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MDMA Recovery (Stories & Support - 7) [ALL LTC posts go here]

People who have suffered from LTC or is suffering; How do you feel while you are sick? Like if you have a cold or flu like symptoms.
 
M
Berendje said:
how long for the symptoms to disappear again?
I did 1/4 of a line, such a small amount but I crazy regret it now, can’t get out of bed anymore.
Click to expand...
Not sure might never go away this time. Hurts to touch its bad
 
I feel for you all in here struggling.

I had serious depression and fibromyalgia from doing 20+g of 4-MMC a week for a whole summer.

It eventually got better after 10 years off.

Now I'm rolling again. Actually I'm rolling now lol. Hope you all feel better.
 
nnzo said:
M

Not sure might never go away this time. Hurts to touch its bad
Click to expand...

simstim said:
I feel for you all in here struggling.

I had serious depression and fibromyalgia from doing 20+g of 4-MMC a week for a whole summer.

It eventually got better after 10 years off.

Now I'm rolling again. Actually I'm rolling now lol. Hope you all feel better.
Click to expand...
Did it take you 10 years to fully recover after that? Jesus christ.
 
So a few days in, only thing that’s left is overstimulation. Feels like everything is pitched up, even a normal conversation is too loud.
No anxiety anymore. Let’s see what happens in a few more days of rest.
 
Norway said:
How long is typical to last? I've heard 350-500mg can cause permanent damage, but people have done more without any long term harm.
Click to expand...
That was the size of dose I took and I completely recovered. Don’t freak yourself out about the dosing size like I did. It’s irrelevant to recovery.
 
I had over 700mg once in 2 doses one hour apart.

I was retardedly high.

The comedown didn't seem especially rough and I recovered fully
 
Holy crap, I haven’t been on here for a really long time. It’s amazing reading the things people say on here, especially once you’ve recovered. Totally different experience than when I was desperate and suffering a year and half ago.

I guess I owe it to BL to do a final recovery post. I have a lot written down, so it’s going to be a long one, but there is one thing I have to get off my chest right now.

For those currently suffering but want more than anything to get better:

STAY THE FUCK OFF THIS SITE

The amount of complete and utter bullshit I read after scrolling through just a couple pages is unbelievable.

The most tragic part of all of this is; in your efforts to get better and help others, you guys are actually doing incredible harm to yourselves and each other. No wonder the people who linger here never seem to get better.

I’m sorry to come off so aggressively, but I can never forgive this site for what it did to me. It planted a very dangerous seed in my vulnerable and anxious mind. A seed that if I had not fought tooth and nail to overcome, may have buried me permanently. This same seed has been planted in the hundreds (maybe thousands) of people that have lurked here.

This place is the genesis of all the LTC myths that plague sufferers. Hell, even “LTC” itself, a completely made up condition, got it’s start here.
And the same nonsense, the same lies, get told and retold from generation to generation. It sickens me to think that people early into their experience are going to come here seeking help and instead are going to get the exact opposite of what they need.

If you are that person right now, stop reading through this thread. Stop right now and get the things you actually need to help. Your situation is 100% fixable. Dedicate every bit of your being to that and tune out the incredible amount of noise you’ll get here.

Like I said, I’m not going to outline every single thing you need to do to recover because that’s for a longer post. But to at least stop the bleeding for you newcomers, there are a couple of things you can do right away:

1) Don’t follow any advice from anyone who hasn’t recovered. I made a link of all the recovery stories on Bluelight (see below). If you don’t want to take my word for it, read from the 100s of other folks who all say (essentially) to treat it like an anxiety disorder. Again I could probably write a book on all the aspects to this, but keep it simple for now and educate yourself on anxiety and put this atop of your “most wanted list” in terms of recovery.

LTC Recovery Stories - Google Drive

drive.google.com drive.google.com

2) Dont convince yourself that “your situation is different”. If you’re like me, you are already convincing yourself that I must have experienced something different and that you are destined to be doomed. Yes, the MDMA fucking wrecked your brain chemistry. The physiological experience you have right now is screaming “I’m damaged”. This, no doubt, is an extremely disturbing and physically painful experience…. BUT….. you unquestionably DO NOT have permanent brain damage. Yes, there is a ton more nuance between where the physiological and psychosomatic lines are drawn and they definitely overlap, but all you need to know for recovery is that you ARE NOT permanently brain damaged. Millions of people take MDMA every day and there has never been anything (outside of Bluelight lore) substantial saying so. Plant THIS seed in your head and don’t leave any room for the Bluelight terror seed (or any other crazy theories) to grow. YOU ARE NOT ANY DIFFERENT THAN THOSE THAT FULLY RECOVERED.

