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Is it OK to spank a child?

I definitely agree with lacey's last post. And I definitely disagree with badandwicked's conception of bad kids, because I was one and so was my brother. When you have exhausted your list of other disciplinary options, what do you do? I mean, I thought it was fucking hilarious to defy my parents when I was a toddler, and a spank or the threat thereof was the *only* thing that stopped me. Some people are born with naughty or even destructive tendencies - what if spanking is a good way to curb them on an as-needed basis (as it definitely was with my brother)? To suggest that no one is born "bad" is to suggest that no one is born with a destructive mental disorder, and that's simply not true.

And again, no one here is *advocating* spanking - I believe that everyone here supporting it has made it abundantly clear that it's a last ditch option in their disciplinary repertoire and has acknowledged that some, if not many, kids will never need a spanking in order to be effectively parented.


Also, I really can't understand the repeated conflation of a smack on the ass to get a kid's attention and all out physical abuse. A swat on the butt and a firm "no" followed by a serious talk is not hitting a toddler in the face or beating a kid's ass til it's red or whupping them with a belt/spoon/whatever and then walking away or some shit.
 
nope - its nearly always,, well was in my family done by parents in a state of rage and does nothing but instill bitterness in children.. Plus you'll hear some parents say it was just a tap when it was - but from others you'll get the same story but they'll leave bruising,, with the parent still convinced it was just a justifiable tap.. You cant police a 'smacking in moderation' scheme so best just make it illegal ,, not that it'll stop but it may make some vile parents think twice
 
spanking is not abuse unless it is excessive or extremely hard.


it is OK to spank your kids. its NOT OK to beat them silly.

the whole lay them over your lap and whack their bare ass seems strange and abusive to me. a good smack or a couple right over their clothed ass when they are doing whatever they were told not to do is all that is required.
 
I don't normally smack my kids, but I can say I have done and if neccessary I would do it again. It's not something I like doing nor is it something I want to do, but a child who does not understand that putting their hand into a fire will hurt them and you have removed them a couple of times then a small smack to show the importance of not putting their hand in a fire is needed.

Smacking can be needed to protect your child, I don't know about discipline, personally I feel talking to them is better, distraction and bribery and if that fails guilt.
 
I can count on one hand the number of times I've actually had to spank my son. Once when we were at the supermarket and he kept standing up in the little seat thing. Another time when he was super rebellious trying to jump his ass in the lake because he was fascinated by the fountain. I carried him into the house after this, and he had a tantrum-trying to push me away from the door so he could go back out. He was nearly three, people say "terrible two" but with him I would say terrible threes. One other time he was super sassy before his pre-school graduation, but I couldn't smack him as I was driving. But grandma scolded him severely.
Sometimes it is needed. Otherwise children will walk all over you. And I can't stand seeing parents threaten with "ok I'm gonna count to three" crap and the kid keeps acting out, but no discipline happens.
 
^ I'm totally comfortable with that kind of parenting. Thats pretty much when/how I was spanked as a child. And assuming you're a good parent in all other respects, I am 100% confident that your son will suffer no ill effects, and will grow to love & respect you.

Im not a parent yet so I guess I'm not qualifed to comment, and am very undecided on the subject. The no smacking thing makes so much sense, but then sometimes it seems that smacking makes so much sense. Especially when used in situations like this ^. It's good to hear from people with kids & interesting to hear how much peoples attitudes and opinions differ.
 
roadkill barbie said:
nope - its nearly always,, well was in my family done by parents in a state of rage and does nothing but instill bitterness in children.. Plus you'll hear some parents say it was just a tap when it was - but from others you'll get the same story but they'll leave bruising,, with the parent still convinced it was just a justifiable tap.. You cant police a 'smacking in moderation' scheme so best just make it illegal ,, not that it'll stop but it may make some vile parents think twice
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Uh...no...not quite....I got spanked plenty as a kid and there wasnt nothing wrong with it and it definately didnt "instill bitterness" in me...And my folks never smacked me in ' a state of rage' or becuz they wanted to take out their anger on me...way to generalize...ur experience aint everybody elses.

And, in case you aint aware, "smacking in moderation" already IS the law in many places. child abuse is illegal in the US. Spanking aint.

