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MDMA Recovery (Stories & Support - 4)

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hey.. I just wanted to come on to bluelight (I haven't logged on for like 2 years) and say that I definitely believe supporting your methylation pathways (which basically is a fancy way of saying your cellular repair and detoxification pathways) is what will help cure most people. I had been living with this state of "blah" for .. almost 6 years. I did a dna test by 23andme, I found out my ability to properly methylate is hindered, which by my symptoms I already figured it was.

Anyway long story short, I started following a methylation protocol. Well at first I was only taking methyl b9 and wasn't noticing too much of a difference, to support methylation fully the most important things are methyl b9 (15m),b12 (10mg) and b6 (250mg) . In addition I also add in a b complex, riboflavin, betaine tmg, zinc. Well once I started following it precisely things started to really get better. I've been probably following it for.. about 20 days? But I can tell you that wow I feel so much better. Even with hiccups in the road.. normally when I drink my hangovers are horrible and I can't function the next day, now I can go to the gym even and still have energy.

I really want to make a well thought out youtube video for this to be honest and I will eventually. But I'm waiting till I recover and feel totally 100%. This is something that is actually a somewhat well known idea is poor methylation but most certainly not in mainstream medicine. Anyway I can't really sleep right now, that's another thing that I also have other mutations in genes that make me prone to anxiety and insomnia, I have what's called the "warrior gene" my body has very slow MAIO activity which means it's slow at breaking down dopamine which leads to a tendency for it to turn into adrenaline. (it's actually fairly common) Anyway if anyone is interested in more if you just google methylation protocol I figured I know someone out there could use it that is going through this (I know how hard it is) so just thought I'd shed a little light about methylation since I'm not sure? If it's been talked about in this thread or not.
 
Fair warning to users of 23andme who have their genes examined with promethase (which I recommend), expect to see at first glance depressing cancer genes etc. but try to to realize that everybody has bad genes so your overall risk of mortality still might be pretty similar.

The serotonin genetics are interesting, the short form of the 5-HTTLPR serotonin transporter gene is associated with adverse effects after MDMA use and tryptophan depletion, I personally have the short form and have had so many issues after MDMA so I would love to know if anybody else has it. One person found that they have a tryptophan hydroxylase (the enzyme responsible for serotonin synthesis) variant that is 80% slower, so that might help explain her bad reaction. I also have some bad Alzheimer's genes (One APOE4 allele) and I'd be curious to know if anyone else how that or other APOE issues, especially those of us who have been through sleep deprivation in the past or who are still unable to sleep well.
 
hey guys
so i thought id just describe my situation...i hope someone went through the same stuff...please read until the end
this is the story of my anxiety "breakout"? after a drug binge...before that i never had any issues and i dont take any medication


