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Message of Hope

I now have 2 kids that want me to do their 5th step with them at a treatment center. I can't believe it. That is so awesome, that they don't even know me and want me to do this. I went to an H&I again last night, and there were a bunch of kids there, and we were just supposed to share our message of hope and sobriety to these kids, and they were just very cool. Then, they asked me to tell them my story because they didn't know me, and they fucking loved it! It was crazy. I've got a job now, that I work my ass off doing, and I'm just trying to manage everything at once. It's not easy, but I will do it.

Everyone keep their heads up, because life is good, and if you want it to, it will come to you. I mean REAL life.

Other people are awesome. Selfishness is out the window at this point. At least I try anyways.
 
i'm reading this and i would cry if i wasn't so fucking numb right now. just got back from scoring dope on the street for the 3rd time today. been shooting 50 bucks worth for 2 months now. when i stop, the WD is still mostly mental but i can't take it. i really am trying to stop and this story warms my heart.

i got a sponsor, but i told her i was using, so she won't start step work with me until i have a week clean. i hear that the obsession to use ends once you sincerely start working the steps and willing a spiritual experience. i've been praying like a fiend.

i hope hope hope hope

i just got a new job, and i'm going to screw up my entire life if i don't turn this around.

when did your cravings end?

damn, i wish i were in yer shoes :(
 
Triggerhappy - I'm glad that my story can be an inspiration to you. If you can't find a sponsor to work with you even though you're still using: FIND A NEW SPONSOR, pronto. Fuck that shit. That person is not meant to be your sponsor. This is sort of a selfish program, and you have to be picky about your sponsor. You don't want someone to be your buddy, either. You want someone who will be straight up with you, be cool with you, and point out where you're fucking up EVERY TIME you're fucking up. For real, you'll appreciate it down the road as you start to recover.

As far as asking me when the cravings stop - don't even think about that. I don't have an answer to that, and you gotta take this shit ONE DAY at a time. It sucks at first, straight up, but we're all different. I've got 2 months clean tomorrow, and I sometimes still think about getting fucked up...but this program is about learning how to say "fuck that" and change your thought process. Yesterday I found a hydrocodone at work, and I brought it home to break in half with my brother and flush down the toilet. I was excited to do it! I couldn't wait to get home to flush a vicoden! WTF!!!! I'm serious, man, god is real, whatever he may be to you, and you will see that. It's amazing what will happen in your life when you stop doing drugs and actually attempt to change your thinking process. We are a sick people, that's for sure.

I hope that you can get into a rehab and get the drugs out of your system soon. You may not even need rehab, I didn't. Been before, but I learned that rehab takes the drugs out, but still leaves the drug addict. You gotta WANT this shit. I will pray for you and I hope that you can come around, and meet me here on this side of misery. Peace, Love, and Hope, man.


the bold one - Thanks, man. I'm glad this shit means something to someone. I've been wanting to get off of drugs for years, and god has blessed me by not taking my life through several suicide attempts. It can get better, man. This shit works. It really does! I've had some REALLY rough days recently, but as they say:

A good day is when everything goes my way and I don't use. A great day is when everything goes to shit and I don't use.


Much love to all. I love all of you guys. Msg me anytime. <3
 
I am so happy to read your story, TheTwilight. It's fantastic to see someone have the guts to do what you've done and then to try and share your story to help others. It's selfless and just amazing. I really must thank you for posting what you did because it gives the rest of us hope that there is something better out there and that it just takes a bit of courage and some hard work to come true.

Everyone deserves what you are experiencing now and you coming here to influence others is just beautiful.

I try to use my experience with depression to help people, I was in a bad way, but one day woke up realising that I had to be the one to stand up and fix those problems for the sake of my happiness and my health. After I realised this, I took the steps needed to better my life and now haven't looked back. I'm so ridiculously happy (apart from a couple of small things) and it's mainly because I didn't let my depression hold me back.

Anyone sharing their own experiences so people can relate to them can only help others and you're doing that xoxo
 
hey twighlight u know when i first read this post when you posted it.it was really emotional for me and i really can honestly say it helped me get to 2day where i am 9 days clean thanx man and keep it up!!!!!
 
Holy shit guys. I am so fucking stoked that anyone read this and cares. I was so lost and hopeless, and luckily I failed in my suicide attempts. I've gotta go, gotta take care of some shit, but I'll post a longer message here soon. Work is crazy!

Love you all.
 
Just got my 2 monther the other day, with my little brother. Working my ass off, going hard with this shit. About to get my compy working so I can fucking make some more bad-ass music. Got me a pet boa constrictor! It's awesome as hell. Can't believe how much good stuff happens when I'm not popping Xanax like a fiend.
 
