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Message of Hope

TheTwighlight, it's really great to hear that you are kicking this and moving forward in life. for many of us, this disease is more often then not fatal. it's especially courageous of u to talk about it and selfless of u to try to reach out to others.

it's just always very inspiring to hear others trying their hardest at beating this disease -- especially at your age (25, which is my exact age - though i turn 26 in July). it only means u have plenty of wonderful years ahead of you if u stay strong and keep this clean way of life.
 
Go 9 months!!! Hell yeah! I got 3 months next Friday. But I'll pick up my chip at the Saturday meeting that I chair. That's right...I chair a fucking CA meeting. I never woulda thought in a million years. Life is a trip.

And kokaino, I turn 26 in July as well! Crazy! July 4th, to be exact. I'll make a longer message soon. Gotta help clean up around my halfway house right now. W00t.
 
TheTwighlight said:
Go 9 months!!! Hell yeah! I got 3 months next Friday. But I'll pick up my chip at the Saturday meeting that I chair. That's right...I chair a fucking CA meeting. I never woulda thought in a million years. Life is a trip.

And kokaino, I turn 26 in July as well! Crazy! July 4th, to be exact. I'll make a longer message soon. Gotta help clean up around my halfway house right now. W00t.
Click to expand...

July 29 is when i turn 26.
 
Whoa, dude...trippy, man...I think I'm seeing extra colors, bro...

Moving out of the halfway house into a real home today/tomorrow. This is PROOF of what can happen when you get your shit in line. I'm only a little over 3 months sober. God is quite divine.
 
Just today I cried for 30+ mins because I keep trying to get clean and I can't I went 27 or so days sober relapsed with amps and weed it went down hill all over again( I've tried being sober like 6 times now) I just turned 19 on may 22 relapsed with my DOC xtc. And thats where it started I have done xtc 3 times this month. I'm now seriously depressed and closed off. I called my best friend ( she's just clean out of rehab).

She said I need rehab really really bad. But our insurance doesn't cover it they only cover it if I go to out-patient first and to get to inpatiet I have to fail out patient. I don't want out patient because along with drug abuse I've gotten very depressed I'm always stressed out unless (I've used) I'm scared sad angry every emotion under the sun but happy. I think the only thing that can help me is inpaitent.

I just turned 19 ten days ago I didn't recive one phone call from my family members. The only happy birthdays I got where from my mom and step dad whom I live with and my sisters Ive wanted to get better for awhile now but can't take the steps to get there I wanna go to inpatient btu I'm not sure how i can do that. I'm sorry for the big post was hoping maybe someone could help me out with ideas.
 
I'm sorry for your situation. Impatient rehab is usually around a $1000a day...

There of course are ways to have it be paid for, through the court system though. Talk to a local social worker...
 
=D You're story has put a HUGE smile on my face. I really have no reason to be on TDS forum other than to see how others are doing in the world. I've never struggled with anything like this, but I sympathize with you and everyone. It's absolutely amazing, your story, and life will only get better. God doesn't throw obstacles in your way if He doesn't feel like you couldn't tough them out. You're a much stronger person now, and with your strength, you will lead others to a happier life, too.

Take care, and stay safe.
<3
 
I wish I had the time to type a decent message but I'm in the library...I hope that whoever is struggling will continue to fight this shit. Stay strong. It's hard, it's the hardest thing in the whole world, but if I can do it, anyone can. Willpower - the will to have something better in life. I remember having birthdays not hearing from anyone, no family members, nothing. It hurt so much that I just kept using. That should have been an awakening. But we addicts are sick; we have a disease that we cannot control. That we cannot just stop because we are asked to. We have to WANT IT. WE NEED IT. THIS DISEASE WILL KILL US.

Peace & Love to everyone. Each and every day a blessing now.
 
I'm going to get med coupons and also insureance will hopefully will cover it all... I'm so lost right now.. My sister thinks i'm proud to be an addict because my family never really paid attention to me... (black sheep) I'm adopted trying to figure out if I wanna meet my mom or not... School sucks I can't keep up I'm so lost...
 
I figure that I should update this post to let everyone know where I am, and that I haven't given up.

On June 3/4, I relapsed and attempted suicide. I OD'd on Talwin, Valium, Ambien, Flexeril, and Lyrica. Massive doses of all. Amidst my OD, my former halfway house manager was called and a few guys from where I was living came to get me. They brought me back to the halfway house I had just left from. I woke up at some point and had a bunch of talwin and ambien hidden in my backpack so I took them. I was blacked out for about 3 or 4 days. I nearly stopped breathing several times but I had people watching me. On June 6th I decided to get down on my knees and pray for help. I got through steps 1-3 nearly instantly. So June 6th is my new sobriety date. I am more than grateful to be alive, and especially grateful that my own brother found me.
There is a part in a certain book that says there was "not a cloud on the horizon". I was there. Although I was definitely horribly depressed and alone. There are many possible reasons why. None that I can blame on anyone else. I didn't want to shame myself or my family and friends with my relapse, so I decided to not live anymore. I am grateful also that my old halfway house took me back in. I am happy again. I have made my amends regarding this incident. All I can do is continue working towards my goal. I have learned that time sober means nothing. Either you want this thing or you don't. We're all human and we fuck up. It's just that we beat ourselves up when it's a relapse b/c we're drug addicts. A mistake is a mistake, I have learned that. I have changed in the past week and a half. Something is a little different about my attitude and willingness overall. Not that I didn't want this thing - I just didn't truly understand it.
I am far too resentful towards myself. That is one of my biggest issues.

I just want everyone to know that this thing, this disease, is constant and perpetual in nature. The fight will never end. A guy I knew just hung himself on Sunday. Fucked off, but this type of shit will keep on happening. It will never get better, not for everyone.

I'm sending out love, faith, and hope that we will get better, and/or continue to get better. I will try to post on here more often, as it seems to help me feel better. It also reminds me of where I came from so recently.

Peace & Love to all of you.
 
Deep bro. I was actually going to write something to you, along the lines of,- be careful, relapse lurks everywhere, but then I just read this.


All that learning has never gotten me anywhere. Just to be at peace with the deepness of being, thats the only thing that has ever softened me up!
 
Being at peace with myself is one of the things i'm trying desperately to learn. I am also trying to learn to meditate. But I haven't been able to sit still for years! Ack!
 
It seems that I have quite a lot of trouble being OK with me. I know that I cannot ever be at peace with myself being a drug addict. I mean, I can accept the fact, but I certainly can't live with myself using anymore.
 
Hey well i know the feeling man. Is it the drugs or the society persecuting you for using drugs? I have always laughed at the fact that I would be like through university by now if the govnt just supported my drug abuse... I could quit when i was ready, wouldnt have to do crime, and I wouldnt have to fucking struggle for adulterated shit.
 
Hi Twilight,

It's really heartening to read your story. You can be proud of yourself that you're being honest and getting help - it takes so much courage to face up to the reality of addiction, it's deceptive by its very nature. Keep strong
Xx
 
I'm just working through alot of personal issues. I don't want to be sad anymore. As cliched as it is to say, I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired. I would rather be miserable and fucked up than miserable and sober. But I'd also rather die than ever get high again. That's why I decided to kill myself. But of course that didn't work. So now I'm just working through the steps and facing myself. I just want to fast forward to where my life is good and somewhat straightened out. Although compared to being homeless and strung out I've come a long ways. I don't know. It's a bunch of bullshit.
 
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