going back in time ive been using mdma with semi-responsible 4-6week breaks and ive used lsd quite a few times and always
had positive experiences...then in the end of february 2016 me and a friend wanted to have a large dose lsd trip and we felt ready for it...
we took 600ug and it was absolutely crazy...first have very positive second half the most horrific shit i ever went through it got quite extreme
and we decided to calm us down with some diazepam/lorazepam and from what i know because i counted the pills we had left weve taken quite a shitload of them
i woke up the next day and i cant remember what i felt like...must have been really numb the benzos were still going on strong...then we decided to roll on some mdma/pills
to cheer us up after the quite disturbing and exhausting acid trip...i remember we dropped 200mg and from there things got strange...the roll was very weak too weak
and i started to get some smallhallucinations again...they were the same i had during the really bad part of the trip...but i didnt mind because the benzos had my thoughts numb
because we didnt feel the mdma we consumed 2g each!!!! over the course of the night and the only way i can explain that because we didnt even think about it is that thos benzos were still stron in my system
and therefore i didnt feel anything or think a single straight thought the day after...that night we took more benzos before going to sleep...thinking back i cant really remeber what i felt like the next day...because of the benzos
the days after i was extremely tired...like falling asleep while taking a shit after i slept 10h the night before...that went on for about 3days...i have major cognitive impairment...difficulty with speech and my memory was fucked...i just smoked weed in that time but i noticed that i didnt feel the high and it just made me feel a little weird could have been a bad idea? (never had any issues with weed)...then 5 days after
i started feeling really weird/spaced out...i didnt know what was going on at all then i woke up the 5th day after and i was freaking out...i had major DP i didnt recognize myself in the mirror...i was then having a massive panic attack (ive never had one before)...it got a tiny bit better and i tried smoking weed again and it worsended my DP enormously
i thought i was going to die...the next 2 weeks i just felt fucking going crazy the anxiety was so bad i felt like i was stuck in the peak of a panic attack...then i reasearched...and read about the topic...and this seems like an acute anxiety breakout...now 4months later
i still have the anxiety no panic attacks and the phases where i forget about it got longer with time...but the distorted vision is still there to some extend...whats putting me down most is the thoughts that sometimes get ahold of me like "it hasnt gotten any better you are just slowly getting used to it" "man this will never go away you cant go to uni like that and move out"
also i have mostly when i try to sleep...this vivid imagery of just gore..killings death and disgusting shit this could be post traumatic from the lsd horror or a symptom of anxiety...ive quit all drugs since then obviously and now i thought to myself would it be possible to have the therapeutic effect from mdma
if id roll with a low dose and could this be beneficial for my anxiety issue? or will i just go in full DP again and not even roll or go in DP/worsen my axniety on the comedown...im scared since i had quite a backfire after i smoked weed 4weeks into my "condition" i dont know what to do since im not sure what exactly led to my current state and how i can combat it
its not like im addicted and i want to use drugs again because they are fun its because i think certain experiences have value and i want to know if ill be ever able to take some stuff again or even just smoke...but most important obviously getting better overall
id really appreciate thoughts on my situation and woudlbe really thankful for any helpful comments of some1 who knows what im talking about or has benn through the same
thanks i advance
 
Hey Chauncey,

2g of MDMA is massive, even if it were only 50% pure, 1g in a night is aroundabouts what I had last December and I am still fighting the after-effects.

My only advice is do not even consider a low-dose MDMA roll for now, if ever. I agree that the thought of not using MDMA again is a little distressing - I used to love it - but after 6 months of pain it is just not worth it for a few hours of bliss.

I'm getting better day-by-day, which started with months of being totally sober, then introducing back a few drinks here and there. I'm now able to enjoy nights out again quite well and am enjoying smoking a little weed maybe once every couple of weeks. The weed actually gives me a bit of relief from the LTC symptoms rather than exacerbate it, which is a godsend.

For now, concentrate on eating really healthily, exercising as much as possible (weights & cardio) and staying sober. When you start feeling more comfortable within yourself, introduce some booze and weed and see how you go. If you react badly, pull back and go sober a little longer. It took me around 4-5 months to be able to have a few drinks without feeling like I was going to die for days after. My hangovers are still bad but bearable now.

Stay clean as much as possible, read books, do mind puzzles etc and just try to ride this out - it does get better. I'm maybe just over halfway there.
 
Ugg my depression seems to have come back full swing. Im currently at a festival. I figured since I had been feeling better that I could come here and enjoy myself sober, but my depression has been so intense I cant feel joy in anything. It's really hard to get over the feeling like this will last forever. I know logically it will get better and already has for long periods of time, but my mental state wont let me accept that as reallity.
 
knows her that about you one week and good for another three, four weeks bad. is a good sign
 
Hey what's up guys!

Been a long time since I've been in here, but I want to encourage everyone who is going through a LTC. The only thing you really need to know is you WILL recover in TIME. Beginning of the year 2014 is when my hell started and I was damn near useless for 6 months or so then month after month I slowly got better and better. Looking back, often times you don't even realize the incremental improvement. I can't remember exactly when I felt pretty close to 100%, but I would guess it was around 1 year or so. At that point, I got a job again and started working in a professional office. I think focusing on work and getting my computer skills back up to speed greatly enhanced my recovery as well. I said close to 100%, but initially at work I could tell I was slightly off...then gradually I started regaining my confidence, my personality started to return to normal, and I started kicking ass again. I'd say at 1.5 years there were no issues at all. I rarely even think about it anymore.

