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Mental Health Mental Illness Support Thread V. How do you feel?

ChemicallyEnhanced said:
Had to cut down on my opioids due to not getting my next script until Monday instead of today. My mind is now starting to clear up and all the worst thoughts I block out are coming back so just had to take all my remaining Dihydrocodeine and an OD-on-paracetamol amount of Co-Dydramol to make it all go away. Tomorrow's gonna be a bitch.
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Oh no, I'm sorry you're going through that. Hang on tight until Monday. This is only temporary, you will make it!
Snake_Eyes said:
Basically how I feel, add in that I was a schizoid before starting drugs my brain was already a bit off, that said one thing I at least have going for me is that I'm a very controlled drug user when it comes to controlling usage amounts. With the exception of weed I can easily take only the amount of the drug that I have planned for the day, this has been tested from opioids to alcohol to methamphetamine.
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Yeah, I have a bouquet of disorders. haha (OCD, ADD, major depressive disorder, generalized anxiety disorder and my favorite, bipolar disorder) So yes, my brain was already a mess. if I find something that gives me relief, I'm gonna take it!

It's good you're able to control dosage amounts.
 
CoastTwoCoast said:
Oh no, I'm sorry you're going through that. Hang on tight until Monday. This is only temporary, you will make it!


Yeah, I have a bouquet of disorders. haha (OCD, ADD, major depressive disorder, generalized anxiety disorder and my favorite, bipolar disorder) So yes, my brain was already a mess. if I find something that gives me relief, I'm gonna take it!

It's good you're able to control dosage amounts.
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Thanks :)

I'm with you guys on a bunch of disorders (BPD, Generalized and Social anxiety, psychotic depression...also been told I'm diagnosed with Dependent, Avoidant and Anti-Social PD's).
 
ChemicallyEnhanced said:
Thanks :)

I'm with you guys on a bunch of disorders (BPD, Generalized and Social anxiety, psychotic depression...also been told I'm diagnosed with Dependent, Avoidant and Anti-Social PD's).
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What I do love about our disorders is it makes us very unique and we think differently from society which is a good thing. Society is warped and I don't want to pretend just to fit in with a bunch of assholes. We do have to suffer more than most though. We're resilient people for sure.
 
CoastTwoCoast said:
What I do love about our disorders is it makes us very unique and we think differently from society which is a good thing. Society is warped and I don't want to pretend just to fit in with a bunch of assholes. We do have to suffer more than most though. We're resilient people for sure.
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"It is no measure of health to be well adjusted to a profoundly sick society" - Jiddu Krishmanamurti
 
<3
CoastTwoCoast said:
What I do love about our disorders is it makes us very unique and we think differently from society which is a good thing. Society is warped and I don't want to pretend just to fit in with a bunch of assholes. We do have to suffer more than most though. We're resilient people for sure.
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You love your disorders....it's 'society' that is telling you that you have a 'disorder' ...because you are 'different'...and so they can 'treat' it....keeps us all in cages and them in $$$

They are -discovering- more -disorders' all the time....feeling a bit off in our insane world? "ahh, it's ok....we can make you better"

These 'disorders' are not diseases...they are just catch-all terms that they use describe groups of symptoms

'human being' - the only label you need <3
 
I don't know what I am. In any sense of the word. Probably due to having BPD. I literally cannot tell you a single thing that is consistently true about me.
Apart from the fact that I'm a drug addict.
 
ChemicallyEnhanced said:
I don't know what I am. In any sense of the word. Probably due to having BPD. I literally cannot tell you a single thing that is consistently true about me.
Apart from the fact that I'm a drug addict.
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There is SO much more to you than that! Don't ever consider yourself just a drug addict. You are valuable, you are redeemed and you are a masterpiece. That is the way God truly sees us. You are amazing and whole just the way you are! All of us have flaws and things we need to work on, especially "normies" who don't even address their issues.

Anyway, having flaws and addictions don't make you any less of a masterpiece in God's eyes.
 
ChemicallyEnhanced said:
I don't know what I am. In any sense of the word. Probably due to having BPD. I literally cannot tell you a single thing that is consistently true about me.
Apart from the fact that I'm a drug addict.
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You, my dear, are a human being :) No more, no less.

You don't 'have' BPD - it doesn't exist in reality - it's not a disease -it's just a term 'they' use. Do you believe them?
 
CoastTwoCoast said:
@madness00 Check out Bill Burr's Monday Morning Pawdcast from July 1st. Justin Long is on there with him. They're shooting the shit and talking about the gay pride parade, I'm laughing so hard.

Bill said he was walking his daughter down the street and there was a lesbian with no shirt or bra and her tits were covered in glitter. haha
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I don't have the patience for hour long audio but i listened to a bit of it.

"The gayest thing going on right now is the NBA off season. 'OMG, did you hear ____ was talking to ______ , on a boat? They're all heading to NYC baby!'"

Lol.
 
madness00 said:
I don't have the patience for hour long audio but i listened to a bit of it.

