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It's hard being an addict...

R

Rockbottom36

Greenlighter
Joined
Nov 2, 2015
Messages
17
Mine is Oxycodone. Seriously can call the Doc up right know and get 30 for about 20 bucks and its legal. I've been going at this addiction thing alone for to long. I've been on and off some form of narcotic for the past 4 years and just want to feel who I am and who you are. Before that I averaged about a case or 2 of alcohol a week. I hope to hear your story as well and create so friendship!
 
Welcome to BL RockB36!
You can visit some threads about recovery, TDS, sober living, etc.
Most of us are here experiences similar issues. I'm recovering from opiates addiction.
You'll see that you are not alone.
Hope to hear from!
Erik
 
Brotha you have no idea , kicking screaming in my car my legs shaking I'm moaning in pain waiting hoping my connect replies ... It's not like a doctor anything can happen with dealers ... And the second he calls back suddenly at hour 30 I feel instantly well!! Knowing I'm about to get a sac and feel fine I hate that. I even try to trick my mind and ride that natural high of knowing I have the opiates to get well and tell myself okay keep going at least if something serious comes up I can get well and stop the withdrawals any time and end up shooting up at 10 pm knowing I won't sleep 1-2 hours even if take massive benzos dosage (and I'm not benzo tolerant at all) and end up nodding out till 4 am sitting up right tv on rig still there
 
I've finally got past the physical withdrawals! Now unto the long and painful phsycological burn.

It's been so many times but I've never wanted to be done this bad! I feel like I betray everyone I love and know if I continue on using this horrible evil that they call Roxi!

There is a spirit tied to her and it's definitely not a good one.

I hope you turn away from this as soon as you can!

Thanks for the reply!!
 
Greetings! Welcome to the best harm recudtion site on the internet! :D

Good to know you made it past the easy part... lol

I'm kinda kidding.. but everyone is different. Even though I find the physical wds to be pretty unbearable, the mental cravings and depression/anxiety killllll me on a daily basis. It seems to never go away. Erikmen is right, you are not alone. In fact, a large amount of BL members are opiate addicts. Whether they are actively using, or actively quitting, or clean for a long time, we all understand eachothers' pain and can help one another get by.
Come hang out in Recovery Support. Everyone needs someone to talk to at some point :)
 
Hey RB, welcome! I'm too working on getting off the oxy. My struggle has been ongoing for about 4 years as well. From as high as 450mg/day about 1.5 years ago now down to about 20-30mg a day. Countless detoxes and relapses. I'm sure you can relate a bit.

How many days have you been off everything and what did your habit look like in terms of daily intake? Do any taper or straight cold turkeying it?
 
At its peak I was fent 50 patch and 60 mg oxy a day.

Stepped down to 30mg oxy a day and no patch and then 15 mg oxy a day and no patch. I was off 5 days last week and took the last two 15mg oxy Friday and Saturday. I flushed the remaining 10 15mg down the toilet. It's only phsycological and spritual all at the moment.

I truly believe that these opioids open up evil spritual gateways. Nothing good comes from an addiction unless you can kick it I think. This is only my humble opinion and not a judgement on someone else's condition. Thanks SK! I hope you walk is well!
 
wow rock i gotta give you credit for flushing. i did that once a long time ago when i was sick and tired of being sick and tired. Havent seemed to get back there again. Hope you feelin ok are you doin anything for detoxing? Regards
 
Yeah RB, that's very admirable to flush your remaining ones. I certainly know the feeling but haven't been able to do that myself. My usual way to get rid of them is to just binge the hell out of em and force myself into a spot where I have to detox. Not a very effective method of tackling the beast. I've personally now handed off my remaining ones to a close (non-using) friend to help me rapid taper down to nill.

I certainly agree that nothing good can come from an addiction unless it's kicked. You learn a lot about yourself battling it over time (usually not things you want to know about yourself).

From your last post, it seems you are past the physical aspects of withdrawal? I'm looking forward to getting to that point. The mental is 100% just as difficult for sure, just different. Last two days I've been at 10mg in morning and 10mg at night before bed. Very uncomfortable but I can feel I'm making progress each day. I'd do a full kick from here but I gotta get through the work week along with a certification exam tomorrow.

I'm curious as well if you're taking anything or doing anything to assist with your recovery.
 
Hey BM55! I used apple cider vinegar and an organic mixture of food and vitamins.

I get the usual anxiety and that feeling that I'd be better off dead. I realize that this is mainly the detox talking but I do believe that enduring an addiction really humbles the soul for some.

At any rate it feels like I'm in two different worlds. I have a son and a wife and somehow we are still moving forward. Most of my stuff was covered by insurance so it didn't completely break us. I feel sorrow for failing them. I love them both so deeply and need to just endure the pain that comes with life. Thanks BM! Hope your walk is going well!!
 
This is my first post, as I'm new to this forum....I personally feel that "oxies" are nothing but legal heroine. Good luck on kicking either.. Your symptons will sill be the same. Through this forum, I've learned that many anti-depressants serve as opiate blockers, otherwise, I'd be in pretty bad shape myself. I faithfully take my meds, not because I like to, but I can't seen to live with myself without them. So, WTF..., my meds are cheaper, easily accessible and keep me from chasing a high just to enjoy a 2-3mins euphoria. Make sense (cents)?? I welcome any support.
 
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I feel you on the two different worlds. As moving forward is a great positive,a and i need to remind myself of that because i beat myself up all the time and tend to dwell on the past. I am always reading and learning from this site and i enjoy that even as painful as life can be. No pain no gain? I dont know but thanx for listening i am new here gots alot going on in my life, and it hurts. Thanx again
 
Also i forgot to mention that i like your caption "its hard being an addict"...because as hard as it, is i feel that it is just as hard not being one, if there is such a thing, i know for me that there probably isnt. I dont want to tie up your thread with my sad story but i was born addicted to h, which i found out not all that long ago, i am still trying to work on who i am,or why i do what i do, so yes it is extremely hard either or any way you look at life, thanx again
 
Rockbottom36 said:
You on opioids now Mohawk?
Click to expand...
--- responding to RB; the answer is sadly YES! Off and on now for 35+ years. Now, I'm just coming to an understanding as to why I've being chasing my tail since the last 8mos into my relapse.
 
Painkiller addiction, oh please. Get back to me when you've tried living my life having a serious daily methylphenidate habit, and THEN you will know suffering, trust me.
 
Rio Fantastic said:
Painkiller addiction, oh please. Get back to me when you've tried living my life having a serious daily methylphenidate habit, and THEN you will know suffering, trust me.
Click to expand...

lol, ignore posts like these. All too often you get the occasional person jumping in the thread to downplay what you're experiencing and to revel in the glory of what their enduring. It doesn't make anyone suffering feel any better. Still though, best of luck to you Rio in overcoming that. Sounds very tough.
 
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