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Message of Hope

I just made amends to my parents this morning. I have never seen them cry so much in my life. I've never really seen my dad cry at all, it was amazing. I cannot explain the freedom that I feel right now, I cannot believe it, I never thought I would feel this good without drugs. I just want everyone to know that it is possible. God is so good, he is real and what he can do in your life is unexplainable.
 
Repent and beleive upon the Lord Jesus Christ and you shall be saved, never to return to that lifestyle again. Thats what worked for me 2 1/2 years clean. This is my message of hope to everyone. This is the only thing that worked for me. 2 rehabs 12 steps nothing.

Sean
 
That's a beautiful message my friend. I'll tell you, it's not the 12-step program that works for me, its the work that I put into it, and what it has revealed about me, and what it has helped me to do for others. I also have God in my life, and prayer has helped me so much. Then, on top of all that, the most beautiful girl I've ever know, I liked her for 11 1/2 years, we went to high school together, and just recently got in contact with each other, and now we're together! It's amazing!
 
Well, yesterday my little brother relapsed after over 4 months of sobriety. He was doing so fucking well. There wasn't a damn thing that I could do to stop him. And my best friend, who is like a brother, relapsed and tried to kill himself night before last. I never even knew anything was wrong with him. I feel helpless and useless as a friend. But I've been praying, and will continue to pray. I know that God has a plan in my life, but it just seems sort of like I'm not good enough. I never, ever even considered for a second getting high with my brother. But still...I wish I could make his desire go away. I don't even know what's up with my best friend; my little brother was straight up. Goes to show that no matter how hard you try, you can't work someone else's program, or help them once they've mentally relapsed. Once they have gotten there, its on. I know that I'm the same way, it's just that, for some reason, I feel like I should be different. Goes to show what I know...it's a long road out of hell, isn't it, marilyn?
 
Just so everyone knows, and I'm not bullshitting anyone...I'm a fucking failure.

Woke up in the ICU of the hospital on Friday with all the IVs and heart monitors, and a catheter up my dick. They told me I had overdosed. It was horribly frightening; one of the scariest things that's ever happened. I can't do it. I can't stay sober. I don't know what to do.
 
hey man im so sorry to hear that but hey you're not even close to a failure look how many people you inspired with your posts. I for one was very inspired by your original post. It actually kept me clean for like 2 months n i also fucked up str8 up man this shit is hard what is it like only %5 of heroin addicts actually get clean? i think thats right so basically it takes alot of hard work but if you make it isnt it cool to be able to say i beat the odds n im alive n clean. Honestly im not clean now i had 2 months then a week ago i made it to 10 days now im on my 3rd day its a never ending story with me n i do sometimes think about giving up i even told my girl the other day if i dont stop within the next little while i rather just die n thats it but i do not think im serious i believe eventually i will be clean its just evreytime i relapse i really believe its the last time but in the back of my head i know im lying but hey if slash and nikki sixx and ozzy can get clean im sure anyone can get clean n uve bin clean u had alot of clean time in my 6 years of heroin addiction i never made it clean as long as u have so to me that means u hav it in you and u will get it like people say dont look at it like a relapse look at it as a mistake n try not to do it again n if you do then again try not to do it again listen to the song by nikki six song is called accidents can happen it is a very soothing song for me when i relapse anyways i wish you the best of luck man and try to hang in there please dont give up re read the posts you wrote n how happy u wer when u wer clean especially when u wrote bout how happy u wer when ur parents cried imagine how they would feel if u died so comeon man get back into that mood u wer in before ur gonna make it : )
 
Thank you for the encouraging posts. I just don't know what to do right now. I am so addicted to benzos, especially alprazolam - it's the strongest and most addictive and hard-to-quit drug I've ever done. This month I'm 5 years off methampetamine, but I can't quit Xanax and other benzos...

And the longest I ever made it was 3 1/2 months...
 
nice man i hear that meth is just as hard to kick as benzos are so if you kicked that im sure you can kcik benzos.I have a ? tho so since you had all that clean time are you goin thru w/d now? cuz if not i dont see anything wrong with taking a benzo once in a while because it seems to me like you got that under control. So my ? is also why do you take xanax? do you like to black out? do you get euphoria? sorry for all the ?'s
 
I get euphoria from Xanax. I'm not in withdrawl because I take GABA analogs, barbiturates, and benzos, plus i smoke JWH-xxx, or weed. I don't like the black out and I don't always, but I'm psychologically and physically addicted to alprazolam for about 8 years now. I don't know how to stop.
 
you know man i really have the same ? as u i dont fucking know what to do with myself either im not suicidal at all but honestly i wouldnt mind goin 2 sleep n not wake up i cant take this shit anymore im going crazy but i dont really wanna die i wanna be clean n be happy i wanna b where you were a couple months or weeks ago where life is beautiful and im gonna keep fighting n trying to get there n hopefully i will succeed eventually i allready gave up being hard on myself when i relapse cuz its happened so many times so all i do now is say ok lets try again u never know when one day something might just click n u will stay clean so basically man dont give up hope i promise u i am if not worse just as bad as u with my heroin use im 24 n ive bin using 6 years almost but hey whenever i do get that 2 weeks where im clean i love life n think its so special and beautiful n u also saw that so lets just work on trying to get that 2 weeks or 1 month clean again and see where u went wrong that made u start again im telling u man ur original post really was so nice to read and u sounded so strong so u know u have it in you i look at it this way even if it does take a year or two 2 feel better that means i will be 26 and i can say i experienced more shit in life then a 60 year old i know how to value life more then a 60 year old cuz ive bin to hell n back n i have the rest of my life from the age of 26 to feel good have a family n liv a normal life even tho im preaching this to u im still not even clean im on my 3rd day clean but like i said u never know maybe something wil click this time n i will stay clean comeon man get motivated again get into that mood u were in b4 u allready know how beautiful life is when ur clean i wish i had more to say im really intrested in ur well being since i told u ur original post was so inspirational for me n i really hope u can keep inspiring me good luck man
 