So, here's the thing. Don't waste your money on any magic pill bc there isn't one. Don't do anymore drugs until it's over (if you do MDMA again, I think your crazy!). Oh, I should say that I did get through that 6 month period with the help of xanax. That was my magic pill to handle all the anxiety issues, but there is nothing that is going to cure you or anything. It sucks, but just survive until you get better! Obsessing about every symptom only makes it worse...basically you're on a bad trip and you just got to ride it out.

Best wishes everyone and don't think for one second there isn't light at the end of the tunnel!!! Guess what? The group that was posting during my LTC era isn't in here anymore. Why do you think that is so?
 
rphilli72 said:
Hey what's up guys!

Been a long time since I've been in here, but I want to encourage everyone who is going through a LTC. The only thing you really need to know is you WILL recover in TIME. Beginning of the year 2014 is when my hell started and I was damn near useless for 6 months or so then month after month I slowly got better and better. Looking back, often times you don't even realize the incremental improvement. I can't remember exactly when I felt pretty close to 100%, but I would guess it was around 1 year or so. At that point, I got a job again and started working in a professional office. I think focusing on work and getting my computer skills back up to speed greatly enhanced my recovery as well. I said close to 100%, but initially at work I could tell I was slightly off...then gradually I started regaining my confidence, my personality started to return to normal, and I started kicking ass again. I'd say at 1.5 years there were no issues at all. I rarely even think about it anymore.

So, here's the thing. Don't waste your money on any magic pill bc there isn't one. Don't do anymore drugs until it's over (if you do MDMA again, I think your crazy!). Oh, I should say that I did get through that 6 month period with the help of xanax. That was my magic pill to handle all the anxiety issues, but there is nothing that is going to cure you or anything. It sucks, but just survive until you get better! Obsessing about every symptom only makes it worse...basically you're on a bad trip and you just got to ride it out.

Best wishes everyone and don't think for one second there isn't light at the end of the tunnel!!! Guess what? The group that was posting during my LTC era isn't in here anymore. Why do you think that is so?
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Hey Rphilli. Ive actually read a bunch of your posts from 2014. When I feel really down I go back to the first installment of this post, and read through everything. I know people say not to dwell on here but I really find that it helps. The problem with reading old posts is that I can't join the conversation, and it just so happens that your old group is currently comforting me. So thanks for checking in. It's really good to hear from you.
 
So something very interesting happened When I was at a festival last week. I was fealing extremely depressed the first few days there. To the point where all I could do was sit in my tent and cry. My friend eventually convinced me to go hangout with them while they did molly. I was pretty nervous as just thinking about that drug has caused me severe anxiety, however being around them in That kind of setting actually triggerd a mirror response in my brain to release serotonin. I wouldnt say I felt high but I did feel better then I have since this whole ordeal started. Since that night I haven't felt an ltc symptom aside from head pressure. Another thing to note is that prior to that night I had halved my dose of 5htp. So many people on here advise against taking it so I was in a rush to quit. But I think thats the reason I sliped back in to such extreme depression. Pretty much immediately after I went back to two pills a day I felt better.
 
I got really bad chest pains after a horrible drop I had coming up to 3 months ago now which persisted for a while and when I drink these pains seem to come back just as bad as before. Is that what you mean when you say you feel horrible after drinking? do you get chest pains or feel the same as if you'd had a horrible comedown from mdma when you drink?
 
fnono33 said:
Anyway, wanted to put this out there and see what you guys thought....Am I at five months, a year? or less?
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Welcome!
Each person is different, not even doctors can say how much time will it take to recover from known illness, imagine in cases like this.
You just need to take a day at a time, eat healthy, do cardio and exercise (this is important!) and sleep well, even if you have to take a low dose of a benzo to do it. The brain heals itself when we sleep, so it's very very important! Also stay away from other drugs, including caffeine, weed and alcohol will help you! :)
 
Think your ability to not read is just because your mind is so stressed out that while you're reading your attention goes off on a tangent.
You just wrote a perfectly coherent paragraph on here so there won't be anything wrong with your ability to read.

