Meth/Amphetamines: Serious Discussion Only - V.2: MERGED with amps quitting thread

[footscrazy]

^^ I think that was a bad move...
While ultimately it is still her decision, having it there, easily accessible, will make her decision not to use that much harder. And while the idea of having 'one more sesh' is good in theory, I think it is very unlikely in practice. Even if she has this one go at it and is able to put it away and forget about it - in the back of her mind will be - well, I was able to use and nothing bad happened! Maybe I can control it now? And in a few months, with that in mind, it will be a little bit easier to get on again. And I believe it could be very hard to reign it in again until it gets out of control and bad shit starts happening again - because she'll be in the honeymoon period of use - it'll all be positives and no negatives yet. I find it hard enough to remember why I've quit when I'm not using - I know I'd find it impossible while getting high.

Also, sometimes when I've been trying to take a break I've thrown around the, 'oh I'd love to get on' - I do it because in a way I want the decision to be taken out of my hands. It's my way of not taking full responsibility. When you're trying to quit (at least for me) there's a constant barrage of should I/shouldn't I, and it drives you crazy at times. Sometimes it's easier to put it out there ('I'd love to get on'), and then when someone brings it to you, it helps you feel like you're not completely responsible for getting on (oh, it's not like I actually called my dealer and scored, it was just here...')

I hope I'm making sense here, just trying to get across the complicated mindstate you can get when quit/trying to quit.

 

[RedLeader]

Also, sometimes when I've been trying to take a break I've thrown around the, 'oh I'd love to get on' - I do it because in a way I want the decision to be taken out of my hands. It's my way of not taking full responsibility. When you're trying to quit (at least for me) there's a constant barrage of should I/shouldn't I, and it drives you crazy at times. Sometimes it's easier to put it out there ('I'd love to get on'), and then when someone brings it to you, it helps you feel like you're not completely responsible for getting on (oh, it's not like I actually called my dealer and scored, it was just here...')

Makes total sense. Great elaboration of a feeling

 

[mav3rick]

^^ I think that was a bad move...
While ultimately it is still her decision, having it there, easily accessible, will make her decision not to use that much harder. And while the idea of having 'one more sesh' is good in theory, I think it is very unlikely in practice. Even if she has this one go at it and is able to put it away and forget about it - in the back of her mind will be - well, I was able to use and nothing bad happened! Maybe I can control it now? And in a few months, with that in mind, it will be a little bit easier to get on again. And I believe it could be very hard to reign it in again until it gets out of control and bad shit starts happening again - because she'll be in the honeymoon period of use - it'll all be positives and no negatives yet. I find it hard enough to remember why I've quit when I'm not using - I know I'd find it impossible while getting high.

Also, sometimes when I've been trying to take a break I've thrown around the, 'oh I'd love to get on' - I do it because in a way I want the decision to be taken out of my hands. It's my way of not taking full responsibility. When you're trying to quit (at least for me) there's a constant barrage of should I/shouldn't I, and it drives you crazy at times. Sometimes it's easier to put it out there ('I'd love to get on'), and then when someone brings it to you, it helps you feel like you're not completely responsible for getting on (oh, it's not like I actually called my dealer and scored, it was just here...')

I hope I'm making sense here, just trying to get across the complicated mindstate you can get when quit/trying to quit.

^^ What she said! Well written

 

[Sundaytripper]

Ya most definatly thanks for the advice footscrazy
i ..by myself.. bought a tenner yesterday. racked up three goood sized lines and i
was blownnnnn. but i dont think ima gunna bring this stuff back into this girls life.
i knew it was a bad idea internally, just wanted to make her happy :/

 

[Sweet P]

Aww! That's awesome news :-D Hooooray!

*gives cake*

*om nom nom!*

I went to my appointment yesterday. It was just an assessment before I start the treatment. I was asked about my drug use, the effects it's having on me, etc. Apparently I fit the criteria for severe drug dependence, which doesn't surprise me at all, so I should be starting the counselling next week.

