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MDMA Recovery (Stories & Support - 7) [ALL LTC posts go here]
- Thread starter Tranced
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Hello everyone
I'm currently going through what I believe to possibly be completely, or partially, due to LTC. I took MDMA ~8 times last year, a couple times 2 weekends in a row, and once on back to back nights. For the sake of brevity, these are the symptoms I'm currently most alarmed by:
-dp/dr - its causing so much suicidal ideation. what's really strange is that it tends to hit every night exactly around 6-7pm
- anxiety
- insomnia
- OCD/rumination
- fatigue
-tinnitus
As you can see, most of my symptoms fit the LTC diagnosis pretty well. I'm not entirely convinced it is all LTC though, a lot of these symptoms emerged before I started MDMA last year after a benzo/booze/phenibut/gabapentin binge. My GABA system is critically fucked. I actually just quit gabapentin cold turkey 4 days after being on the max dose for 3 years. It's been so difficult.
I'm honestly more afraid than I've ever been in my life. When the dp/dr hits hard at night, the thoughts that go through my head scare me. I always prided myself on being able to buckle my belt, lace up my boots and just tough through shit, but the cognitive decline/catatonic/dp/dr states are so fucking scary. All my relationships in my life have suffered, my anxiety and emotional problems have caused me to self sabotage the only important thing in my life - friends. I'm going to hang on long as a I can guys, but I'm not sure I'm capable of dealing with this indefinitely.
I'm currently going through what I believe to possibly be completely, or partially, due to LTC. I took MDMA ~8 times last year, a couple times 2 weekends in a row, and once on back to back nights. For the sake of brevity, these are the symptoms I'm currently most alarmed by:
-dp/dr - its causing so much suicidal ideation. what's really strange is that it tends to hit every night exactly around 6-7pm
- anxiety
- insomnia
- OCD/rumination
- fatigue
-tinnitus
As you can see, most of my symptoms fit the LTC diagnosis pretty well. I'm not entirely convinced it is all LTC though, a lot of these symptoms emerged before I started MDMA last year after a benzo/booze/phenibut/gabapentin binge. My GABA system is critically fucked. I actually just quit gabapentin cold turkey 4 days after being on the max dose for 3 years. It's been so difficult.
I'm honestly more afraid than I've ever been in my life. When the dp/dr hits hard at night, the thoughts that go through my head scare me. I always prided myself on being able to buckle my belt, lace up my boots and just tough through shit, but the cognitive decline/catatonic/dp/dr states are so fucking scary. All my relationships in my life have suffered, my anxiety and emotional problems have caused me to self sabotage the only important thing in my life - friends. I'm going to hang on long as a I can guys, but I'm not sure I'm capable of dealing with this indefinitely.
ZeroLuck
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Feb 18, 2017
- Messages
- 372
^
Don't worry, from my observation the DPDR will go away. I'm 90-95% confident that it's from the MDMA, because it's pretty rare condition, but not for MDMA users. Tinnitus you should just sleep on ambient sounds at night if it bugs you, the OCD is normal for being in this kind of situation, the anxiety you have to embrace and accept completely, so you cut the vicious circle. For the insomnia, you should try melatonin with b6 and build a sleeping routine. Like at 8:00 lights are off, no screens, just a book with ambient light and sound .etc... After few months your brain will recognize the patterns and will relax itself.
You should be strong. Don't be afraid to ask for help and share with the most close people in your life. But seriously, there's soo many people who recovered completely and so many who has shred the symptoms up to 90%.
Don't worry, from my observation the DPDR will go away. I'm 90-95% confident that it's from the MDMA, because it's pretty rare condition, but not for MDMA users. Tinnitus you should just sleep on ambient sounds at night if it bugs you, the OCD is normal for being in this kind of situation, the anxiety you have to embrace and accept completely, so you cut the vicious circle. For the insomnia, you should try melatonin with b6 and build a sleeping routine. Like at 8:00 lights are off, no screens, just a book with ambient light and sound .etc... After few months your brain will recognize the patterns and will relax itself.
You should be strong. Don't be afraid to ask for help and share with the most close people in your life. But seriously, there's soo many people who recovered completely and so many who has shred the symptoms up to 90%.
^
Don't worry, from my observation the DPDR will go away. I'm 90-95% confident that it's from the MDMA, because it's pretty rare condition, but not for MDMA users. Tinnitus you should just sleep on ambient sounds at night if it bugs you, the OCD is normal for being in this kind of situation, the anxiety you have to embrace and accept completely, so you cut the vicious circle. For the insomnia, you should try melatonin with b6 and build a sleeping routine. Like at 8:00 lights are off, no screens, just a book with ambient light and sound .etc... After few months your brain will recognize the patterns and will relax itself.