My name is Spazzzz? and i'm an addict...

My clean date is August 24, 2009. It's a fucking miracle.

Two months of that were in jail, but that's exactly what I needed to get clean. I truly surrendered during that period of time. It's when I said " alright I give up, i've lost" that I was able to understand that there is a better way to live. I'm 26 and I shot dope since I was 18. Life is worth living.
 
I hope you can go out now and help others my brother... remember we are all one

this thread is awesome god bless you Twighlight
 
I'm so glad to hear that, friend. Stories like this give me real hope about the world. I'm happy for you, and I wish you the best life you can possibly create for yourself. Keep us updated! What are you doing for fun these days? Getting hobbies?
 
Well, thank god I've got some hobbies that I used to like when I was not all drugged out/when I was minimally drugged out.

I compose/write and record music. I have a pet boa constrictor (she is fucking awesome). I go to meetings. I go to the park and walk around or swing on the swings, which sucks right now because of blisters on my hands. I work a LOT. I chill with people. Watch movies. Make GOOD ASS FOOD. You know, the works...

I'm hoping to be working with my best friend soon, and he might be moving here soon.

Anyhow, I hope to talk to you all soon. Lemme know what's up. If anyone wants to hear my music, let me know.
Anyhow, peace and love to everyone.
 
how about dating? are you able to return to your normal dating life as a sober person? this part sucks for me.

and work? have you found a job and you're able to work sober?

still in the sober living house?

are you working the steps? i've started them, but it's a lot of writing... for me, it's so difficult to deal with all the emotions involved with step 4.
 
a good look at the 4th step i thought id share:

There is much more to life than being physically sober. There is much more to sobriety than having the obsession for alcohol removed. Sober isn’t much fun - unless we can learn to be happy and sober. To be happy and sober requires emotional sobriety. The Fourth Step is our first action step towards physical and emotional sobriety.

We are in a process to recreate our lives. We made a decision to give up our old plans for living and to try A.A.’s 12 Step Plan for Living. The Fourth Step is our first action step. It is here that we know whether or not we really took Steps 1, 2 and 3.

Step Four is a fact-finding and fact-facing process. We are searching for "causes and conditions."

We want to uncover the truth about ourselves. We want to discover the attitudes, thoughts, beliefs, fears, actions, behaviors, and the behavior patterns - that have been blocking us, causing us problems and causing our failure.

We want to learn the exact nature our "character defects" and what causes us to do the unacceptable things we do - so that once they are removed - we can acquire and live with new attitudes, thoughts, beliefs, actions and behaviors for our highest good, and for the highest good of those with whom we come in contact.

This prepares us to live a life of purpose - where we can be in maximum fit condition to be of service to others. And, by taking inventory and learning the exact nature of our wrongs - we will be able to recognize when we might be slipping into our old way of life - and headed for new problems, and possibly relapse.

If you doubt that you have any problems -- just think back to the last time that you felt restless, irritable and discontented. Remember when you got angry - with your self or with another person. Remember the last time you were disturbed. Remember the last time you had a problem or troubles. The last time you felt uncomfortable and not at ease in a situation. What was it? Whom was it with? What happened?
Click to expand...
source: step12.com

i occasionally use the 8th step -

after what seems like my last drink(a year +) i was recently in the grocery store i bought lots of beer from, wrote some bad checks at, and was refused service from the owner after i had already bought the beer, and walked 1.5 hours to get to, i was hours from DT's, and completely stunned. i was way to sober, but wreaked of alcohol.

i haggled with the owner, saying it was bought and paid for, and that i was walking, not driving directly home; 7am this was at. i was boiling over, and scared out of my wits of the with drawls/DTs/gran-mal seizures, that would inevitably come soon... (such a sick cycle)

i wa about to walk past him a few months ago in the store; i had the impulse to stop him, and apologize... he said that it wasnt necessary, and went on to tell me about how his grandfather would drink, and other family members, but he and his dad; they didnt care for it...


it was awkward-ish, but it made me feel better, and added more closure to that deep-deep-dark part of mine, and my families lives.

i doubt the man ever gave me a thought HAH, but i felt i disrespected his family store, and as i said, it was a little bit more of closure to that time.
 
Omg I posted a LONG ASS message in response to all this, and it got erased somehow. FUUUUUUUCCCKKKKK. With a capital "F".

I'll have to post it again. But in the mean time, all of you should visit Masochist on Facebook, and check out the music my best friend and I have made. It's pretty schweet.
 
hey man
ya ive bin clean since 4/20 stil goin strong once again thanx man n keep it up!!!!
 
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