If you mean that the own voice sounds monotonous and without expression, yes, but it somehow gets better with AD's.
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MDMA Recovery (Stories & Support - 4)
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Hang in there mate, stop taking the 5HTP. It will clear up soon. You probably had a bad reaction to it. Goto hospital if you need to.
Budal202
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What do you mean by "now have tinnitus"? So a new symptom emerged after a while from the beginning of the LTC...
Probably only the initial symptoms are related to possible chemichal or hormone alterations, everything that appeared after are all caused by anxiety. Your mind is very powerful, believe me. The good news is that these new symptoms symptoms can be controlled, as well as anxiety. You know that is not related to the consume of E itself but to the psychological condition that you are now.
Every time you bother with something that did not come immediately after the ecstasy intake that cause your LTC you have to use reason to combat thoughts of fear, and consequently control panic attacks and keep a less stressed mind, which is essential to recover. While you are having anxiety attacks your mind can not rest and a good rest will do wonders, believe me.
About your vision. Well my vision is the only thing that has not recovered to date. At first it seemed someone had adjusted the level of grain of my vision to 200% and so it was so blured, and then it started diminishing but I still have a little blurred vision. But after a while you get used with it. I have a theory about this: think of color-blind people. They have a different perception of reality as normal people see the world with other colors, but this is normal for them because they always saw that way. Now imagine if just after taking a few doses of ecstasy you had a side effect that you start seeing colorblind? You would freak out and obsessively think that you screwed your brain and possibly go into depersonalization as many here. Possibly these early symptoms may have initiated a mental breakdown anxiety that generated many other symptoms due to mental stress.
So if there was a cake recipe, it would be simply stop caring about the early symptoms like vision among others, live with then. Just accept that you live with this as the colorblind do, as I did with my view (I was diagnosed with a rare type of astigmatism and myopia after my ltc, if it is related I do not know, but I got used to it, just as many blind people do when they get blind).
From the moment you get use to the initial symptoms and live with then you become calmer and those who came later also decreases, you get to improve and get stronger to face life and it will be much more profitable. Bellive because I have been there.
My advice: sit, grab a paper and write down what were the first symptoms and which were emerging after, think and write how you can reduce or make them disappear, attack one by one slowly, try to accept your condition, use it as a force to try to improve.
Budal, is your memory fine again? On AD's I can concentrate totally normal and my memory is actually very good. But without AD's I forget nearly everything, for example I forget something on the stove, but not once, nearly every time. I can't function in school in this state.
Budal202
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It's not the best memory in the world but it's normal for a guy of my age that smokes weed :D, but it's insanely better than the bad times of LTC, which was much influenced by chronic insomnia that I had. At that time I really could not remember anything, not even something I talked to someone the day before. At first I worried until I started to do jokes about it with close friends like: sorry I forgot, you know I have alzheimer. One thing is certain, if your memory is not working well, stress and worry will make it 2 times worse, that's a law of the universe that you must use at your favor to control your mind everytime you can.
In my body, treatment with SSRI had no direct influence on memory in short term, but it definitely depends on the antidepressant you are taking cuz other classes work differently, even different SSRI's have differente mechanisms of action. What are you taking right now and for how long? Xanax for example is not an antidepressive as it's considered by many, it's a Benzodiazepine, it fucks with your memory and when you stop taking it you feel the differences really fast (I took xanax for 6 months to threat insomnia). If it's a SSRI and after you stop taking you instantly have a memory decrease, I would say this could be just placebo, as the effects of SSRI take a while to emerge both after the start of treatment and when you stop taking it. The effects of withdrawal takes about 2/3 days to appear as the substance remains in the body. But every body is a different body. What I can guarantee you based on my experiences and studies is that certainly comum SSRIs has no short term neuronal reconstruction effect, if such thing happen it will happen by neuroplasticity and would take a lot longer for you to realize the differences, at least 3 months.
So possibly your memory is getting better because you're less stressed under the AD effect, and when stop taking you get more stressed. It is a natural reaction of the human body.
I mean, how could you focus on accessing information if you are stressed and anxious? It's like searching for a file on your computer when you have GTA 5, Photoshop CC, and a 1080p movie running hahaha.