You should be strong. Don't be afraid to ask for help and share with the most close people in your life. But seriously, there's soo many people who recovered completely and so many who has shred the symptoms up to 90%.
Thanks Zero
It means a lot man, I'm sure you can relate to the holy fuck I'm fucked panic of early stage LTC. The anxiety just hijacks our thought processes and masquerades as rationality...
About symptoms, I'm willing to learn to live with everything except the dp/dr. Anxiety, depression, etc...nothing I haven't lived with before @ some other point in my life. But for the 3 hour stretches where all I can do is stare at the wall feeling I was just lobotomized....fuck that.
So if I'm getting this right, there's only a few for sure things we can do to improve our outcome right? Exercise, diet, meditation, "fake it till you make it?"? I've noticed that a low DXM dose of like ~30mg is pretty solid for sx relief for a few hours.
Going forward, I think the most important part of my recovery will be abstaining from other drugs/alcohol. I've been blasting coke/drinking heavily once or twice a week since this started, I think its time to let that go.
ZeroLuck
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Feb 18, 2017
- Messages
- 372
Like all 1, 2 or 3+ years cases of LTC, I don't recall a single one where the DPDR was chronic. Mine was brutal at the beginning and now is COMPLETELY gone. What I've mentioned before about my dpdr is that it went away completely in 2 phases.
The first was when I've realized it's a coping mechanism of the brain to handle stress and make reality less real, so it can handle it. In other words, it's like a safety measurement for your brain. Nothing broken, just the opposite, it's helpful. The second phase was when I started "abusing" my dpdr. The thing is while in DPDR you're under strong anhedonia. So I was like... "Hey... why I don't study, work meanwhile, instead of playing video games? Both feel exactly the same to me". So it made me happy that once in my life I don't care about being lazy. The next week it was completely gone.
Depression and anxiety are very manageable. I don't have anxiety anymore, I just feel numb to it. Not sure if it's still present. Actually I feel more free doing anxiety-triggering things than before the LTC, because I just don't care anymore, it doesn't matter if you care or not.
Depression is a bitch tho, what helps a lot is exercise, nutrition and sleep. Zinc and Magnesium, Curcumin with piperine have the ability to completely wipe away mine. If you care enough, you should be religious about your healthy lifestyle and patient enough for the results.
My only issue from the whole LTC is Brain Fog, but I'm not giving up. Check projects like Neurolink by Elon Musk, there's few alike. Where they want to connect the brain with a computer, this will enchant your cognition like crazy. Also we don't know what kind of medical breakthrough there will be in the following years. With all this deep learning and AI, no wonder if the brain is decrypted completely within 10 years. What I'm saying is... the future can offer a lot, as long as you just keep your spirit.
Aw and yeah, the most important is really to stay out of drugs/alcohol AND any kind of brain stimulants and psychoactive drugs. What you want right now is to establish and build a new normality with your brain, something that takes a lot of time, but once it's there you'll have this "new" norm where you'll feel balanced.
The first was when I've realized it's a coping mechanism of the brain to handle stress and make reality less real, so it can handle it. In other words, it's like a safety measurement for your brain. Nothing broken, just the opposite, it's helpful. The second phase was when I started "abusing" my dpdr. The thing is while in DPDR you're under strong anhedonia. So I was like... "Hey... why I don't study, work meanwhile, instead of playing video games? Both feel exactly the same to me". So it made me happy that once in my life I don't care about being lazy. The next week it was completely gone.
Depression and anxiety are very manageable. I don't have anxiety anymore, I just feel numb to it. Not sure if it's still present. Actually I feel more free doing anxiety-triggering things than before the LTC, because I just don't care anymore, it doesn't matter if you care or not.
Depression is a bitch tho, what helps a lot is exercise, nutrition and sleep. Zinc and Magnesium, Curcumin with piperine have the ability to completely wipe away mine. If you care enough, you should be religious about your healthy lifestyle and patient enough for the results.
My only issue from the whole LTC is Brain Fog, but I'm not giving up. Check projects like Neurolink by Elon Musk, there's few alike. Where they want to connect the brain with a computer, this will enchant your cognition like crazy. Also we don't know what kind of medical breakthrough there will be in the following years. With all this deep learning and AI, no wonder if the brain is decrypted completely within 10 years. What I'm saying is... the future can offer a lot, as long as you just keep your spirit.