 

[footscrazy]

Ya most definatly thanks for the advice footscrazy
i ..by myself.. bought a tenner yesterday. racked up three goood sized lines and i
was blownnnnn. but i dont think ima gunna bring this stuff back into this girls life.
i knew it was a bad idea internally, just wanted to make her happy :/

I'm glad you decided that! I'm just thinking of myself and the way I think to give that advice, not everyone may be like that, but I can't see any good re introducing someone to it that has quit.

...But saying all that, I'm cracking bad, would have got on a week ago if it hadn't been for circumstance (noone could get it) and I'll prob get on this weekend, I just can't care at the moment and I can't be bothered thinking about all that shit why I quit etc. I'm at week 15 off

 

[mav3rick]

Glad you enjoyed the cake! LOL

Awesome, that's such a positive step! :-D

...................................................................................................................................................

Having a horrible day today, I hadn't used since I was attacked (post about that is around somewhere) but that all changed as of the night before last. My housemate, who's also a meth user had bought some and told me, I'd already been craving it like never before and once I found out he had some, within an hour, I was high. So much for restraint huh. I was talking to a friend of mine from Bluelight last night who was really disappointed in me and said 'well, you're just going to keep using and die now' when I confided in him about the way I was feeling.. That got me thinking, and thinking + meth = not a good combo for me!

I know I'm failing. I know I couldn't resist, but I just can't let it go.. :-(
I then decided that I didn't like being high (got quite upset and started re-living the attack) so I took 350mg codeine to try and sleep. Bad idea. Ended up vomiting and feeling horrible!

So the cycle continues.

Much love SadMav.. lol

 

[Sweet P]

I'm glad you decided that! I'm just thinking of myself and the way I think to give that advice, not everyone may be like that, but I can't see any good re introducing someone to it that has quit.

...But saying all that, I'm cracking bad, would have got on a week ago if it hadn't been for circumstance (noone could get it) and I'll prob get on this weekend, I just can't care at the moment and I can't be bothered thinking about all that shit why I quit etc. I'm at week 15 off

I have lots of those "I don't care" moments too, which usually result in me using. But I always feel much worse afterwards. It's just not worth it. Try to resist the urge to use... 15 weeks clean is amazing!

Having a horrible day today, I hadn't used since I was attacked (post about that is around somewhere) but that all changed as of the night before last. My housemate, who's also a meth user had bought some and told me, I'd already been craving it like never before and once I found out he had some, within an hour, I was high. So much for restraint huh. I was talking to a friend of mine from Bluelight last night who was really disappointed in me and said 'well, you're just going to keep using and die now' when I confided in him about the way I was feeling.. That got me thinking, and thinking + meth = not a good combo for me!

I know I'm failing. I know I couldn't resist, but I just can't let it go.. :-(
I then decided that I didn't like being high (got quite upset and started re-living the attack) so I took 350mg codeine to try and sleep. Bad idea. Ended up vomiting and feeling horrible!

So the cycle continues.

Much love SadMav.. lol

It may be a setback, but it's not a fail! Taking two steps forward and then one step back is better than taking no steps at all. Don't give up. I also don't really like being high any more. Meth is nowhere near as pleasurable as it used to be. It gives me a burst of energy for an hour or so, but then I start getting all scatterbrained and retarded.

I'm gonna try to stay off it until I see my counsellor next week, but I'm not sure how successful I'll be... I just got a txt from a dealer saying he has some nice shards available. Hopefully I can ignore him.

 

[3DayRun]

Well, isn't everything all just fine and peachy. For about the last 1.5 years or more I've always had the stuff around. Without incriminating myself money and product where never an issue, for real.

I started with a bit over $300 and an 8-ball and at one point had $10,000 in assets and more product than I knew what to do. Now, I know, you're all thinking that this is going to be some rise and fall sob-story, but it isn't, well, not exactly.