I don't thing I can do it again. I'm ever all fucked up on barbs as we speak. Tomorrow I'm getting xanax, temazepam, and amphetamines from my doc. (not sure if they'll be addys or dextroamphetamine - i don't really care, those are only for occasional use). I'm also having my buddy get me some bad-ass black tar from Dallas.
 
TheTwighlight said:
This is a message of hope to all who know me around here. Some may remember me saying many times over the years that I would never be sober, fuck that, I will never do it. I was completely strung out and suicidally dependant on many different drugs. I have overdosed near-fatally several times, maybe more than I can remember or care to. A little over a month ago, my little brother and I moved out of our town without telling anyone, (so-called) friends, dealers, no one. We barely packed a damn thing and went to a friends house to detox and then moved into a sober house.

This is the first sincere attempt at sobriety I have ever made; I've tried before but couldn't do it. I was still miserable because I wasn't doing it for myself. I can honestly say that I am now - and that I had reached my own personal hopeless state of mind. That state of mind is a blessing for any of us junkies. I want to live, and I want to live to help others. I wish that everyone could see this light at the end of the tunnel. I didn't think there was one.

For anyone who has ever been, or currently is, completely hopeless, and does not believe that true happiness is real, and that life is misery: you are wonderfully wrong! Anyone who wants to talk can hit me up on here with a private message, and I would love to give my 2 cents on this thing.

I just got my 30-day chip on Monday, and I couldn't believe it. I got up, and walked to the front, with a crowd of people cheering for me. I nearly cried. I'm nearly crying writing this, because I want so much for anyone who is hurting to get better. It's not worth losing your life over; it's not worth losing friends and family over. When someone dies a needless death from drugs and/or alcohol, it kills me inside, I hurt so much I cannot explain it.

To anyone out there who is ready to stare death in the face, like I was, this is a message of belief, and of hope.

There is an answer. There is true life, and there is happiness.
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im telling u man just keep reading this over n over n c how happy n strong u wer. Maybe u should try getting away again wit ur little brother. Maybe u should try staying away alittle longer this time. I know for me its so much easier when i detox far away from home its like i dont even get cravings but the second i get back home the cravings comeback like a bitch. Anyhow keep us updated on what ur plans are cuz i c for now ur enjoyin gettin high but that will only last so long sonn u will want to be clean again. Try adding something new this time that u didnt last time like mayb seeing a therapist or somethin i hear that very helpful i am actually really looking into that. Feel free to shoot me a PM whever i wish u the best of luck man. Dont worry when ur all the way at the bottom the only way is up : )
 
TheTwighlight said:
I don't thing I can do it again. I'm ever all fucked up on barbs as we speak. Tomorrow I'm getting xanax, temazepam, and amphetamines from my doc. (not sure if they'll be addys or dextroamphetamine - i don't really care, those are only for occasional use). I'm also having my buddy get me some bad-ass black tar from Dallas.
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This thread started out of Hope and a desire to be sober.
I hate to see the path you've taken...r ...Instead of getting these things from your Dr. , why not reach out to him for help? (does he know about your suicide attempt?)
Don't give up on your life b/c you hit a rough patch- Things will get better, you just have to work towards it. <3
Please reconsider your previous post and start anew.
Best of Luck.
 
Got arrested on September 3rd. I just got out like an hour ago. I'm a free man, if you want to call it that. It was an interesting experience, to say the least...got my head clear. But I lost my job, my phone is cut off, I have nowhere to live, and everything is just plain fucked. I don't even have anything more than fucking shorts and a short-sleeved shirt, and it'll be in the 40's tonight. I fucking hate everything.
 
This honestly is a message of hope, thanks. I live with my little brother and we are both really addicted, but he dropped the "if you are ready to quit then I will follow line" so I am not really sure what to do. I work a 9 to 5 for fairly decent money but I am always broke, I do not even care about getting laid anymore, I used to love writing and playing music but I never even pick up my guitar anymore. I was at a concert this weekend with old friends from HS and I was all high and I could tell they knew and I hate being that guy(obviously not really though). I really want to get clean but I keep thinking I could do it on my own if I really wanted to, but that is a proven failure.
 
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TheTwighlight said:
Got arrested on September 3rd. I just got out like an hour ago. I'm a free man, if you want to call it that. It was an interesting experience, to say the least...got my head clear. But I lost my job, my phone is cut off, I have nowhere to live, and everything is just plain fucked. I don't even have anything more than fucking shorts and a short-sleeved shirt, and it'll be in the 40's tonight. I fucking hate everything.
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'Your message of Hope' was very strong Twighlight. Know your struggling big-time ATM but these are the times you get to prove yourself to yourself. No excuses. <3
 
Thank you all for your unending support. I'm going to try to try again. I just seem to be fighting a losing battle, no matter what. I love all you guys. And if my message helped even one person, then my life did someone some good before I'm gone.
 
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