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March Getting Clean Thread v. If I can do it, you can too!

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TheAgnostic said:
Good thread..
Ill have 5 months clean and sober on the 5th of March. I've been feeling great physically but mentally i have a real urge to smoke weed.. I've been fighting an addiction to opiates since i was 14, on my last run i ended up trying heroin, losing my job and ended up homeless.. i ended up starting to use needles and eventually sold everything i owned.. being 20 and living in a flop house was hell i knew i wasn't living right so i tried to get help.. i got into a halfway house and with help from them and AA I've been sober since. Things have been great which brings me back to the question why do i still want to smoke weed.. its always been my d.o.c I've smoked since i was 12, but everyone in the program says if i smoke ill end up shooting dope again, anyone have any advice? Sorry for ranting this has been an issue I've been wrestling with the past couple of months.
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sounds like me, man. Ive been trying to stay off dope since november. before i was on subs and i was drinking and smoking weed but as long as i didn't do opiates i thought i was good. My drinking always leads me back to dope but like you, i like to smoke weed and have always liked it. feels like back in the day again or something. idk. but when i chief i don't have the urge to do dope.

Im getting back on suboxone cuz the vivotrol shot has me feeling like ass once i ran out of the 18 strips he gave me. so my maintenance is pretty much weed and subs but i feel like im using it as a crutch. In a few months i wanna get off subs (if the faggot ass dickhead of a doc puts me back on em) but i don't wanna quit smoking. I almost feel a little guilty for lying to my parents about not smoking. Everyone else that knows me and knows what i was like before opiates are cool with me smoking, even my outpatient place is cool with it. Its like the old me is back but in reality i would assume the old me is my sober self from almost a decade ago, but i dont know that guy, unfortunately. *le sigh*

On a better note i havent done heroin since jan 14 and havent drink liquor since xmas.
 
That's good you almost have 2 months off dope SmokeMc! And i low key feel the same about weed and alcohol as you i don't completely believe weed will lead me back to dope but i know for a fact drinking will.. my dilemma is when i smoke i go all out, blazing all day everyday and when my tolerance goes up i start mixing alcohol to heighten my weed high then after that gets old i move on to other substances i.e perks, coke, xanax then its game over. I just wanna know if its at all possible to just smoke... being 5 months sober off everything w/ a great job idk if its worth it but the urge is still real.

About the subs tho, be careful w/ those i got stuck in that loop for so long if your going to have to face withdrawal at some point you mine as well do it soon and not wait a year which will make the withdrawal 100 times more unbearable.. but if going off cold turkey is off the table try to get into a detox unit/center. Not trying to preach to you buddy it sounds like your doing well. Like i tell all of my friends as long as your not doing dope or sticking a needle in your arm you've got a fighting chance.
 
caseface99 said:
^^ Damn dude if your remember my posts while tapering subs, that was AGES ago... I haven't tried tapering subs this time around...


And it's official - If anybody recalls me mentioning that I was applying to volunteer with a local needle exchange, the volunteer coordinated finally got back to me and I'm scheduled to start on March 18th. :)
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It was! I'll guess it was like...I don't know, maybe 2 years ago? I don't know if I had an account at the time. I remember you because of the smiley face avatar and because you planning your move to Berkeley. At the time I was a grad student there.

The needle exchange is a great idea for volunteeer work! There's also the Berkeley Free Clinic, where they test folks for std's, offer free counseling, and more. No that I think of it, the two entities may be related.
 
Well done CH

Please everyone be very careful. Life's too precious. I'm not trying to preach or act like I know it all (would be boring if I did) just want to say when those cravings or strong PLEASE get some support. We're always here. All those good feelings are not worth it. And we all have so much without the drugs, don't we?! Freedom, health, self-respect to name a few. Life is too short so please let's do this yea, n all work together to help one another through it.

Look at CH. kicked ******** one of the hardest to kick, going through other stuff n still sober. He's an inspiration to us all.

Mr.Scagnattie said:
Wow. Hello March.

Crazy that I can say I was sober for yet another full month! Booyahhh.
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That's ace, Mr.scag, I know you're going through it at mo, wondering what may happen so staying away is a brilliant achievement n I hope you're proud of yourself (sorry if that sounds patronising in any way).

Evey xxxx
 
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^^ Hey Evey, I'm assuming ******** is referring to suboxone and that you were trying to follow the triggering post guidelines. I'd like another staff member to please correct me if I'm wrong, but I'm almost certain that complementing somebody for getting off of suboxone would certainly not be triggering to anybody - also, the triggering post guidelines only apply to the social threads in the recovery forums - this thread is specifically about staying sober, and hence warrants discussion about staying sober off of specific substances. So anyway, just letting you know that at least in this thread there is no need to avoid mentioning a specific substance. Obviously no glorifying drug use would be allowed here, but I see nothing wrong with your post. Thanks for being cautious about it since you were unsure, however. :)

@scag I can't believe I have another month under my belt either. Coming up on 10 months in a couple weeks here!

