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July Getting/Staying Sober Thread vs Birds of a Feather

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phactor said:
AVRT is better known as "Rational Recovery" http://www.rational.org/index.php?id=36 , it has a lot of good concepts and I find myself practicing many of its concepts (I got most of them via therapy). That whole thing about day counting doesn't make a ton of sense to me. I guess I can understand where they are coming from with that statement, but I have never heard anyone in N.A. suggest day counting was measuring between using. Its more of a goal and a way to share experience and celebrate recovery. Both NA and AA (I don't do AA at all personally) emphasize that the newcomer is the most important person at a meeting. One of the bravest acts IMO is a person taking a white key tag. I cannot stand it when adherents of any program (12 step or non 12 step) attack other ones. Doesn't make much sense.

When it comes to any program I take what I need and leave the rest. I do NA, therapy, exercise, try to eat healthy, take an anti depressant and a sleeping prescription (non-benzo) etc etc etc... What I don't do no matter what is use. I hope I continue to do that.

As for you being at a negative amount of clean time, I don't think you are personally. Seems like you have decided to do something about your problem, seems like you have motivation and you had a few days of not using dope! Build on that and don't look back. Keep posting here or other places for some accountability. If I can do it, so can you!
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Thanks for the kind words! I know I can do it, I had nearly 3 years clean!!! And I practice some things from AA/NA they do have some good things within their program and if it works for someone I won't try to pursued them out of it, they are clean, that's awesome and no matter how they did it as long as they stay clean!

I am hoping to come here a lot more often for I don't have many friends or people who understand addiction and therapists are too expensive
 
It is cliche but when you truly want to quit u have it half way licked. Seems most of the battle is mental and at some point for me a one light came on and another went out. After that it was just like putting one foot in front of the other. I get further away fron that person I was every day. Now the only strange part is having that user being part of your identity. I don't do the drugs but that part of my life still has some hold- like I need to get my story out which is stupid. I kept it all a secret successfully and there is no reason to feel the need to burden others with this info so why this seems to feel to be something I need to do is beyond me. That is why I come here. IRL people don't need to know shit.
 
Nurseebol said:
I Now the only strange part is having that user being part of your identity. I don't do the drugs but that part of my life still has some hold- like I need to get my story out which is stupid.
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I don't think that is stupid at all personally and I identify quite a bit with what you are saying. I try to remind myself that my past experience will only make me stronger. Obviously, that isn't always easy, but just trying makes a difference for me. For me, its really important that I get my thoughts and feelings out. I do that in a variety of ways. When I keep my bullshit in I go and use over it. Shame and guilt are huge drivers of my addiction. To the point where I will obsess over them constantly if I do not take action.

Keep up the good work everyone and have a great day.
 
phactor said:
I don't think that is stupid at all personally and I identify quite a bit with what you are saying. I try to remind myself that my past experience will only make me stronger. Obviously, that isn't always easy, but just trying makes a difference for me. For me, its really important that I get my thoughts and feelings out. I do that in a variety of ways. When I keep my bullshit in I go and use over it. Shame and guilt are huge drivers of my addiction. To the point where I will obsess over them constantly if I do not take action.

Keep up the good work everyone and have a great day.
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thanks for the words. Not doing the whole 12 steps thing- don't feel there are too many out there I owe amends to- but the one I would question is a biggie and I may post on that when I am ready.
 
Nurseebol said:
thanks for the words. Not doing the whole 12 steps thing- don't feel there are too many out there I owe amends to- but the one I would question is a biggie and I may post on that when I am ready.
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Do what works for you! Seems like it has been working so far. Support is out there in many different facets and forms. NA is working for me personally right now, but that could always change of course.
 
This is the hardest thing i've ever had to do .. I made it 17 days and now i keep getting 2-3 days then high , for like 2 weeks now . Feeling so motivated to stay clean right now . I'm losing weight like a mother fucker I haven't had an appetite in the last 2 weeks now , I'm so tired of being a scrawny junkie and letting my family down..but the craving is so strong , I'm so tempted to ride out and pawn some shit , it's such a mental battle . Having free time is driving me nuts . I'm sitting here with absolutely NO obligations today , tomorrow , the day after .. I've just been vegetating . Maybe I'll hit a meeting tonight ..
 
Quantz said:
This is the hardest thing i've ever had to do .. I made it 17 days and now i keep getting 2-3 days then high , for like 2 weeks now . Feeling so motivated to stay clean right now . I'm losing weight like a mother fucker I haven't had an appetite in the last 2 weeks now , I'm so tired of being a scrawny junkie and letting my family down..but the craving is so strong , I'm so tempted to ride out and pawn some shit , it's such a mental battle . Having free time is driving me nuts . I'm sitting here with absolutely NO obligations today , tomorrow , the day after .. I've just been vegetating . Maybe I'll hit a meeting tonight ..
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I just cringed I can relate to almost every part of this -- losing weight, how long you've been sober, recent relapses, sitting around doing nothing, not feeling well -- ugh. I hate it. I could've gone to a meeting with someone just now but didn't... and the money I had I paid a bill instead. Sucks ass. Every damn part of it. Sitting around. Ah, fuckfuckfuck. I've been studying and stuff, reading, working out, going on walks, kayaking, laying out, writing, music, sex, anything to make my skin not crawl. Holding all that money in my hand right before I paid that bill made my heart hurt. God, I wanted to get high so much more-- but I didn't. You can do it too. We got this, fool.
 
