So ro4eva sorry if I'm out the loop but what's your status.
It's no problem - I'm dealing with some other medical issues unrelated to MDMA use.
I've been better, but then again, I've been a lot worse - particularly after "the really bad roll" when I began to experience some very debilitating symptoms.
Unfortunately not 100%.
In terms of any adverse effects due to the bad pill, I would say I'm around ~95% recovered.
How bad was your experience and what did you go through.
Bad enough that I was placed on suicide watch in the local psych ward for a week at one point. And bad enough that the thought of suicide dominated my thoughts for several months.
Worse still was the fact that, when I was experiencing all this, I tried to reach out to others, including Bluelight. However, at the time, I was unable to find anyone who had experienced what I was going through.
It was the summer of 2005 when I got really sick from this bad ecstasy tablet, and back then, Ecstasy Discussion on Bluelight.nu (as it was called at the time) was quite different in that there wasn't a multi-page thread about MDMA Abuse Recovery. This was the hardest thing for me to accept - that no one whatsoever could relate to what I was going through; that every doctor I went to said there's nothing wrong with me (their diagnosis were based on guesses rather than objective medical evidence (x-rays, CT scans, MRI, etc.); that many people close to me thought I was malingering. It is what made me convinced that my prognosis was hopeless, and I should just kill myself. But I digress....
My symptoms (those which I can clearly remember) consisted of the following:
- brain fog
- uncomfortable awareness of heartbeat
- depersonalization
- de-realization
- feeling of heaviness when standing
- sudden numbness and tingling (limbs)
- dizziness
- difficulty concentrating
- fatigue
- headache
- dream-like state
- vivid dreams
- depression
- anxiety
- panic attacks
- paranoia
- insomnia
- shortness of breath
- sudden chills
- mood swings
- suicidal ideation
- tinnitus
- digestion issues (irritable bowel, colitis)
Out of the 20 or so doctors whom I went to seeking medical attention, I was (incorrectly) diagnosed with the following:
- psychosis
- gastric ulcer
- concussion
- heart burn
- hypothyroidism
- hyperthyroidism
- manic depression
- bipolar disorder
- tooth abcess
- malingering
Re. the "malingering" diagnosis - One doctor totally lost it with me and began screaming at the top of his lungs in front of the other staff and patients present that I was "faking it," and that I was "abusing the system," followed by him demanding for me to "get the fuck out" of there - no joke. Apparently he was fired later that day for his actions, and his license to practice was suspended indefinitely. Never seen him since.
My family doctor at the time was the first one to correctly diagnose me with anything: panic disorder. By the time the diagnosis was made (mid October 2005), over 4 months had passed, with no improvement of my symptoms, and I had already attempted suicide once. Glad I was stopped and locked up. Soon after my panic disorder diagnosis was when I began to experience relief of certain symptoms.
It took about 19 months for me to get back to - what I would consider - feeling like my old self.
Out of about 20 symptoms, 1 still remains, and that would be an uncomfortable awareness of my heartbeat. The good news is, as the years have passed, the symptom presents itself only on rare occassions now. Whereas, at first, I'd experience this issue on a daily basis, I now only tend to feel it about once a week - and it goes away by itself after 10-20 minutes.
So, in January 2007, I was able to start working again full time. And I was so happy. I felt like so grateful to be alive, and to feel well again.
For the record, I blame myself for getting sick, as for years I was extremely reckless with street drugs, and especially ecstasy. Not that I'm proud of it, but I've swallowed well over 1000 pills - all without testing them, and, I used to roll every weekend (sometimes 2 or 3 days in a row). So yeah, I was literally asking for this to happen. Stupid me!
P.S. - In July 2007, while attending a rave with some old friends, I rolled again (after testing the pill) for the first time since the bad pill which made me sick as a dog. For a time, I was terrified that I had undone 2 years of difficult rehabilitation. As the days passed however, I felt fine. And thank God that I still do.
P.P.S. - Nowadays, I only roll a - at most - 4-5 times a year. And I only buy pure MDMA and MDA shards. And I test them thoroughly before using any. I never buy anymore ecstasy pills, unless they are imported from The Netherlands (and I test them also). I'm a huge advocate of ecstasy testing kits. 50 bucks/euros/quid could be the difference between life and death. There will always be another party, but YOLO.
P.P.P.S. - I hope you are feeling better. Hang in there bro.