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March Getting Clean Thread v. If I can do it, you can too!

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Zwanya said:
^^Exactly, Case.

That's why I almost broke down. As noble as it may be, if your desire to stop using is for your kids, your husband, your parents, your career, etc, then chances are it's not sustainable. The effort has to come from within, for one's self. Nothing else keeps us sober, nothing else rocks us to the core like our own desire to finally get clean does.

Quiet as it's kept, sobriety is often one of the only benchmarks for overturning a prison sentence, or getting children back, or being able to live in a half-way house....the list goes on. The algebra being that if someone can just get clean, all of their problems will be alleviated. As you and I both know, sobriety is the first step. Anyone can "get clean." But can they stay sober? Can they reorganize their entire life so that the desire to use is a far removed phenomenon instead of right in their face?

Using is a lifestyle, and it can be a full-time job, depending on the severity of your addiction. Instead of making sobriety the platform that will mend a broken family, it may be time to examine a different paradigm. Perhaps helping a family in crisis means helping parents change their habits--all of them. In turn, this could help families restructure the various pieces that make up their lifestyle. In doing so, perhaps permanent sobriety would be a more feasible feat. Or, even if someone relapses in this situation, everything doesn't come crumbling down because of it. You've built a solid foundation that is difficult to break, even if someone slips.
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Well said.

My motivation right now is that there is nothing in my life that I want more than to have this fucking monkey off of my back. I was telling myself all the "reasons" why it would make my life better to do so (I could get back into doing the things that I love, I would save money, be a better family man etc), and you know what? They don't matter. All that matters now is that I get through this dark tunnel and am no longer addicted to drugs. After that I can worry about putting my life back together. It's going to be so different anyway from what it is now that I can't even think about it right now.

I do have the support of my wife, which is phenomenal. I don't know what I would do without a friend to lean on. It also sucks having to lean on her, she doesn't deserve any of this, nor does she understand what has happened to me. I just hope I have the chance to one day return the favor.
 
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turning on you all and it marks another 24 down<3

goodnight-glitter-pictures-009.gif
 
caseface99 said:
Hey Generic, good to see you around here, glad to see you're still sober! :)

Dunno, you can do this. March IS your month.


I'm thoroughly exhausted. I might actually fall asleep within an hour of laying down tonight.


291 days. (technically it's 292 today, cause its 3:15 am)
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Thanks. I wrote it down. That's how bad I am and what they do to you.
 
caseface99 said:
Keep at it spack, don't feel down on yourself if you smoke some weed to get through this - I would really urge you avoid making it an everyday/all day habit but shit you're coming off of meth, smoking a little weed isn't the worst thing in the world for you right now...
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Already is and was an all-day habit. Ain't never without my sweet leaf... barring sobriety attempts. You need it to keep you sane when on the gear, doncha know, haha. Still, tonight is nearing its end, and I haven't touched a bong or a more importantly hit the pip.

Constant rationalizations. You're doing so well, Spack, why not buy a halfer? Just a halfer, just for the night? It's THAT easy...

Nah ah. Not getting me like that again this time.

-------
Well done to everyone else so far, too! I mean, off the needle for over a year? Fuck yeah, that's a goddamn effort.
 
I don't live downtown anymore, so I haven't been exposed to my previous pick up spots in some time. Yesterday I went for a long walk downtown, and even though I didn't go by my "hot" spot I picked up at, I still got the dboys talking at me. In each case, I never responded because it's futile really, but here are things that were said to me on different occasions yesterday and then I wrote what what I wanted to say back (in each case I actually ignored them and kept walking):

Dboy: You good?
Me: "Better than you want me to be"

Dboy: Hey let me talk to you?
Me: "My soul is not for sale"

Dboy: I got what you need.
Me: "You have absolutely no power over me"


Even though I killed it downtown yesterday, I'm still very worried about one phrase. One phrase at that one spot. I can't even bring myself to type it because it is so triggering for me. Someday I will have a response in my head for that awful question and it won't be "yes".


Coming up on 6 months off ALL opiates and benzos (and thieno's)!
 
