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May getting and/or staying sober thread v. May flowers

Promised myself I wouldn't drink yesterday and ended up having a couple anyway.:(:X

Don't understand why I'm finding it so hard to just get alcohol free days, the overall extent of my drinking is at a sensible(ish) level now (40-50 units a week) compared to where it was in January (30+ units a day) but I don't seem to be able to cut out those last couple of beers/glasses of wine. Managed one alcohol free day recently but that's it really, determined to get another one today.
 
omen_owen mk2 said:
Promised myself I wouldn't drink yesterday and ended up having a couple anyway.:(:X

Don't understand why I'm finding it so hard to just get alcohol free days, the overall extent of my drinking is at a sensible(ish) level now (40-50 units a week) compared to where it was in January (30+ units a day) but I don't seem to be able to cut out those last couple of beers/glasses of wine. Managed one alcohol free day recently but that's it really, determined to get another one today.
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Good for you on the alcohol free day. I hope you can manage your drinking. I personally cannot and holy fuck did I try. For me, its just easier to quit fighting it. I have seen tons of problem drinkers and drug users chill out. I also see lots of people stagnate and never ramp up the drinking. They seem to be totally fine with their use and its non of my business anyways.

Anyways 6 days sober and clean yay me.

Captain.Heroin said:
154 days off Suboxone!
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Getting off that shit is a bitch, I have been there myself. Keep it up and remain honest with yourself. I sometimes think I got off too early.
 
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phactor said:
Good for you on the alcohol free day. I hope you can manage your drinking. I personally cannot and holy fuck did I try. For me, its just easier to quit fighting it. I have seen tons of problem drinkers and drug users chill out. I also see lots of people stagnate and never ramp up the drinking. They seem to be totally fine with their use and its non of my business anyways.

Anyways 6 days sober and clean yay me.
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Things are complicated by the fact I'm on a bupe/diazepam script. The amount I'm drinking at the moment is not silly but the fact I'm struggling so much to go days without is a concern because of the other issues I have going on. I've been stuck in a cycle of relapse and detox with benzos and opiates for the last 6 years so having any substance that I'm using on a daily basis is a concern because it carries the very real potential of just becoming a substitute addiction when I get clean from my current scripts.

Six days.%)
 
I'm calling it. I can't do this sober shit. Fuck my life....I can't do it. I hate all these emotions....stress, overwhelmed, sad, mad, irritated.... I'm just done.
 
omen_owen mk2 said:
Things are complicated by the fact I'm on a bupe/diazepam script. The amount I'm drinking at the moment is not silly but the fact I'm struggling so much to go days without is a concern because of the other issues I have going on. I've been stuck in a cycle of relapse and detox with benzos and opiates for the last 6 years so having any substance that I'm using on a daily basis is a concern because it carries the very real potential of just becoming a substitute addiction when I get clean from my current scripts.

Six days.%)
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I was on bupe awhile myself, I got off it while sober though. Thankfully, this time around I do not think I have used enough opiates to need to get on suboxone. As for benzo WD, straight hell on earth. I find that when I abuse benzos and then stop I just drink a shitload to mask symptoms which leads me into alcohol WD which leads me grabbing for the benzos and any opiate I can get etc etc etc you know the deal.

GettingClean said:
I'm calling it. I can't do this sober shit. Fuck my life....I can't do it. I hate all these emotions....stress, overwhelmed, sad, mad, irritated.... I'm just done.
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I have to go to a meeting tonight, but I am going to try really hard to check back to this thread. I am here to talk. Do you have any support you can get? Considering SMART and or NA/AA? In my experience, using while in the shape you seem to be can lead to some terrible things. Please pause and think.

My worst day sober is better then any day using. Any day where you don't use and drink is better then a day of using IMO.
 
Well my only saving grace today is that the dopeman is dry. I feel like shit....so depressed and I feel like a relapse is coming. I've been to a few meetings but my anxiety is so fuckin bad I can barely sit through em. This is unbearable. I feel hopeless. If dude called now and said he got it flowin again I wouldnt be able to turn him down...
 
