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May Recovery Thread

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Stay strong guys.....today is a new day. Cold and rainy here instead of warm and sunny but still a fresh new day.
 
If it's any consolation I am in pain and feel like shit almost all the time and haven't used opiates in many years, guys. Keep up the amazing work, everyone.

Try to find solace and perspective and acceptance today, in your lives, while you can. It helps.

I'm starting to feel better myself after feeling devastated for like 2 weeks and I am back in the groove of things well. Some small victories along the way.
 
somnilicious said:
Right there with you Captain... My life is an absolute shit show. Recently picked up a charge and I'm on probie in another county. I will probably be losing my license here soon but I am calm, resolute and experiencing a remarkable amount of clarity as I clean up this time. This relapse has not been a pretty one. I could be dead though. I will probably be forced into rehab or worse....drug court but it could be worse.
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I lost my driver's license months ago as well. Take public transportation; no choice. Problems and PTSD from 1.5 years ago have really messed me up psychologically and are still being felt to this day and leave me with few options in life. Not as bad as your situation but I don't know what to say in order to relate in the misery. I'm currently an oxy addict. Functioning addict for the time being.
 
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I never thought that I would ever end up doing this but I will attend my first NA meeting in a couple Mondays from now (I do believe in a higher power anyways; was always worried about the potentially 'culty feeling' of meetings. The habit negatively affected my life again today; missed a great opportunity because of it; was so upset by the result that ALL I could think about was USING which I did while saying to myself that "I give up and have no faith in myself AT THIS MOMENT." I don't have control of this beast despite having pretty much Cold Turkeyed 6 days and nights last month. Right now I don't have the strength in me anymore. All of this happened because of the trauma I experienced 1.5 years ago; these are the effects of that trauma; I never would have predicted any of this. I hate myself but then again, I've been hating myself for over a year so what else is new?
 
mate the way i dealt with the cultishness was that i was so fucked, it didn't really matter if i joined a cult or not, i couldn't exactly end up worse off so it was worth a punt. now i've been going to NA regularly for over a year i'm pretty sure its not a cult, just a bunch of people trying to help each other using a method they have a lot of faith in.

trauma has lasting and deep effects. its a bit of a catch 22. to stay clean you need to address the trauma but you need to be stably clean before you can work on it.

i was having a great week but now feel unbelievably sad.
 
Opi_Kid_Rock said:
I never thought that I would ever end up doing this but I will attend my first NA meeting in a couple Mondays from now (I do believe in a higher power anyways; was always worried about the potentially 'culty feeling' of meetings. The habit negatively affected my life again today; missed a great opportunity because of it; was so upset by the result that ALL I could think about was USING which I did while saying to myself that "I give up and have no faith in myself AT THIS MOMENT." I don't have control of this beast despite having pretty much Cold Turkeyed 6 days and nights last month. Right now I don't have the strength in me anymore. All of this happened because of the trauma I experienced 1.5 years ago; these are the effects of that trauma; I never would have predicted any of this. I hate myself but then again, I've been hating myself for over a year so what else is new?
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Part of getting over it is forgiving yourself and learning to be honest but accepting of the way things are. I hope you find some inner peace.
 
Captain.Heroin said:
Part of getting over it is forgiving yourself and learning to be honest but accepting of the way things are. I hope you find some inner peace.
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That statement is starting to ring closer to me now; was cynical at first glance. Thank you Captain H and chinup for sharing your experience which you have more than I. I appreciate that. I guess the opportunity that was missed wasn't meant to be AT THIS POINT in time in my life.
 
I hate myself quite a bit but I also try to work on acceptance and empathize with myself.

I have also had to forgive myself on a variety of fronts. It’s never easy.

I had a rather sobering and rough morning. Going to try to get some things done so I can unwind tonight.
 
My life is surreal. Living in a sober house is the most stressful thing i have ever done. They kicked 7 people out of the program on monday. A few where my friends. People fucking snitch, steal, lie ect. It is legit nuts. I cant wait to get my own place
 
cj said:
My life is surreal. Living in a sober house is the most stressful thing i have ever done. They kicked 7 people out of the program on monday. A few where my friends. People fucking snitch, steal, lie ect. It is legit nuts. I cant wait to get my own place
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It sounds like you're doing the right thing though man. I have faith you're doing the right thing and can make it work.
 
I won't wait 2 weeks but rather tomorrow I will be attending my very first NA Meeting. Had many good online reviews; I was surprised by the rating and the sample size of those reviewers for Google Reviews for the one in my area of town.
 
good to hear it opi! i have found NA really helpful, even though i got a bit disillusioned with it recently, i can't deny that its probably saved my life. i still cringe doing the serenity prayer at the end. a lot of it might seem weird at first, but give it time and listen to what people have to say. you'll find people who sound a lot like you and who have a strong recovery.
 
chinup said:
good to hear it opi! i have found NA really helpful, even though i got a bit disillusioned with it recently, i can't deny that its probably saved my life. i still cringe doing the serenity prayer at the end. a lot of it might seem weird at first, but give it time and listen to what people have to say. you'll find people who sound a lot like you and who have a strong recovery.
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I just heard a Youtube NA speech where the entire audience laughed in UNISON for 5 mintues to everything funny or not funny; witty or not witty. I wanted to die.
 
Opi_Kid_Rock said:
I just heard a Youtube NA speech where the entire audience laughed in UNISON for 5 mintues to everything funny or not funny; witty or not witty. I wanted to die.
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A lot of people aren't in the socially participating mind set when they're in recovery. A lot of human beings retract into a shell and don't want to be disturbed. I've seen it in a wide variety of people, some here some gone. I know I get socially avoidant in withdrawal.

I've always suspected NA groups are more for people who already have a long clean time but want to keep it going (most people who get there feel "done" with the withdrawal and just go on with their lives, etc.), but I don't know.

If you want to talk about what's going on Opi you can always PM me.
 
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