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MDMA Recovery (Stories & Support - 7) [ALL LTC posts go here]

i’m sorry to inform the good people on this forum but i will most likely be committing suicide in the near future. don’t let this discourage you from trying to fight for your life, take it as a reminder of what not to do when you’re feeling trapped in this darkness. for me it’s just not worth it to continue living a life that is only a shell of my former self, a life of charades, hiding the truth behind an act. it’s truly unfortunate that this is what ends my story, out of all the infinite possibilities. if you really care about your future and the health of your brain, don’t take MDMA ever. it will change you and quite possibly without you even knowing. my time in this existence, before this drug took everything from me, was that of blissful discovery of the material universe. now it is filled with darkness and regret, an inability to truly understand what i could before, and the complete lack of love for myself and everyone i used to hold dear to my heart. one choice, one ignorant decision is all it takes for your once magnificent life to turn into a meaningless journey to your grave. i just wish i had known what evil power this drug possessed before committing myself to the depths of hell that it takes you to. i apologize for all of my wrongdoings while living on this planet. i truly wish everyone the best of luck in trying to recover the life you had ripped away from your reach.
 
Mystery10 said:
Does anyone feel this to be accurate?

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I don't fit into the criteria of usage but after MDMA my socialising and simply talking have taken a hit, what once could just come naturally I feel like I really need to work to sustain a conversation as simple as making an order at the restaurant.
 
Shmizz said:
i’m sorry to inform the good people on this forum but i will most likely be committing suicide in the near future. don’t let this discourage you from trying to fight for your life, take it as a reminder of what not to do when you’re feeling trapped in this darkness. for me it’s just not worth it to continue living a life that is only a shell of my former self, a life of charades, hiding the truth behind an act. it’s truly unfortunate that this is what ends my story, out of all the infinite possibilities. if you really care about your future and the health of your brain, don’t take MDMA ever. it will change you and quite possibly without you even knowing. my time in this existence, before this drug took everything from me, was that of blissful discovery of the material universe. now it is filled with darkness and regret, an inability to truly understand what i could before, and the complete lack of love for myself and everyone i used to hold dear to my heart. one choice, one ignorant decision is all it takes for your once magnificent life to turn into a meaningless journey to your grave. i just wish i had known what evil power this drug possessed before committing myself to the depths of hell that it takes you to. i apologize for all of my wrongdoings while living on this planet. i truly wish everyone the best of luck in trying to recover the life you had ripped away from your reach.
Click to expand...

Wrote you pm, don't do bullshit
 
Mystery10 said:
Does anyone feel this to be accurate?

Click to expand...



-i find that i frequently mistype homonyms eg: their vs there, here vs hear, etc
-also going to brush my teeth and grab my facewash instead of my toothpaste
-literally cant remember why i went to one part of the house to get something and have to make multiple trips ( feels like early onset dementia)
 
AutoTripper said:
I actually can totally emphasise with much of what you day here, in terms of the desperacy of the pain of your emotions and mindset, feelings about death etc.

However- not in relation to MDMA. I took 3000-3500 MDMA pills myself 1996-2005.

I had some periods of darkness, deptession, cognitive dysfunction etc, and at times what would be, to anyone without an incredibly strong mind, downright terryfying in terms of actual physical, physiological and psychological symptoms.

However bizarrely I did not record experiencing this to any noticeable bothering or disturbing degree by 2005 when I was forced to stop taking all MDMA due to developing long-term Lyme disease which completely destroyed my life as it was and it has never been the same since.

I do not consider myself at all currently to be suffering as a result of my MDMA abusage despite the facts I totally obliterated and trashed my brain and serotonergic system.

But the way you describe feeling that sense of Despair and hopelessness and desperation is what I experienced myself daily due to the extremely high level of pain and suffering I am enduring due to long-term illness and the most severe allergies and Incredibly severe chronic recurring respiratory infections due to Total immune destruction from Lyme disease.

Add in an extremely severe anxiety disorder with long-term clinical depression which I guess yes I have to accept is directly related at least in part to the damage I did to my serotonergic and neurotransmitter system with MDMA abusage.


