mrs_mia_wallace
Bluelighter
I used... big fucking surprise. I don't even know why I am posting in TDS, I am fucking hopeless and dont even have the motivation to quit enough to go through the WDs.
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H&R Moderators: VerbalTruist
Meth/Amphetamines: Serious Discussion Only - V.2: MERGED with amps quitting thread
- Thread starter panic in paradise
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gorgoroth
Bluelighter
^ MMW and anyone else who is struggling with this addiction if you would like to talk to me please do not hesitate to do so! I have come very far and I believe I could be of some help.
Another elaboration on my D-amphetamine maintainance, I get my heart checked every 2 weeks, I get my respiration checked as well. I do get drug tests as well (Marijuana usually shows up in the result, which my doctor does not care about).
I will add that is is EXTREMELY important to have a good relationship with your doctor, don't lie to them, don't betray their trust. They are there to help.
I know my doctor very well, he sees that I am doing my best to beat a bad addiction, and if I did not know him well and have a good relationship with him, he'd most likely see me as just a drug seeking speedfreak sketchbag =P.
Another elaboration on my D-amphetamine maintainance, I get my heart checked every 2 weeks, I get my respiration checked as well. I do get drug tests as well (Marijuana usually shows up in the result, which my doctor does not care about).
I will add that is is EXTREMELY important to have a good relationship with your doctor, don't lie to them, don't betray their trust. They are there to help.
I know my doctor very well, he sees that I am doing my best to beat a bad addiction, and if I did not know him well and have a good relationship with him, he'd most likely see me as just a drug seeking speedfreak sketchbag =P.
zephyr
Ex-Bluelighter
When it gets to that stage, if you are at the point of needing to get out before something very bad happens, its sometimes an option to check out of life for a period of up to a year and go to a publically run rehab farm like Oddessy. The thought of that is frightening, I have been to rehab before but that was ok as I had my own room and privacy. There- there is no privacy and it seems like going to jail really.
I quit for the longest time ever just on my own. Creating distance from my dealer was the key, maybe moving away is an option? Brisbane is a lot less hectic than the scene in Melbourne. The need to have meth around just doesnt exist here for me as it did there.
I have fallen off the wagon myself today having said that though. Its weird, I crave the company of people I can be myself with and have a few of those people here in Brisbane. One of these people bought my notebook off me, well I swapped it for an amount of gear so it feels free. I never used that notebook.
I kinda figure- I have not used and abused in many months. I had a bit last weekend, a couple points- but not before that. I dont feel the need to have it every day.
Meth does help a lot when Im feeling isolated and lonely. I have had a couple friends encourage me to go out and meet people, so I bit the bullet and went on a date last night. Dude reminds me of an orangutan on heat though, and I did not enjoy myself. Now I have 10 missed calls and 15 texts from him, he wants to sleep with me but I would rather eat my own vomit!
I wish you lived closer Claire, sometimes it takes some help from friends for you to see there is hope and light at the end of the tunnell. But yeah it does take fuckn ages to get it out of your system. The memories and experiences and maybe your reputation comes back to bite- moving away helps with all that. Just dont confide in new friends your habits and its like they never were there in the first place.
Pillthrill
Bluelighter
I'm off, 6ish almst 7 days sober. Now I dream about it.
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Process
Bluelighter
- Joined
- May 10, 2009
- Messages
- 286
I'm really upset how my family acts like they are supportive of me geting help, yet when I relapse they see a key they can blame all there problems in there lifes that they caused themselfs. They wont let me break away from there bull shit, yet still threaten to throw me on the streets. I hate people like that, they should not be allowed to have children.
Gorgoroth, thanks for posting your experience with d-amphetamine maintenance! Its sounds like you are likely to have such an understanding and progressive dr. Its cool to here its working for you because maybe someday a standardized protocal can be developed or a similar treatment modality can be offered to meth addicts on a large scale.%)
Pill Thrill Congradts, keep up the good work. Using dreams are normal and they mean your subconcious is healing.
Zephyr Good to see rehab worked so well for you. What worked for me is kicking in the rooms of NA/AA. I did leave town to crash at my parents for 3 weeks, though. The cool thing with my approach was 1.) I saved a shit load of money, 2.) Got to keep my freedom, 3.) Didn't have to lose my pad near the beach, and didn't need to move out of my neighborhood 4.) Rentered the job market faster than if I went to rehab, 5.) Didn't have to deal with the shock of reentering society because I never left society. 6.) It was by far the easier, softer way. That doesn't mean that other approaches are flawed, I'm just sharing what worked for me. Zephyr, don't worry about slipping, just get back on the wagon when your ready and willing. For most people the guilt of the relapse is worse than the relapse. Having said all this I almost relapsed last week but going to meetings and telling people about it helped lift the obsession.
