caseface99
Bluelight Crew
One week clean!! I'm feeling good. Still got craving like crazy. Everything in my house is a trigger object and reminds me of using like spoons or the waist strap on a robe that we used as tourniquets and even my room cuz that's where we used everyday. I can't leave my house, I have no where else to go so I just have to push through it. And I have something to admit, it's hard for me to say but honestly I have a needle stashed away. I can't bring myself to throw it away. I've tried many times. I had a few of them when I first threw my stuff away but I kept one. I have this really strong feeling that I will use again at least once like on a special occasion(like a birthday but that would be a long time cuz me and my Fiancés bday is in Novmber. And it's worse cuz hers is the 26th and mine is the 28th so there is potential to use twice in a very short time) even if I threw it away I could easily get a whole fucking bag of them. All id have to do is walk into my local grocery store and ask for them and they'll give them too me, it's that easy here.
Also I haven't thrown my weed grinder away. My dad told me to get rid of it but I know I will smoke again. Smoking weed has never been a problem for me, I was never "addicted". Some ppl may argue this but I don't believe its addictive but maybe that's because I've gone through a more serious addiction. The only reason I'm not smoking now is cuz I got DSS over my head. I probably shouldn't keep smoking cuz that's how I got into pill in the first place. Went to get bud but ended up trying oxy.
But idk what to do about the needle situation. The only really really really serious impact the needle would have on me is if DSS came and checked out my house but I'm sure I got it some where they'd never look or think to look
I've been through some very serious addictions to heroin, oxys, crack/cocaine, speed, and my speedball phase where I was addicted to coke and heroin at the same time, plus random phases with abusing alcohol, e pills and ketamine/MXE though wouldn't consider those to have developed into full dependance. My point being that through all of this, I still say you can have a serious addiction to weed.
Before I did any of these other drugs I had just as hard of a time stopping smoking weed. I was stoned every single minute I was awake quite literally from when i was 16 till I was almost 18, without exaggerating, If I was awake I was ripped. For 6 months at the end I was going through the classic addictive process of hating my life and what i was doing and promising myself I wouldn't smoke the next day, and every time waking up and getting stoned again even though I didn't want too. If I didn't smoke I would have the sort of panic attacks where you feel like you're dying, among other withdrawals (mostly psychological, some physical like racing heart and restlessness/insomnia.)
I have also met people in rehab who have lost everything because of weed, their houses, wives, kids, cars, bank accounts, etc. People who had a family and a career and ended up broke and alone because of pot. Of course they are way more few and far between then with other drugs/alcohol - but the point is that it has potentially to be just as addictive in the right person.
I am not saying you shouldn't smoke weed though - trust me I fully support people getting stoned instead of doing hard drugs regardless of if they are abusing it or not - it's always a better choice and it's also possible to smoke without abusing it even after being addicted to something else. So basically the only point I'm arguing from your post is that it's not addictive - I simply want to point out that it can be a serious addiction for some people. That's all though - none of this is meant to say that I think it's always a stupid idea for anyone who has ever had a problem with anyone else, I'm not one of the people who says once you've been addicted to one thing you can never use anything. I personally don't smoke weed anymore, but only because I have had problems with it in the past. Maybe one day I will again, but not anytime in the foreseeable future.
Also, in regards to the needle you have - it's common for us to hold on to reservations. I've gotten clean and kept gear before too. I've also kept phone numbers and even small bags of dope stashed away before. It has never turned out well, and I don't see it turning out well for anyway. Using drugs like heroin one more time is a myth. Unlike with pot, with heroin I can almost guarantee that it will not end well for you. The only friends I have who ever used "one more time" are the friends I have who overdosed and died on a "one time" relapse. The others are either still using or went back out for a while before getting clean again. So while I don't think it's a terribly big deal that you plan on smoking weed, especially if it truly hasn't ever been a problem for you, I DO think holding this reservation of keeping a needle/using on special occasions IS a terrible idea. I don't want to see a thread about you in the shrine, or worse - never see you post again and never know what happened.
Sorry for the novel of a post - just something to think about. Congrats on a week though, in the grand scheme of things you ARE doing really well so be proud!
-Case