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March Getting Clean Thread v. If I can do it, you can too!

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One week clean!! I'm feeling good. Still got craving like crazy. Everything in my house is a trigger object and reminds me of using like spoons or the waist strap on a robe that we used as tourniquets and even my room cuz that's where we used everyday. I can't leave my house, I have no where else to go so I just have to push through it. And I have something to admit, it's hard for me to say but honestly I have a needle stashed away. I can't bring myself to throw it away. I've tried many times. I had a few of them when I first threw my stuff away but I kept one. I have this really strong feeling that I will use again at least once like on a special occasion(like a birthday but that would be a long time cuz me and my Fiancés bday is in Novmber. And it's worse cuz hers is the 26th and mine is the 28th so there is potential to use twice in a very short time) even if I threw it away I could easily get a whole fucking bag of them. All id have to do is walk into my local grocery store and ask for them and they'll give them too me, it's that easy here.

Also I haven't thrown my weed grinder away. My dad told me to get rid of it but I know I will smoke again. Smoking weed has never been a problem for me, I was never "addicted". Some ppl may argue this but I don't believe its addictive but maybe that's because I've gone through a more serious addiction. The only reason I'm not smoking now is cuz I got DSS over my head. I probably shouldn't keep smoking cuz that's how I got into pill in the first place. Went to get bud but ended up trying oxy.

But idk what to do about the needle situation. The only really really really serious impact the needle would have on me is if DSS came and checked out my house but I'm sure I got it some where they'd never look or think to look


I've been through some very serious addictions to heroin, oxys, crack/cocaine, speed, and my speedball phase where I was addicted to coke and heroin at the same time, plus random phases with abusing alcohol, e pills and ketamine/MXE though wouldn't consider those to have developed into full dependance. My point being that through all of this, I still say you can have a serious addiction to weed.

Before I did any of these other drugs I had just as hard of a time stopping smoking weed. I was stoned every single minute I was awake quite literally from when i was 16 till I was almost 18, without exaggerating, If I was awake I was ripped. For 6 months at the end I was going through the classic addictive process of hating my life and what i was doing and promising myself I wouldn't smoke the next day, and every time waking up and getting stoned again even though I didn't want too. If I didn't smoke I would have the sort of panic attacks where you feel like you're dying, among other withdrawals (mostly psychological, some physical like racing heart and restlessness/insomnia.)

I have also met people in rehab who have lost everything because of weed, their houses, wives, kids, cars, bank accounts, etc. People who had a family and a career and ended up broke and alone because of pot. Of course they are way more few and far between then with other drugs/alcohol - but the point is that it has potentially to be just as addictive in the right person.

I am not saying you shouldn't smoke weed though - trust me I fully support people getting stoned instead of doing hard drugs regardless of if they are abusing it or not - it's always a better choice and it's also possible to smoke without abusing it even after being addicted to something else. So basically the only point I'm arguing from your post is that it's not addictive - I simply want to point out that it can be a serious addiction for some people. That's all though - none of this is meant to say that I think it's always a stupid idea for anyone who has ever had a problem with anyone else, I'm not one of the people who says once you've been addicted to one thing you can never use anything. I personally don't smoke weed anymore, but only because I have had problems with it in the past. Maybe one day I will again, but not anytime in the foreseeable future.


Also, in regards to the needle you have - it's common for us to hold on to reservations. I've gotten clean and kept gear before too. I've also kept phone numbers and even small bags of dope stashed away before. It has never turned out well, and I don't see it turning out well for anyway. Using drugs like heroin one more time is a myth. Unlike with pot, with heroin I can almost guarantee that it will not end well for you. The only friends I have who ever used "one more time" are the friends I have who overdosed and died on a "one time" relapse. The others are either still using or went back out for a while before getting clean again. So while I don't think it's a terribly big deal that you plan on smoking weed, especially if it truly hasn't ever been a problem for you, I DO think holding this reservation of keeping a needle/using on special occasions IS a terrible idea. I don't want to see a thread about you in the shrine, or worse - never see you post again and never know what happened.


Sorry for the novel of a post - just something to think about. Congrats on a week though, in the grand scheme of things you ARE doing really well so be proud!

