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Mental Health Mental Illness Support Thread V. How do you feel?

Atelier3 said:
The problem for many people is they don’t realised they are manic or actually enjoy the experience so won’t take emergency meds.
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Yeah I know, but I feel like I am always very aware of my state of mind, sometimes a few days go by and then I realize I was hypomanic, but in serious cases (like no sleep) it can not be more obvious. I am now back to my regular hypomania, which I don't believe is that much of a problem, although I have thought on many occasions that I hate it. That's just the weird thing about my "condition", I rarely crash or get depressed (although clear switches happen, just infrequent) and would say that I'm hypomanic at least half of the time. Anyway, I'll see what she says, and what the future brings....
 
I had a bad mental health day yesterday. Just one of those days where you wake up grumpy, knowing your mood is gonna be shitty. I had nightmares all night and even woke up in a panic attack during the night. So the day just did not start well.

I've been on duloxetine for over 8 years and it's almost impossible for me to cry. But yesterday I was very teary, I cried a total of 4 times throughout the course of the day, which is more than I've cried in the last 12 months hahaha.

I felt better when I was at work because I fucking love my job, and it was a good distraction. But the day did not end well, with a horrible horrible very sad euthanasia. I've been a vet tech for 18 years so I can handle euthanasias and the consequent emotions, I just put my game face on. But the occasional one gets me, and yesterday's one got me. If I wasn't sober I would've gone home and drunk myself to sleep. But I don't drink any more.

However I took some diaz and gabapentin, and slept like a log haha. Woke up today very groggy, but went straight to the gym to get some endorphins pumping (I'm typing this whilst on the stationery bike ;) ).

Love to all <3
 
n3ophy7e said:
I had a bad mental health day yesterday. Just one of those days where you wake up grumpy, knowing your mood is gonna be shitty. I had nightmares all night and even woke up in a panic attack during the night. So the day just did not start well.

I've been on duloxetine for over 8 years and it's almost impossible for me to cry. But yesterday I was very teary, I cried a total of 4 times throughout the course of the day, which is more than I've cried in the last 12 months hahaha.

I felt better when I was at work because I fucking love my job, and it was a good distraction. But the day did not end well, with a horrible horrible very sad euthanasia. I've been a vet tech for 18 years so I can handle euthanasias and the consequent emotions, I just put my game face on. But the occasional one gets me, and yesterday's one got me. If I wasn't sober I would've gone home and drunk myself to sleep. But I don't drink any more.

However I took some diaz and gabapentin, and slept like a log haha. Woke up today very groggy, but went straight to the gym to get some endorphins pumping (I'm typing this whilst on the stationery bike ;) ).

Love to all <3
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I know how that feels, except I don't love my job so it makes matters worse, sorry to hear your day started off bad.
 
Right now im feeling pretty good. I feel like i got my emotions back finally after having them dulled by invega and abilify. Besides some restless leg syndrome which the morphine and gabapentin im on gets rid of im not getting any side effects from latuda which is great. My emotions and sex drive are back finally after invega killed both. It feels nice to finally feel again.
 
paranoid android said:
Right now im feeling pretty good. I feel like i got my emotions back finally after having them dulled by invega and abilify. Besides some restless leg syndrome which the morphine and gabapentin im on gets rid of im not getting any side effects from latuda which is great. My emotions and sex drive are back finally after invega killed both. It feels nice to finally feel again.
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That is really fucking good to hear man. After all the horror stories I've read in the "Coming off Invega" thread, I'm really glad you're off that shit and feeling pretty much back to normal. Wow.
 
n3ophy7e said:
That is really fucking good to hear man. After all the horror stories I've read in the "Coming off Invega" thread, I'm really glad you're off that shit and feeling pretty much back to normal. Wow.
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Thanks. I would tell anyone on invega or recovering from it not to lose hope. I thought my emotions would be dulled forever but now im atleast starting to get back to normal. Invega is awful for dulling your emotions but your brain is great at repairing itself. Unfortunatly all the coke i did when i got out of the psych ward probably made me worse plus i was drinking alot as well.

I still cant fucking believe i had Cotards syndrome that was some spooky shit. Thinking your dead is fucked up shit. Before the invega brought me back to reality i thought i was in purgotary or some shit. I thought the psych ward was purgotary which is actually fairly accurate to how your treated in there. The nurses that work in that place are the biggest cunts ive ever met they treat you like fucking garbage. One nurse who i called nurse ratchet did nothing but follow me around and bitch at me whenever i lit up a smoke or a joint. She tried to make shit as difficult as possible for me. Even though i was involuntary she would yell at me like a goddamn banshee to put out my joint or cig. WTF else was i supposed to do i couldnt go outside to smoke and i sure as fuck was not quitting smoking cigs and weed on her account.

