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Looking to get involved with Swinging.....your thoughts

Jerseyjoeyc

Jerseyjoeyc

Greenlighter
Joined
Aug 6, 2016
Messages
5
Location
New Jersey
I can be candid, blunt and honest here. So please give me the same feedback..

My wife and I of 29 years are discussing about swinging with a couple exclusively. Not Poly...Swinging not an open marriage.
Our marriage is rock solid and I love her and only her. I have no fantasies about acquiring a harem. We are 49/50 yo Caucasian (not that it matters). My wife and I have only been with each other. We have discussing about expanding our sexual boundaries with another couple. Hoping to find a couple that would participate exclusively with us. Here are some thoughts and questions..

1. I have a great desire to share my wife with another man. (m,f,m). Am I twisted or perverted ? This idea turns me on and her also. We pillow talk about it and fantasize about the idea, however bed talk and the real thing are way different.

2. Yes we would like to have a (m,f,m,f) episodes also even changing up to having whoever is available on certain dates if we so desire. (i.e I am working night works and she wants to have some fun she can enjoy the other "couple". Like wise with me. ). But that is the ultimate goal.

3. We are obviously worried about STD's. We are clean (only been with each other). I know the protection rule, but I am a man and I HATE condoms..

4. I also understand that boundaries must be established before anything takes place, (i.e. No means No, and what type of sex we actually have).

5. Also understand that we want this to be a shared by the 2 of us. We want to be in the same bedroom together. This is not a man just looking for another woman to have sex. I want to share the experience with her.

So what am I asking.
1. Am I strange or perverted for desiring my wife to be shared ?
2. Do couples actually swing exclusively or is this not realistic.
3. STD's highly afraid. yes Safe sex is safe sex...Get tests etc....
4. How do you feel about this subject ? Would you share your soul mate for sexual pleasure ? please respond both genders.
5. How do you go about finding a couple to do this with ? If I post online that we are "New" to the lifestyle I am worried that we will become prey to couples just wanting another notch on the bed post. Not looking to go to Swinging clubs or parties. Looking for a couple that wants the same thing we do.

Our marriage is extremely strong. She is a great wife and woman. I guess that we have grown to explore other options.

Please give me your thoughts and ideas. I am not advertising or looking for a couple at this point we are simply gathering information.

Thanks
JerseyJoeyc
 
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Yeah, you're definitely STRANGELY PERVERTED!!! You asked. I merely answered. I almost threw up reading this!! And if your wife agrees as you say??? no name calling please This is coming from a married woman. The thought of my husband with another woman? It would break my heart. And if I was with another man? He'd leave me and probably break the man's face. Again, you asked for HONEST replies no name calling please
 
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Jerseyjoeyc said:
Well that is an opinion...and only an opinion
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Yeah!! As I said an opinion no name calling please Obviously you didn't take your marital vows seriously! Again, YOU asked for honesty and that's ALL I'm giving is my HONEST reply.
 
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The link had me curious (won't lie) so I watched it. Somehow it didn't sicken me as much as this thread. I didn't think I was a judgemental woman until I read this. If I knew of a free porn link to send you (I don't watch it...I'm pleased enough by my husband) of couples with other couples I'd send it to you. That way you don't have to worry about STD'S or wearing a condom and you and your wife can just watch it while you screw.
 
Notsoprettyinpink said:
The link had me curious (won't lie) so I watched it. Somehow it didn't sicken me as much as this thread. I didn't think I was a judgemental woman until I read this. If I knew of a free porn link to send you (I don't watch it...I'm pleased enough by my husband) of couples with other couples I'd send it to you. That way you don't have to worry about STD'S or wearing a condom and you and your wife can just watch it while you screw.
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Understand Pretty we are researching/investigating the idea. We have made no moves...Please understand the difference between opinion and judgement. I like opinions however the gavel felt a little heavy on your end. But your point is noted..
 
I'm building up the courage to visit a sex nightclub soon. It's a local joint where you have to go dressed smartly (nightclub wear) and it's a nightclub inside, then there are diffrent areas way from the main bar and dancefloor where you can have sex, etc. swing. You can take your clothes off, keep them on, swing, not swing, totally up to you.
Apparently they have this massive plastic mattress where everyone gets naked and lies and it becomes this writhing mass of foreplay and sex. It's 30 quid for me to get in as a single male, so I've draughted a female friend to attend as my swinging partner and we get in half price. I might just take my fleshlight and sit in the corner, hahahaha
 
I can't say how this would affect your relationship. What if your wife were to get attached to this other guy emotionally? What if you found yourself ending up infuriated when you actually saw your wife with another man? What if it caused your wife to feel less close to you or vice versa? These are all very important things to consider, and it might not be the best idea. Swinging is basically cheating that is agreed upon, which on one hand makes it not really cheating..... yet you still are letting your wife sleep with another guy. However, even though it is agreed upon, I wonder if on some deep unconscious level it may have similar impacts on you both as if it actually was cheating. You may think it would be fine, but there is no way to know if maybe the relationship wouldn't be the same again. If I were going to give an opinion, I'd say don't do it, because it might negatively impact on the relationship in the end.
 
