Males feelings about having intellegent/educated SO's

[Fishface]

"because i'm working class. That's what working class people do. I dont have any reason to change."

What utter nonsense.

However, I don't feel like I should be acting differently to the person I really am

Absolutely correct.

From the perspective derived from 51 years on this big blue ball, I can tell you that unless this man has an epiphany, like Paul on the road to Damascus, he isn't going to change.

You deserve better - it's out there - you'll find it.

 

[aanallein]

that attitude right there is why you never got anything from college/uni. sure, i did the same in many a course/class, but these are not classes i ended up retaining info on. college and uni provides you the atmosphere and the resources to grow and learn upon your own accord. It's not an extension of high school where it's purely the professors job to teach you. That school, at bare minimum, is there to provide you the opportunity to obtain a degree/diploma so you can open doors professionally. They're going to provide you the bare essentials to do that, and at times more than that. But in terms of resources and atmosphere it affords you so much more in learning ability. People get out of college what they put into it. Point blank. If you walked out not gaining anything but a piece of paper, then you didn't put enough effort in. College is not there to make you a smarter or better person, it's there so you can improve yourself, by yourself.

Your want to figure out the system to make it easy, is what fucked you. Sure I've learned a lot myself outside of academia, anyone can. But how structured is that learning process? How detailed does it get? I tend to find that an outside force will challenge someone to dive deeper than they will on their own accord most of the time.

What do you mean I didn't get anything out of college? I learned a lot of facts but does that make me a "more intelligent person?" No. Thats my argument. I could have read all those same texts and read journals and learned the exact same facts in the same amount of time. My argument was that higher education doesn't make you more intelligent, it just gives you information and possibly teaches you discipline and the ability to jump hoops. I don't equate information with intelligence so many that's where our misunderstanding is. And to say I got "jack shit" out of college except a piece of paper and i got "got fucked" somehow is not accurate. I just don't feel I left as a "more intelligent person".. my IQ is probably exactly the same I just have more info on some topics. Maybe its because I was already prior to college self motivated about learning? Even after college I read extensively every day on a broad field of topics and always seek to expand my knowledge base. So college really didn't offer me anything there?

College is not there to make you a smarter or better person, it's there so you can improve yourself, by yourself.

I think from this statement its clear that we don't consider intelligence to be the same thing at all. I don't think going through college effects a person's intelligence. And I know a lot of people who never went who are a LOT more "intelligent" than a lot of people who did go. So I think higher education is just a tool for advancement. Its nothing more than bootcamp for the upper levels of employment. A hoop in life you jump through to gain entry to other hoops.

Oh and lastly, I don't know a single person in my entire life who in the 4 years of college changed dramatically on an intellectual level. The cheaters and slackers cheated and slacked. The motivated goal orientated cruised through. The people who didnt care didnt pass. I dunno I just didnt see college suddenly turning people of average intellectual capacity into geniuses. It takes a lot to change a person on an intellectual level.. like a lifetime.


So as for the original topic, I don't consider college or higher education as some kind of intellectual indicator at all. I knew and know people of varying degrees of intellectual capacity with vastly different educational backgrounds. Further, as I said previous, how do you even quantitize intelligence? Theres such a broad capacity for intelligence in a person and to get into their skull and really figure them out and decide how they rank on all these levels.. I don't even think its possible unless you want to invent some kind of Signficant Other Standardized Aptitude and Intelligence Examination (SOSAIE for short).. lol.. Then you get the fact that intelligence has almost no bearing on personality and compatability and I really dont see the relavence any more at all. For example, you can have a very bright and intelligent person who's a complete jackass and you'd never want to be in a relationship with them (see myself for a good example), or you can have somebody who's "dumb" and just the best person you've ever dated because you get along so well, even though you cant really talk about astro-physics over dinner with her.

 

[JB]

Well...I'll be honest here but I'm going to sound elitist...

As a university educated person I don't usually make friends with people who aren't university educated. Why?

They're usually more naive, less socially and politically aware...I just find that I can't relate as easily. They're just not interesting...of course this is true also of people who've been to uni, but not as much. All my friends are uni educated.

Sorry but you've just negated any point you where trying to make by showing an amazing lack of emotional maturity.