-Case
 
I know, I went back and added that after I noticed my mistake. I was asking mocmoc but actually anyone that is kicking Norco. I have tried tapering for months, which is how I got to 22.5, but that's only on my days off of work, and I am unable to reduce it further and still function at work, so I take 30 mg/day during work days. So, I took a week off, and have been trying to get ready, but very frightened. I don't want to start and stop. I already kicked the morphine the doc added a long time ago and even with the hydrcodone, it was a month of waking up feeling awful. I have fibromyalgia and low back pain, also a knee injury, but the pain is not as concerning to me as the fatigue I have. My job is very demanding physically and mentally.

Now I feel like I'm whining, so will leave it at this.

Looking for help to get well ain't whining in my book. ;)

May I ask: Do you take it all at once or split into doses throughout the day?
 
I've been through some very serious addictions to heroin, oxys, crack/cocaine, speed, and my speedball phase where I was addicted to coke and heroin at the same time, plus random phases with abusing alcohol, e pills and ketamine/MXE though wouldn't consider those to have developed into full dependance. My point being that through all of this, I still say you can have a serious addiction to weed.

Before I did any of these other drugs I had just as hard of a time stopping smoking weed. I was stoned every single minute I was awake quite literally from when i was 16 till I was almost 18, without exaggerating, If I was awake I was ripped. For 6 months at the end I was going through the classic addictive process of hating my life and what i was doing and promising myself I wouldn't smoke the next day, and every time waking up and getting stoned again even though I didn't want too. If I didn't smoke I would have the sort of panic attacks where you feel like you're dying, among other withdrawals (mostly psychological, some physical like racing heart and restlessness/insomnia.)

I have also met people in rehab who have lost everything because of weed, their houses, wives, kids, cars, bank accounts, etc. People who had a family and a career and ended up broke and alone because of pot. Of course they are way more few and far between then with other drugs/alcohol - but the point is that it has potentially to be just as addictive in the right person.

I am not saying you shouldn't smoke weed though - trust me I fully support people getting stoned instead of doing hard drugs regardless of if they are abusing it or not - it's always a better choice and it's also possible to smoke without abusing it even after being addicted to something else. So basically the only point I'm arguing from your post is that it's not addictive - I simply want to point out that it can be a serious addiction for some people. That's all though - none of this is meant to say that I think it's always a stupid idea for anyone who has ever had a problem with anyone else, I'm not one of the people who says once you've been addicted to one thing you can never use anything. I personally don't smoke weed anymore, but only because I have had problems with it in the past. Maybe one day I will again, but not anytime in the foreseeable future.


Also, in regards to the needle you have - it's common for us to hold on to reservations. I've gotten clean and kept gear before too. I've also kept phone numbers and even small bags of dope stashed away before. It has never turned out well, and I don't see it turning out well for anyway. Using drugs like heroin one more time is a myth. Unlike with pot, with heroin I can almost guarantee that it will not end well for you. The only friends I have who ever used "one more time" are the friends I have who overdosed and died on a "one time" relapse. The others are either still using or went back out for a while before getting clean again. So while I don't think it's a terribly big deal that you plan on smoking weed, especially if it truly hasn't ever been a problem for you, I DO think holding this reservation of keeping a needle/using on special occasions IS a terrible idea. I don't want to see a thread about you in the shrine, or worse - never see you post again and never know what happened.


Sorry for the novel of a post - just something to think about. Congrats on a week though, in the grand scheme of things you ARE doing really well so be proud!

-Case

Haha it's all good, I'm sure you've seen some of my posts that are long as hell. But I understand. I guess I should've worded it differently. For ME, weed was never a problem, I didn't have to have it. Some times if it didn't smoke for days at a time I would get irritable but it always went away fairly quick. I never fiended for it and for me I didn't waste my money on it. If it was some good Dro than I could buy a dub and it would last me and my fiancé for almost a week. I'm sorta like my dad, he smokes too. A quarter of mid will last him weeks. He could smoke on a joint for like 3 days.

I don't have any problems with smoking either, eventually it's gonna be legal. It's already happening and pretty fast. I believe that if you can control your weed "use" by being smart about it , staying in school or keeping your job, not letting it take over your life than go ahead and smoke. I guess you could say to keep it in moderation. It's jus for me and all my friends I've never seen it become addicting to any of us. The only thing it's done is introduce us to other drugs. Some say it's a gateway drug but I believe it's only a gateway drug if you let it be. I went to get bud from my dude and he asked if I wanted to try oxy, I did and was hooked from then on out.