Process
Good luck and keep trying. I'm sorry you feel frustrated by your parents reaction to your relapse. You are responsible for your recovery, though, and powerless over their attitude. Stay clean and the whole family will start to heal with you, some quickly, some slowly. And if they don't, the longer you stay clean, the less reliant on them you will likely become.
Mia Don't be hard on yourself- kickin aint easy. Atleast you tried and made it a few days. When you feel motivated again, try again. Your not hopelessly bad, not by any means, just critically ill. The good new is there are proven ways of treating the illness. Don't lose hope. I'm sure alot of people on this board want to see you succeed and care about you regardless, so check in no matter how your doing.
Pill Thrill Congradts, keep up the good work. Using dreams are normal and they mean your subconcious is healing.
Zephyr Good to see rehab worked so well for you. What worked for me is kicking in the rooms of NA/AA. I did leave town to crash at my parents for 3 weeks, though. The cool thing with my approach was 1.) I saved a shit load of money, 2.) Got to keep my freedom, 3.) Didn't have to lose my pad near the beach, and didn't need to move out of my neighborhood 4.) Rentered the job market faster than if I went to rehab, 5.) Didn't have to deal with the shock of reentering society because I never left society. 6.) It was by far the easier, softer way. That doesn't mean that other approaches are flawed, I'm just sharing what worked for me. Zephyr, don't worry about slipping, just get back on the wagon when your ready and willing. For most people the guilt of the relapse is worse than the relapse. Having said all this I almost relapsed last week but going to meetings and telling people about it helped lift the obsession.
Process
Good luck and keep trying. I'm sorry you feel frustrated by your parents reaction to your relapse. You are responsible for your recovery, though, and powerless over their attitude. Stay clean and the whole family will start to heal with you, some quickly, some slowly. And if they don't, the longer you stay clean, the less reliant on them you will likely become.
Mia Don't be hard on yourself- kickin aint easy. Atleast you tried and made it a few days. When you feel motivated again, try again. Your not hopelessly bad, not by any means, just critically ill. The good new is there are proven ways of treating the illness. Don't lose hope. I'm sure alot of people on this board want to see you succeed and care about you regardless, so check in no matter how your doing.
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Sweet P
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Mar 25, 2009
- Messages
- 5,243
Some good news from me... I've been clean for 4 days! I was horribly depressed, and meth wasn't helping (I think it was actually making me feel worse) so I decided to try to have some time off the drug. I think I'm doing ok so far, apart from feeling exhausted and a bit irritable. The anxiety seems to be leaving me alone for now, which is making things easier to deal with.
footscrazy
Bluelight Crew
^^ That's excellent Sweet P. How is your mood now, have you noticed it has improved without the drug?
Hope you can stick at it. And, if not, I believe that ANY time you spend off it is beneficial, gives your body and mind a bit of a rest.
I'm 2 months off today and I have definitely hit the fucking waaaall!
I'm so bored, I feel like I'm in limbo - I'm not 'off' it but obviously not on it, I don't know, but the novelty of quitting is definitely wearing off. There's no great progress week to week anymore except I'm getting more fucking bored with everything, I'm really craving a rush.
I quit one day after one of my friends and it's funny but we're going through the same stages, seems that week 8/9 is the stage where life seems so fucking dull.
I just can't believe I still spend most of every day thinking about this shit drug two months down the track. The physical response (the adrenaline rush, increased heartrate etc) when I think about it is still there too. I thought being off this long that would have started to die down. It annoys me so much - as soon as meth comes into my head there's a split second before I feel the rush and I hope it doesn't come but it always does.
Hope you can stick at it. And, if not, I believe that ANY time you spend off it is beneficial, gives your body and mind a bit of a rest.
I'm 2 months off today and I have definitely hit the fucking waaaall!
I'm so bored, I feel like I'm in limbo - I'm not 'off' it but obviously not on it, I don't know, but the novelty of quitting is definitely wearing off. There's no great progress week to week anymore except I'm getting more fucking bored with everything, I'm really craving a rush.
I quit one day after one of my friends and it's funny but we're going through the same stages, seems that week 8/9 is the stage where life seems so fucking dull.
I just can't believe I still spend most of every day thinking about this shit drug two months down the track. The physical response (the adrenaline rush, increased heartrate etc) when I think about it is still there too. I thought being off this long that would have started to die down. It annoys me so much - as soon as meth comes into my head there's a split second before I feel the rush and I hope it doesn't come but it always does.
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mrs_mia_wallace
Bluelighter
get clean before that happens
lestahb
Bluelighter
Hey Mia,
I just gotta tell you how amazed I am that you are able to stop even for three or four days at a time. I only kicked cause I went to a classy rehab where I couldn't get ahold of meth if I tried. I was on a freaking island. Until then, I could not stay clean for an hour, let alone a day or more. I desperately wanted to, and I would tell myself I was getting clean, as I was loading up another pipe. And of course this all seemed rational to me. I just have to give you props for doing it on your own.