3. Live healthily. Yeah, this one is annoyingly obvious, but there are a couple quick things that have to be addressed. One being, don’t buy a single supplement. I just counted 22 bottles in my cabinet. Guess how many helped me? Guess how many helped any Bluelighter ever? If you guessed 0, you are probably less brain damaged than you think. If you need a placebo to ride for a couple of days then go for it, but they will not fix your predicament and probably just fuel your anxiety trying to find the cure. Also, guys, seriously… quit recommending these on here. You’re harming people in the sense your giving them false hope.

What does work? For me and many others… prescription medication. I’m not all in on the psychosomatic bandwagon like some folks are. To me, there is no doubt a physiological aspect to this and an important part is getting your chemistry right so you can get back into your life. Talk to a doctor and get what you need to not be sick anymore. If you broke your leg you wouldn’t refuse a cast, so don’t overlook what you need to get better just because they have societal stigmas to them.

4. Setup your life for a slow and insanely challenging recovery. There is no easy way out (that anyone knows of yet). So with that, start getting used to suffering, but at the same time putting yourself in the perfect environment to get better. Treating a chemical imbalance and the subsequent anxiety disorder takes a lot of patience, learning, counseling, support, and time. If you want to be part of a place with people who are committed to staying positive and supporting one another as we get better, there is a Reddit support group that I can invite you to. We’ve already had a bunch of folks recover and many more on the way. If you think there even “could be” a better way then send me a message on here or on Reddit (my username is Iamthespiderbro).

Anyway sorry if I sounded mean. I’m just saying exactly what I would say (more like shout) to my former self 18 months ago. That person needed definitive reassurance and a path to get better and that’s not what I found. But lucky for you, I did manage to extract the things you do need and am passionate about getting every single person I can out of that hell.

I do want to end on a positive note though. One thing I could not have comprehended and I don’t hear about much on here is how much removed you get from this experience once you are better. I once thought this would consume me for the rest of my life, and now that I’m better I took off right where I left off. But the amazing part is, now I am stronger and more fearless than ever. This WILL BE your future too if you do the right things.

Anyway, gotta go… Hang in there guys!
 
SpiderBro said:
Holy crap, I haven’t been on here for a really long time. It’s amazing reading the things people say on here, especially once you’ve recovered. Totally different experience than when I was desperate and suffering a year and half ago.

I guess I owe it to BL to do a final recovery post. I have a lot written down, so it’s going to be a long one, but there is one thing I have to get off my chest right now.

For those currently suffering but want more than anything to get better:

STAY THE FUCK OFF THIS SITE

The amount of complete and utter bullshit I read after scrolling through just a couple pages is unbelievable.

The most tragic part of all of this is; in your efforts to get better and help others, you guys are actually doing incredible harm to yourselves and each other. No wonder the people who linger here never seem to get better.

I’m sorry to come off so aggressively, but I can never forgive this site for what it did to me. It planted a very dangerous seed in my vulnerable and anxious mind. A seed that if I had not fought tooth and nail to overcome, may have buried me permanently. This same seed has been planted in the hundreds (maybe thousands) of people that have lurked here.

This place is the genesis of all the LTC myths that plague sufferers. Hell, even “LTC” itself, a completely made up condition, got it’s start here.
And the same nonsense, the same lies, get told and retold from generation to generation. It sickens me to think that people early into their experience are going to come here seeking help and instead are going to get the exact opposite of what they need.

If you are that person right now, stop reading through this thread. Stop right now and get the things you actually need to help. Your situation is 100% fixable. Dedicate every bit of your being to that and tune out the incredible amount of noise you’ll get here.

Like I said, I’m not going to outline every single thing you need to do to recover because that’s for a longer post. But to at least stop the bleeding for you newcomers, there are a couple of things you can do right away:

1) Don’t follow any advice from anyone who hasn’t recovered. I made a link of all the recovery stories on Bluelight (see below). If you don’t want to take my word for it, read from the 100s of other folks who all say (essentially) to treat it like an anxiety disorder. Again I could probably write a book on all the aspects to this, but keep it simple for now and educate yourself on anxiety and put this atop of your “most wanted list” in terms of recovery.

