Loneliness

[rave_itsrealfun!!!]

I guess I'm just looking for other lonely guys who have gone years and years without hooking up to talk with possibly privately. If you haven't experienced this kind of pain then you won't really understand me I feel. It is the worst pain I have ever felt. And I understand I sound like a bitch, but ime males start bitching about not hooking up after even just a month or 2. Try your whole life.

I don't even know why I'm posting this because there is no way I can be helped. Do psychologists suck cock? Apparently not, they give out brain damaging "medicine" I'd rather abstain from. There is nowhere I can go to find love, it takes a special connection that I am very capable of, but the ladies just won't have me. They never have. And I can't be happy having lived forever without love, I just can't.

Hey guys I am 23, have lived my entire life without female company. i am not a virgin technically but i consider myself one because the only sex i've ever had is blackout drunk mdma sex. basically this has ruined my life, i have been miserable for years only due to this one issue. i don't see any other problems in my life, except for this innate repressed desire of mine that can never ever be satisfied. i have done everything i can to attract girls into my life... i have an engineering degree, i have a big chest and 8 pack abs, like you think this would fucking help me out a bit, it doesn't do shit. my self esteem has become so low that i have had this degree for a year and i can't get hired because my vibes are just off in interviews and i guess it just takes time, but it's not that bad, i still have the confidence to get through those. But I am not reaching my full potential because I am in constant pain.

My point I guess about being smart and jacked, as well as humble and nice, and career oriented, is that I know I am everything a girl could want. I'm such a good guy, I hear this all the time from my lady friends, that I will end up with a chill bittie. This should boost my confidence, but it actually worsens the pain.

i think this has to do with how i have been stoned for nearly a decade. being high just makes me invisible to girls, it's cosmic lady repellant. however, if i didn't have a girl problem then i don't think the weed would even be an issue - it's the combination of both that messes me up. i wrote quantum physics exams baked, i'm not that dumb on the stuff. oh, and i had terrible back acne in high school - that is how this all started. By the time it went away I was the only virgin left and I had missed out on the whole confidence development thing, and have continued to miss out ever since. So sure I smoked too much pot, and took a little longer to mature, but do I really deserve this shit? Why?

so I have quit smoking weed and feel a hell of a lot better, but since I'm not a zombie anymore I need to learn how to deal with this constant pain. I have dropped mushrooms and acid recently, and I have been getting into oxycodone, so I am still abusing drugs. I went through periods of abuse with cocaine, alcohol, and mdma so I really shouldn't be doing more drugs than I've done. I feel I should have made the switch from pot to oxy years ago, i would have a job and a girlfriend by now I bet. And I also feel that I can no longer live life without getting on these painkillers to help me out of this rut, because I am suffering too much.

Now I will just repost what I wrote someplace else:

i will continue using psychedelics and oxycodone in moderation but who knows what I'll end up doing. i'm certainly not in control anymore. hell, bring on the needles, for i no longer give a flying fuck, because things cannot possibly ever become worse than they are. every moment of my existence i am a tortured soul. i wake up in the morning, get up and start wishing i was dead until i lie awake restless at night hating myself. girl after girl, year after year, failed attempt after failed attempt it's same shit different day. nothing ever changes. i meet them and then i become a texting object for their pleasure, before i am discarded for some abercrombie clean cut loser. i can blame it on the pot because i don't know what the fuck else to blame it on. i am very muscular and fit, nice, smart, outgoing... i try really fucking hard to meet them, i can carry on fun conversation about random shit, i go out all the time, i'm doing something with my life, i just have a little too much passive female energy - i shouldn't have to live without them it has driven me insane, beyond fucking insane. it has made me boil with anger and despair for as long as i can remember. why only me? why am i the only man i know who must live forever alone?

i just wish i could figure out how to be happy, can't seem to get over the animal instinct part of myself that tells me i'm inferior to all other males. even with psychedelics, i can't get over this for long! all i can say is i wish the opposite sex did not exist, only thing i despise more than mean girls and their stupid fucking games is myself for not being able to go along with them, for failing totally. but i just popped an oxycodone so i will soon be able to at least think straight enough to start doing a little yoga here, another thing that has gotten me nowhere but more flexible.

