Colt I have been feeling the paranoia at times too. Unlike most people who say that was never an aspect of their personality though, I do often worry alot about the kind of perception I've given off to people, and it's not hard for me to think I've given a bad impression, made a fool of myself, or I'm boring someone when talking to them and shit, like a search for validation. Mcat definitely magnifies that definitely, I remember getting the bus back to my house yesterday and I did look rather scruffy as you do after a night on it, but I was convinced everyone was looking at me and talking about me, I just convinced myself to ignore it and it passed.
Every time I have taken it too far I've always felt so guilty in the aftermath, but I've always managed to convince myself "Oh you exaggerated, you werent that bad, you haven't fucked yourself up, just live a little" so I've only had a couple of hours sleep since tuesday, like a 4-something day binge, when you get to a stage where that is acceptable...
Haha rather similar to me then, you never want to be the first one to suggest calling it a night, I always want to just keep going. I've got quite a few sensible mates but I went out recently with my more laid back mates and we were so bad, just kept on encouraging and enabling each other. "Yeah might as well have another line", "just finish this gram" sort of like massaging each other's guilt.
I mean right now, since Tuesday, I have only had bout 7 hours sleep. That was on Thursday I slept in the daytime, 10am - 7pm then went out again that night. I mean I started Uni in two weeks thats why I've got this free time now, and I have just taken it to ridiculous levels. You are right you've really got to keep jabbing the self-destruct button to get to these levels with mephedrone, the progession has been very steady from "a line a night, only with x mate", "couple of lines", "half a gram", "only once a week", "only when I'm out in town", "only when I'm with my mates", "only when I'm drinking" and then just now, really just fucking myself up for no reason. Anyway this has taken a long time, I started using round new year. Health effects that I've noticed is high blood pressure, which manifested itself in these black dots flying through my vision like the day after a session, happened once or twice recently, I think it is called hypertensive retinopathy. I haven't had this checked my a Doctor for obvious reasons! I don't get the blue knees or hands or anything like most have mentioned and I never have done. I've never felt like I'm going to collapse, but my main health concern I've put at the bottom of this post.
Yeah. It is very recognisable once you've been around it long enough - but yes I do agree with you too, the feedback and sharing of tales can be rather therapeutic. Obviously got to take the anecdotal evidence with a bit of salt but you can still learn things from it and occasionally there are some budding chemists with surprisingly advanced pharmacological knowledge who actually understand the substances we kind of ingest without much thought.
Erectile Dysfunction
Needed to bold this bit to bring the focus to my biggest concern (and thought it would make for a nice ironic bit of humour

) at the moment. Obviously shrivelled dick when on it everyone is aware of, but now day or two after its really hard to get motivated and also, physically, it just doesn't seem to go beyond a semi. this is really fucking worrying me as there is a girl I have been making moves on, and getting very good responses, it would be a hell of a way to spoil it for myself as she doesn't even do drugs either.
But yes this seems to be a problem for me, hard to judge whether it is long term or permenant because I have literally been binging these last two weeks.
I expect nothing but condemnation obviously, I'm more aware than anybody that my antics have been self-destructive, I'm hoping for some leniency amongst my fellow fiends in this thread...
thanks anyway guys