motivation would be so negative, it penetrates right thru me.
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