1. Maybe a little strange and perverted but that's a good thing.
2. Not as common, but certainly realistic to find a couple to swing with exclusively
3. Get to know a couple first
4. I'm a man and I would share my wife with the right couple
5. Not sure.
 
Well, you know best about whether it's a good idea. I wouldn't do it personally, but if you and your wife's relationship wouldn't be negatively affected by it, then go for it I guess if you and her are confident enough about it. To be honest though, you might find that if impacts on your relationship in unexpected ways no matter how confident you are and for that reason it might not be good to chance it. It's your call though really, you can't get people on here to make the decision for you.
 
I suppose I should've written something more along the lines of what you did. I was just initially so disturbed when I read this envisioning my husband with another woman and wanted to vomit. I apologize to the poster for being harsh because I'm truly not judgemental. I just feel it would lead to nothing but problems. Possibly even a divorce because again, to me personally, it's cheating. Especially when you stated that if one of you weren't around it'd be "ok to be with the other person".....TRUST ME, THAT WOULD HARM ANY MARRIAGE; STRONG OR NOT.
 
Jerseyjoeyc said:
Understand Pretty we are researching/investigating the idea. We have made no moves...Please understand the difference between opinion and judgement. I like opinions however the gavel felt a little heavy on your end. But your point is noted..
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I corrected what I wrote and hope you read it. It's just sad to me. All those years spent only being with each other. Don't chance ruining it and I am sorry for being so harsh on you.
 
There is no hurry and you do really risk your relationship doing this. You dont know what will happen afterwards.

I suggest you take it slowly. Go to the strippers together. Go to a private dancing booth together.

Introduce yourselves slowly to sex clubs or swinger circles.

Go to a brothel and spend time with a hooker. Get her to watch you two and join in to a small extent and see if its what you want to do. That way you control the other persons involvement.

Red hot pie is a website a couple I know found a third to play with. But there are professionals who get tested regularly for this.

As for not liking condoms, thats too bad. Just suck it up and use them as if you find someone who is fine without them then you are screwing all their history too.

You have something special obviously so dont ruin it by getting stds.

Also no point in jumping in to swinging immediately.

Good luck!
 
You'd have to be extremely confident in your marriage, it's very easy for one to get jealous & the entire dynamics change.

This could be you, you know, that is left behind.

If you're such a man, wear a condom! Each & every time...you don't want to see your wife dying of AIDS just bcos you don't like to wear condoms!

swingers are advertised in papers, on craigslist, online in general.

Keep switched on, watch out for each other & have a secret signal or code that means 'let's get the fuck outta here'.

Rtp
 
Runtoparadise said:
You'd have to be extremely confident in your marriage, it's very easy for one to get jealous & the entire dynamics change.

This could be you, you know, that is left behind.

If you're such a man, wear a condom! Each & every time...you don't want to see your wife dying of AIDS just bcos you don't like to wear condoms!

swingers are advertised in papers, on craigslist, online in general.

Keep switched on, watch out for each other & have a secret signal or code that means 'let's get the fuck outta here'.

Rtp
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Even with confidence, I still say much too risky. No matter how strong a marriage is it could end in a disaster in the blink of an eye. I love your post though. Thinking about it....I've slept with 5 men, my husband has slept with 6. So technically when we include each other we've BOTH slept with 12 people (all sex was unprotected but we both have been tested for STD'S). Kind of sickens me though that I somewhat slept with his crazy cheating ex wife who slept with TONS of men so up that # from 12 to God only knows! Plus the others we both had sex with.

Again, poster, I apologize for my original harshness. I'm usually never judgemental
I have no right to be.
Sincerely,
Bernadette
 
Damn 29 years is a long time. I mean I would be okay with swinging but it seems like a revolving door...like the rules would eventually be broken and lines would be crossed and the relationship would suffer. For example if you wife went behind your back and had sex with someone that you were once present while she had sex with that person is it still cheating? That shit is confusing and a slippery slope. Good luck man
 
IMO, "swinging" destabilizes relationships. Generally, one partner goes along so as to hang on to the relationship. It can be a brutally hurtful business.

Truth for me is not truth for everyone; but I think monogamy is best.
 
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