Anyways, I'm sure ill get rid of the needle. I'm still early in my recovery so my sorta planned relapse thoughts are strong. But ill be here for years to come updating on my recovery and how I'm doing and trying to help others. I love this forum, I'm glad i found it

And thanks, I'm am proud. I've never been clean this long since I started using, my fiancé hasn't either and I'm very proud of her too. I'm glad I haven't had to check my self in anywhere. I've done it on my own with only support and I'm proud of that too
 
Congrats! 1 week is fantastic.

If you think you can smoke weed and still be fine, then go ahead. Just be honest with yourself and watch for warning signs (increase in use being the big one).

I say this because of my own personal experiences where I basically tried using weed to quit alcohol. It failed and I became addicted to both. My mindset there was ENTIRELY different from yours though, and I think that's a key differentiating factor.

Also I think keeping your brain in 100% recovery mode, at least in the first few months, is pretty important. This is my personal opinion though. You don't want to accidentally shift the emotions and the pain and the "learning how to cope with stuff sober" onto a new drug. You gotta do that stuff first, entirely sober (in my opinion).

The feeling of constantly wanting to relapse will fade, especially as you start to realize all the major accomplishments in your life you've made (1 week clean being one of them!). Something that always keeps me going during the rough sober times is that in sobriety our achievements are not rewarded instantly like they are in drug use. In drug use we get our reward instantly. In real life, it doesn't work like that. It takes years.

Also definitely find a new dealer (one that doesn't sell anything else), or get someone to grab for you.
 
Congrats! 1 week is fantastic.

If you think you can smoke weed and still be fine, then go ahead. Just be honest with yourself and watch for warning signs (increase in use being the big one).

I say this because of my own personal experiences where I basically tried using weed to quit alcohol. It failed and I became addicted to both. My mindset there was ENTIRELY different from yours though, and I think that's a key differentiating factor.

Also I think keeping your brain in 100% recovery mode, at least in the first few months, is pretty important. This is my personal opinion though. You don't want to accidentally shift the emotions and the pain and the "learning how to cope with stuff sober" onto a new drug. You gotta do that stuff first, entirely sober (in my opinion).

The feeling of constantly wanting to relapse will fade, especially as you start to realize all the major accomplishments in your life you've made (1 week clean being one of them!). Something that always keeps me going during the rough sober times is that in sobriety our achievements are not rewarded instantly like they are in drug use. In drug use we get our reward instantly. In real life, it doesn't work like that. It takes years.

Also definitely find a new dealer (one that doesn't sell anything else), or get someone to grab for you.

Well I'm definitely gonna control how much I smoke whenever I do start smoking again. I gotta wait til Social Services is of my back but who knows when that'll be. Im sure they're gonna lay off whenever I have my assessment done and probably a drug test. I'm thinking it's gonna be soon cuz they put in my paper work like 5 days ago. I'll probably be put into IOP or counseling.

Anyways, the only person I know to get bud from only sells bud. I know I'm gonna tell them I'm clean of opiates so even if they did have pills, they wouldn't give me any if I asked. As for heroin, i didn't even know the dude that was supplying us. My fiancé did all that. Apparently they didn't like me and I wasn't allowed to ride with my fiancé to get the stuff. They didn't even fucking know me. I sorta knew the dudes girl friend but the dude himself has never even said a word to me and he'd only seem me once and it was dark. So he judged me from nothing. But I didn't care. I still went with her to get shit whether they liked it or not. They wouldn't even of known I was there cuz she had to go inside the house to get it and i would sit in the car. But enough of that, I don't wanna relive that shit in my mind right now haha

But I couldn't get more H if I tried. Im sure I could get pills if I wanted to but I don't and i don't have money haha
 
Haha it's all good, I'm sure you've seen some of my posts that are long as hell. But I understand. I guess I should've worded it differently. For ME, weed was never a problem, I didn't have to have it. Some times if it didn't smoke for days at a time I would get irritable but it always went away fairly quick. I never fiended for it and for me I didn't waste my money on it. If it was some good Dro than I could buy a dub and it would last me and my fiancé for almost a week. I'm sorta like my dad, he smokes too. A quarter of mid will last him weeks. He could smoke on a joint for like 3 days.

