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June Getting and/or Staying Sober Thread

I know that saving one for tomorrow wouldn't work for me. I'd believe it the night before, but when I took it in the morning it wouldn't be enough, and then I'd rationalize "since I already did drugs today and I still don't feel well I might as well just get some more and get high, and start fresh tomorrow".

I'd toss it. Think of it as a symbolic start to your recovery.
 
Ok, so I haven't poked my head in here for a while.... probably for obvious reasons....
I slipped up, again.

I really wanna stop. Why does this have to be so damn hard?!?! (rhetorical question I just need to breathe)

My really close friend just fleeft to rehab in Ontario for 2 months, I feel so lonely, but at the same time.... like I should be doing the same.
I wanna say I miss HIM, not that I miss doing drugs with him...
We can have a healthy relationship, right??? :/

I don't wanna be a bad influence on him when he comes back, we are terrible for eachother in that sense..... this is why I HAVE TO stop....I mean not for him or anyone else, but for the opportunity to see a happy life and not have to avoid everyone I love because of one common interest....

I apologize if this seemed like more of a rant than a recovery statement, but I think it's really time that I've got my shit together.

~Verri
 
Hey v....I slipped up too. On day 3 now and since this last slip up was short lived I'm not feeling too horrible. A good bit of anxiety which I got (just a very few) xanax for. Benzos have really never been my thing to abuse honestly I don't really see the recreational value. For some reason I seem to have a huge tolerance and even at 2 or 3 mg I barely feel anything but relief of my anxiety. Anyway.... ran a bit off topic there but we can do this! I am looking at my recovery a little differently this time...not sure What different, maybe me, but I'm determined! Here's to another 24!
 
@Captain-how do you feel? Compared to say 3months sober? Any physical hits still? Or is it just a mental game at 6months?
 
I'm baaaaack :D

Day 2 for me off heroin... taking Subs tho for a few days to hopefully make the transition a lil smoother. I got this shit yo <3

How is everyone?! I've missed you guysss

Just read through the last page and wanted to add some stuff...

First of all C.H congrats on getting off the bupe finally, I know how long you were waiting for that... seriously I'm ridiculously proud of you right now <3

anddd @papaverium one of my best friends just left for rehab too. She's gonna be gone for three months. I don't think that should be the only reason for getting clean but it's a good motivating factor... def one of the reasons I decided to take the plunge again. It is fucking lonely tho. I got clean around this time last year, built a whole new life for myself with new friends and a job and hobbies and everything... then relapsed and gradually pushed all those people away and lost everything. It sucks but really we did it to ourselves. I'm trying to think of it as another chance to make an even better fresh start and maybe try to make amends with some of the friends i pushed away when I relapsed... eventually. One step at a time and all. Idk if anything I said helped you haha just trying to offer a different perspective :)
 
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That's fucking awesome, I'm happy for you :D

And I will take you up on that... in fact you will be seeing me around here A LOT more haha I get really bored while I'm detoxing and need to talk to people who know what I'm going through. Plus Bluelight (this forum in particular) was honestly one of the MAJOR major things in helping me hold on when I got clean last year... next to exercise and video games and friends. And since I'm a genius who pushed all her friends away and sold all her video games/consoles on this last run... you can probably do the math lol ;p

I felt hopeful for the first time today too, like real hope, not the "I'm talking myself into this" kind. I'm really scared to get clean this time because the last time I did it I legit thought I had it aaaalllll figured out... obviously I didnt, and I'm scared to fail again. Turns out there's no real road map to staying off heroin for good. But then I remembered that i had no clue what the fuck I was doing last time either and I was scared as fuck then too, but I still managed to figure it out along the way for the most part. That made me feel excited instead of dread for once!!
 
^Awesome post....I literally feel the exact same way at this point. You took the words right out of my mouth. I really wanna be one of the ones who makes it....
 
and you can be one of the ones who makes it. I will be too :D

During the rough times I just try to remind myself over and over that I need to feel the bad stuff if I want to feel good again. I never felt "good" on heroin... physically I just felt kind of okay, I was mostly just maintaining for the last few months and not even getting high. And I never, NOT ONCE, legitimately felt good about myself as an active heroin user... just knowing I was lying to everyone, it killed me whenever someone would say "you seem like you're doing better!" while I'm standing there wondering if my track marks were well hidden. Fuck that. Detoxing might feel ridiculously horrible but at the very least I can say I'm doing something constructive for once...
 
Congrats u guys :)

It is the start of day 3 for me... no heroin but still dosing Suboxone. I woke up this morning feeling pretty terrible, although I did sleep off and on through the night... it was nightmarish, non restful sleep but I suppose I should be grateful that I slept at all and was only mildly soaked in sweat haha. Today is gonna be hard though... the mood swings and physical symptoms are hitting me hard today and I'm not even off suboxone. it's kind of discouraging but I won't use today.
 
My mood swings were BAD... that shit is hard, i know. What helped me was getting out of the house, even if just to walk around the mall & window shop. Theyre better now though, knock on wood. Stick with it, you can do it :)
 
Still hanging in there. Feeling OK...I had to take the last of the three Xanax I got last night to sleep but it helped me immensely this time in withdrawal with the rsl and I swear to God that getting a solid nights sleep instead of laying up for hours with the creepy crawlies in the first few days of withdrawal has made all the difference in the world.
 
case wanted us to share this with y'all!

CaseFace said:
Hey guys, so I'm at the Buddhist center and officially I am an intern doing a summer long Buddhist studies program. Their WiFi was messed up but got it working finally. Also I camp a ways from the house where the router is at, I'm quite busy during the day with work , practice and study but I'm doing incredibly well. Happier then I've been in a very, very long time. Also I didn't bring my laptop I'm posting from an old android without cell service, aka my pocket WiFi computer And the blue light mobile site is less then ideal. Gonna take some getting used to. Anyway for now I don't know how much posting I can do. I'll try to check in every night if I have the chance. Anyway, I'm doing spectacular and happy to have WiFi back and be able to stay in contact. Had a long day, so I'm off. !
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