Is it OK to spank a child?

[rangrz]

i don't understand you, dude. if it's wrong to impose on grown fighting men, and it's wrong to impose on kids, why is it not wrong to impose on GM? because you disagree with him? because you think one group of people (lawmakers/police/soldiers/)has the right to impose it's will on everyone else, by whatever force they deem neccessary?

but i'll never understand the kind of person who believes he's somehow protecting my way of life by squashing someone else's. it's arrogant.

because he was imposing it on someone else. Someone who is not consenting to it. So I owe that person protection.

 

[deaf eye]

my parents are divorced, my dad whooped my ass like 3 times, since i was little, once i deserved it, i set this fire that raged on, the other 2 i just didnt listen

when i was a puber, i put my mom to work, she would grab whatever she could, brooms, hockey sticks, shed pull hair , kick down doors
but i deserved it, no doubt. i dont even remember how many times she kicked my ass ~
i dont think she abused me, i think it helped, make me who i am now, and even though the morals were beat into me, im happy they were

 

[Khadijah]

^^ a man after my own heard

mad for defeye, hope u doin good yo

 

[MynameisnotDeja]

when i was a puber, i put my mom to work, she would grab whatever she could, brooms, hockey sticks, shed pull hair , kick down doors
but i deserved it, no doubt. i dont even remember how many times she kicked my ass ~
i dont think she abused me, i think it helped, make me who i am now, and even though the morals were beat into me, im happy they were

Man... it's heartbreaking that you've been manipulated into thinking you "deserved" that sort of abuse...

 

[Khadijah]

No it aint. It aint necessarily abuse yo. why does everybody insist on putting that label onto any physical contact a parent has with a child that involves hitting? YOU might feel that way, but once you cross over to telling other people that they were abused, when they werent, and they clearly know that they werent, and they actually are thankful for the discipline they got--thats just fucked up. ,

regardless of how you got raised or your beliefs, some people got spanked and smacked as kids, and were not hurt emotionally in no type of way by it, and are totally OK with it. The fact that we look back on it and laugh and dont see a problem with it, dont mean we are emotionally damaged and brainwashed by our evil abusive parents, it just means that spanking and physical discipline can be healthy and normal part of raising a child, and it didnt mess us up, and thats all. No more to it.

You are so eager to say that its bad, that even the kids who say that it DIDNT fuck them up, you just make it like "oh, well they are just so fucked up that they dont know they are fucked up." Like its impossible that a person coulda got hit as a kid and deserved it. and even if they tell you "No, really, seriously--IM FINE. I really am OK-it reallly didnt fuck me up, i deserved it, and im glad it happened cuz i learned my lesson", you still think that there was some kind of evil thing goin on there. Why cant it just be that he got physically disciplined as a child, and came out of it 100% fine? Why is that such a crazy answer, so crazy that you assume anybody who says so, must just be so fucked up that they think that they are OK when they aint.

if you payin attention to his post you can see he said he was a teenager at that time. He is sayin he was a bad ass teenager who did all kinda fucked up shit and deserved a ass whuppin, and is glad that his moms delivered it becuz it taught him the lessons he needed to learn and he is better off for it today. That aint the brainwashed, emotionally damaged words of a abuse victim. Its the childhood memories of a person who was raised in a more old fashioned way, that you dont understand, so you assume that its abuse, and that he must just be super fucked up in the head to say somethin like that becuz no kid who got hit would ever be OK with it if they were totally sane.

You do you--you think it aint ok to spank a kid, then thats you. thats your deal, and thats cool for your life--but for real, dont go around puttin your labels on other people who did get spanked and werent harmed by it. I am another one of those kids, and I absolutely was not abused, and it didnt hurt me in no way, it didnt fuck up my head, i got hit when i deserved it and it taught me my lessons and I will do the same with my kid. there aint nothing wrong with it, and the kids who got physical discipline and it didnt fuck them up dont need your pity or sypmpathy. We aint poor abuse victims who cant even see that we got abused. We just WERENT ABUSED. Spankin, and when a kid is older and acts like the spawn of the devil, the occasional ass whuppin, are alot different than child abuse.

when a kid comes out of it totally healthy, without bein fucked up without havin no issues, and can look back on it FONDLY and LAUGH about it and say man, thank god my mom was there to handle my ass, becuz if i hadnt had her, i really woulda got way more in trouble, its a good thing she was there to give me a smack when i deserved it--Thats a pretty good sign that it wasnt abuse. and its kind of offensive and condescending to claim you know better than we do about whether or not it was, by saying "oh its so sad you cant even recognize that you were abused." you mighta meant your post to sound nice or sympathetic, but really, it just come off as mad patronizing.

 

[Fawkes]

^ i didn't take it as patronizing; and i whole-heartedly agree with MNIND. it's bad enough to spank with your hand, but using weapons like hockey sticks or brooms to discipline your child is abuse, teenager or not, not only in my eyes but in the laws' eyes as well.

 

[lostNfound]

Related reading tackling the big issues.... should you be allowed to smack your kid???