But @Shmizz my point I wish to make you is you've given us no details or context as to how long you have been taking MDMA how often what doses when you last took it etc?

I mean if you were to tell me that you have been on some heavy benders fairly recently and even several months ago and are still feeling deeply depressed and not yourself in many ways I would say to you just hang in there because it's actually very early days yet and you can never know what will happen and how are you will feel in the future sometimes it is part of a process to go to the absolute Rock Bottom levels of Despair and bleakness but that does not mean that everything cannot be renewed again in time.

I genuinely believe that and like I say say I don't walk around feeling depressed or even regretful about my own MDMA abuse and damage because if my life destroying illness and allergies were cured tomorrow I would be jumping for joy in "ecstasy" at life lol!

Hanging there my friend maybe add a few more contextual details and facts that way you will without question received much better and more appropriate advice and feedback.
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what kind of pain do you feel ? i noticed not a lot LTC people suffer from physical pain. Actually a lot of my other symptoms have resolved and now i am just left with this unbearable pain in my head and neck. Feels like a gnawing/burning/inflammatory ? pain but i cant accurately describe it. think my nerves have been permanently damaged in that area.
 
TripSitterNZ said:
the serotonin system but everything can be repaired honestly trust me DMT will heal your brain in ways that is borderline a miracle
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Yeah it's bizarre, .i mean I go on about the physical and cognitive impacts of my Lyme Disease all the time, but I rarely even think, and seldom mention, any concern over the impact of MDMA on my brain and life.

And 3000 plus pills excluding MDMA powder, crystal, is much more than like 97% of those suffering with LTC right??

Now...I was born very gifted. I did untold alteration to my brain causing personality alteration and cognitive impairment, through overly heavy, prolonged use.

But I feel my brain is pretty good and sharp, clear memory. DEFINITELY not retarded.

I also think a level of recovery has occurred over time.
I think high doses of LSD itself could possibly be repairing, and certainky protective, to a degree .
 
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recov said:
what kind of pain do you feel ? i noticed not a lot LTC people suffer from physical pain. Actually a lot of my other symptoms have resolved and now i am just left with this unbearable pain in my head and neck. Feels like a gnawing/burning/inflammatory ? pain but i cant accurately describe it. think my nerves have been permanently damaged in that area.
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My pain does not originate from MDMA at all, or LTC, despite thousands of doses, redosing days, weeks on end to somewhere in space lol....


But I have not taken MDMA. since 2005. I had no pain then. Was fit, strong, well, but Lyme Disease hit me in May 2005.

I maintained good fitness and strength, mental state etc for years no pain issues.

All my current health challenges are related ti my overall conditiin and body sufferring from the impossiblity of living with Long term Lyme disease.


I DON'T regret taking 3000 plus e's 1996 to 2005.

I DO regret a 2004 tick bite csusing Lyme to develop in May 2005.


But....time heals! I had some crazy fucked up side effects and symptoms at periods, but to be honest right now is the only time ever I'm even thinking about it.

TIME HEALS!
 
Hi everybody
Sorry to be negative
I have a sort of burning skin in my back arms and neck im dying from pain . The alprazolam make it a little bit easy. Anybody suffred from a burning skin for a long time its been 22 month and recovered after?please help
 
Hey guys just wanted to give y’all a bit of advice on what’s been helping me lately. I’ve been taking Johns wort for the past couple months and it’s honestly one of the best things I’ve tried so far to lessen LTC symptoms. It supposedly works in the same way that SSRI medication works but without any side effects. Effective dose is between 900-1800 mgs per day and it takes a few weeks to kick in but the best effects were after 2 months for me. If your suffering and your worried about trying ssri medication cause the side effects give St. John’s wort a try it really does help.
 


Look at the symptoms people with anxiety get. A reminder for everyone who is worried with physical symptoms that they're due to something more serious.
 
TripSitterNZ said:
regrows neurons and heals them.
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There's indeed some papers backing up that psychedelics promote neurogenesis and make communication between synapses stronger, there's worth to note that some people develop LTC-like symptoms from psychedelics use, also that it's a very delicate tool to work with and can end up worsening your situation. However if you're in great environment and strong mentally it's a worth of an experience.
 
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