Mental Health Mental Illness Support Thread V. How do you feel?

[stardust10]

I'm ok but I'm just a bit sad. I feel like a wean again and really vulnerable. I miss the old days .....people that looked after me. My family are their own unit and I'm no in it. If I had a gun I'd shoot myself I'm fine don't reply cause I'm used to being an outkast and that's the way I have come to like it. I really am an arsehole i might just end it I already know how and it would be funny since I've been getting the false suicide threats

 

[n3ophy7e]

I'm ok but I'm just a bit sad. I feel like a wean again and really vulnerable. I miss the old days .....people that looked after me. My family are their own unit and I'm no in it. If I had a gun I'd shoot myself I'm fine don't reply cause I'm used to being an outkast and that's the way I have come to like it. I really am an arsehole i might just end it I already know how and it would be funny since I've been getting the false suicide threats

I'm the outcast of my family too, BIG time. And they are a really close-knit unit, so it really hurts. I've always been the odd one out, and all I've ever wanted was to fit in and be included, yet I'm always left out of everything. So yeah, I feel ya. I'm real glad you don't have a gun then. You know what the best revenge is??? Getting your shit together and living your best life, then making them see what they're all missing out on by not including you

 

[stardust10]

^
I was just in a really crappy mood last night and that's how I felt at the time I'm fine today thanks so much though

I'm actually pretty lucky in the grand scheme of things. It's the depression talking when I'm like that, only hurting myself even more but there is also deep issues that have never been worked out. It hurts too much with my family because I love them so much. They love me but they tip toe around me and I constantly feel like the family let down as though I was destined for better things and constantly let them down. I should be thankful I have a family at all and they aren't the worst just feel a bit judged and the guilt I feel regularly negates the support that is there as me being the burden. My family are also ill and I feel like I have nobody to talk or relate to in terms of everything- my journey so far. And I feel guilty for not being in a better position to help them It's very long complicated and fucked up so I won't even try and explain lol. Thanks for giving me a place to be myself bl. Even although I hate myself at times I feel comfortable here.
@n3ophy7e thanks again.

 

[n3ophy7e]

^
I was just in a really crappy mood last night and that's how I felt at the time I'm fine today thanks so much though

I'm actually pretty lucky in the grand scheme of things. It's the depression talking when I'm like that, only hurting myself even more but there is also deep issues that have never been worked out. It hurts too much with my family because I love them so much. They love me but they tip toe around me and I constantly feel like the family let down as though I was destined for better things and constantly let them down. I should be thankful I have a family at all and they aren't the worst just feel a bit judged and the guilt I feel regularly negates the support that is there as me being the burden. My family are also ill and I feel like I have nobody to talk or relate to in terms of everything- my journey so far. And I feel guilty for not being in a better position to help them It's very long complicated and fucked up so I won't even try and explain lol. Thanks for giving me a place to be myself bl. Even although I hate myself at times I feel comfortable here.
@n3ophy7e thanks again.

I can relate to all of that SO much. You're not alone
Very glad to hear you're feeling better today. Take it easy on yourself.

 

[Buzz Lightbeer]

Hi, hope everyone is doing well.
I am in a hypomanic episode, maybe it is mania, it is the first time that it has been this strong.
I have basically slept around 10 hours, I cannot really recall exactly since I was taking large amounts of etizolam to put me down (which did not work), maybe more, maybe less, since Friday morning. The first days included some stimulants but not such egregious amounts and the inability to sleep was not solely because of that.
Now I have to hold myself from running up the walls and I am sure sleep won't come tonight either. I have to be productive but really functioning like this is hard.

I have no antipsychotics myself and am not prescribed medication. What do I do here? Ride it out, go to the emergency room, wait for my appointment with psychiatrist next week? Any input is appreciated, this is all very new to me and normally I can at least sleep somewhat every day when hypomanic.

 

[LordOfThisWorld]

Hi, hope everyone is doing well.
I am in a hypomanic episode, maybe it is mania, it is the first time that it has been this strong.
I have basically slept around 10 hours, I cannot really recall exactly since I was taking large amounts of etizolam to put me down (which did not work), maybe more, maybe less, since Friday morning. The first days included some stimulants but not such egregious amounts and the inability to sleep was not solely because of that.
Now I have to hold myself from running up the walls and I am sure sleep won't come tonight either. I have to be productive but really functioning like this is hard.

I have no antipsychotics myself and am not prescribed medication. What do I do here? Ride it out, go to the emergency room, wait for my appointment with psychiatrist next week? Any input is appreciated, this is all very new to me and normally I can at least sleep somewhat every day when hypomanic.