Aw and yeah, the most important is really to stay out of drugs/alcohol AND any kind of brain stimulants and psychoactive drugs. What you want right now is to establish and build a new normality with your brain, something that takes a lot of time, but once it's there you'll have this "new" norm where you'll feel balanced.
Hi guys, haven?t posted here in about 2 months as I thought I was getting better. I feel like I just need some reassurance on what?s going on.
My anxiety has hit an all time high. I am so terrified that I am developing schizophrenia that I cannot think about anything else. I am really sensitive to the sounds of birds chirping and I keep thinking I am hearing them although I cannot be sure.
I am currently a little over 10 months into LTC. Not sure what is going on. I would presume I would be nearly recovered by now.
I read that believing you are turning insane is a symptom of OCD, and I believe that LTC can cause that type of thinking, but no matter what I tell myself I cannot convince my sub concious to believe it.
My anxiety has hit an all time high. I am so terrified that I am developing schizophrenia that I cannot think about anything else. I am really sensitive to the sounds of birds chirping and I keep thinking I am hearing them although I cannot be sure.
I am currently a little over 10 months into LTC. Not sure what is going on. I would presume I would be nearly recovered by now.
I read that believing you are turning insane is a symptom of OCD, and I believe that LTC can cause that type of thinking, but no matter what I tell myself I cannot convince my sub concious to believe it.
lionheart90
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Mar 24, 2018
- Messages
- 249
ASX - the LTC recovery is cyclical, not linear. So you are going to have periods of up, down, and plateau. Over time you should notice that the ups are getting better and feeling more normal, the downs are getting less severe and not as common, and the plateaus are getting longer.
BTW it sounds like you are just having some pretty severe anxiety. Being easily startled is a sign that your body has an excessive amount of stress hormones and free flowing adrenaline. Hearing birds or very quiet environmental noises is another. So yeah man, you're not going crazy at all. Your body is just pumping out insane levels of cortisol, epinephrine, and norepinephrine, and that is causing you to be startled easily, to worry excessively, to have racing thoughts, etc.
So yeah man, don't worry about schizophrenia or OCD. What you are experiencing now is just what happens when your body gets loaded to the max with free floating stress chemicals.
Best remedy for that is tons of cardio. In the wild, tons of animals are used to living with lots of free flowing stress chemicals and it doesn't bother them at all becuase as soon as something triggers them, they run off. The problem for a human is when we have lots of free flowing stress chemicals and something triggers us, we go into our thoughts and say things like "I cant run off right now, I'd look like a mad man! no, I must remain in control and stay right here, even if it drives me insane!"
so yeah man. Start doing a daily jog in the morning and throw some short periods of sprints in there too. It's a twofer too, the jogging releases happy chemicals in your brain which act as an anti-depressant, and jogging also eliminates excess stress chemicals. Make sure you are going at a really fast pace and pushing your body to the limit though, you need to be sweating like a beast for more than 25 minutes to get the best effects.
BTW it sounds like you are just having some pretty severe anxiety. Being easily startled is a sign that your body has an excessive amount of stress hormones and free flowing adrenaline. Hearing birds or very quiet environmental noises is another. So yeah man, you're not going crazy at all. Your body is just pumping out insane levels of cortisol, epinephrine, and norepinephrine, and that is causing you to be startled easily, to worry excessively, to have racing thoughts, etc.
So yeah man, don't worry about schizophrenia or OCD. What you are experiencing now is just what happens when your body gets loaded to the max with free floating stress chemicals.
Best remedy for that is tons of cardio. In the wild, tons of animals are used to living with lots of free flowing stress chemicals and it doesn't bother them at all becuase as soon as something triggers them, they run off. The problem for a human is when we have lots of free flowing stress chemicals and something triggers us, we go into our thoughts and say things like "I cant run off right now, I'd look like a mad man! no, I must remain in control and stay right here, even if it drives me insane!"
so yeah man. Start doing a daily jog in the morning and throw some short periods of sprints in there too. It's a twofer too, the jogging releases happy chemicals in your brain which act as an anti-depressant, and jogging also eliminates excess stress chemicals. Make sure you are going at a really fast pace and pushing your body to the limit though, you need to be sweating like a beast for more than 25 minutes to get the best effects.
I had a serious decline in cognition, but I'm making my way back up to being intelligent.