I don't have any problems with smoking either, eventually it's gonna be legal. It's already happening and pretty fast. I believe that if you can control your weed "use" by being smart about it , staying in school or keeping your job, not letting it take over your life than go ahead and smoke. I guess you could say to keep it in moderation. It's jus for me and all my friends I've never seen it become addicting to any of us. The only thing it's done is introduce us to other drugs. Some say it's a gateway drug but I believe it's only a gateway drug if you let it be. I went to get bud from my dude and he asked if I wanted to try oxy, I did and was hooked from then on out.

Anyways, I'm sure ill get rid of the needle. I'm still early in my recovery so my sorta planned relapse thoughts are strong. But ill be here for years to come updating on my recovery and how I'm doing and trying to help others. I love this forum, I'm glad i found it

And thanks, I'm am proud. I've never been clean this long since I started using, my fiancé hasn't either and I'm very proud of her too. I'm glad I haven't had to check my self in anywhere. I've done it on my own with only support and I'm proud of that too

Haha Yeah I tend to way over explain things, I really didn't need to write that much in order to say: "pot can be addictive for some people" <--- sums up my entire huge post up there lmao. Apparently I'm heavily right brained and over explaining things is a common trait associated with that. (learned that in one of my classes.)

That's awesome about your fiancé, did you both stop on the same day? I hope you both stick with it!

Keep it up man, and everyone else too.

____


Update from myself... I'm doing pretty good on my 309th day sober. Had my first shift volunteering at the local needle exchange today, was one of the slower sites today but was still pretty awesome. I felt really good about myself afterwards, and also had some great conversations with another volunteer whose a sociology major studying the effectiveness of needle exchanges. Anyway the important thing is that seeing thousands of needles and other gear wasn't a trigger for me. :)

*Almost* finished with a massive research paper I just wrote about a career in substance abuse counseling, leading into doing research on the effectiveness of different methods of treatment. Basically had to write a paper about a career we'd like to pursue. Also had to do a presentation and just about finished with my powerpoint as well. Of course I left the entire powerpoint and half the paper for today... But I'm not stressing anymore cause all i need to do is proofread the paper and animate the presentation neither of which will take long. I always say this, but this time I hope I stick to it: Never again wait until the last minute to do an assignment worth a large portion of my grade.
 
One week as well here..... after 6 years of on and off....

The only thing I can see making me go back is not getting sleep.... driving me mad....

need to shower and get to work!

Peace and Congrats to Err One that is Clean.
 
Chill day at work..nothing is going on. It's hard to believe I'm about to add another month to my time, but then again, I'm about to add another day to it too.

I'm getting fat though..I don't have an excuse for it being sober weight or sympathy weight anymore..time to start working out.. I'm also going to register for school. I think I'll enjoy life a lot more without having to be at work everyday..and I'm sure a lot of days are going to be like this coming up...NOTHING, not to mention giving my brain some actual work. I've been on idle for far too long.

I hope everyone is doing fanfuckingtastic! :)
 
Day 4 from my jump. Feeling pretty good. No aches, minor RLS at night but I fall asleep well. I have a bit of a runny nose and the shits but not too bad. In the past, day 3 was my peak when in WD so I imagine this will start to subside sooner rather than later. Thank God I was able to stick to my taper schedule. I was just sick of opiates running my life. Getting more and more and more from my pain doc over the past year. I look at the dose I was on and can't believe I was even functional. It's a miracle today that I have 4 days clean!! Oh and my back doesn't hurt at all, wish I would have done this ages ago and not wasted so much time and money on doc visits, MRI's, scripts and epidural's. My PT says my issue with a slipped disc is purely a muscle tone issue. I wish I would have started PT ages ago.
 
Day 4 from my jump. Feeling pretty good. No aches, minor RLS at night but I fall asleep well. I have a bit of a runny nose and the shits but not too bad. In the past, day 3 was my peak when in WD so I imagine this will start to subside sooner rather than later. Thank God I was able to stick to my taper schedule. I was just sick of opiates running my life. Getting more and more and more from my pain doc over the past year. I look at the dose I was on and can't believe I was even functional. It's a miracle today that I have 4 days clean!! Oh and my back doesn't hurt at all, wish I would have done this ages ago and not wasted so much time and money on doc visits, MRI's, scripts and epidural's. My PT says my issue with a slipped disc is purely a muscle tone issue. I wish I would have started PT ages ago.

