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Mental Health Mental Illness Support Thread V. How do you feel?

Okay nice, maybe not the black out drunk part though, or it might have been?
My life is kinda stagnated at the moment, had another relapse on all sorts of stuff + got really sick with some kind of influensa right when I quit so yeah not the best three weeks of my life lol.
 
Hang in there i hope things improve for you. I did enjoy getting black out drunk though i have no idea how i hurt myself everytime. My arm is all scrapped up i must of fell and then i must of walked through a blackberry bush or something was scratched all over my legs and arm aswell.

I am probably going to go back on ritalin in the next few days but i truly limited myself this time i only have 6 pills. Last time i took ritalin was in 2018. Im going to get a few more articles then sleep. I feel like im falling behind on this assignments already and its only the second week. Going to quit drinking for a while. I have been sober for over a month now from any psychedelic. I still feel the very powerful effects of my lsd binge though every time i close my eyes it was like im peaking on a strong hit of lsd.
 
i got fired after doing an emergency surgery around a month ago, now i have to heal it, and don't have a job anymore, things were better. D:
 
TripSitterNZ said:
Hang in there i hope things improve for you. I did enjoy getting black out drunk though i have no idea how i hurt myself everytime. My arm is all scrapped up i must of fell and then i must of walked through a blackberry bush or something was scratched all over my legs and arm aswell.

I am probably going to go back on ritalin in the next few days but i truly limited myself this time i only have 6 pills. Last time i took ritalin was in 2018. Im going to get a few more articles then sleep. I feel like im falling behind on this assignments already and its only the second week. Going to quit drinking for a while. I have been sober for over a month now from any psychedelic. I still feel the very powerful effects of my lsd binge though every time i close my eyes it was like im peaking on a strong hit of lsd.
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How do you take your ritalin? Orally?
I had it prescribed before, but it always ended in me taking 14 days of meds in like 4 days instead lol. Can't handle uppers.
I hope you are with friends when you get that drunk, many things can happen.
The LSD binge, was it a lot at one time or several days of use?
 
konee said:
i got fired after doing an emergency surgery around a month ago, now i have to heal it, and don't have a job anymore, things were better. D:
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Maan that sucks, I hope you get well soon and find another job (with better employers). Is it even legal to fire someone bc of a surgery?o:
 
on.my.way🌿 said:
How do you take your ritalin? Orally?
I had it prescribed before, but it always ended in me taking 14 days of meds in like 4 days instead lol. Can't handle uppers.
I hope you are with friends when you get that drunk, many things can happen.
The LSD binge, was it a lot at one time or several days of use?
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Ritalin always oral. For drinking with people I only just kind of met. Lsd binge 50 tabs since March year alot of high doses
 
I'm feeling good today, I've been working a fair bit and trying to get my life back on track. Things are going smoother than normal.

Still kinda lonely but I'm figuring out how to be happy with myself.
 
QTpi said:
Lol, went through some shit last month. Got briefly suicidal. Im for the most part out of the depression but still a long way to go to get my head right.

Stagnant is better than anxiety provoking @on.my.way🌿? Or no? Anythings looking up in your future?
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Oh okay, im glad you are through the eorst then, I hope you feel better soon!

Hah, it's actually stagnant AND anxiety provoking so yeah.
My ex is getting prosecuted tomorrow so I guess the trial will be soon. Im not mentally stable enough to deal with this shit.
 
on.my.way🌿 said:
Hah, it's actually stagnant AND anxiety provoking so yeah.
My ex is getting prosecuted tomorrow so I guess the trial will be soon. Im not mentally stable enough to deal with this shit.
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I feel like he's been on trial for months.

Maybe stay with mom? I think that was chill IIRC.
 
QTpi said:
I feel like he's been on trial for months.

Maybe stay with mom? I think that was chill IIRC.
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He has been in police custody for exactly 6 months and one day today I think.
They found another girl he had done things to so that was what delaid it all. Just want this shit to be over with.
Yeah im going to my mums place in a few days ^^
 
I am... not okay. Not okay not okay not okay. I used to be okay and I can't fucking remember how to be. An old friend from childhood hit me up today to check on me cuz I'm not on social media anymore. It fucking hurt in a weird way talking to her because she acted like nothing had changed like she didn't even skip a beat and had this monumental expectation of me being who she remembers and I try to make that shoe fit but there's just no fucking way. I'm so. Fucking. Far. From where I was 10 years ago. It makes me sick to my stomach. Never mind the fact that I actually have 0 friends now, covid made sure of that, exploiting my social anxiety and all.

This year actually started to look like something I could feel optimistic about. I felt like I needed to write so I did. First time in years I felt that urge.. Then I was having trouble with the right words so I found a meditation on YouTube to get my mind focused. That led to a 7 hour meditation rabbit hole and me balling my eyes out, shedding skins of fear and self loathing and feeling connected to something greater than myself.. it was amazing so I started doing it every day. I had a break through, realizing that all the energy/time I was putting into my job search was causing so much unnecessary stress and inner turmoil that I had to just let it go for now. I was like ok, I'm at my parents for the time being so I don't need to pay rent. I do want out of here but I literally cannot endure the stress of trying to measure up or or magically be the right fit for some stupid company right now. So I guess I decided to just get up and go be useful where I can be useful and not exploited or enslaved.. so lately, the reason I get up every day is because there are sick kitties at the sanctuary who need to be loved, and that is something 100% in my power to give freely. No resumé, interview or judgement required.

But it sucks because days like today I'm reminded of why I shit my I pants before opportunity even gets to knock and how the default programs and processes that run on auto pilot in my brain because I don't fucking do what it takes to succeed at all costs is just the most pathetic, drawn out means
to the ultimate inevitable end.
(Spontaneous self combustion)
 
Shardzvark said:
I don't fucking do what it takes to succeed at all costs
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How do you define success?

Good to hear you found meditation and was able to let out some emotion. And that your parents are allowing you.

Job searching is always a bitch. If your mind isnt in the right place, its going to be so much more difficult. So it sounds like you've recently been doing the right thing.

Im sure you had some great memories of the past. I'd say, try to see them as a source of happiness rather than trying to compare to the present. And even if you do end up comparing, know you're still you; you have that potential.

@Shardzvark
 
idk if is all mental to be truthful i am sure its not but i was already not in a good time and ended up having to do an emergency surgery because of a perforated ulcer, i am having touble with cicatrization and i am in pain and this is almost driving me insane hope this heals soon long recovery ahead still. D:
 
Like I'm getting some kind of delayed cumulative kindling effect from combinations of switching between gabapentinoids, benzo, and alcohol, that has built up over time. Either that or still in antidepressant and antipsychotic withdrawal. Or I just broke my brain with stimulants. Or my mental health is just deteriorating. I mean i just took 3mg Xanax and feel next to nothing and its been a week since I had any. And then only 3 or 4 times and no benzos for 3 months before that. And only occadional gabapentin etc.. Must be cross tolerance from the phenibut and pregabalin and alcohol somehow. But I haven't used regularly enough fordependency, so I don't really understand what's going on. All I know is ever since binging on meth crack and heroin intermittently in a cycle ending in then starting olanzapine and mirtazapine and quetiapine for a few months on and off, I haven't been the same.
 
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