I stayed clean after rehab by listening to everything they had to say. They said to say goodbye to using friends, I did. They said to go to a meeting everyday, I did. I didn't like all of it, but I figured my best thinking got me really messed up, so I listened to someone else.
Keep on trying, I know you have it in you.
I just gotta tell you how amazed I am that you are able to stop even for three or four days at a time. I only kicked cause I went to a classy rehab where I couldn't get ahold of meth if I tried. I was on a freaking island. Until then, I could not stay clean for an hour, let alone a day or more. I desperately wanted to, and I would tell myself I was getting clean, as I was loading up another pipe. And of course this all seemed rational to me. I just have to give you props for doing it on your own.
I stayed clean after rehab by listening to everything they had to say. They said to say goodbye to using friends, I did. They said to go to a meeting everyday, I did. I didn't like all of it, but I figured my best thinking got me really messed up, so I listened to someone else.
Keep on trying, I know you have it in you.
filenet
Greenlighter
where does one turn to when trying to find information on a suitable live-in rehab centre in australia (eastern & southern states preferrably)
are there any outstanding ones with good success rates to back it up?
are there any outstanding ones with good success rates to back it up?
Sweet P
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Mar 25, 2009
- Messages
- 5,243
Thanks footscrazy! My mood still isn't great, but I think it's getting better. My doctor has doubled my anti-depressants, which seems to be helping with my depression and anxiety. It's making the withdrawals slightly easier to manage - I'm still suffering from cravings and exhaustion, but at least I'm not having panic attacks throughout the day.
By the way, you've done really well to stay off it for two months! Hang in there! I'm sure things will get easier with more time.
Jabberwocky
Frumious Bandersnatch
just sending good wishes to everyone who's winning their battle at the moment im coming up to 3 1/2 months clean in a few days or so
im coming up to 3 1/2 months clean in a few days or so
Jabberwocky
Frumious Bandersnatch
^ Congratulations leftwing And everyone else
And everyone else
Jabberwocky
Frumious Bandersnatch
thanks, enki i've had offers recently to be shouted some crystal but have managed so far to turn it down as much as i would love to IV some. it's definitely a liberating feeling being able to turn down the offer of free methamphetamines from past experiences.
im in the limbo of wanting to use but at the same time not wanting to reverse all the hard yards i've done to keep clean this long. it's hard enough battling an opiate addiction without the extra weight of starting to inject meth again.
here's some sites listed in this thread here from OD, hope you find these somewhat helpful
i've had offers recently to be shouted some crystal but have managed so far to turn it down as much as i would love to IV some. it's definitely a liberating feeling being able to turn down the offer of free methamphetamines from past experiences.im in the limbo of wanting to use but at the same time not wanting to reverse all the hard yards i've done to keep clean this long. it's hard enough battling an opiate addiction without the extra weight of starting to inject meth again.
here's some sites listed in this thread here from OD, hope you find these somewhat helpful
rangrz
Bluelighter
its 1830 and I'm just gonna get a bit ofsleep now.
but fuck it, I wouldnt change my life. I'd say its not a good road for most people, and get out now. Unless you wannaturn into me, which I dont think anyone does.
but fuck it, I wouldnt change my life. I'd say its not a good road for most people, and get out now. Unless you wannaturn into me, which I dont think anyone does.
Sweet P
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Mar 25, 2009
- Messages
- 5,243
I wish I had the same willpower! My meth-free week came to an abrupt end last night, after I was offered a bag for free.
Jabberwocky
Frumious Bandersnatch
don't get yourself too down sweet p, it's easy enough to start over again. it's just another fork in the road where you gotta take the right turn again.
its not easy for me to turn down free stuff but when i weigh to pro's and con's the con's always win.
im consciously relapsing on IV opiates in a few hours![:\](https://bluelight.org/xf/BL_Images/Orig_Emoji/wrygrin.gif "wry grin :\")
its not easy for me to turn down free stuff but when i weigh to pro's and con's the con's always win.
im consciously relapsing on IV opiates in a few hours
QuasiStoned
Bluelighter
Brother, I can't imagine how difficult it would be to manage an opiate addiction while shooting meth. I have been managing an opiate addiction myself and it takes everything out of me, couldn't imagine throwing speed of any kind into the mix.
KStoner6tb
Bluelighter
Footscrazy I think you're doing a seriously badass job at staying clean of Meth. Seriously. Some of the undesirable(downright shitty) situations you've been put in without caving... very impressive. You're going to scale this '2 month wall' like it's nothing. 60 days is a long fucking time...keep it up
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