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MDMA Recovery (Stories & Support - 4)

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Sorry to be so negative guys but I'm getting really impatient with this I just want it to go away it's almost been 5 months and I haven't done any drugs or anything bad in that whole time yet my vision is still all messed up, I'm getting bad headaches all the time, my body is constant stiff like what do I have to do to get better I just want to feel normal again. I go through little periods were I feel better but not "fully normal" then it all crashes back and I feel like terrible again. I just can't understand how half a pill can still make you feel messed up after 5 months of being clean . I really starting to think it's all permanent. This has to be the worst thing you can go through I mean I would rather be in prison and feel normal then be free and feel like this and not be able to enjoy myself
 
Well guys and girls... I really wish I was a doctor and that I could collect a whole bunch of LTC sufferers and run a trial testing different medications for LTC+HPPD, and then we'd have real evidence to help guide us...

Some of the medications I would put in the trial would be relatively lower risk, like SSRIs and Clonazepam (Klonopin), but there would be some serious ones, particularly Valproate (Depakote), Clozapine and Sulpiride (Sulpiride unfortunately is not available in the US).

There is a case report of great remission of HPPD with the use of lamotrigine, which is very similar to valproate.

Things like lamotrigine and valproate are worth a try particularly for HPPD (all the visual symptoms) if someone is at the end of their rope. Definitely something to talk with a doctor about. There is also some evidence that lamotrigine can help with depersonalization in some cases.
 
Coming in here to try and bring the mood up. I almost hate admitting when I've seen some improvement as it seems so elusive but nonetheless a couple of days ago, after a period of paralysing anhedonia, some feeling returned to parts of my brain I intuitively felt I'd lost forever.

2iibr6g.jpg


Starting to really buy into this old graph.

I hail from a 'humanities' background so my wisdom is quite different from most i.e. Cotcha's or shugenja's.

You can't use the affected organ to judge itself. The brain thinks it knows better than it actually does, even when it's in good working condition. I'd say you need to have faith. In something. I have blind faith in my ability to recover, faith in myself and my guides. My guides being some heavy ass literature I'm trudging through (keeps me focused and distracted) and also a Buddhist monk whose wisdom I occasionally solicit. This experience has been nothing less than excruciating but it's happening so accept it, you don't have to like it; hate and despise it but don't reject it. Take the rough with the smooth and find coping methods which work for you. Find your grit.
 
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ADubbs said:
Pain in my hands and feet, lack of tiredness, tremoring, racing feeling in my chest, CEVs. Ughhh. Have you not had insomnia or any HPPD symptoms? How's the SSRI going? I'm seriously considering one of this continues.
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I had mostly hypersomnia and that awkward feeling of not noticing anything what happened to my body. No appetite, no feeling for warm or cold, etc.
But no HPPD symptoms.
I quit the SSRI after 5 weeks, but the positive effects remained, which is quite unusual after such a short time
 
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Hey guys was just wondering if MDMA is metabolised and processed the same in Jewish (Ashkenazi) people I know of somebody that wants to roll but is worried as he is of the chosen and doesn't know if he will be affected any differently than Goyim.......I know certain racial/ethnic groups have a hard time breaking down alcohol so just wondered if there were any of these kind of quirks with MD.
 
The various ethnicities, including Ashkenazis, are noted for having different variations of liver enzymes that metabolize drugs. Everybody is different in that regard. The most common liver enzyme that some Ashkenazis lack (CYP2C19) doesn't really play a role in MDMA metabolism as I understand it so I wouldn't worry too much, and I don't know what the actual prevalence is of people lacking a functional form of CYP2C19 (it could be less than 10% or something), but there is nothing wrong with taking a lower than usual dose. I believe the Ashkenazis are known for having a higher risk of some diseases.
 
Amml said:
I had mostly hypersomnia and that awkward feeling of not noticing anything what happened to my body. No appetite, no feeling for warm or cold, etc.
But no HPPD symptoms.
I quit the SSRI after 5 weeks, but the positive effects remained, which is quite unusual after such a short time
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hmm.... Sounds like more typical depression to me, which I think SSRIs would help. There really isn't good evidence either that SSRIs make HPPD worse in...... There's a few cases of that, but most of the things I find say it may make visuals worst at first, but then they stabilize and potentially decrease.