And i really take a fuckin issue with u referring to people who spank or hit their kid in ANY way even appropriate, deserved ones, as "vile parents"....My moms and pops were not vile and I aint vile so please spare the judgement yo, you are really, really over generalizing. All it would do to make ALL spanking of any kind illegal, is crowd the system with tons of parents who are just bein responsible parents and using appropriate discipline, and break up families for "child abuse" that dont exist.

child abuse in this country is already a huge problem and there is alot of cases that dont get reported and kids that keep suffering...and the focus needs to be on those cases not parents who spank their kid for doin one of the horrible things that little kids do sometimes...like the 3 yr old who gets mad at his mom for tellin him he cant watch the cartoon he wants to watch, and is on one of them toddler fits of rage where he is just SO mad that he cant have his way that he is ready to go to war over it, so he does some shit like goes in his moms room and picks up the little ceramic statue on her dresser that he knows she really likes and breaks it on purpose to "get her back", etc. Now that might seem like "OMG, wat kind of horrible kid would do that, for akid to do that his parents must be raising him wrong!" but sometimes kids just do fucked up shit, and in a kids mind its like, "ILL SHOW YOU MOMMY!" they do shit that is just so bad-ass sometimes, u dont realize it til you got kids of your own or u have spent lots of time in close situations with young kids to really see the kind of shit they capable of. Use the one i said or any other example I could use where a kid would really deserve a whack on the ass--that aint somethin that needs to get investigated by DYFS. regular-ass discipline when its appropriate aint nobodys bizness but the parents. Beating a kid for droppin a glass and breakin it is the bizness of child protective services. spanking a kid for throwing his toy at the TV becuz after tellin him over and over that he had to stop watchin now, and to turn it off, and he wouldnt, so you came over and turned it off, --that aint.

To say that spankin should get outlawed is nutz. Its already illegal to do shit thats actually harmful, hurtful, traumatizing, abusive, etc to kids.

You wanna protect kids? How bout we make it illegal for parents to feed their kids McDonalds more than once a month? How bout we make it illegal to serve soda to any kid under the age of 12? How bout we outlaw feedin kids any food products that been processed so many times that they can only be called "processed re-shaped chicken-style food product"?

Oh but that would be infringing on rights that are a personal choice of the parents and their decisions on how to raise their kids?

but feedin a kid disgusting, unhealthy food all day for years and causing them to get obese and unhealthy is damaging to kids and dangerous!

Spanking is less hurtful than any parent that feeds that crap to their kid for his whole life and hes obese by the time he hits 3rd grade, and i dont see no laws about that, so until you want to make it a law for EVERYTHING that ANYBODY disagrees with and personally feels is harmful for kids, you cant say shit about makin spankin illegal. it wouldnt stop no child abuse--all it would do is put innocent parents who got the balls to discipline their kids in jail and take them away from their families.and is in one of those tod
 
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I will definitely try every avenue first before I ever resort to corporal punishment. IF my kids aren't listening to me then I'll take some parenting classes and ask others for help. My plan is to never ever physically punish my child. I never hit anyone in my life and I am not big on abuse of any kind. And IMO physical punishment can easily turn into abuse.

The reason I don't want to ever use physical punishment on my child is because I was extremely physically abused when I was a child and I believe it fucked me up. I was beaten with all kinds of things for things like dropping something. I was a clumsy and energetic kid, probably had something like ADHD. Spend first part of my life (from 18 months until 13 years old) with my grandma and w/o my mom. My mom moved to the states and couldn't get me over here until I was 13. My grandma, for some reason, didn't like me very much. She was not a nice person. Every thing I did was pretty much punished in some way either verbally or physically. She would call me a whore or bitch when I was a little kid.So you can imagine how much damage she had done to me. I still refuse to speak a word to her and she is close to dying. I hate her so much. I hold so much resentment towards my grandma and my mom for leaving me with her. I know the resentment is damaging to me now but I can't get rid of it. I tried therapy and stuff, but I guess I need more.

So after experiencing first had what physical punishment can do, I just will not be able to get myself to hit my child. I hate abuse and will never abuse my kid. I will try other ways of discipline. I am sure there are ways of disciplining your kid w/o having to resort to physical punishment.

Does anyone know good resources on disciplining kids? Like good books or classes or somewhere to learn that stuff. I definitely will not be using anything I learned from my childhood so I don't know much about disciplining kids. Now that I have a kid I know I will need to find a way to do it well.

BUT on the other hand, as long as other parents aren't abusing their kids I really don't care if they use spanking as a form of discipline. It's their choice. I might also use it if I need to. I would prefer not to cuz of my background. As long as nothing damaging or abusing is done to the kids then its the parent's choice in what they wanna do with the kid. It's their kid and they are responsible for it, not me. I won't intervene if nothing bad is happening to the kid cuz its the parent's business not mine.

I am not saying that light spanking for discipline is the same thing as physical abuse. I might come off that way but that it totally not what I mean. I don't want to spank my kids because it will remind me of what was done to me. Even light spanking, which probably has not negative effects on the kid, will remind me of the physical abuse I suffered. really don't care if other parents choose to spank their kids as long as they are not abusing them. It's their business, not mine.
 