@Zwanya - Yeah I'm stoked to be volunteering with the needle exchange. It's the one here in Berkeley called "NEED" (need exchange emergency distribution) - it may be lightly affiliated with the free clinic but it is a separate entity - though that is a great idea, depending on how much time I have and how often the exchange needs me I may just volunteer with both! :)

Keep it up everybody. :D
 
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Another 24. <3
 
Mr.Scagnattie said:
^^

Very proud indeed. Thank you. Now hopefully I stay out of jail. Hah.
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Yea hopefully. When's your next court case?
Can you prove trying give them a blood test or something for evidence?

Good luck anyway

Case thanks. I get confused as to what Im allowed n not allowed to say. I don't think sometimes n when I said silly things like I was thankful for ********, I really didn't realise that people struggled with it the way people do other opiates - so I thought it was ok to mention it as it's a maintenance med but seeing people like CH (sorry for talking about you, CH) I understand that it can be triggering. When I said things like that I meant that I was thankful for having a tool which gets me out of my addiction n really did not mean to trigger or hlorify drug use in any way back then - n apologise if I did so to anyone in anyway as that would never be my intention.

Anyway keep going everyone. CH, you don't need to thank me for the truth ok. Everything I said was true n if I'd not said it someone else would have done.

Keep going :)

Evey xxxx
 
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Got court again at the end of the month. The 23rd or something. And yeah, I'm in outpatient right now as well as the methadone clinic, so I have a lot of clean UA's I can show, and my councilors are going to write a letter to the judge telling them how good I'm doing and that I shouldn't go to jail. Fingers crossed.

Either way, it feels really good to be clean. Whatever happens, I'm proud of that.
 
362 days today.

My job is to supervise visits btwn parents and children who have been placed into foster homes by cps. Our community agency allows families to meet out in the community, at parks, movies, etc, instead of being in a court house or at the foster homes themselves. This offers autonomy. Despite what CPS wants, my goal is to reunite these children with their parents.

A client came in today for a meeting about her goals for supervised visitation. She had typical ones, wanted to get her kids back, wanted to rebuild and shape her life for the better But her biggest goal was to "get sober so I can be a better Mom for my kids."

I was so touched by that seemingly simple answer. It resonated for me because I know exactly how hard acheiving that goal will be. It remains central to the inertia of my own life. There was so way I could tell her this. I simply held her eye contact while my eyes welled up with water. I think she understood. There was no need for words.

Much <3 to you all.
 
^^ I've met some many people through the rehabs I've been to Zwanya, who were there because they wanted to get sober in order to be better parents for their kids. Thinking about all of them is sad for me, because I don't know of any of them who have stayed sober. :\


Actually the only people I know from rehab who have continued to stay sober are the ones who truly wanted to do this for themselves, and no other reason. I don't even believe its possible to get sober for a reason outside of yourself anymore - not even your kids. And even if you do get sober just for your kids, and never find it within you to be doing it for yourself, wouldn't you be miserable and end up being a shitty parent anyway because of how miserable you are? That's what I would bet on anyway.


I don't know, point of this post being that doing this thing is next to impossible until you start doing it for no reason other than yourself - and even then it's only a couple steps easier.
 
^^Exactly, Case.

That's why I almost broke down. As noble as it may be, if your desire to stop using is for your kids, your husband, your parents, your career, etc, then chances are it's not sustainable. The effort has to come from within, for one's self. Nothing else keeps us sober, nothing else rocks us to the core like our own desire to finally get clean does.

Quiet as it's kept, sobriety is often one of the only benchmarks for overturning a prison sentence, or getting children back, or being able to live in a half-way house....the list goes on. The algebra being that if someone can just get clean, all of their problems will be alleviated. As you and I both know, sobriety is the first step. Anyone can "get clean." But can they stay sober? Can they reorganize their entire life so that the desire to use is a far removed phenomenon instead of right in their face?

Using is a lifestyle, and it can be a full-time job, depending on the severity of your addiction. Instead of making sobriety the platform that will mend a broken family, it may be time to examine a different paradigm. Perhaps helping a family in crisis means helping parents change their habits--all of them. In turn, this could help families restructure the various pieces that make up their lifestyle. In doing so, perhaps permanent sobriety would be a more feasible feat. Or, even if someone relapses in this situation, everything doesn't come crumbling down because of it. You've built a solid foundation that is difficult to break, even if someone slips.

If the family could rely on a broader platform of healthy habits, they may be able to successfully move forward as a unit instead of a fragmented entity. This is the way I approach helping my clients. My methodology is a holistic one, based on my own experience of using opiates for over half of my life. The change has to be ubiquitous, all-encommpasing, and complete. Anything less spells futher chaos for a family in peril.
 
Today is day 7 off the meth. Last two days I gave in and smoked some pot, but, I mean, come on, forgive me, right? I was going crazy-insane.

Awful sleep last night. Dreams about hurricanes and death and scoring. Still determined. Still determined.
 
Keep at it spack, don't feel down on yourself if you smoke some weed to get through this - I would really urge you avoid making it an everyday/all day habit but shit you're coming off of meth, smoking a little weed isn't the worst thing in the world for you right now...

Everyone else keep it up too. :)
 
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