LTC Recovery Stories - Google Drive

drive.google.com drive.google.com

2) Dont convince yourself that “your situation is different”. If you’re like me, you are already convincing yourself that I must have experienced something different and that you are destined to be doomed. Yes, the MDMA fucking wrecked your brain chemistry. The physiological experience you have right now is screaming “I’m damaged”. This, no doubt, is an extremely disturbing and physically painful experience…. BUT….. you unquestionably DO NOT have permanent brain damage. Yes, there is a ton more nuance between where the physiological and psychosomatic lines are drawn and they definitely overlap, but all you need to know for recovery is that you ARE NOT permanently brain damaged. Millions of people take MDMA every day and there has never been anything (outside of Bluelight lore) substantial saying so. Plant THIS seed in your head and don’t leave any room for the Bluelight terror seed (or any other crazy theories) to grow. YOU ARE NOT ANY DIFFERENT THAN THOSE THAT FULLY RECOVERED.

3. Live healthily. Yeah, this one is annoyingly obvious, but there are a couple quick things that have to be addressed. One being, don’t buy a single supplement. I just counted 22 bottles in my cabinet. Guess how many helped me? Guess how many helped any Bluelighter ever? If you guessed 0, you are probably less brain damaged than you think. If you need a placebo to ride for a couple of days then go for it, but they will not fix your predicament and probably just fuel your anxiety trying to find the cure. Also, guys, seriously… quit recommending these on here. You’re harming people in the sense your giving them false hope.

What does work? For me and many others… prescription medication. I’m not all in on the psychosomatic bandwagon like some folks are. To me, there is no doubt a physiological aspect to this and an important part is getting your chemistry right so you can get back into your life. Talk to a doctor and get what you need to not be sick anymore. If you broke your leg you wouldn’t refuse a cast, so don’t overlook what you need to get better just because they have societal stigmas to them.

4. Setup your life for a slow and insanely challenging recovery. There is no easy way out (that anyone knows of yet). So with that, start getting used to suffering, but at the same time putting yourself in the perfect environment to get better. Treating a chemical imbalance and the subsequent anxiety disorder takes a lot of patience, learning, counseling, support, and time. If you want to be part of a place with people who are committed to staying positive and supporting one another as we get better, there is a Reddit support group that I can invite you to. We’ve already had a bunch of folks recover and many more on the way. If you think there even “could be” a better way then send me a message on here or on Reddit (my username is Iamthespiderbro).

Anyway sorry if I sounded mean. I’m just saying exactly what I would say (more like shout) to my former self 18 months ago. That person needed definitive reassurance and a path to get better and that’s not what I found. But lucky for you, I did manage to extract the things you do need and am passionate about getting every single person I can out of that hell.

I do want to end on a positive note though. One thing I could not have comprehended and I don’t hear about much on here is how much removed you get from this experience once you are better. I once thought this would consume me for the rest of my life, and now that I’m better I took off right where I left off. But the amazing part is, now I am stronger and more fearless than ever. This WILL BE your future too if you do the right things.

Anyway, gotta go… Hang in there guys!
Click to expand...
Spot on. Your rant is absolutely valid - there’s so many lovely supportive people on here but at the same time so much bullshit info that can certainly prolong people’s recovery.
 
Hey everyone, i got ”cured” almost completely after supplementing 3 weeks of 16000 iu’s of vitamin D. i also found this study that shows mdma downregulates vitamin D receptors in the hippocampus, after 3 weeks i feel 80% normal.. i suggest everyone here to try supplementing Vit D
, i also take 200mg magnesium at night and the vitamin D in the morning, magnesium helps absorb the vit D alot better. and also if u buy vitamin D it should be oil based capsules because it absorbs alot better.

Mostly my anhedonia is gone wich is a big thing, i also had some nerve pain sometimes and i havent had it anymore
 
ar223 said:
Hey everyone, i got ”cured” almost completely after supplementing 3 weeks of 16000 iu’s of vitamin D. i also found this study that shows mdma downregulates vitamin D receptors in the hippocampus, after 3 weeks i feel 80% normal.. i suggest everyone here to try supplementing Vit D
, i also take 200mg magnesium at night and the vitamin D in the morning, magnesium helps absorb the vit D alot better. and also if u buy vitamin D it should be oil based capsules because it absorbs alot better.

Mostly my anhedonia is gone wich is a big thing, i also had some nerve pain sometimes and i havent had it anymore
Click to expand...

I always drink milk. It didn't help. Milk in my country is fortified with vitamin D....
 
