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MDMA Recovery (Stories & Support - 7) [ALL LTC posts go here]

Hi guys!I want to say hello first ?.
A little update:
A year and three months after my LTC I would say that I am feeling almost recovered.
- No depression
- No anxiety
- No brain fog
- No muscle twitches
- No high pressure
- No confusion

There is just one symptom which left. It is the black dots in front of my vision.They are still noticeable,but don?t affect my life.

Do NOT give up, do NOT give yourself timeline to recover.It will happen.Trust me.Just give yourself time and see a specialist.It helps!

I want to give hope to everyone ,who suffering from this nightmare.It will end!
 
Needhelp123 said:
Appreciate both your words and maybe there is some underlying anexity - I am going to try therapy as you suggest, although it?s expensive. Is CBT the best route? Also - g_chem, the night this all went down I was drunk and on a little bit of Ritalin (5mg that morning) and I tooo .15 of tested stuff. So I guess I?m in the poly group :(
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CBT is a strong choice as it can help modify behaviors and thoughts at the same time.

also therapy isn't that complex, you can google information about very simple CBT practices and do them on your own to supplement any therapy sessions that you go to. Also there may be free groups or therapy groups with a greatly reduced price.

I thought you might have health insurance that covers therapy but if you don't then researching basic stuff online and employing a lot of that, while also going to a few therapy sessions will be really helpful. A good therapist is invaluable, but also hard to find, and a lot of the benefit of therapy comes from building a relationship with a competent therapist, and that can take time and more than a few visits so don't be afraid to trust your intelligence and its ability to learn some basic guidlines and principles of therapy that can be used to help yourself.

another cheap choice is to buy a scribd subscription (its like 9 a month) and find a bunch of self-help CBT books on there. I saved about 5-10 on mine and browsed them a bit. If you are not familiar with psychology or therapy then reading a couple books on CBT self-help/doing CBT at home for yourself would be a very good idea.
 
Needhelp123 said:
and my point is that it’s not ALL anexity. Clearly something is messed up in your visual cortex if you’re seeing visual snow and halos and star bursts. I’m glad getting high is worth it for you. But this proves my point that it’s not all a function of anexity. And yes other things besides mdma cause brain damage and those drugs that are “non toxic” that also cause VS are probably not as safe as you think. I totally agree Managment of anexity is hugely important. You’d have to be an idiot to think otherwise; however, it’s not the root cause of all problems, just like it’s not the root cause of your HPPD.
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HPPD is not a feature of the LTC though. It's something that unfortunately happened at the same time as the LTC for you, or at least around the same time if not exactly at the same time.

I think thats why people are saying it's all anxiety, because HPPD is not recognized by the community as being a part of the LTC. And although it may be the case for a few people that they have a LTC and HPPD, it's believed that they are different issues. Psychedelics can cause HPPD and also LTC, I feel like it's a very low chance for both to happen from the same trip, but according to the laws of probability it can happen. MDMA is a psychedelic, it can cause HPPD, MDMA can also cause LTC. Both are low odds, but potentially one trip can cause both.
 
BTW guys there are lots of people who go through this experience. I made a post on r/ MDMA a while back and I've been contacted by 4-5 people so far. I get about one every few months. Symptoms are the same as ours and most of them have similar experiences that lead up to the LTC, mostly raving or using MDMA frequently then getting the LTC after a big dose or a night of poly drug abuse.
 
Needhelp123 said:
Appreciate your encouraging words. I eat like a saint, workout everyday, and I have a great job. My life is good and I’m not depressed or anexious. I’m sad that I can’t enjoy being outside like I used to, but I forget about Ltc for most of the day - I’m really reminded when I step outside and the world feels like a bubble. And I’m not taking more drugs to get me out of a situation that drugs caused. Have you heard of something called HPPD (go check out that forum) there are tons of people on there with long lasting visual impairment from drugs. I’m guessing you think their visual snow, star bursts, and other shit is also all anexity and depression? I’m going to stay natural for as long as I can and see if I can beta this organically. Btw - there is a whole forum of people who take SSRIs and get horrible long lasting side effects. I’m glad you cured yourself though - I hope to be like you one day.
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No problems, im just sharing my story here. The fog and other things in my opinion are a side effect of inner stress, or sympthoms even. Many with PTSD do always have the same side effects that we have/had. Ofc there is side effects of all drugs as you can see in your situation so i dont think and SSRI or any Seratonin regulator for a while is more harmful then taking a high amount of any recreational drug. Not saying you should take it your whole life, just for a period but its up to you. Do some therapy maby instead if you insist that you are not depressed or anxious, but as another user have wrote already, you not even notice some form of anxiety or depression exept mood changes and thinking habits.
Do you dream alot? Nightmares? Tried breathing exercises or meditation? Do you have any hard time focus on stuff for a long time? Is your body tense? Headaches?
I recomend you to look at all side effects of depression and anxiety and check all them off before talking about braindamage. Remember we have all been thru hell and its been traumatic for both body, mind and soul and im 100% sure you will recover to normal if you take actions.
Sorry if my english is a bit off. // MikyPanza
 