I have to be sober from now on. I don't believe in any God....Just Good Luck

 
Just poking in to say "hey" to everyone. Glad to see stardust and caseface still doing well:). Big props to captain heroin.. I had an overly drawn out experience with Buprenorphine, and it sucked..but for some reason I woke up everyday with the goal to make sure I could still be on it the next day.. between being a little outside myself and not being sick, it seemed like it was never going to end. I don't think it would've if I didn't go to treatment last year.

The universe is a funny thing. I finally decide to get clean, and I thought that was a big challenge..adding becoming a parent almost 9months in..whew, but me being sleep deprived, half-way knowing what I'm saying, is totally worth it.:) Life is golden, and I hope every faces their challenges head on. Being able to look at something and telling yourself, "this isn't going to shut me down," is extremely empowering and uplifting.

I hope March goes well for everyone.. It seems like I'm at the office twiddling my thumbs almost once a month.. Most days I would be climbing up the walls preferring to be out actually working, but sleepless nights like last night makes me happy to just "work." The universe man, I'm telling you. Everything pans out to work in your favor if you see it through. I didn't want to get out of my comfortable bed I hadn't slept in yet to come in to work, but I just powered through that addict brain..and I'm able to just chill and vape at my desk. Of course, the other forum I'm active with on my phone is down...bluelight needs a phone app.. Browser forums are dumbdumb on my phone..ok..I guess you can tell I'm a little on the insomniac side of things..:)

smile:)
 
stardust.hero said:
Glad to see everyone back here <3.

Day 191 for me :) Approaching 200 is exciting!
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I am really proud of you

That's more than I have so if there's any advice you can give me I would love to hear it.

I am on day 83 myself of no bupe/opiates.

itsALLfake said:
Just poking in to say "hey" to everyone. Glad to see stardust and caseface still doing well:). Big props to captain heroin.. I had an overly drawn out experience with Buprenorphine, and it sucked..but for some reason I woke up everyday with the goal to make sure I could still be on it the next day.. between being a little outside myself and not being sick, it seemed like it was never going to end. I don't think it would've if I didn't go to treatment last year.

The universe is a funny thing. I finally decide to get clean, and I thought that was a big challenge..adding becoming a parent almost 9months in..whew, but me being sleep deprived, half-way knowing what I'm saying, is totally worth it.:) Life is golden, and I hope every faces their challenges head on. Being able to look at something and telling yourself, "this isn't going to shut me down," is extremely empowering and uplifting.

I hope March goes well for everyone.. It seems like I'm at the office twiddling my thumbs almost once a month.. Most days I would be climbing up the walls preferring to be out actually working, but sleepless nights like last night makes me happy to just "work." The universe man, I'm telling you. Everything pans out to work in your favor if you see it through. I didn't want to get out of my comfortable bed I hadn't slept in yet to come in to work, but I just powered through that addict brain..and I'm able to just chill and vape at my desk. Of course, the other forum I'm active with on my phone is down...bluelight needs a phone app.. Browser forums are dumbdumb on my phone..ok..I guess you can tell I'm a little on the insomniac side of things..:)

smile:)
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Thanks for sharing your experience man.

I am likely still on the drawn out experience of this. Still have some symptoms sadly.
 
^that's awesome, case.

364 days today.

Last night I had a few flashbacks to the wreckage of my past. I woke up physically shaken, full of guilt, and feeling that ceaseless and familiar desire to escape those feelings a quickly as possible. As a buddhist and a yogi, I try not to let these negative thoughts and emotions gain control over my behavior and cloud my mood. I remind myself that they are just thoughts, that I can let them exist, then allow them to float away from my present state.

When I focused on the present this morning, I felt giddy, and just incredibly happy that I've almost made it to an important benchmark; one whole year. Adding to the giddiness, is the fact that Daylight Saving is Sunday. This means there will be more light shining on everything and all of us. It also means that many living things are beginning to grow and "spring" upwards. They emerge from hibernation, and climb out with renewed strength and energy. I'm right there too, moving upwards and working hard to leave the darkness far behind me.

I hope everyone felt good and balanced for at least one moment today.
 
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