Great job moc! Day 3 was my peak, after that everything went down hill. I didn't taper, I just quit. But I'm on 8 days clean now, my RLS acts up a little at night and when I wake up but when I'm up moving around it gets better. The shits suck but for me it's virtually gone. I guess eating well and immodium would help. I don't work out or anything but I've heard PT make you feel great when your withdrawals are subsiding. Keep it up!!
 
Keep it up guys, you're all doing great! :)

@itsALLfake - I agree it is always crazy to think about when adding another month. Shit I've only got 6-7 weeks until my 1 year mark which is completely insane to me...
 
Great job moc! Day 3 was my peak, after that everything went down hill. I didn't taper, I just quit. But I'm on 8 days clean now, my RLS acts up a little at night and when I wake up but when I'm up moving around it gets better. The shits suck but for me it's virtually gone. I guess eating well and immodium would help. I don't work out or anything but I've heard PT make you feel great when your withdrawals are subsiding. Keep it up!!

Yeah, today is better than yesterday, I've only had the runs once and that was early this morning I'm not even taking lope. The taper did what it was supposed to do, basically mitigate any really horrible physical WDs. Before I found my current pain doc I was using PST to maintain my pain. I quit that cold turkey cause I had to take a drug test with the new doc. I went through 8-10 days of total hell, on the verge of asking my wife to have me committed cause I was in a fog of shit for at least 7 days straight. DON'T EVER do PST!!!!!!!!! This time I did the taper to help avoid that type of experience again. I guess that I went through enough hell then to help me stick to my taper. Had some bad news today from the IRS. Looks like I have to pay them a shit ton of money. Trying with all my might to not go dig the 850mg of morphine out of the trash, I couldn't bring myself to flush it. Now I wish I had. Just sitting here waiting for my wife to get home so I can ask her to flush it cause after the news I got today, I'd use if I even go near the trash can. Hanging onto 4 days by a spider thread.
 
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Officially 9 days clean! Who'd a thought!? I never thought I'd ever be at this point. I always figured I'd be a drug addict. When using I felt like I was put on earth to be a drug user cuz that was all I was good at. But now that has all changed. I feel great, I dont feel like my life has no purpose any more. I'm proud of myself, never been 9 days clean in over 4 years. I had forgotten what it was like to feel normal. I would walk around and look at other people and wonder what it was like to feel like they do. Now I'm able to feel that and it feels geat
 
Officially 9 days clean! Who'd a thought!? I never thought I'd ever be at this point. I always figured I'd be a drug addict. When using I felt like I was put on earth to be a drug user cuz that was all I was good at. But now that has all changed. I feel great, I dont feel like my life has no purpose any more. I'm proud of myself, never been 9 days clean in over 4 years. I had forgotten what it was like to feel normal. I would walk around and look at other people and wonder what it was like to feel like they do. Now I'm able to feel that and it feels geat

Congratulations! I can feel how proud and excited you are when I read your words. It's an incredible sensation to have your mind clear and your body detoxify. As you relish this moment, be patient with yourself. As you start to feel more and more normal, keep in mind that it takes a bit of time for your body/brain to be fully rid of the pollutants from the blood stream and the body fat. You are at a fantastic milestone with over week clean. Remember to eat right, drink plenty of water, and take a multivitamin. You will feel better and better!

To feel like our lives have purpose is what makes life worth living. The happiest, healthiest people are those who have something they are passionate about--something that drives them, brings them joy, and makes them feel fulfilled. In the grip of opiates I may have pretended as though I had many passions, but the truth was that the thing that drove me was my addiction. Everything else was an after thought. I managed to reach a few of my dreams, but I was never able to give 100% of myself to any job, or craft, or relationship.

But now, with a clear mind, a clean conscience, and a healthy body, I know exactly what my purpose is. It isn't simply that I'm not using drugs. I am now, finally, using all of my energy instead of just a fraction of it. And life is more beautiful than ever because of it. That shift is what has made sobriety so liberating and meaningful to me. Thank you for reminding me of that.
 
Ugh....could have had 5 days today but now I'm back to 1 :-(

Physically, I feel fine but the absolute raw emotional swings are a bitch. I couldn't stand it last night and I had to meet with some of my business advisors. I took 5 mg to take the edge off and flushed the rest. I had my pharmacy take me off auto re-fill so I wouldn't be getting another script in a couple of days.

Leaving town for a week and hoping that a change of scenery will help with the emotions.

16 hrs now! Keep posting! Seeing others with clean time on here helps a lot.
 
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