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:( Z Y G G Y. <3

i'm so sorry you had such a rough upbringing. i hope one day you can learn to let go of the hatred you feel. perhaps once your child is here, you can focus on being a wonderful mother and providing your baby with the love, encouragement and support you were neglected. keep positive, stay thankful for the present and look forward to the future.

if you haven't found a pediatrician yet, i'd suggest looking for one as they'll probably be best able to refer you to child-rearing resources.
 
One other time he was super sassy before his pre-school graduation, but I couldn't smack him as I was driving. But grandma scolded him severely.
Sometimes it is needed. Otherwise children will walk all over you. And I can't stand seeing parents threaten with "ok I'm gonna count to three" crap and the kid keeps acting out, but no discipline happens.
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All this is true aside from the bolded part, if you meant spanking is needed. What you hopefully are referring to is discipline. The "I'm going to count to three" crap that you see, with no follow through, is not an example of proper discipline. It's just as lazy parenting as spanking is (just my opinion). If you are going to count to three to a child, there better be consequences. Parents who don't follow through are just reinforcing the child's idea that they can get away with whatever they want.

You count to three, then if the kid doesn't stop you put them in a time out. If they try and leave the time out, you put them back. You do this as many times as you need to and you don't respond to their attempts to manipulate you while they are in the time out. You just explain to them why they are in the time out and that they will be able to come out when their time is up. Every time they ignore you, disrespect you, attempt to leave the time out, you put them back (*without saying anything, this is important because a lot of kids act up to get attention and they have to learn that they wont get the attention they desire from acting this way). You do this all god damn night if you have to. Don't have the time for proper discipline? Don't have kids. It takes time and a lot of work to set up systems of discipline and STICK to them so kids will learn. If you do it right they will learn, and they will respect you more for it. Resorting to violence is just lazy and low, in my opinion, rather than doing the actual work (no offense intended to any parents here, to each their own).

These methods helped me a lot when dealing with my ex's son... and trust me, he could be a little brat and had a hell of a mouth on him... the only reason it didn't work better was that my ex kept sending mixed signals (making a rule one day then allowing the kid to break it the next, stuff like that) and spoiling the kid, not following through with the discipline, which lead to the kid just thinking I was the bad evil stepmom and daddy was great. I couldn't stand it and that was part of why I left.

Does anyone know good resources on disciplining kids?
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Seriously, watch Supernanny. I know it sounds like a silly suggestion, watch some reality tv, but really, that show taught me so much! I applied so many of her techniques and they all were really good. I plan to use those same ideas with my own children one day.

Edit- I just wanted to add that obviously, discipline needs to change as the child changes and grows. The stuff i mentioned about time outs was what I used on a 3-4 year old kid, but I wouldn't treat an 8 year old the same way. I'd give my children more freedom as they grew older, in general, because that's how I was raised.
 
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I think to each their own. I dont agree that spanking=violence. However there is a fine line.

I watch supernanny all the time-she rules! I definately plan on implementing her discipline skills with my kids. Right now they're too young (17 months and 7 weeks) I'm having trouble with my oldest one understanding "no" she just laughs whenever I say it, and thinks its game if I take something away from her or try to distract her from it. Live and learn I guess...
 
for me i just dont understand how a time out is a punishment. When i was a kid, i never had toys in my room, or tv, or nothing. if i got sent to my room, there wasnt shit there for me to entertain myself with. But it never bothered me. i would just sit there for hours imagining stories and writin them down, or if i couldnt do that i would just keep it in my head....or i would daydream think about this or that...imagine how it would be like to take a trip around the world...think about some of my favorite movies or books and imagine my self inside of them and act out the story in my head...I was never bored with that shit. For me, time out was great. I would sit there for hours totally absorbed in my imagination and sometimes not even come out when the time was over. it would be 30 min long time out and a hour later id still be in my room chillin.

so i cant comprehend how "time out" is even suppose to be a punishment. How does that even discipline a kid? For me its really silly and ineffective. that aint much of a threat to threaten a kid with. "If you dont stop that...Im gonna make you SIT STILL FOR FIFTEEN MINUTES WITHOUT TALKING!!!!!!" Maybe i was just a freak but for me, the first thing i would think was "Oh, u say fifteen? Ill sit for THIRTY, and ill LIKE it." sometimes i would make a show of enjoyin the time out just to piss off my moms haha.
 
I can just say my (I can imagine the large majority of children's in the Western world's) time outs weren't nearly as fun as yours. As an side, you really need to write a stellar graphic novel! I can just see it! Not a joke.
 
i have a kid only 1 he is nearly 8 and a little boy, very confident at that also. When he needs a bit of discipline I am the of the principle that if in hitting my son i feel really bad but know it was the thing to do as so far as nothing else was having a result then i can live with mydself and all soon is forgotten bar hopefully the lesson he has been taught. if on the other hand i hit my son and i feel that it was wrong to do so i personally would not be able to just forget it and i imagine my son would also show symtoms different to the other time.
 
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