That sounds serious, I'd go to the emergency room, you don't want to hurt yourself.

Please let us know how you are doing, keep us updated.

 

[Jabberwocky]

Hi, hope everyone is doing well.
I am in a hypomanic episode, maybe it is mania, it is the first time that it has been this strong.
I have basically slept around 10 hours, I cannot really recall exactly since I was taking large amounts of etizolam to put me down (which did not work), maybe more, maybe less, since Friday morning. The first days included some stimulants but not such egregious amounts and the inability to sleep was not solely because of that.
Now I have to hold myself from running up the walls and I am sure sleep won't come tonight either. I have to be productive but really functioning like this is hard.

I have no antipsychotics myself and am not prescribed medication. What do I do here? Ride it out, go to the emergency room, wait for my appointment with psychiatrist next week? Any input is appreciated, this is all very new to me and normally I can at least sleep somewhat every day when hypomanic.

Speaking from my own manic experience, the absence of sleep compounds your problems 10-fold and facilitates whatever kind of manic predispositions you might have (drinking/drugging/fornicating/gambling etc). Lack of sleep impedes your executive functioning and your ability to control your impulses even when you know things are a bad idea. You said this is new to you, so you you might not know how your mania plays out. Insomnia also makes you suffer and feel horrible and these days there is no need for that. I've gone to the ER for mania a couple of times and basically told them I haven't slept for 3 days and I'm starting to worry about my thoughts leading to dangerous actions (for me fornication and drugs). Invariably they give me some valium and seroquel and send me home after observing me for a couple of hours.

If you have an actual diagnosis of bi-polar you can refer to then I'd say going to the ER and getting prescribed something for relief would be a good idea. If you don't yet have the diagnosis you can say you believe you have bi-polar and have a psych appointment but don't think you can last that long in your current state. They'll treat you the same way.

Good luck man, I know how horrible this condition can feel.

 

[Buzz Lightbeer]

Speaking from my own manic experience, the absence of sleep compounds your problems 10-fold and facilitates whatever kind of manic predispositions you might have (drinking/drugging/fornicating/gambling etc). Lack of sleep impedes your executive functioning and your ability to control your impulses even when you know things are a bad idea. You said this is new to you, so you you might not know how your mania plays out. Insomnia also makes you suffer and feel horrible and these days there is no need for that. I've gone to the ER for mania a couple of times and basically told them I haven't slept for 3 days and I'm starting to worry about my thoughts leading to dangerous actions (for me fornication and drugs). Invariably they give me some valium and seroquel and send me home after observing me for a couple of hours.

If you have an actual diagnosis of bi-polar you can refer to then I'd say going to the ER and getting prescribed something for relief would be a good idea. If you don't yet have the diagnosis you can say you believe you have bi-polar and have a psych appointment but don't think you can last that long in your current state. They'll treat you the same way.

Good luck man, I know how horrible this condition can feel.

Thanks, my psychiatrist works at the hospital close to me. It is obvious to her, me and everyone around me that I have some sort of bipolar disorder but it's not like I have a paper for it yet, I also refused medication at first. But I'll probably be able to work something out there. I haven't done anything egregious, I'm not thát manic and I don't feel like I'll lose control. If I can't sleep in the next 10 hours I'll go there.

 

[Buzz Lightbeer]

Do any of you get Seroquel, Benadryl etc... on prescription for bipolar btw? For sleep purposes.

I have been very stable these past few weeks, and honestly months with just some hypomania here and there which doesn't hurt anyone. Everyone is quick to pressure me into taking mood stabilizers/lithium but the endless lists of side effects just aren't worth it as things stand. It's just... the sleep that is the problem. It basically starts and exacerbates the whole ordeal.

 

[Jabberwocky]

Do any of you get Seroquel, Benadryl etc... on prescription for bipolar btw? For sleep purposes.

I have been very stable these past few weeks, and honestly months with just some hypomania here and there which doesn't hurt anyone. Everyone is quick to pressure me into taking mood stabilizers/lithium but the endless lists of side effects just aren't worth it as things stand. It's just... the sleep that is the problem. It basically starts and exacerbates the whole ordeal.

Yes. I get seroquel and occasionally Zolpidem and valium precisely because sleep is so difficult when manic. My doctors encourage me to rotate through them so I never take the same one more than one or two nights in a row. But I lean pretty heavily on the seroquel because it gives such peaceful sleep.

