Meth/Amphetamines: Serious Discussion Only - V.2: MERGED with amps quitting thread

[dizzychainsaw]

thought i would check in.

just about (a few weeks off) 3 months clean from IV meth i've had the urge to do some mdma lately but given the circumstances on australian pills at the moment i've opted to buy a gram of mephedrone to feed my cactii

i haven't picked up a needle in just over 3 weeks now but i'll be IVing some of the meph to see how it compares to low dose IV mdma/mda and meth.

my birthday is the 31st of this month so i may choose to use some meth if i haven't any meph left over. i'll see how it goes and how my morphine stockpile is. no real desire to use meth but i like to keep my options open.

I s meph similar to meth? I don't know much about it but I read that it can cause the purple knees similar to what was going on with me yesterday on meth. Meph is a stimulant, right?
I feel ya saying you have no desire to do meth. I don't either until I get the phone call. Then I tell myself why not instead of no. I don't think I ever learned to tell myself no. Once I start doing it I can't just do a little and conserve it. I have to do it until it's all gone.
I finally got some sleep. I slept for seven hours and I've eaten and drank a lot of water. My heatbeat and blood pressure seem to be going back to normal. My circulation is still a little screwy and I still look a little bug eyed. I feel kinda weird, like I still have a slight buzz. I can't believe a quarter of a gram kept me up for three days. That is insane and that's not what I intended on happening.
My boyfriend is still pissed off and is rubbing my relapse in my face. I tried to explain to him that he could be more supportive. I slept in the spare bedroom. He used to be addicted to crack so he should be more understanding of where I'm coming from. I guess I need to start going to the substance abuse clinic again even though I don't want to.

 

[dizzychainsaw]

^ Have you ever seen a drug counsellor? Mine has been really helpful. Without her help and support, I doubt I would have been able to quit my daily meth habit. It's very hard to do alone. Try finding some support if you can.

BTW, I'm totally with you on hating to drive while high. I keep thinking every car behind me is a cop.

I just can't seem to say no when the opportunity arises even though I know I need to leave it alone. When I get the call, I don't think about the negative.

 

[Sweet P]

thought i would check in.

just about (a few weeks off) 3 months clean from IV meth i've had the urge to do some mdma lately but given the circumstances on australian pills at the moment i've opted to buy a gram of mephedrone to feed my cactii

i haven't picked up a needle in just over 3 weeks now but i'll be IVing some of the meph to see how it compares to low dose IV mdma/mda and meth.

my birthday is the 31st of this month so i may choose to use some meth if i haven't any meph left over. i'll see how it goes and how my morphine stockpile is. no real desire to use meth but i like to keep my options open.

Wow, 3 months clean from IV meth is great!

My suggestion (take it or leave it) is that you don't use your birthday as a reason to do another hit of meth. You never know, it could be enough to start that downward spiral again. In my opinion, it just isn't worth the risk. But it's up to you.

I s meph similar to meth? I don't know much about it but I read that it can cause the purple knees similar to what was going on with me yesterday on meth. Meph is a stimulant, right?

Meph is mephedrone... a stimulant which I believe is a legal in many countries. Unfortunately it's now illegal in NZ, cos it's an analogue of methcathinone. But it's only been given a Class C classification - on par with cannabis.

I just can't seem to say no when the opportunity arises even though I know I need to leave it alone. When I get the call, I don't think about the negative.

I know, I tend to be the same. It's hard, but keep trying. You'll beat it one day.

 

[Jabberwocky]

Is meph similar to meth? I don't know much about it but I read that it can cause the purple knees similar to what was going on with me yesterday on meth. Meph is a stimulant, right?

yeah mephedrone is a stimulant. it gets compared to mdma and cocaine a fair bit.

Wow, 3 months clean from IV meth is great!

My suggestion (take it or leave it) is that you don't use your birthday as a reason to do another hit of meth. You never know, it could be enough to start that downward spiral again. In my opinion, it just isn't worth the risk. But it's up to you.

(Removed some stuff that is potentially triggering. Please be aware of others who are viewing this thread as a place for support and advice on recovery. Its purpose is just that, not to discuss drug use in a "fun" way. )

i feel as though i'm in control enough where i could just have the one shot of meth and that be it it; i'm too tied up with opiates at the moment they're hedonistic enough in their ways for me to not need add an upper, meth or meph, into the mix.

 

[Sweet P]

^ It's cool that you've reached the stage where you have enough control to just have one hit. I'd love to be able to do that. I've also been dabbling in opiates since deciding to quit meth (mainly oxies and heroin)... but I can't use them too often due to availability and price, which I suppose is a good thing. I already have a benzo and meth addiction, and I definitely don't need an opiate addiction on top of that!

 

[Sweet P]

I hate this... it feels like I'll never be naturally happy or able to enjoy anything again. Maybe I should just give up and go back to using meth. I had more of a life as a meth addict than I do as a recovering addict. Ever since I quit I've had no friends, no energy, no motivation, and no life.

 

[lestahb]

I felt exactly like you when I first quit. Patience is difficult but so worth it. The weird meth life is consumed by obsessions, but it is an empty shell of a life that will crumble into nothing. have patience with this one and you should be able to build your life again.