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G_Chem said:
I think HPPD is a great example of how anxiety can heighten or worsen symptoms. Many people have HPPD, myself included.. Mine is so bad I have a hard time driving at night now trying to see through the blurry visual snow, slight tracers, and other visual artifacts.

Some people who have bad anxiety, if they were to live with these symptoms, would likely begin to freak out over potential damage, other corresponding unknown issues, etc. To me... It?s visual snow. Yes it sucks, but the benefits I obtain from the use of the drugs that give it far outweigh these few negatives.

I?ve had brief moments, not surprisingly after I began reading this thread more in depth, where I felt anxiety begin to majorly exacerbate these symptoms as I dwell on them further. Thing is for over a decade it wasn?t an issue, but once I begin reading about all you with these symptoms similar to HPPD it gets my mind thinking bad thoughts too.

What I?m trying to get at, is there are likely others out there that deal with the same shit but instead of dwelling on it and thinking you?ve done permanent (that?s the word messing with you all) damage. I have visual snow, I have and had eye floaters long before any drugs, I live a very happy normal life.

Next look at how many other drugs can induce the same symptoms/condition, and anxiety becomes an even stronger bet. I do believe MDMA does it more than others, but plenty of folks have LTC from drugs that are known to be safe and non-neurotoxic.

Finally, please separate this whole mind vs body mindset you all have. They are one in the same, our thought processes affect us physically and alter brain chemistry long term. If your anxious for long enough, your brain will adjust accordingly and maybe not in the best of ways.

-GC
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Ofc mind and the body is one, i think we all here can agree with that. I just think and are pretty convinced that 90% of all our symptons are after 1 year plus are mostly mind as our bodies are extremely good to recover, even the brain.
I think HPPD are true but can also be better with some methods like meditate and focus exercises. But im not an expert on HPPD, so i can just speculate here. But for me, the snow and fog was gone when my depression and anxiety was gone to.
And i don't know why we not talking about stress and PTSD more here since i think likely that can be a part of most symptoms to, especially after trauma most of us experianced and are experiance.
 
BTW another thing I've found to be super helpful for recovery thats not talked about is nofap. nofap is short for no fapping, which is abstaining from porn and masturbation. There are different levels to nofap, with the hardest mode called "hard mode" and it includes no orgasm/no sex. There is also a mode some people call "monk mode" and its basically where you abstain from all activties that release dopamine or serotonin in abnormal amounts.

the idea is that most modern lifestyles have so many activities that release dopamine and serotonin in un-natural amounts that the brain and body adapts to it until regular things don't give much pleasure anymore.

The main mechanism that it happens by is massive releases of feel good chemicals. Drugs, and masturbation, are two major offenders.

IMO part of the negative effects of drugs is that they show you a way of feeling that is so fucking ungodly euphoric, that the rest of life just cant compare. So maybe part of the issue with the LTC is that we've felt such intense euphoria that our brain has adapted to that and thinks that its normal. So maybe some of the depression or lack of motivation we feel isnt due to brain damage, its due to our brain being accustomed to such a high level of entertainment that nothing else can compare.

that may also explain why we reach for weed, video games, alcohol, masturbation, all as a way just to feel something. Those activities are relatively harmless (except alcohol but if done in moderation alcohol isn't so bad) and they release such a massive boost that we feel something.