I swear the nurses in the psych ward are all fucking sadists anyway.
 
Haven't slept again... hypomania from last night that went terrible, have been suffering with terrible anxiety since.
I am tired of fighting with myself every day, it's literally something every fucking day, my extremes aren't as extreme but I switch so rapidly it's crazy. It doesn't help that I get real obsessive about how I feel, what I did, how I did it, or how I said things. My meeting with my psychiatrist was a mess, I couldn't think straight, wasn't prepared etc... but she saw how I was suffering.

She prescribed 10mg of Zyprexa daily, I will start that soon enough, I can try for a couple weeks and see if it is more bearable, does anyone have any comments/tips on Zyprexa?
 
Well, at this stage of the Dark Night of the Soul, I'd say I'm mostly in a chrysalis. Energy levels that I've been trying to get back for the last ten years has come and gone again and again but is slowly coming back to me. The majority of my friends - when the Dark Night began - have mostly moved onto other things without communicating a single word my way (but allegedly this happens to people who go through it [the DNOTS]). I've spent a lot of my time during this phase of my life as a bodhisattva, which apparently is someone who never reaches nirvana because he's too busy helping people in need. But I've also surprised myself lately with my ability to meditate and legitimately have had some brilliant days where I spend the whole day "in the moment". I'm not sure if that's definitively the definition of enlightenment, but for me those particular days (when I had energy) felt so good, it may as well have been.

So... looking forward to better days.
 
schizoinfective said:
How long is a dark night of the soul supposed to last? Is 4 years excessive?
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I've heard varying tales and accounts. Some say months, some say years. Mine has been almost ten years. Mother Theresa's was alleged to last the majority of her life up until her death or near death. Medications obviously complicate this process too, since I'm pretty sure it's supposed to be done naturally. Factor in how long it takes a drug to exit your system and you've got a whole new calculation...
 
iridescentblack said:
I've heard varying tales and accounts. Some say months, some say years. Mine has been almost ten years. Mother Theresa's was alleged to last the majority of her life up until her death or near death. Medications obviously complicate this process too, since I'm pretty sure it's supposed to be done naturally. Factor in how long it takes a drug to exit your system and you've got a whole new calculation...
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Yeah, had I confronted it with this mindset 3 years ago, I'd be in a very different place right now. Drugs of abuse as well as medications definitelt prolonged the process.
 
Bit triggery for the Mental Health forums man. Check out the guidelines:

“MH also has members with self-injury problems. In this area especially, anything likely to trigger self-injuring behavior is not permitted -- in particular images and videos, but text-posts can be triggering at times as well.”
 
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Atelier3 said:
Bit triggery for the Mental Health forums man. Check out the guidelines:

“MH also has members with self-injury problems. In this area especially, anything likely to trigger self-injuring behavior is not permitted -- in particular images and videos, but text-posts can be triggering at times as well.”
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I deleted it, But it's supposed to represent how I feel, I get it though
 
Coxenormous said:
I deleted it, But it's supposed to represent how I feel, I get it though
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I understand, and hope you do start feeling better.

Just know, the Mental Health guidelines here are much more stricter then they would be in some other places, such as The Lounge.

I do encourage you to share with us on how you are feeling. Just incase for the next time you share a video kind of like the one from earlier then please use spoiler tags. (click the 'three dots' in your comment toolbar. Usually when I do it I will hit space a few times in the middle of the ']['s, then when you add a video or whatever you have more room.
 
I have mixed emotions. Slight embarrassment, overjoyed, enthusiastic, anxious, albeit ready for anything! I all of a sudden came out of a fog I've been in for five years consistently with no help or answers from anyone/anywhere. Right about the point I was questioning everything and ready to throw in the towel, all of a sudden my daydreams ceased and I walked out of a fog.

But where have I been? That's the thing. It began with a fantasy of a girl whom used to live nearby (me) and from there it spiraled out of control. Every attempt to shake the daydream only made things worse. I felt a lot like Leo's character from Inception... the same dreamlike atmosphere, consistently carrying on, with no way out, nothing to do...

Well... now that it's over, it's like all those parts of me I thought would store as memories has just dropped off or let go. But now what pains me, ails me and I honest to god have to know now because I haven't run into her in four years and we used to run into each other all the time. Who was the girl who dresses all in black? Is there anyway I can go back to that town and find out at least what her name is?
 
My anxiety is up and down depends on the days, maybe the counseling is helping, sometimes I feel like I keep repeating the same thing over and over to the counselor though, maybe it's time to stop.
 
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