 

[JB]

If you think the four years you spent at uni are more valuable then the time and dedication that a highly driven individual with a want to succeed who has a natural aptitude for their chosen field and who have gone out and made a successful living running a business; possibly even having scores of uni educated people looking to them for advice then you are incredibly naive.

Not everyone can afford a uni education and some already have the skills which you left with without ever needing to have gone.
Non uni students can have intelligent friends, parents and partners who they discuss politics, philosophy, world views and share technical ideas and thoughts.

In fact I'm yet to meet many uni students who I can have a discourse with on the same level as I can with some of my working mates. Many fall in to the uni trap simply because it is what is expected of them not what is good for them.

 

[JB]

btw, I'm 23 never went to uni, instead I did as I always have, thirsted for knowledge and advanced myself to the point where I now run a successful IT consultancy with scores of highly educated clients who look to me as a technical resource, paying me through the nose for the abilities I have which their uni education simply didn't prepare them for.

 

[Puddito]

I would agree in parts at the jumping through hoops idea as in i believe students are taught how to pass exams and very little else. I feel slightly let down by my university education and im only half way through it. (UK)

 

[satricion]

Yes, you do get out what you put in.

Like I said, this isn't an absolute rule. There are exceptions to any generalisation.

Oh and to the person who said they doubt their IQ is any higher for being at uni...empirically one of the most important influences on IQ is education. I'd pretty much guarantee your IQ is higher for an extra four years of schooling.

But that's not the issue. It's not about IQ. It's not even about technical or job skills. It's about critical thinking and worldview.

That's what is relevant to this thread. It seems to me that the original poster's SO is just more narrow minded than her, and his insecurity and narrow mindedness is made worse by their disparity in education. This results in him feeling threatened and putting her down instead of trying to engage with her life. He sounds like a total dick to me.

 

[Chubba75]

In complete honesty... I am very threatened.

The female students at medical school are so intelligent, confident and strong...

I don't know what to do, I feel like I've been "taken down a notch", they don't take any shit from anyone, ever... and I've only met some of them on a few occasions.

 

[Dyno_oz]

I don't mind what job my other half does.

For me, it's more about their outlook, attutude and character.

 

[lady grey]

So long as intelligence doesnt = arrogance its a very attractive quality for anyone to have

 

[lady grey]

^ so true
I find too often though people who claim themselves to be intelligent put themselves on a pedestal.
For example - people saying because they have been to university they cannot relate on an intellectual level to people who havent.

 

[ayjay]

In terms of relationships - I crave an equal to hang out with (and I've got it too ). It's not a competition - it's a partnership!

How smart you are is not solely related to your educational achievements, or your socio-economic background. I have met plenty of morons, and many a shrewd thinker, both with and without tertiary qualifications.

I guess there are two things being discusswed in this thread - difference in terms of status, and difference in terms of - well, just difference...

 

[Doppelganger]

Doppleganger:

Uni isn't just about learning lots of facts in a certain area.

A university education provides you with the worldview and (importantly) critical thinking skills that give you the attitude and capacity to better tackle issues.

That's what I think the problem is here...Nihilist's worldview is just broader than that of her boyfriend...university changes you in a qualitiative way...anyone who's been there has to come to terms with this because sometimes it's difficult...sometimes people become elitist, or frustrated with the people they used to like.

Uni's not just about learning facts...you can learn facts in a book...it's about becoming a better thinker.

I'm well aware of what they teach at Universtity, but you've clearly missed the point of my post. My post was merely pointing out that a University education doesn't equate to social wisdom...

Well...I'll be honest here but I'm going to sound elitist...

As a university educated person I don't usually make friends with people who aren't university educated. Why?

They're usually more naive, less socially and politically aware...I just find that I can't relate as easily. They're just not interesting...of course this is true also of people who've been to uni, but not as much. All my friends are uni educated.

As we can all see here...

***

Seriously, this is precisely the point I was making in my post. Guess those critical thinking skills you learnt at University couldn't help you see through your own ignorance, aye?

I haven't even met you, but my first impression of you is that you're foolish... and you certainly don't give me the impression of having a wide world view. If you're interested in studying the attitudes this would involve, I'd like to recommend you to the writings [read: posts] of Raz!

