Space Firebird
Bluelighter
^^Exactly, Case.
That's why I almost broke down. As noble as it may be, if your desire to stop using is for your kids, your husband, your parents, your career, etc, then chances are it's not sustainable. The effort has to come from within, for one's self. Nothing else keeps us sober, nothing else rocks us to the core like our own desire to finally get clean does.
Quiet as it's kept, sobriety is often one of the only benchmarks for overturning a prison sentence, or getting children back, or being able to live in a half-way house....the list goes on. The algebra being that if someone can just get clean, all of their problems will be alleviated. As you and I both know, sobriety is the first step. Anyone can "get clean." But can they stay sober? Can they reorganize their entire life so that the desire to use is a far removed phenomenon instead of right in their face?
Using is a lifestyle, and it can be a full-time job, depending on the severity of your addiction. Instead of making sobriety the platform that will mend a broken family, it may be time to examine a different paradigm. Perhaps helping a family in crisis means helping parents change their habits--all of them. In turn, this could help families restructure the various pieces that make up their lifestyle. In doing so, perhaps permanent sobriety would be a more feasible feat. Or, even if someone relapses in this situation, everything doesn't come crumbling down because of it. You've built a solid foundation that is difficult to break, even if someone slips.
Well said.
My motivation right now is that there is nothing in my life that I want more than to have this fucking monkey off of my back. I was telling myself all the "reasons" why it would make my life better to do so (I could get back into doing the things that I love, I would save money, be a better family man etc), and you know what? They don't matter. All that matters now is that I get through this dark tunnel and am no longer addicted to drugs. After that I can worry about putting my life back together. It's going to be so different anyway from what it is now that I can't even think about it right now.
I do have the support of my wife, which is phenomenal. I don't know what I would do without a friend to lean on. It also sucks having to lean on her, she doesn't deserve any of this, nor does she understand what has happened to me. I just hope I have the chance to one day return the favor.
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