Quantz said:
This is the hardest thing i've ever had to do .. I made it 17 days and now i keep getting 2-3 days then high , for like 2 weeks now . Feeling so motivated to stay clean right now . I'm losing weight like a mother fucker I haven't had an appetite in the last 2 weeks now , I'm so tired of being a scrawny junkie and letting my family down..but the craving is so strong , I'm so tempted to ride out and pawn some shit , it's such a mental battle . Having free time is driving me nuts . I'm sitting here with absolutely NO obligations today , tomorrow , the day after .. I've just been vegetating . Maybe I'll hit a meeting tonight ..
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When I am using and in withdrawal I am skinny as hell (I am skinny anyways) but after 2 or so weeks my appetite comes back with a vengeance and I am quickly back to my natural weight.. . hang in there you are doing good. Just try to keep yourself occupied the best you can. I found that it takes time for me to start to enjoy things naturally again, but when I do its great. And hey, why not hit up a meeting sometime if you are willing! I am about to go to one right now.

Its so rewarding to just not feel like garbage all the time.

Southeast, great suggestions. I actually work part time on the weekends at a kayak store.

Great work everyone!
 
Hey everyone I'm reading a lot good stuff in this thread
I'm really feeling kinda down n lost right now I'm living in Florida in a house where I really don't like anyone I live with
I have no money and a shitty job that basically makes me enough money for rent.
I really wanna go back home to NY but if I do I have nothing there and I'm scared I might regret it
I'm still sober haven't had a drink or pot or heroin or sub or even any kind of pill including sleeping pill in over 60 days so I'm grateful for that
I feel really down tho I hope it gets better :(
 
Captain.Heroin said:
I have 208 days off Suboxone.

Lots of
<3
To everyone out there struggling.
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Fantastic my man. Glad to hear it. Popped in to wish everyone the best. Been clean for 2 years and 5 months now. Seems like yesterday I was struggling through the months but it gets better. <3
 
60 days clean today.

Occasionally I find myself feeling sorry for myself, just kinda mourning not being able to use anymore. But its not like before when I would sit there and try to rationalize or plan when I was going to use. Its more of a "what do I do now?" type feeling. I saw a drug deal go down yesterday and started having a slight craving. It was more me wondering "I wonder what he is pushing"? Then it transitioned into "maybe it is dope!" followed quickly by self pity thinking "I will never be able to feel an opiate high again". 30 seconds later I felt better though.

Really need to start working out regularly, I am in a bit of a funk today.
 
Working out helps. I got into bodybuilding since I've been clean and I hardly ever think of drugs now. I look in the mirror and see the hard work and dedication I put into building my physique and know that drugs will take it all away. I'm too vain to give in I guess lol. I see a few people around the rooms where I live who participate on bodybuilding message boards and even more who are day to day gym rats and these fellas have some clean time (5+ years). It's a totally selfish passion that can be healthy and help one form bonds with others. Instead of talking about drugs we talk training and diet. I'm a hormonized lifter so I leave that out of conversation but nonetheless overall health and fitness are vital to my recovery. Plus it helps one grow out of the "junkie stereotype" look. I don't even get asked to buy dope. People assume I'm a cop because I'm clean cut and well built. It helps when everyone and their mom isn't bum rushing you to sell shit.
 
Serotonin101 said:
Working out helps. I got into bodybuilding since I've been clean and I hardly ever think of drugs now. I look in the mirror and see the hard work and dedication I put into building my physique and know that drugs will take it all away. I'm too vain to give in I guess lol. I see a few people around the rooms where I live who participate on bodybuilding message boards and even more who are day to day gym rats and these fellas have some clean time (5+ years). It's a totally selfish passion that can be healthy and help one form bonds with others. Instead of talking about drugs we talk training and diet. I'm a hormonized lifter so I leave that out of conversation but nonetheless overall health and fitness are vital to my recovery. Plus it helps one grow out of the "junkie stereotype" look. I don't even get asked to buy dope. People assume I'm a cop because I'm clean cut and well built. It helps when everyone and their mom isn't bum rushing you to sell shit.
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Thanks for the advice Serotonin101, I remember you being around, glad to see you are doing well.

Yeah, the only other time I was super serious about recovery (got about a 1 and change) I was working out quite a alot and was in great shape. I just need to pick that up again (I finally have enough money to join a gym). The great thing about it this time around is that I am much more confident in my recovery (not cocky, it just feels much more like the "right" thing) and I am also working the steps (which really help me).

Anyways, my medication went through (I am clear with my doc I am an addict and its nothing addicting) so I feel much better. I guess I had some pretty significant anxiety, but one is a sleep medicine and if I don't sleep I freak out (life long insomniac).

Anyways, keep it up everyone! Its so good to read good news on BL. I have been on this site for a long time and I have to say the entire "recovery" section has become one of the best parts about BL.

I also picked up some nicotine patches for when I am ready. Not any definite plans for when, but it will be soon (I actually started smoking again when I got back into recovery).
 
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phactor said:
60 days clean today.

Occasionally I find myself feeling sorry for myself, just kinda mourning not being able to use anymore. But its not like before when I would sit there and try to rationalize or plan when I was going to use. Its more of a "what do I do now?" type feeling. I saw a drug deal go down yesterday and started having a slight craving. It was more me wondering "I wonder what he is pushing"? Then it transitioned into "maybe it is dope!" followed quickly by self pity thinking "I will never be able to feel an opiate high again". 30 seconds later I felt better though.

Really need to start working out regularly, I am in a bit of a funk today.
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I know how you feel man. You're doing really well <3

I have 209 days myself
 
Thanks everyone! I appreciate it, it means a lot to me. I am proud of myself but I am more proud of you all! Lets keep doing this thing.
 
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