So I've been thinking "withdrawal time" for quite a while now.
Just to get an idea of what its gonna be like this time around, I forced myself into wds (which I havent done in a while). Had a big dose fri, skipped sat and sun. Sunday night I felt it coming on but it was more a tired out of it feeling then kicking legs.
I wound up passing out at 9pm (which is super early for me) woke up at 9am this morning and my ENTIRE BODY was crawling.
This is one thing I particulary cant stand about poppy withdrawls. I can handle pain and achey joints, I can handle stomach problems fine, but its the NERVES I just can't deal with.
I laid in bed shaking from about 9am to 11am and knew I had to get ready for classes so I rolled over, strained some juice I had prepared and took just one cup.
Laid back down and its so amazing how just 1 cup of tea can end a world of hell. Its making me hate this shit more and more the way it just owns my body.
Even today I was coming home from class at 8pm and started getting the "crawling" feeling again, I was driving home literally yelling at myself.
I get crazy like that sometimes lol but it was like "body you are so fvckn stupid, dont you know the different between hot and cold? I turn the heat on cause Im cold and I start sweating.. I turn the heat off and I get cold.. off... on off on."
My whole ride in the car I had to turn the heat on and off at least 20-30 times. So the one cup did hold be over but I guess it really wasn't enough.
Man I love pods. I've already been to a psychward/dual detox one time over this shit, but if I can't do it alone this time I really don't know what to do. And because I have to up the dose every couple of months its just emptying my bank now.. and soon I'm not gonna have the money anymore.
Why does it have to be so friggn hard just to get some bupe? I have no insurance anymore so I gotta get it online.. but gzzz quitting opiates should not be this hard. I've been planning out how I'm gonna stop for the last 2 months and still have no plan at all.
Last thing I was thinking was getting 2 or 300 codienes and using them for a month with a taper but I just don't know. This is the same way I got last time too. For some reason when I stay on pods for longer then 8 or 9 months I start getting depressed. Same crap happened the first time I made it to 14 months and it seems like slowly everyday I just hate my life more and more..