Yeah, thats probably my problem. I think of this whole thing 24/7, in consciousness and unconsciousness, it's like always there, when I'm feeling fine, I notice motoric impairment, when I'm talking to someone I think of being numb and too dumb to hold a conversation, and so on. A big part really seems to be psychological, because my memory actually improved dramatically (100% no placebo effect) after only 3 days on 25mg of Sertraline/day, in that span the only relevant effect is the Serotonin-Reuptake inhibition and not increased neuroplasticy or Receptor-Downregulation. But I don't want so say it's 100% psychological. A lot of symptoms don't fit to that.
I really feel a bit dumber, not as much as in the beginning, but some of my cognitive skills are definitely lost. I just hope they come again in the next few years. To be honest, a big part of my self-esteem bases on my cognitive function. It was always my way to get though the world, as I wasn't very social in my life. And if this is gone, it's like a big part of me is gone. I guess other people experience a loss of other life skills, and this is what really makes it worse.
For example, I loved to talk with other people about chemistry and pharmacology, but during the LTC (and still now, but not as much) I just couldn't hold up the conversation. It's like I want to think of something, but there is just literally nothing in my brain, before that it always was like a mass of information was rushing though my brain, and I really miss this, it made me feel so incredibly good. Sounds somehow strange, I know.
At least with the AD's I have this kind of power again to get myself up and do something productive, which I also missed extremely in this last year.
And to everyone in a earlier stage suffering, the exact same AD (Sertraline) just made me feel much much worse when I took it about 6 months ago. I never thought that it would function in someway later, but it happened. And I didn't feel much recovery during the time I was without medication, my depression even got deeper and finally ended in total apathy and numbness only a few weeks ago, which drove me to the decision to give it another try. And it worked this time.
I'm sorry for writing unnecessary stuff here, but it's the only forum where I can write free about this topic and it makes me feel much better, and maybe help some of you to get hope for going on.
I really feel a bit dumber, not as much as in the beginning, but some of my cognitive skills are definitely lost. I just hope they come again in the next few years. To be honest, a big part of my self-esteem bases on my cognitive function. It was always my way to get though the world, as I wasn't very social in my life. And if this is gone, it's like a big part of me is gone. I guess other people experience a loss of other life skills, and this is what really makes it worse.
For example, I loved to talk with other people about chemistry and pharmacology, but during the LTC (and still now, but not as much) I just couldn't hold up the conversation. It's like I want to think of something, but there is just literally nothing in my brain, before that it always was like a mass of information was rushing though my brain, and I really miss this, it made me feel so incredibly good. Sounds somehow strange, I know.
At least with the AD's I have this kind of power again to get myself up and do something productive, which I also missed extremely in this last year.
And to everyone in a earlier stage suffering, the exact same AD (Sertraline) just made me feel much much worse when I took it about 6 months ago. I never thought that it would function in someway later, but it happened. And I didn't feel much recovery during the time I was without medication, my depression even got deeper and finally ended in total apathy and numbness only a few weeks ago, which drove me to the decision to give it another try. And it worked this time.
I'm sorry for writing unnecessary stuff here, but it's the only forum where I can write free about this topic and it makes me feel much better, and maybe help some of you to get hope for going on.
Thanks for the advice. Thinking about it as color blindness is a great idea and works for me. I miraculously got about 7 hours of sleep last night. Probably because I was awake for the previous two days. Feeling ok today. A little brain dead but ok. The 5 htp put me in this weird state where I now have tinnitus, increased visual disturbance, and a lot of social anxiety/impatience. Probably due to the influx of serotonin through a whacked out system. I got a klonopin prescription. The ativan made me worse so we'll see what the klonopin does. Has anyone had the klonopin make them worse?
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Cotcha Yankinov
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Glad to hear it wasn't another 1 hour of sleep night, how is the mindfulness going?
I had an IRL friend who took Klonopin for 3 years after ecstasy induced insomnia, he's probably still on it too.
I had an IRL friend who took Klonopin for 3 years after ecstasy induced insomnia, he's probably still on it too.
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