 

[Buzz Lightbeer]

I slept about 4 hours and could take a nap earlier, again with the help of some etizolam, I think the worst is over and I should be fine tonight.
Thanks for the info @Atelier3 !! I'm seeing my psychiatrist on Monday and will talk to her about sleeping meds. Are you on any mood stabilizing medication?

 

[Jabberwocky]

I slept about 4 hours and could take a nap earlier, again with the help of some etizolam, I think the worst is over and I should be fine tonight.
Thanks for the info @Atelier3 !! I'm seeing my psychiatrist on Monday and will talk to her about sleeping meds. Are you on any mood stabilizing medication?

I take Abilify which seems to work fairly effectively as a mood stabiliser.

 

[stardust10]

Good luck buzz

 

[Buzz Lightbeer]

I take Abilify which seems to work fairly effectively as a mood stabiliser.

Ah, yeah I was manic when I first saw my psychiatrist and she prescribed me that, but I only took it once, fainted twice and hated it, so I never took it again. I would like to go on without medication as long as is possible. Don't know how supportive of my idea of Seroquel for emergencies she'll be.

 

[Jabberwocky]

Ah, yeah I was manic when I first saw my psychiatrist and she prescribed me that, but I only took it once, fainted twice and hated it, so I never took it again. I would like to go on without medication as long as is possible. Don't know how supportive of my idea of Seroquel for emergencies she'll be.

The problem for many people is they don’t realised they are manic or actually enjoy the experience so won’t take emergency meds.

 

[LordOfThisWorld]

I slept about 4 hours and could take a nap earlier, again with the help of some etizolam, I think the worst is over and I should be fine tonight.
Thanks for the info @Atelier3 !! I'm seeing my psychiatrist on Monday and will talk to her about sleeping meds. Are you on any mood stabilizing medication?

Glad you are better now.

 

[stardust10]

I've had a mental day but I got through it with music and just not giving a flying fuck

 

[Buzz Lightbeer]

The problem for many people is they don’t realised they are manic or actually enjoy the experience so won’t take emergency meds.

Yeah I know, but I feel like I am always very aware of my state of mind, sometimes a few days go by and then I realize I was hypomanic, but in serious cases (like no sleep) it can not be more obvious. I am now back to my regular hypomania, which I don't believe is that much of a problem, although I have thought on many occasions that I hate it. That's just the weird thing about my "condition", I rarely crash or get depressed (although clear switches happen, just infrequent) and would say that I'm hypomanic at least half of the time. Anyway, I'll see what she says, and what the future brings....

 

[n3ophy7e]

I had a bad mental health day yesterday. Just one of those days where you wake up grumpy, knowing your mood is gonna be shitty. I had nightmares all night and even woke up in a panic attack during the night. So the day just did not start well.

I've been on duloxetine for over 8 years and it's almost impossible for me to cry. But yesterday I was very teary, I cried a total of 4 times throughout the course of the day, which is more than I've cried in the last 12 months hahaha.

I felt better when I was at work because I fucking love my job, and it was a good distraction. But the day did not end well, with a horrible horrible very sad euthanasia. I've been a vet tech for 18 years so I can handle euthanasias and the consequent emotions, I just put my game face on. But the occasional one gets me, and yesterday's one got me. If I wasn't sober I would've gone home and drunk myself to sleep. But I don't drink any more.

However I took some diaz and gabapentin, and slept like a log haha. Woke up today very groggy, but went straight to the gym to get some endorphins pumping (I'm typing this whilst on the stationery bike ).

Love to all

 

[LordOfThisWorld]

I had a bad mental health day yesterday. Just one of those days where you wake up grumpy, knowing your mood is gonna be shitty. I had nightmares all night and even woke up in a panic attack during the night. So the day just did not start well.

I've been on duloxetine for over 8 years and it's almost impossible for me to cry. But yesterday I was very teary, I cried a total of 4 times throughout the course of the day, which is more than I've cried in the last 12 months hahaha.

I felt better when I was at work because I fucking love my job, and it was a good distraction. But the day did not end well, with a horrible horrible very sad euthanasia. I've been a vet tech for 18 years so I can handle euthanasias and the consequent emotions, I just put my game face on. But the occasional one gets me, and yesterday's one got me. If I wasn't sober I would've gone home and drunk myself to sleep. But I don't drink any more.

However I took some diaz and gabapentin, and slept like a log haha. Woke up today very groggy, but went straight to the gym to get some endorphins pumping (I'm typing this whilst on the stationery bike ).

Love to all

I know how that feels, except I don't love my job so it makes matters worse, sorry to hear your day started off bad.