Space Firebird said:
So what happens if a person quits CT for a couple days, and then takes a small dose on day 3 so they can get through the day at work?
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You just set your withdrawal back by approximately the amount of time you weren't feeling shitty for, maybe a bit longer.
 
GettingClean said:
Well my only saving grace today is that the dopeman is dry. I feel like shit....so depressed and I feel like a relapse is coming. I've been to a few meetings but my anxiety is so fuckin bad I can barely sit through em. This is unbearable. I feel hopeless. If dude called now and said he got it flowin again I wouldnt be able to turn him down...
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You need to change something then. It sounds like patronising advice, but if what you're doing isn't working then change it.:)
 
lol I would love to be able to but it doesn't work like that as I'm sure you know. If you sit there never changing anything because you're not sure about whether it's the right thing to change then you'll never feel any different though.

If you honestly have no idea then start changing stuff at random and see what works and what doesn't. The first one for most people would be exercise though, if you're not doing it then do some.
 
GettingClean said:
I'd love to. Just tell me what that is because I can't figure it out.
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The path to recovery is marked by good decisions. One mindful decision at a time. Just make your next decision a good decision.

Practice makes perfect (of course no one is perfect but you know what I mean).
 
Had my first fall-back since starting on methadone. At 100mgs daily and one day out of the blue had a really intense craving and went out and shot a half gram of dope.... It did get me high and nodded but I felt bad that I had slipped and went back.... Up until that relapse I'd had virtually no cravings and figured the methadone itself would be the end all be all with cravings.

Now i'm back to the usual daily dosing, no cravings.... but a little smarter in realizing that even though i don't crave it constantly.... it can be just as easy to have a bad craving and cave when i now always have the cash to go buy some. Hopefully this little backwards step helps with my longterm recovery.
 
No longer under the dreary of withdrawals the cravings seem stronger everyday. I know it is a trick of the mind and an indication that my brain is healing. Today's rain is essential to the flowers that will bloom tomorrow.

Stay strong everybody. I'm right there with you!
 
GettingClean said:
Well my only saving grace today is that the dopeman is dry. I feel like shit....so depressed and I feel like a relapse is coming. I've been to a few meetings but my anxiety is so fuckin bad I can barely sit through em. This is unbearable. I feel hopeless. If dude called now and said he got it flowin again I wouldnt be able to turn him down...
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Are you sharing? Even just a little bit. Have you asked for help. IT IS SO FUCKING SCARY TO DO SO. I know. But as I said in a meeting today, I am more scared of dying then I am of sharing. If I hold my bullshit in I use and drink. If I use and drink I start the whole slow suicide process all over again.

I feel tremendous relief today in just saying "I cannot do it by myself, I need to try to trust others who have".

Anyways, day 7 for me today. Hit up a morning meeting, will be meeting up with a guy before my nightly one. I ended up having to go to two AA and one NA meetings yesterday. I wanted to go home and watch the first period of the Blackhawks v Wild game. Then I quickly told myself "Recovery First". Ended up staying and then got to watch the 2nd and 3rd and OT win feeling happy.

Yes, I have to think in cheesy phrases today but its working so far.

Physically I feel pretty good, slept well (had to take 3 Unisom tabs but oh well). Mentally, I am better. Scared shitless still, but better. I really am at a point where I cannot live with my addiction, but I know that I cannot live without it on my own. I am likely the world's best rationalizer. I can rationalize anything.

Also, CaseFace congrats buddy! That is huge. I want that for myself. Only one way to get it for me is putting shit into action daily. One foot in front of the other... one day at a time... blah blah I know I know :D
 
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CF Congrats on a year today! that's a great accomplishment.

Thanks everyone who responded yesterday im feeling a little better today. Been having some weird ass dreams and having been sleeping super well and it's making me a little nuts. I feel like I need some sort of antidepressant to even out my moods....What triggered me yesterday was a nasty panic attack. It was more about not wanting to feel the overwhelming hours after and depression that then follows that :(
 
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