 

[RedLeader]

Man, I can sympathize with you about the lack of intimacy, and empathize with you on the lack of deep emotional connections with your preferred sex and with the whole self-doubt/sabotage. It can feel like a catch-22 in our society: you need confidence to get the girl, but you'd need to successfully get the girl to feel more confident. I struggled with that a lot when I was younger. And I know that you don't want to hear lines like "it actually could get worse," but now that I'm caught up in a host of legal, professional and developed psychological problems as a result of abusing various drugs trying to run from the condition you're in, I kinda now wish I could go back in time. I'm not trying to one-up you, no. I'm just letting you know that I tried to escape a situation like yours with a lot of drugs, and I found out the hard way that it can indeed get (a lot) worse. Be very careful. I don't like hearing you say things like "bring on the needles." Feeling like the woman next to you at the bar isn't into you at all sucks, but it's not like lying in a hospital bed as a result of your drug fuckup, while a beautiful young nurse (who doesn't need to sit at bars), full of life and ambition, changes your bedpan. And you think to yourself if I just kept doing the right thing, I might actually COULD have won this girl's heart... I cannot exactly tell you how it's worse, but IMO/IME it's 10000 times worse than the lady at the bar.

Another thing to worry about is that with this attitude, you are creating a scenario for a woman to come along and totally take advantage of you. I've been there, I admit it. A small minority of women will pick up on your low self-esteem and your extreme desire for companionship, play on it, and may well rope you along for whatever they actually want. Especially if you get that good job with your engineering degree, it's something of a perfect storm for this. I'm now trying to tell you to not be yourself, or to not open up on your feelings with women, but just be careful about wearing them on your sleeve.

Are you looking for just a hookup, or to actually find your soulmate? If you honestly feel like your life would greatly improve after a hookup or two, then I actually think that you could pull this off pretty easily, and you just might not be going about things in the most effective way. Finding your soulmate, on the other hand, is never exactly easy. I think a lot of us are still completely lost with respect to that.

 

[Dave]

Heh, man oh man. I'm 31 and only just starting on my first sort-of relationship. I've been there, and then some.

I'm just passing through quickly, as I have to log soon, but I just wanted to say that it only matters to women how long you've been single if it matters to you. Long-term singledom, by choice or not, can add a degree of desperation (and sometimes naivety) that is very visible and can be either offputting or a beacon to predators as RedLeader had mentioned. If you can find a way to subsume this, by developing a passion for a hobby for example, things will become easier. Sobriety can help too, of course, as having a clearer head makes everything easier.

Feel free to PM me if you'd rather chat privately about such things.

 

[RedLeader]

Long-term singledom, by choice or not, can add a degree of desperation (and sometimes naivety) that is very visible and can be either offputting

Ya, if you appear too desperate, even when you *do* meet a really great girl, she might think that you want to be with her because she's a girl and not because she's the girl. This has happened to me before, and soon she becomes "the one that got away." It can be cute to subtly hint at being lonely, but don't ever try to guilt a woman into falling for you.

 

[maxalfie]

I have been single since 2002 when my wife passed away.It was the first time in my life that I was single really.
At first I found being single difficult but it's been 10 years now and now I actually appreciate having time to myself.
Use your time while single to do all the things you want to do.
Don't start thinking that you will be alone forever as love has a habit of coming for you when you least expect it.
You are still young so you have plenty of years for finding love just don't make it your be all and end all.
Join some clubs where women might be as I found that most of my past relationships started off as friendship first then developed into love.
Don't let it get to you enjoy single life while you have got it and I'm sure love will one day come along when you least expect it.

 

[InhaleDeep]

I know it may be a different kind of loneliness you're talking about here, but here's a video that makes me feel better on my lonely days, if i could i'd show this to everyone: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k7X7sZzSXYs

 

[VanWeyden]

^^ that is really a beautiful vid. Helps me heaps since I recently have to deal with loneliness, too.

 

[InhaleDeep]

It really is so wonderful and sincere, it has this calming effect on me

 

[VanWeyden]

Yes, somehow it takes away the fear of missing something or feeling odd when being alone. As I get used to it more and more again, I'm starting to like it a bit, especially by night...