About you having no support while your parents are away, when I was going through the worst of my comedown, it was very reassuring to have someone close other than my parents to support me. I know how rare it is to find someone who truly understands your suffering but if you can find that someone who does and/or can support you along the way, it can really help. Only time (a lot of time) will see you back to your old self but it definitely makes the symptoms easier to bear in the worst stages by having that person who supports you.
 
I started the thread "I need help" so my story is there. If you read my story, you'll likely come to the conclusion I did that I've bad Serotonin Syndrome 3 times since June 5. This time (starting 10 days ago) has me the most worried. I've pulled 2 all nighters and got a total of MAYBE 15 hours of sleep, but I'm not tired at all...I'm barley yawning. The pins and needles in my hands feet and face have not really gotten much better, and I'm getting lip twitches and random muscle spasms through out my body, these have me the most worried as the last two times I didn't have this. I'm beginning to think that getting SS 3 times has damaged my brain neurologically judging by what I've been reading on forums for people who went through SS multiple times. The symptoms are worst at night. My brain zaps and floaters have subsided a but and my cognitive ability has gotten a bit better....but I'm just really worried about the head tingles and hand/feet pins and needles. My body feels like I've drank a million cups of coffee. I've been to my doctor and she wants me to go on Paxil but I said not yet....i feel that will just make It worse. I never had much anxiety and never depression....so I don't see a need for it now. I feel I need a neurologist to investigate me and find out what's going on. If I took a small dose of Benzo's would that help? I NEED SLEEP!
 
Hi guys. I'm new and stumbled across this forum while searching for "MDMA and cushing syndrome". I really need some help, because i'm scared i will commit suicide in the future, srs. My MDMA use caused me to get very severe stretch marks on my shoulders, chest and thighs. I'm a male and athletic build, i go to the gym alot and developed some stretch marks because of working out. But after my MDMA use my stretch marked tripled!!!

MDMA usage show "in the laboratory, acute ecstasy/MDMA use can increase cortisol levels by 100–200%, whereas ecstasy/MDMA-using dance clubbers experience an 800% increase in cortisol levels, because of the combined effects of the stimulant drug and dancing. Three-month hair samples of abstinent users revealed cortisol levels 400% higher than those in controls. Chronic users show heightened cortisol release in stressful environments and deficits in complex neurocognitive tasks".
HIGH CORTISOL leads to the development of STRETCH MARKS!!! It is not a well known side effect of MDMA, but it is one! Stretch marks are scars and they are there for life and there is nothing i can do to erase them. My girlfriend doesn't give a fuck about them, but i continuously think that she deserves much better then me and i highly regret that i ever took MDMA. SOmetimes i feel like i'm living in a dream because i just can't comprehend that MDMA had such a impact on my life. I feel like i maimed myself by using the drug and now i contemplate to commit suicide every day, srs. I've cried alot about this and by the thought that i will be leaving my girlfriend behind by committing suicide but i just feel devastated. Please i need some help!
 
I really recommend mindfulness meditation and slowing down your breathing. The pins and needles and twitches can be from breathing too quickly.

I would think about Clonidine if anything.
 
Cotcha Yankinov said:
I really recommend mindfulness meditation and slowing down your breathing. The pins and needles and twitches can be from breathing too quickly.

I would think about Clonidine if anything.
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Hmmm....I just looked that up, I'll have to mention it to my doc tomorrow. Looks quit a bit safer than Benzos but with many of the same effects. I've tried the mindfulness meditation but what I find is that I concentrate on my body, which makes me concentrate on the bad symptoms I've been having, which in turn makes it worse. I'll have to keep practicing at it though.