 

[Jabberwocky]

^having a rough day dude? (to sweet pea)

you're still only in the beginning stages, don't give up yourself yet. your body and mind will still be detoxing itself and only in the initial stages of readjusting to not being fuelled by meth. when i was using heavily it took me a good 2 months in the least until i started feeling gratitude toward what i was doing and had accomplished. every day is an accomplishment.

what are you doing to fill the time?

mods - sorry for the "glorifying" comments. i checked my edit and really didn't think it was glorifying aything (especially not meth). i mentioned using but so have a lot of people in here

 

[Sweet P]

^having a rough day dude? (to sweet pea)

you're still only in the beginning stages, don't give up yourself yet. your body and mind will still be detoxing itself and only in the initial stages of readjusting to not being fuelled by meth. when i was using heavily it took me a good 2 months in the least until i started feeling gratitude toward what i was doing and had accomplished. every day is an accomplishment.

what are you doing to fill the time?

Every day is the same, but today it's just really getting to me. Even 2 months feels like an eternity. I don't think I can continue feeling like this for that long. I'm not doing much to fill in my time... just surfing the net, smoking ciggies, listening to music, and resting. That's all. I don't even have the energy to go for a walk.

 

[Vladimir777]

Every day is the same, but today it's just really getting to me. Even 2 months feels like an eternity. I don't think I can continue feeling like this for that long. I'm not doing much to fill in my time... just surfing the net, smoking ciggies, listening to music, and resting. That's all. I don't even have the energy to go for a walk.

I have a question about meth PAWS. I know after you get off it, you have utterly no energy like you're describing. Is this more physical or is it mental in the sense that you just have no motivation or drive. I know after heroin detox, I have no energy for a while, but I feel with opiates it's definitely a mental thing instead of a physical one. I can go outside or do other stuff, it's just I have no desire to and no interest. I'm curious if meth is the same way.

 

[Sweet P]

^ Probably more mental than physical. It's difficult to tell though, because the meth abuse has given me anorexia (severe weight loss and muscle deterioration - not anorexia nervosa, the eating disorder), which makes me fatigued and unable to do a lot of physical activities.

 

[Vladimir777]

Yeah, good point, I forgot how much it wastes away the body. Definitely does a lot more than opiates.

 

[Sweet P]

The two main things stopping me relapsing has been a lack of money and a lack of interest in sex (those are how I used to score meth). Trouble is, tomorrow I'll be getting $400 that somebody owes me, and the thought of having cash to spend has been playing on my mind. If scored a bag with that money and rationed how much I used, I could have a whole week feeling normal again! No apathy, anhedonia, or any of that crap. But I dunno... my rational mind is telling me to use the money on better things. To reduce credit card debts, etc. And scoring again could lead to that downward spiral which I'm sure we're all familiar with. But I honestly don't know what to do... the thought of escaping this constant feeling of emptiness, even just for a few days or a week, is quite appealing.

 

[dr_improper]

i think the biggest thing that causes me to relapse is being around certain people, it just stops me from taking a step back and thinking about the consequences its like i go into auto pilot. trying really hard to stay away

 

[Sweet P]

^ Yeah, leaving the "scene" is one of the most difficult parts of getting clean.

I'm still struggling with that myself. I've built some good friendships/associations over the years that I've been using meth, and it'll be kinda sad to part ways. I'll have to somehow make new friends cos I don't have any who aren't into drugs.

 

[Pillthrill]

I've been craving it hardcore for a few days now. All I can do is try to supplement with other stimulant like drugs. I know I don't want to go back to that. I know it could mean the end of my relationship. I cut off all contact with anyone that does it so even if I want it...I can't get it. It makes my stomach turn and makes my heart race just thinking about it. I can almost just taste it, now that is something I won't miss...ick

Stay strong guys. That stuff is tough shit....

 

[footscrazy]

^ Yeah, leaving the "scene" is one of the most difficult parts of getting clean.

I'm still struggling with that myself. I've built some good friendships/associations over the years that I've been using meth, and it'll be kinda sad to part ways. I'll have to somehow make new friends cos I don't have any who aren't into drugs.

You're def right, just getting away from it is so hard. I just like that scene, I feel more comfortable with those people than with anyone else. I have non using friends but I always feel like I'm faking happiness around them; I just don't like hanging around them as much, or have as much 'fun'...I suppose this will change in time but it's so hard to just keep choosing the option that makes me feel worse, when it'd be so much easier and make me feel so much better (in the short term) just to hang around the using people.

 

[Sweet P]

I cut off all contact with anyone that does it so even if I want it...I can't get it.

Good move. I've been told that I should do the same thing... delete my drug contacts from my phone, or even get a new number. But I just haven't been able to bring myself to do it.

 

[dr_improper]

im trying to get through the forcing myself to do it stage onto being really ok with sobriety, but i dont know if thats even possible

i feel like my personality is so drab now, wont be winning any flair awards anytime soon i guess

 

[Sweet P]

Hi all... unfortunately I'm going back to using. The health system is refusing to put me on safe pharmaceutical amphetamines, so I'm forced to going back to scoring from dealers and gangs. Hopefully my shrink might change her mind one day, when she realises how quickly I'm falling downhill, but until then I'll be using like I used to. It's the only way I can live as a normal human being.