Mine too, but i dont know how much they really put in, the studies wich show that 2000iu a day is optimal was debunked because they had some miscalculations, the true amount should be around 8-10000 ius if youre a caucasian, you can find all this online. most supplements dont have that much
 
Hi
I ve been suuffering from ltc from 11 /2018
A long lust of symptoms
What still remain is nightmares and vivid and sad dreams im not controlling my dreams its like somebody is controlling my mind any cure any idea help its been 3 + years
 
Samoz said:
Hi
I ve been suuffering from ltc from 11 /2018
A long lust of symptoms
What still remain is nightmares and vivid and sad dreams im not controlling my dreams its like somebody is controlling my mind any cure any idea help its been 3 + t
Click to expand...
That doesn't sound like ltc to me, what else are you experiencing? Are u taking any medications?
 
adag96 said:
Hi there. I've had very bad cognitive and emotional symptoms for 5 months that developed about a week after taking one pressed pill of untested MDMA (not sure how high the dosage was).

I'm looking for some similarities because it is also possible that what I'm experiencing could be long COVID.

The symptoms that I first noticed (September 2021) were:
  • Cognitive dysfunction - feeling like I'm in a dream, reaction times slow
  • Intense depersonalization and derealization - even out-of-body, probably the most traumatic experience
  • Intense depression
  • Overwhelming anhedonia - the days felt excruciatingly long because nothing could hold my interest
  • Leg and back aches
  • Constant head pressure/tension headaches
  • Lack of appetite (lost ~20lbs in the first month or so due to not eating and not working out)
  • Fatigue
My symptoms that still remain are:
  • Cognitive dysfunction - feeling like I'm in a dream / dizzy / high when I go places
  • Derealization
  • Depression
  • Fatigue - even after sleeping for 8+ hours, I wake up feeling exhausted
The weird part is that this isn't quite 24/7. It affects me on most days, but sometimes at night I find myself feeling great, or sometimes I go even a full day without hardly feeling these symptoms. Is this typical for an LTC? or are the symptoms usually persistent.

I feel like I'm in a literal nightmare sometimes. I'm afraid to go places and do normal things because that's usually when I get the dizziness/derealization. I can hardly enjoy anything outside of my apartment, and I'm so depressed and anxious. I've had an MRI done and it was normal, blood work was normal.

If anyone has experienced anything similar, please let me know!
Click to expand...
Yes, the final 4 I have after 4.5 years now. I've accepted its never going to come right. Left hand side of head has constant pressure. Struggle to concentrate, constant horrible headaches and facial pressure behind the nose.

I can make it 10% better by taking NAC, HTP5 no caffeine and loads of exercise (rowing machine 5km 5 times a week plus going to the gym. I have tried various SSRI pharmaceuticals and these have had no effect. This is a form of low grade permanent brain damage for me anyway.

Other supplements I take are -
- Fish Oil
- Magnesium
- B complex
- Centrum Multivit
- Ginkgo Biloba
- Co-Enzyme Q10
- Tryptophan

To the forum - I notice a couple of posters on this forum say there is no such thing as this and its all in your head. If that's you please don't reply, I'm not interested in hearing your opinions. I come to this site once a year to see if anyone has an amazing fix but alas, there is none.
 
Last edited:
Obese Ballerina said:
Yes, the final 4 I have after 4.5 years now. I've accepted its never going to come right. Left hand side of head has constant pressure. Struggle to concentrate, constant horrible headaches and facial pressure behind the nose.

I can make it 10% better by taking NAC, HTP5 no caffeine and loads of exercise (rowing machine 5km 5 times a week plus going to the gym. I have tried various SSRI pharmaceuticals and these have had no effect. This is a form of low grade permanent brain damage for me anyway.

Other supplements I take are -
- Fish Oil
- Magnesium
- B complex
- Centrum Multivit
- Ginkgo Biloba
- Co-Enzyme Q10
- Tryptophan

To the forum - I notice a couple of posters on this forum say there is no such thing as this and its all in your head. If that's you please don't reply, I'm not interested in hearing your opinions. I come to this site once a year to see if anyone has an amazing fix but alas, there is none.
Click to expand...
What SSRI's did you try and how long were you taking them?
 
Obese Ballerina said:
tried zoloft for 9 months and celexa for 3. I couldnt sleep at all on celexa
Click to expand...
Ahhh I see.

I tried both Cymbalta and Effexor and both seemed to make my symptoms worse. But I only took them for total of a 3 months

But I also made the mistake of stopping both medications cold turkey. Which I'm now aware can cause a whole other set of symptoms if you stop SSRI's quickly.
 
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