That's interesting, I didn't know that quick breathing could make pin/needles in the peripherals worse. I'll really have to concentrate tonight on my breathing and see if it subsides. What normally happen is I can't take the feeling anymore, so I end up going for walks at 4 AM to try and calm it down, seems to help a little bit. I found sitting in the car makes it worse, and of course lying in bed.

At what point to I give up on my own to try and sleep and take medicine? It's been 10 days of hardly sleeping, or not sleeping at all.

Thanks for the advice!
 
When you meditate the goal should be to pay attention to your body but not have thoughts on whether the feelings are good or bad, just simply feel them and cover your breathing with your attention (you don't have to focus on the pins and needles, just try focusing on the breathing).

Clonidine will have a withdrawal syndrome if used for long enough, and that is pretty much the exact issue with all drugs. Meditation and controlling your thought patterns are sustainable though. Counting to 10 over and over again is a good thing to try to sleep, but count slower and slower and try to maintain silence in your head other than the sound of the numbers in your head.

Respiratory alkalosis can cause pins and needles pretty bad - it's fairly common with anxiety. It affects the extremities and face first.
 
Cotcha Yankinov said:
Would you say you have physical health issues like back/neck pain, dizziness or lightheadedness when you stand up, or pins and needles in your hands?

If you can bring yourself to do some walking or light jogging I would try it, any exercise will help you, and as your brain recovers you will be glad you tried to keep your body from weakening too.

Anything that uses your brain, from reading to video games, will help you recover as well, they are better than just watching TV and movies but TV and movies are much better than just staring at the ceiling.

Do you like music, or have music stuck in your head? Do you talk to yourself in your head a lot?
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I do - I was wondering where you were going with this? I feel like such an idiot for drinking and smoking while I was technically still in recovery, and even more so for masturbating. I'm going to try so hard to sleep tonight but I'm paranoid just thinking about it. It's just weird that my cognitive abilities haven't deteriorated yet, but I know they will if I don't sleep, which makes me even more nervous. Honestly I don't even care if I get addicted to a sleep medication or anything that will help me sleep, but I can't go on without sleeping. I'll deal with that addiction after this is overwith. It makes me somewhat comforted that you only slept 2 hours a night for 2 years, so it is possible to live through it, but I won't be able to keep my job with that schedule...but I guess that's the least of my worries right now, and recovery should be my goal.
 
Do you talk to yourself in your head a lot and that sort of stuff?

If the insomnia persists it will be really important to stretch and exercise to keep your body from getting out of shape - even if your mind goes you will be really glad you kept your body in shape and it will help your brain recover. I really recommend cardio during the day for now.

You can go a good many years without sleeping much, the meth addicts are around to prove that, but it does take its toll eventually.

I would keep practicing the mindfulness with YouTube recordings or an app called Headspace (great app) and then add in the Clonidine in a month if things aren't improving. Don't give up on the meditation, it takes a lot of practice and the more you need it the harder it will be.
 
Cotcha Yankinov said:
Do you talk to yourself in your head a lot and that sort of stuff? If the insomnia persists it will be really important to stretch and exercise to keep your body from getting out of shape - even if your mind goes you will be really glad you kept your body in shape and it will help your brain recover. I really recommend cardio during the day eventually. I would keep practicing the mindfulness with YouTube recordings or an app called Headspace (great app) and then add in the Clonidine in a month if things aren't improving. Don't give up on the meditation, it takes a lot of practice and the more you need it the harder it will be.
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Mmm I guess I talk to myself......but who doesn't? Ok I'll try to go without it. Counting until 10 last night helped me fall asleep. I think I got around 4 or 5 hours. I ran hard yesterday and did some core workout, I think it helped a bit. Is it possible the masturbation really prolonged my recovery to that long of a time? Have you heard of this before?
 
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