"The gayest thing going on right now is the NBA off season. 'OMG, did you hear ____ was talking to ______ , on a boat? They're all heading to NYC baby!'"

Lol.
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Usually I fast forward when he talks sports, but that whole bit about how gay the NBA off season is was funny.
Justin Long was a great addition to the podcast. He had good chemistry with Bill.
 
Man.. I can't stop thinking about doing drugs. I think I'm hypomanic - I've been masturbating 5 times a day, having 2,000mg caffeine and snorting 300mg Benadryl daily. I just want to slam a half gram. To top it off, I'm having very bad thoughts. Not suicidal, quit different. Yikes and if I violate probation again I'm going to jail since my crime was what it was.

I have therapy on the 11th. I emailed her last night explaining this all. IDK man.
 
Hey. Maybe not a good idea to put in writing to her. It is what it is now however.
Furthermore, Do your doctors get ticked also like mine when you expect a response outside of office visit? Once upon a time I had a great dr who answered me, but that’s the exception.
Sounds like you’re having a good old time - wish I could help. ? Best of luck
 
madness00 said:
Man.. I can't stop thinking about doing drugs. I think I'm hypomanic - I've been masturbating 5 times a day, having 2,000mg caffeine and snorting 300mg Benadryl daily. I just want to slam a half gram. To top it off, I'm having very bad thoughts. Not suicidal, quit different. Yikes and if I violate probation again I'm going to jail since my crime was what it was.

I have therapy on the 11th. I emailed her last night explaining this all. IDK man.
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I'm sorry you're having a rough time. You see a therapist, but are you in NA?
I think a support group for addicts would be really helpful. You can express those thoughts about your cravings and get the encouragement you need.
 
i feel like a societal reject. it's not exactly how i thought things would pan out for me when I was 26 and on top of the world. i'll never know if my depression was post-natal (had a funny incident after my former de facto left, not overly long before I got diagnosed). i'd like to add more to the great kettle of fish out there, but i guess oppression from childhood has a funny way of reemerging later in life. some of these limitations cant be physically transcended, not without blood, sweat & tears, and the patience of job, but what did not help was having a very much devil-may-care, lax attitude throughout my 20s that set me back a long way. also grieving a major partnership that dissolved. things went pear-shaped from there. I've been granted some good faith from certain law bodies since but this next situation will really test me in the cosmic sense. i'm screwed for this brain lapse. rock bottom is a hard place to emerge from, and even the near thought of going back to revisit that period in my life makes me feel lacklustre. and afraid. but these legal matters will resolve ultimtely in 5 good years, give or take. i've got that to work within. i just wish i'd never wound up there.
though i've got my adhd managed a bit better since, so keeping and managing appointments is now my new capability. gained a ton of weight but beginning to lose it, albeit slowly, but it's virtually peeling off compared with previously. things are on the mend.
 
I'm glad things are on the up and up. Just focus on one thing at a time, like you're doing.

I can understand feeling like a societal reject. Hopefully Bluelight can prove to be a safe place for you to be real and accepted, like it has for me. We all have potential to have a decent role in society; even some "bad" people can harness their skills, such as a great liar being a great lawyer, a gore lover a good surgeon, or an ex drug addict a good recovery coach.

What types of things interest you?
 
madness00 said:
Man.. I can't stop thinking about doing drugs. I think I'm hypomanic - I've been masturbating 5 times a day, having 2,000mg caffeine and snorting 300mg Benadryl daily. I just want to slam a half gram. To top it off, I'm having very bad thoughts. Not suicidal, quit different. Yikes and if I violate probation again I'm going to jail since my crime was what it was.

I have therapy on the 11th. I emailed her last night explaining this all. IDK man.
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I just realized both of us have therapy on the 11th. haha
I still have a workbook to read that he gave me and homework to do. I've been procrastinating.
 
Homework is cool I remember in college a therapist had me write down all the events that happened and how it made me feel. What's your homework about?

With my current therapist my HW is just stay out of trouble.
 
madness00 said:
Homework is cool I remember in college a therapist had me write down all the events that happened and how it made me feel. What's your homework about?

With my current therapist my HW is just stay out of trouble.
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Yep, the first part of homework in my packet is Activity Monitoring: Track your mood!

"Being aware of our mood, emotions and behaviors is an important part of CBT. In order to know what to do to fix a problem, we first need to understand what is going on!

Activity Monitoring is the first step of Behavioral Action. It is important to know exactly what we are doing throughout the day, and how this corresponds to our mood.

While we can't fix the depression just by noticing this, we can take a step toward feeling better by understanding which behaviors help us feel better, which continue to maintain the depression as it is, and which makes us feel worse."

So there's a chart I have to fill out with every day of the week on it and the time listed throughout the day. "Record your activity for each hour of the day. Record a rating for your mood as you were doing each activity. Mood is rated between 0-10, with "0" indicating "low mood" and "10" indicating "good mood".

This would've been much easier if I started a week or so ago. lol Awww man, I got my work cut out for me.

There's plenty more homework in this packet, but I don't think he'll expect me to have done all of it yet.
 
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