I was smart and used my money to get real tangible things. Not like, piss it all away and haven't a goddamn thing to show for it. I've got a nice place that's filled with nice stuff, and enjoyed the freedom that people that I associated could only dream about. I never told myself, "No"

Best of all, my shit was down and on point. Top notch. Use only on weekends and never do too much.

Anyway, a bit ago, I end up having to break it off with my last girlfriend. We weren't in the same places in life. Whatever, no hard feelings, y'know. Plus, end up finding out the girl stole from me, so whatever. No love lost it seems. I got over it quick.

But, yeah, meet this other awesome girl. Like, real normal down to earth person. She wasn't a mental basket case, not a drug addict, and best of all she has her shit together and wasn't judgemental. Best of all? She didn't take advantage of what I had. No theft, no hand open for money, and if she wanted to use she wanted to pay her own way.

It's been about a good year now. Went from weekend use to using everyday. All the while not thinking anything was wrong. Man, like it didn't make me go broke or anything, hell, in all reality, it was quite sustainable. I know it's everyone's own choice to do what they want, but I still feel as though I helped enable it to escalate. I've noticed a change in our personalities and how it affects us. It's a sure sign of dependance. Man, I don't care if I fuck up*MY* life, but I just feel an overwhelming sense of guilt.

Decided to take a break from all of it and rather than feel good, it's all anxiety, fatigue, and wanting to be back when things were in control better.

Not much point to this, but just something I noticed. Oh well.

 

[rangrz]

not that I'm a good example of moderation or self control, but the brain fog of quitting amps really does go away in 3-4 days for most people. Remember that, if your putting off quitting cause you can't think/get out of bed/live life without speed, it gets a million times better in just a few days. Then you have some lingering withdrawl of a generally depressed mood and light brain fog, that might last upto 2 weeks, but even still, its not a long time. You can count it down on a calendar and celebrate every day finished by pushing your limit of pushups! (thats actually a trick I learned in the army for being on beastly training courses or being deployed, but seeing the end coming up like freight train and some healthy exercise really
helps put things in perspective and make you feel alive and good.)

 

[RedLeader]

^ That's good. I always encourage working out as an addiction to trade a bad one for. As some of our addictive personalities extend to "addicted to being addicted to something." Everyone's gotta find a good thing for themselves, but I think fitness is a great candidate.

 

[rangrz]

^

also, maybe it doesn't work for everyone, but us army types, sometimes, "embracing the suck" for its own sake can help you though the suck. revel in it. Enjoy how shitty and hard it is. Look at it like a challenge for your self, and don't accept failure as option, only victory, no matter how bad it sucks, keep a smile on your face.

 

[Sweet P]

not that I'm a good example of moderation or self control, but the brain fog of quitting amps really does go away in 3-4 days for most people. Remember that, if your putting off quitting cause you can't think/get out of bed/live life without speed, it gets a million times better in just a few days. Then you have some lingering withdrawl of a generally depressed mood and light brain fog, that might last upto 2 weeks, but even still, its not a long time. You can count it down on a calendar and celebrate every day finished by pushing your limit of pushups! (thats actually a trick I learned in the army for being on beastly training courses or being deployed, but seeing the end coming up like freight train and some healthy exercise really
helps put things in perspective and make you feel alive and good.)

Yep, I've also noticed that the tiredness does get better after several days clean. But unfortunately, my anxiety and depression then takes over instead. It might only last for a week or two, but when you're suffering from constant panic attacks and suicidal thoughts, that's a very long time! It's also unclear how long the neurological damage from heavy use lasts... I've heard of some recovering addicts who still suffer from chronic anhedonia after being clean for a year or more.

 

[rangrz]

I have seen that treated with anti depressants, espically bupropion.

 

[Sundaytripper]

i just offered my really good friend some shit
.... im kinda worried im making a bad decision

I fucked up
i didnt offer her any but instead went behind her back and did
it two days straight. she found out somehow... as of now she doesn't want anything
to do with me
its sucks being lonely, cause all of a sudden i feel worthless. like shit. idk what to do.