 

[rave_itsrealfun!!!]

Thanks soo much for the legit replies and not calling me a troll or whatnot. I would have posted this in the vent/rant thread if I had noticed prior to making a new thread.

I am looking for true love, and I have actually found it before - I am one who believes in love at first sight, that it is possible to fall in love with someone within 15 minutes of talking to them. This actually has happened to me once before while I was in line at an airport. This girl started chatting with me and completely caught me off guard, but we had the most wonderful chat, she was beautiful, and I was making her blush, just an overall very strong connection was felt, and I totally should have asked her for some sort of contact information but I didn't. That was almost a year ago now. So you see, I have these regrets, that are really tough to deal with sometimes. And since cannabis is such a personality altering drug, I always wonder if things would have turned out differently if I did not live my youth chronically stoned. However the past cannot be changed so it is best to accept it. This is hard for me to do in practice though.

I'm sure random hookups would boost my confidence a bit, but I always seem to pass on them. I guess I'm just a little shy (unless I'm rolling). But I've certainly had them before and they are merely a temporary fix that fades in a few days. They are actually a little depressing to me. I think I just need to have the right kind of random hookup - not a drunk bar one. I can also be pretty outgoing when I'm not depressed and I love to talk to people openly wherever I go. The problem with this is that when I come to meet someone I actually really like, and who I can tell vibes well with myself, I lack the ability or drive to make it happen, possibly because sex just hasn't ever been a part of my life, or I am possibly too stoned.

I get what some of you are saying - my vibes are totally off sometimes, and it essentially makes me invisible to girls. This is something I must get over if I want to get a good girl, but like I say it's tough in practice when I'm overwhelmed by negative energy at times that is difficult to suppress. I feel like I can only get over it by hooking up, but I need to get over it before I will ever hook up. It is good for me to vent sometimes, it has to come out at some point, and today wasn't so bad. I had a great day - ran 10km on a sunny winter day, walked my dog in the woods, and lifted weights. I am trying super hard to be happy cause I feel guilty having been so miserable lately – but I have to be depressed at some point so I end up having some kind of mood disorder.

I have observed attentively multiple relationships my friends have been in throughout my life. I am certainly not naive, and I believe I will never be taken advantage of. I have watched my friends and learned from their mistakes. I absolutely believe that I will be a great boyfriend, my first shot at it. One thing about all this is that I find it difficult to relate to my friends who jump into new relationships with mediocre matches, who I would never look at personally as relationship material. They are soo stupid haha, they are just run by these skanky girls and their pussies. But then again, I’m pretty stupid for abstaining and becoming miserable. I would rather choose to hold out and suffer some loneliness until I find someone I really love.

Optimism is key. I’ve experienced all this crazy stuff like acid trips and I am well on my way to higher states of awareness, I am super cool, very healthy, and if there is one incredible thing in life that I have left to experience at this age it is a good thing. So long as I can be happy. And I’m not going to stop smoking weed, because I like smoking weed. That is what I do, I can engineer shit stoned, get’r’done - I’m not going to stop to raise my chances of getting a girl, but I need to learn moderation. I find smoking too much weed can really fuck up my mental state, cause antisocialism, and it’s probably why I am in this conundrum in the first place and not already in love.

Girls seem to hate stoners, think they are stupid and that is ridiculous. Maybe it’s the crowd I hang around but the most intelligent people I have ever met have been stoners. Sure, we’re a little socially paranoid… girls see that as stupid and don’t even give us a chance, because girls immerse themselves in the comfortable realm of bbm text messaging while not paying attention to anything but the social aspects of reality around them. The fact of the matter is that reality is fucking crazy and if you know too much then it becomes hard to come back and dive into the world of social media without ever thinking outside the box about things. And potheads have some of the biggest hearts.

Why are chicks this way? I don’t know enough about girls to answer that question. They are odd creatures, and I do not like playing their texting games. I do not think they are stupid, but I question their ways. I don’t think they have it all figured out like they make themselves seem to. Are there any girls out there who are not crazy? I have actually met a few and they are really quite rare, I often find them through yoga, but even then most yoga girls see the pratice as commercial/workout… most young girls these days are ridiculous.

oh and cool youtube vid!