Tricyclics seem like a safer bet for HPPD patients, from the personal experiences I've found on the internet.
 
https://drugs-forum.com/forum/showthread.php?t=27408&page=3

Great....people report it as mildly hallucinogenic.....why the fuck did I drink it??? What the fuck was I thinking? My CEVs are worse now, my tinnitus is unbearable, zaps and sleep paralysis last night, so no sleep. Recovery not looking so good for me, and definitely not holding down a job or my 8 yr girlfriend.....everytime I've relapsed its been 1000 times worse. I'm sorry guys I just can't do this for a 4th time, I won't. I'm going to have to start taking the Remeron and amitriptyline again, it better work or I'll end up back in the mental unit at the hospital. I hate do be a dramatist but try going through the first few weeks of an LTC 4 times....
 
ADubbs said:
https://drugs-forum.com/forum/showthread.php?t=27408&page=3

Great....people report it as mildly hallucinogenic.....why the fuck did I drink it??? What the fuck was I thinking? My CEVs are worse now, my tinnitus is unbearable, zaps and sleep paralysis last night, so no sleep. Recovery not looking so good for me, and definitely not holding down a job or my 8 yr girlfriend.....everytime I've relapsed its been 1000 times worse. I'm sorry guys I just can't do this for a 4th time, I won't. I'm going to have to start taking the Remeron and amitriptyline again, it better work or I'll end up back in the mental unit at the hospital. I hate do be a dramatist but try going through the first few weeks of an LTC 4 times....
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This is your 4th Ltc?? What caused all these ltcs?
 
The LTC is unforgiving. The severe kind won't give you a fucking inch with substances.
 
fnono33 said:
The LTC is unforgiving. The severe kind won't give you a fucking inch with substances.
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I wonder how transcranial magnetic stimulation would go. I saw a study the other day where it was tested for depersonalization and it did good.

But Adubbs, keep in mind if the other drugs fail there is a completely different class of drugs that I haven't heard any reports of LTC sufferers taking yet, this would be things like Lamotrigine and Depakote. I theorize they may help with an LTC. Lamotrigine caused a fabulous remission of severe longstanding HPPD in a case report.
 
Yeah I might have to mention some of those meds if this keeps up. Honestly my HPPD isn't that bad, I don't have VS or trails or carpets moving etc..... Yet. Head and face pressure is bad today, considering I didn't sleep at all last night.

FNono is right everyone, take it easy on weird supplements are herbs, they're not researched well and you have no idea how you'll react. And don't combine!!!!
 
My tinnitus has gotten worse lately ugh.

Can tinnitus actually get worse or is it one of those things that is relatively constant but can be perceived as worse?

I'm wondering cause I was ignoring it for a while except at night when I'd need a fan to mask it completely. Now it seems like even the fan isn't masking it.
 
There is definitely an attentional component when it comes to tinnitus (and other sensory info). Personally, if I focus on my tinnitus it gets louder and louder. But there is a state of mind where I can try to hear silence and the ringing doesn't get louder. Hard to explain...
 
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Hey guys!

Thought I'd check in here again to give you an update. Maybe you know me(and I guess you don't, cause the old stagers dissaper more and more after they continue a normal and happy living). Live is good again. my LTC started in June 2014 and with time and some patience things got better. I Just want to spread some hope.
Dont think drugs ruined your live, it's more the despair caused by it, which makes things really worse. Be patient and trust me when I say you will get ut of this with time.

Positive vibes and all the best to you all.

phil
 
Nice to hear it! I remember seeing your posts from a while back!

Cotcha what are your thoughts on vitamins? I'm not sure they really matter, but magnesium and B seem to be the one everyone agrees upon.
 
Nothing wrong with a multi and B-vitamins. I would take the vitamins after a meal however. I'm sure there is something to be said for a good diet as well.
 
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