So the whole premise of Monk mode is to eliminate all sources of excessive stimulation for a period of time to reset the brain. 90 days or 3 months is a commonly agreed upon time to get a massive boost. However many people report a "childlike state of wonder and joy" returning around 50 days.

so try not masturbating, no porn, (sex is OK if you're already in a relationship, however it may prolong the time needed for recovery).
no coffee
no video games
no binge watching TV or movies
no constantly sitting on the internet or youtube or forums
no drugs

basiaclly anything that gives you a massive mood boost or short term reward for not doing anything except sitting on your ass.

Each activity you abstain from, and the longer you abstain from it, imagine it like rocket fuel being added to your car. After doing them all, or most of them, for 90 days, you will be ready to go to the fucking moon.

I've done all of them for 9 days once and I felt like superman. I had insane confidence. no brain fog. no depression, no anxiety, etc. It was unreal.

I'm on day 4 of doing it again and this time I plan to be more disciplined and I hope to reach day 50.

heres a webpage on monk mode, but just google the term monk mode for more info
https://illimitablemen.com/2014/04/13/monk-mode/
 
No fapping? Are you fuckin serious?

Masturbation is probably the best cure all for everything (except blindness) that has ever been invented.

Now please excuse me as I have to go and get some stronger glasses... ;)
 
F.U.B.A.R. said:
No fapping? Are you fuckin serious?

Masturbation is probably the best cure all for everything (except blindness) that has ever been invented.

Now please excuse me as I have to go and get some stronger glasses... ;)
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why is it bad for blindness lol?
 
Wanted to make a quick update, that I'm certain diet has huge impact on my mood and well-being. Can't comment on cognition, it's hard to determinate. At the moment I feel great.

I feel,
- Creativity
- Excitement about the future
- Appreciation about life
- Enjoyment from small details

.etc... As long as I feel this way I really don't care about my cognitive impairment. I find it perfectly reasonable to keep my diet for those benefits alone. The plan I'm talking about is simple.

There's the infamous intermittent fasting. It's a general rule of eating in a window of 8 hours a day, however I've cut it to 3 hours for maximum benefits. You can google the benefits of fasting for the human body, they're simply enormous. The other is just... eating rich dense foods. Danny before advocated for Keto diet, but I don't see the need of it as long as you're avoiding artificially added sugars and processed foods.
 
I'm so fucking tired of living like that. I really have almost no hope that I will ever get better, I'm thinking about suicide almost every day, yet I still can't imagine actually doing that. This is really situation with no way out.
 
taking antidepressants (6 months now), I attended CBT psychoterapy for half of year (lost shitloads of money, no results at all), eating quite well - I order healthly catering. To be honest, I also eat some junk food. Also had moderate amount of phisical activity during last summer season. During winter I stopped it. Also tried various supplements.

To be honest, all this means combined helped a little bit when I was at "motivation peak". But it didn't feel like healing process at all. It was slight improvement, just like for normal, generally healthly person who started living healthier. It really requires from me lot of effort, without feeling that it will help in the long run. It feels like damage done is done, and I can just struggle to improve my quality of life slightly, with upper limit fixed at "still feeling like shit". So, I make less and less to get out of it, because it drains that tiny amount of energy that I still have, and feels really pointless. I really don't have energy and motivation at this point. After all, if it were to improve, it would improve by itself with time, at least a little bit. Instead, I really don't feel any improvement taking place.
 
I feel you had to pick two symtoms, which are your worst? Do they stop you from working and doing things?
 
@Needhelp123, head sensations and constant nausea. And yes, they stop me from working and doing things, not completely, but I work much, much less since LTC started.
 
Suicidal is stupid man, how you feel today doesn't mean that you'll feel like this in the future. Looking back in time thinkin like you think now could make you laugh. Have you tried cold showers? It could not improve your nausea, but could improve your mood. Feel free to chat with me on discord if you feel down some days! https://discord.gg/wJFPczb @SmileHard

On the topic, I've found I feel much better when having sun exposure, decided to research the topic and it seems there's a clear link between serotonin levels and light exposure. So folks, go out and catch some of that spring sunshine.
 
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sick_guy said:
@Needhelp123, head sensations and constant nausea. And yes, they stop me from working and doing things, not completely, but I work much, much less since LTC started.
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I am the same. My head pressure gets so bad my teeth and jaw hurt.
 
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