 

[pammy]

I have been single since 2002 when my wife passed away.It was the first time in my life that I was single really.
At first I found being single difficult but it's been 10 years now and now I actually appreciate having time to myself.
Use your time while single to do all the things you want to do.
Don't start thinking that you will be alone forever as love has a habit of coming for you when you least expect it.
You are still young so you have plenty of years for finding love just don't make it your be all and end all.
Join some clubs where women might be as I found that most of my past relationships started off as friendship first then developed into love.
Don't let it get to you enjoy single life while you have got it and I'm sure love will one day come along when you least expect it.

I really admire you for what you have said in your post x

 

[rave_itsrealfun!!!]

And I often wonder if it is my neurochemistry that is fucked up. But the only thing I ever get really upset about is this loneliness thing - I have the impression that once I fall in love, I will be cured. Hopefully I'm right but I guess I really don't know, I could be using it to point the finger at an underlying mental illness. I did A LOT of Mdma back in 2010, like really went crazy with it, maybe had 30 hard rolls that year. Never felt any side effects but they could be subtle, and I had a great time. You'd think I would have to pay a price for all that chem induced fun, and I think it did actually really fuck with me in subtle ways as I was coming off it. But I have been this way for so long, before I ever touched hard drugs. In any case I use drugs in moderation now, and zero Mdma. I have known for a while that the best thing for me to do is smoke a little weed, maybe even daily but not too much, and trip out once per season. And it really helps to have a girl or 2 to text with. I do tonsss of yin yoga, practice daily, and this is helping me become more patient. I'm trying to beat this issue on my own through meditative practices, I want to avoid the psychologists office - I fear I will be labeled something with a negative connotation, like mildly schizophrenic possibly, if I were to express my true feelings and worldview. After all those mushrooms I ate in 2008, I don't think I'll ever be able to come back and be "normal" after all. But I know I still have the potential for immense happiness and content, possibly moreso than ever before.

 

[Ego Death]

Hate to break this to you bro, but most girls that are worth a damn want nothing to do with guys that do/abuse drugs. It just gives of an air of not having your shit together. Get off all drugs, get a good job, and take care of yourself and you will get women.

 

[InhaleDeep]

For a moment I was about to object Ego Death, since this is Bluelight, and I'm sure there's lots of girls here who don't object their boyfriends doing drugs, rather prefer it, since being a psychonaut, raving etc might be in their common interest. But then again I am a girl who uses drugs and through the years I have learned to stay far, far away from guys who do it too.

 

[herbavore]

But I know I still have the potential for immense happiness and content, possibly moreso than ever before.

That is a beautiful way to put it. I think that understanding that nothing can really take that potential away is the key that unlocks the door. The world of miracles carries on with or without our participation. It is unchanged. It is possible to lose sight of that, to feel that our particular access has been denied from the outside when it is really our own perspective that determines whether we feel happiness, peace, calm and balance.

P. S. inhaledeep--I LOVE that video. I am a huge fan of all that comes from being alone.The times in my life that I have been alone were not only instructional, they were inspiring. Thanks for sharing that!

 

[rave_itsrealfun!!!]

I don't want a girl who uses drugs, and the only drug I use regularly is pot. Girls always seem to love alcohol, personally I don't like poisoning myself with the stuff too often, so when they think of me as an unattractive "stoner" that's sort of shit because the ones I know are almost always weekend binge drinkers. Plus I function well and enjoy both physical and mental activity while high. I am more active and a healthier eater than most people I know and have an advanced degree so I don't like to being labelled with the typical stoner stereotypes that certainly do not apply to me.

And btw psychedelics, mainly mushrooms, changed me in what i see as very positive ways, which I am certain have made me a much more attractive potential mate. I am humbled, wiser, more confident (I am very confident about myself in every way except with girls), smarter in ways and more easygoing, open, different, just cracking more jokes in general and I value love highly. I don't think running away to the forest for secret tripouts a few times a year will ever be much of a relationship issue. Hopefully moderate cannabis smoking won't be either, it def isn't frowned upon by the entire population.