Your attitude is precisely what my post was getting at - if nihilist comes across even remotely similar to you, no wonder her boyfriend and his friends are annoyed by it. It's simply ignorance in the 1st degree to believe you can't learn anything of importance from someone who hasn't got a degree.

Oh yes, and read Ayn Rand - The Fountainhead! Instant classic!

 

[Mariposa]

Bit of background on me: got an AA at one of the highest-rated community colleges in the nation, loved it there and thrived. Went on to a state university. Finished a good amount of coursework there while holding down a job 30 hours a week, got hit with a horrible bout of depression and life circumstances, picked up and moved cross-country and here I am 3 years later, not having finished my BA. I had to wait a year before I was eligible for in-state tuition, and I haven't had the money to go back to school without incurring debt (not an option for me) or burdening my family.

So I work. And now I have 7 years of experience in my field (at age 26) and I will be earning a salary that will enable me to go back to school... in addition to the fact that if I prove myself at my new job, then tuition reimbursement might end up being part of the deal.

Anyone who wants to condescend to me for not having a 4-year degree can seriously eat my partyhole. Not everyone pursues their goals in the linear fashion of a university education. I took a few detours. But once I have that degree I WILL increase my earning power, I WILL have even more effective critical thinking skills, and I'll never throw it in anyone's face that I have a degree and they don't... because it's been done to me by certain members of my family (the most repeat offender is my aunt, now very successful, who had to leave high school because she got pregnant).

A college education is an asset for many reasons, some more tangible than others. But by whatever means you measure success, don't let others put you down for yours.

 

[satricion]

^^
I couldn't agree more...

The fact remains that the original poster is more educated than her boyfriend and it seems that combined with his bad attitude, this is causing problems...

The fact also remains that as a general rule (with exceptions, similar to every rule) people tend to end up with (by which I mean marry) people of a similar educational level as themselves.

I never claimed you had to go to uni to be a worthwhile person...I merely claimed that uni does change you as a person, and shared my own experiences in relation to that. I stand by that...uni does change you as a person and my friends remain all university educated.

I think the original poster's boyfriend would be a dick regardless of her education level, but university has made the obvious gap between them larger.

 

[lady grey]

^im sorry but you just come across as very condescending.

Mariposa damn straight you shuld be proud of it! Anyone who has done that should be proud.. And you have the right attitude about it..

It's simply ignorance in the 1st degree to believe you can't learn anything of importance from someone who hasn't got a degree.

wise words^^ one of my favorite quotes is;
A wise man listening to a fool will learn more than a fool listening to a wise man.

 

[Joeof1]

I like your lateral thinking, but I meant actual physical brains, a brain is a concentration of nerve fibres. So we get the one in our head that controls the vast majority of what we do and then there is the spinal chord which is responsible for a few signals that go to the spinal chord and are processed back out (i.e. the knee jerk reaction). No matter how hard you try you cannot stop it because the signal only goes to the spine and is sent back. We cannot control the second brain, it is on autopilot.

Most of your thinking is done with the cerebral brain yes, but all of your actions are based off of the chemical swings in your nervous system, and your brain stem. Which is something all animals share.

The male of any species will think about procreation more actively than the female, and thusly think with their lower apendage more than females. Females don't have to really do much to procreate. The males tend to be very pro-active in this aspect. Even in nature, the males are usually the larger of the two, and usually the more colorful as well.

Satricion you'd do well not to be condescending towards Mariposa. I know no one will remember me here, unless I start drinking again, but by far she is one the more intelligent people here.

 

[aanallein]

^ I'll definately agree with that DD.

 

[socko]

Completing a university degree isn't guaranteed to make one intellegent and often fails to do so. As DD points out, being self taught, well-read, up on events, willing to think things through, etc. are critical. But, it seems like a lot of people are able to go through college without learning to do any of this.
Maripose420 points out that a uni degree isn't necessary either. And abusive family members or other circumstances are sometimes a problem.
THe OPs boyfriend sounds like a hick or a prole -- he's gone through life without trying to improve himself in any way- no degree but also no effort put into developoing his mind and personality.

 

[Beatlebot]

Yes, I think the real problem lies in the bf's attitude. It's understandable that his gf's abilities might make him feel insecure, but the way he's addressing it is all wrong. Instead of trying to raise himself up to where she is, he's trying to bring her down to where he is.