@lion
Thank you for taking the time to write that reply. I really appreciate the words. Looking at the situation logically, I have never been OCD nor have I ever shown any signs of a mental illness. It?s just anxiety playing tricks on me. The hyper vigilance thing makes me think this situation has caused a type of ptsd that I need to work through.
Thank you for taking the time to write that reply. I really appreciate the words. Looking at the situation logically, I have never been OCD nor have I ever shown any signs of a mental illness. It?s just anxiety playing tricks on me. The hyper vigilance thing makes me think this situation has caused a type of ptsd that I need to work through.
As I?ve been saying, the GABA system is tied in with this as well. Hence why GABA effecting drugs seem to majorly help for a lot of people.
To dth you likely did some damage from that binge, especially from the Phenibut and Gabapentin, that the MDMA just did the final blow.
Also if you just stopped the Gabapentin give it some time, your withdrawal from that will mimic LTC. Gabapentin WD is Hell.
-GC
To dth you likely did some damage from that binge, especially from the Phenibut and Gabapentin, that the MDMA just did the final blow.
Also if you just stopped the Gabapentin give it some time, your withdrawal from that will mimic LTC. Gabapentin WD is Hell.
-GC
The only times I felt relief from this syndrome were when I took phenibut or gabapentin with no tolerance. And I mean complete remission. It's why I quit the gabapentin, I wasn't sure if all of the symptoms were from LTC or the tolerance withdrawal I had been in with gabapentin.
I've been doing subq BPC 157 injections for the last week or so. If I experience any benefits I'll be sure to let you guys know. I'm gonna try and either go to yoga tonight or go for a run once all the drunk people here in SF leave for the night. I have a demanding software engineering internship starting in May, I need to do everything possible in the couple months to make sure I'm in a good state by the time it starts. Stay strong everyone
I've been doing subq BPC 157 injections for the last week or so. If I experience any benefits I'll be sure to let you guys know. I'm gonna try and either go to yoga tonight or go for a run once all the drunk people here in SF leave for the night. I have a demanding software engineering internship starting in May, I need to do everything possible in the couple months to make sure I'm in a good state by the time it starts. Stay strong everyone
does anyone feel like their head pressure is deeper in their head, like at the base of head/in neck? and sometimes pressing on ears, with ringing in ears? very different from feeling like it's at your temples or on your scalp. it feels like you can't reach the pressure - if you massage muscles in neck, for example, it doesn't make a difference. maybe it's the "brain zap" sensation people are talking about with mdma abuse/ssri withdrawal.
i've recently been taking emgality 1x/month migraine injections at recommendation of neurologist. it might be helping somewhat, but i still don't feel right. still have pressure in head/neck/torso, ringing in ears, muscle twitching/pain, erectile dysfunction, etc.
docs wants me to try effexor next. also have a prescription for a muscle relaxant, not sure if that might help. nothing really helps. i might feel a little better for like an hour after exercising sometimes, but then it all just comes back in a wave like the flu. never really goes away. really frustrating.
i've recently been taking emgality 1x/month migraine injections at recommendation of neurologist. it might be helping somewhat, but i still don't feel right. still have pressure in head/neck/torso, ringing in ears, muscle twitching/pain, erectile dysfunction, etc.
docs wants me to try effexor next. also have a prescription for a muscle relaxant, not sure if that might help. nothing really helps. i might feel a little better for like an hour after exercising sometimes, but then it all just comes back in a wave like the flu. never really goes away. really frustrating.
I could say that I am in the same situation as you for 14 months unfortunately. Although I was treated for 4 months with an antidepressant, neuroleptic and xanax, I can say I was 90% after 4 months, but the side effects of the drugs forced me to stop them. it was a painful weaning but after 3 months I felt good. I took alcohol in high doses over a period of one month daily non stop (I told myself that I am warrior I will not fall back but I was wrong) then the symptoms began to come back to the surface ( I understood that I was not completely healed and that I should not touch the alcohol).today I have the following symptoms:
fear of heights
spasms and fascicilations
headaches
cerebral fog
lack of concentration
my body is very tense
very lively dreams
I saw a psychiatrist who seems competent, he told me that I suffer from general anxiety disorder and that it takes 2 years to be treated.
here today I take no more drugs including alcohol apart cigarette that I intend to pick up a crazy nightmare is over.
fear of heights
spasms and fascicilations
headaches
cerebral fog
lack of concentration
my body is very tense
very lively dreams
I saw a psychiatrist who seems competent, he told me that I suffer from general anxiety disorder and that it takes 2 years to be treated.
here today I take no more drugs including alcohol apart cigarette that I intend to pick up a crazy nightmare is over.
dth- Ah makes sense to me entirely. I knew a girl that got DP/DR (I used to call LTC, MDMA induced DP/DR) after the use of Ketamine for anesthesia as a child. She was put on Xanax and the symptoms went away for 20yrs.