Sure girls don't like drug users but there sure are enough of them who like guys with the following attributes, all of which I have when I'm not depressed over this shit: funny, ripped muscles, active lifestyle, flexibility, intelligence, career oriented, boldness, spontaneity, sociable and able to carry on conversation about nothing. I don't have much of a problem allowing the good qualities to come out around guys which is why this is so fucking rediculous. We're all the same consciousness, yet I can only seem to know half my own kind for some odd reason.

This loss of self confidence which has a perpetual negative effect on my existence seems pretty impossible to overcome. It just so works out that the people who are getting laid are the ones who get hired in this competitive job market as they always have greater self esteem and better vibes, and they are the ones who continue to get laid while I suffer.

And I agree that being alone can be cool sometimes, just not forever. Not for any time near as long as 23 years. I am just sick, so fucking sick, of this shit...i need to get into a psychologist because my misery has become too much too bear, even with weed. i feel that i am hedious, it would explain a lot, even with this great body and tan girls won't come near me.

 

[RedLeader]

I think that a lot of people here understand where you are coming from, but at the same time in the back of our minds (having been through and to the other sides of similar circumstances) know that it takes A LOT more than sex and/or a relationship to truly be happy. Sure, it feels great and will give you euphoria, momentum, as well as probably numb some of the pain, but you cannot solely rely on this to change your life. You'll want it again when maybe it's not always available. Jealousy enters into the picture (not maliciously, but still there) for a lot of people with a history of being lonely. Close ties with people like this can be stressful in novel ways. Again don't get me wrong, intimacy is wonderful in many ways. It's just realistically only going to improve your life, not fix it.

Regarding women and approval/disapproval of drugs, sure some conclusions can be drawn from the population as a whole, but this does not mean that someone who's open to all of your activities, likes, dislikes, thoughts, etc isn't out there. There are plenty of amazing women in this world, and when saying something like "women are turned off by men who do drugs," a portion of women are going to only be turned off by the person making her mind up for her like that. I wouldn't wear it on your sleeve (just like I suggested not wearing anything remotely desperate there either), but there are women out there who would want to be with you. Good women too, I promise you. Everybody in this world has people out there who'd fall for them. It makes me feel really sad when people write themselves off as "forever alone" because nobody should have to live like that, and really nobody is destined to live like that. Some of us just have to wait a little longer.

The other caution is about relationships that involve too many drugs, which often are great at the beginning but then end in some of the worst ways out there. I don't think this applies to you since you're not that deep in the drug game, but just don't fall very far if a heavy user does come your way.

Have you ever tried group therapy for depression or something like that? I'm not necessarily suggesting that you use support groups to pick up, but there will be women in them and you might feel better knowing that people of the opposite sex struggle similar to how you do.

 

[J.D.]

Your words suggest you have already made up your mind about women even before you meet them. It sounds like "Why should I bother with her...she's just another crazy chick who won't have anything to do with me anyway."

I don't see the fact you smoke pot being the problem here. It may be an issue....but it's not the only one. We're not all crazy, but most of us have some baggage, and you'll have to learn how to handle that before you can truly be intimate with someone.

I hope this didn't come off as preachy, it certainly wasn't meant to be. Best of luck to you, and just give it some time, love will find you.

 

[n@nn@]

You sound so worthy of someone's love. Can I Suggest you try Reiki! I was a mess at one, or two, stages & it helped me in a way I would never have believed. Clears the negative energy. Makes way for the positive xxx

 

[rave_itsrealfun!!!]

I'll look into that, I do yin yoga which helps develop patience, and is calming. It is usually when I haven't been doing enough of it that I freak out. You're right that all I need to do is remain positive, well keep applying for careers too, and work my way out of these cognitive ruts and paranoia. but me having difficulty doing that is where the trouble comes in. i think the weed totally helps internally, but externally somewhat makes me feel like even more of an outcast. not sure about group therapy - i know what i have to do, and I am the only one who can change my mind. and i think certain drugs are pretty useful in terms of catalyzing such positive changes, because if can remember that life is really just a dream then nothing should get you down. And I guess tripping out is a pretty convincing reminder of that, to use as an occasional tool for letting go.