 

[footscrazy]

I got back on!
Pretty shitty being on Day 1 rather than having 4 months off the shit
I feel pretty complacent about it all though. Have a bad feeling about what the future holds.

I fucked up
i didnt offer her any but instead went behind her back and did
it two days straight. she found out somehow... as of now she doesn't want anything
to do with me
its sucks being lonely, cause all of a sudden i feel worthless. like shit. idk what to do.

Why is she angry at you? Is she angry that you didn't share with her or just that you got on in general?

 

[Jabberwocky]

^hey, no biggie dude (you too sundaytripper!) i haven't slipped up since my last use, so you've got every chance in doing it all again! opiates are another story for me, though just take it day by day and you'll be back up to 4 months in no time again.

was there anything in particular that made you use? like was it just there and you said yeah or you'd actually planned to buy some and use?

hit me up in a PM if you wanna chat or i'll catch you on msn some time.

chin up sweety, you can do it!

 

[Sundaytripper]

I got back on!
Pretty shitty being on Day 1 rather than having 4 months off the shit
I feel pretty complacent about it all though. Have a bad feeling about what the future holds.



Why is she angry at you? Is she angry that you didn't share with her or just that you got on in general?

That i did without telling her.. i fixxed shit up with her. but old problems arise.
Shes soooo down and depressed only time i ever see her laugh or smile
is with me. and even then after she leaves she still cant be happy, shes positive it doesn't exist. She also positive demons exist because she claims she knows
for a fact there inside her. she says she sits in front of the mirror for hours just staring at herself and hating herself. i do my best to comfort her, my best. its taken its own emotional toll on me, its all i can think about now. Today it was bad.

She said she doesnt know what shes doing anymore.. and that she doesnt want to feel like this anymore. then i got a text "i just have to make the pain go away, i cant do this anymore." i get ahold of her to make sure shes not gunna do anything stupid. i try to assure her everything's going to be ok but idk how effective it is. She decides to go to bed which gives me relief knowing shes not just dwelling on her depression. Idk what to do im worried for her and i tryed
to get her to see a psychologist, i even dropped acid with her and it was good and great but after it seems to have had no effect on the depression. i just dont know what to do anymore!!! fuck my life. why do i have to love this girl i cant help

 

[footscrazy]

^hey, no biggie dude (you too sundaytripper!) i haven't slipped up since my last use, so you've got every chance in doing it all again! opiates are another story for me, though just take it day by day and you'll be back up to 4 months in no time again.

was there anything in particular that made you use? like was it just there and you said yeah or you'd actually planned to buy some and use?

hit me up in a PM if you wanna chat or i'll catch you on msn some time.

chin up sweety, you can do it!

Yo Lefty
Great that you're still off the meth.
I didn't 'plan' to use but I did become complacent, I knew it'd be around and sort of turned a blind eye, didn't let myself think about it - But I have to admit I did know I was going to use that weekend.

It's just been so much harder this whole week, I'm thinking about it all the time but what's worse is I really have no motivation to stop myself, the reasons I stopped all seem so far away. I am trying, but it's hard to care

Hopefully see you on msn soon

Sundaytripper there is only so much you can do to help someone who is feeling like that. I think the most important thing is just to be there for her - although it can be frustrating try not to show that to her. You can offer her suggestions but leave them at that, just suggestions - don't pressure her to do anything.

Though, if she's threatening to kill herself you need to get someone involved. She really does sound like she needs professional help and if she threatens suicide again I would call emergency services - even if she's angry with you at first it may get her the help she needs.

 

[Sweet P]

I had an odd realization yesterday while sitting in the waiting room of the addictions service, waiting to see my counsellor. Almost everyone in the waiting room was an obvious drug addict... some were nodding in their chairs, others were fidgeting, muttering to themselves, or picking at their arms. I wasn't in a good state either, as I hadn't slept the night before and I'd been continually using meth right up until I left for the appointment. Looking around at the other patients, I suddenly thought to myself "I'm one of them!". In two years I've gone from being a bright university student with a good social life to a reclusive, sick, unemployed drug addict.