Once she eventually tried to quit the Xanax 20yrs later, all the symptoms came flooding back worse than before.
I?ve also found GABA hitting drugs exacerbate even normal symptoms from too much MDMA for a regular person. For instance, the only time I?ve gotten brain zaps has been when I drank not long after a strong roll. In fact all my brain zaps have been after drinking not long after a roll.
I wish I knew the connection.. All I know is that there is one and following that lead my give us our cure.
-GC
Once she eventually tried to quit the Xanax 20yrs later, all the symptoms came flooding back worse than before.
I?ve also found GABA hitting drugs exacerbate even normal symptoms from too much MDMA for a regular person. For instance, the only time I?ve gotten brain zaps has been when I drank not long after a strong roll. In fact all my brain zaps have been after drinking not long after a roll.
I wish I knew the connection.. All I know is that there is one and following that lead my give us our cure.
-GC
Hi,
I'm new to this thread and wanted to ask a question and your opinion as this is all very new to me. I'm wondering if I'm actually damaged and going through an LTC for drinking out of a glass that consisted MDMA without even knowing it.
I'm 24 yeas old and I've struggled with depersonalization and derealization several times before (more then a year) and I recovered let's say a year ago. After the hardest time of my life, I got my life completely back and have been enjoying it to the fullest (the usual going out, drinking, working and being social). Now last weekend I was going out with friends. One had put MDMA in their drink, but didn't tell me. So she went to the bathroom and she asked to hold her drink. Already super drunk I just finished her drink because I felt like partying. There were only two good sips left, so it's not that i chugged the whole drink.
I didn't know until the next day, because I told her I felt weird. I don't know if it was the MDMA of the hangover... Then she told me afterwards it had MDMA in it (just a little bit)
Now I can't stop thinking about that I did some damage again. I mean, it was only two sips, but still I want to be careful. I DIDN'T REALLY FELT HIGH, but until now my energy and mood was so bad. I don't actually know if it's just because I am freaking out or just overthinking because I'm so mad at myself for taking it or if it really was the effect of MDMA.
I'm that kind of person that has been googling DP and MDMA and HPPD for the whole week thinking I fucked up again. I feel kind of different and have an increase in my floaters (which I used to have already), but I was wondering if anyone could tell me if even a small dose of MDMA (like two sips of a glass) could do permanent damage and cause you to relapse in depersonalization or even develop HPPD or LTC for years.
Feel free to message me in private if you can help me...
Thanks in advance.
A lost guy
I'm new to this thread and wanted to ask a question and your opinion as this is all very new to me. I'm wondering if I'm actually damaged and going through an LTC for drinking out of a glass that consisted MDMA without even knowing it.
I'm 24 yeas old and I've struggled with depersonalization and derealization several times before (more then a year) and I recovered let's say a year ago. After the hardest time of my life, I got my life completely back and have been enjoying it to the fullest (the usual going out, drinking, working and being social). Now last weekend I was going out with friends. One had put MDMA in their drink, but didn't tell me. So she went to the bathroom and she asked to hold her drink. Already super drunk I just finished her drink because I felt like partying. There were only two good sips left, so it's not that i chugged the whole drink.
I didn't know until the next day, because I told her I felt weird. I don't know if it was the MDMA of the hangover... Then she told me afterwards it had MDMA in it (just a little bit)
Now I can't stop thinking about that I did some damage again. I mean, it was only two sips, but still I want to be careful. I DIDN'T REALLY FELT HIGH, but until now my energy and mood was so bad. I don't actually know if it's just because I am freaking out or just overthinking because I'm so mad at myself for taking it or if it really was the effect of MDMA.
I'm that kind of person that has been googling DP and MDMA and HPPD for the whole week thinking I fucked up again. I feel kind of different and have an increase in my floaters (which I used to have already), but I was wondering if anyone could tell me if even a small dose of MDMA (like two sips of a glass) could do permanent damage and cause you to relapse in depersonalization or even develop HPPD or LTC for years.
Feel free to message me in private if you can help me...
Thanks in advance.
A lost guy