 

[Benefit]

I'm going to send my kid off to be raised by FuturePig. I hope that's cool?

 

[ManWithNoName]

Sure is, for discipline tho. I remember every spanking/slaping etc. i've had. If i fucked up, i knew i was wrong and would try and not do the things that got me punished. But out of frustration and other stuff. I remembered every one of those also, and paid them back in kind. Kids are not toys, nor a second chance for your crappy life. Treat them with respect and they deserve and all is well.

 

[blazelate]

I got spanked and i will spank.


I dont plan often, never if i can help it, only when i am absolutely being defied.

 

[sniperbv2]

i believe in spanking, i have a young child and even though i actually only have to spank him a couple times a year and i have never bruised him he still knows when hes crossed the line. if i was to raise my hand like i was going to punch him or something similar he would laugh at me lol! but when that line is crossed he gets a smack on the ass and sent to his room to think about it. but hey what you decide on doing is your choice.

 

[Cyc]

Physical punishments must be meted out after a cool-off process by the parent.

Spanking while upset is a sign of passionate retribution. This is a criminal act. Spanking as a form of punishment should be a rational and objective decision.

Yanking on your kid's arm in the mall parking lot and throwing them in the car is physical abuse. Sending a child to their room, collecting your thoughts, having a discussion with another parent or friend, then meting out a physical consequence is not.

 

[badandwicked]

Sending a child to their room, collecting your thoughts, having a discussion with another parent or friend, then meting out a physical consequence is not.

That sounds even worse, IMO. I imagine smacking being implemented in an 'emergency' situation, as a sudden quick reprimand for a child too young to reason with.
To return to the childs room with the deliberate intention of causing physical pain sounds wrong.

 

[Cyc]

I'm not talking about a physical reprimand to protect a child against oncoming traffic. I'm talking about spanking as a form of punishment. If you hit your child because you're upset at their behavior, then you are just relieving your anger on the child.

 

[TheAppleCore]

The other huge problem with physical discipline is that a lot of the time it is administered while the parent is drunk or high, which can easily result in the discipline being way too harsh or heavy-handed, without the parent even realising.

It's really just a terrible idea in general to interact with your own kids while drunk or high.

I remember excusing myself from the dinner table early just because I didn't like the way my parents acted after having a couple glasses of wine.

 

[Khadijah]

I just wanted to say that i think its pretty unfair to say shit like "ALOT of the time, people who use physical discipline on their kids are drunk or high", makin it sound like some shit that only irreponsible people who use drugs or drink around their kids would do.

theres plenty of loving, responsible, caring, excellent parents who spank their kids. It aint like some kind of shit thats reserved for shitty parents who get fucked up and beat their kids. sure, theres parents like that for sure. and if a parent is doin negative behavior like abusin drugs n alcohol around their kids then they more likely to do negative shit like physically abuse their kids.

But PHYSICAL ABUSE aint the same as PHYSICAL DISCIPLINE....So puttin them in the same category is fucked up! It may be true (And i dont know, but im just goin off wat Neo said) that parents who are drunk or high are more likely to ABUSE their kids--but that aint got nothing to do with parents who spank their kids and use physical discipline as a kind of punishment. A parent who is usin responsible punishment of their kids in a responsible way, dont deserve to get thrown in the same category with people who get fucked up and beat their kids and sayin some shit like that is kinda offensive, just my 2 tho

 

[Bridesbiscuit]

All this is true aside from the bolded part, if you meant spanking is needed. What you hopefully are referring to is discipline. The "I'm going to count to three" crap that you see, with no follow through, is not an example of proper discipline. It's just as lazy parenting as spanking is (just my opinion). If you are going to count to three to a child, there better be consequences. Parents who don't follow through are just reinforcing the child's idea that they can get away with whatever they want.

You count to three, then if the kid doesn't stop you put them in a time out. If they try and leave the time out, you put them back. You do this as many times as you need to and you don't respond to their attempts to manipulate you while they are in the time out. You just explain to them why they are in the time out and that they will be able to come out when their time is up. Every time they ignore you, disrespect you, attempt to leave the time out, you put them back (*without saying anything, this is important because a lot of kids act up to get attention and they have to learn that they wont get the attention they desire from acting this way). You do this all god damn night if you have to. Don't have the time for proper discipline? Don't have kids. It takes time and a lot of work to set up systems of discipline and STICK to them so kids will learn. If you do it right they will learn, and they will respect you more for it. Resorting to violence is just lazy and low, in my opinion, rather than doing the actual work (no offense intended to any parents here, to each their own).

These methods helped me a lot when dealing with my ex's son... and trust me, he could be a little brat and had a hell of a mouth on him... the only reason it didn't work better was that my ex kept sending mixed signals (making a rule one day then allowing the kid to break it the next, stuff like that) and spoiling the kid, not following through with the discipline, which lead to the kid just thinking I was the bad evil stepmom and daddy was great. I couldn't stand it and that was part of why I left.



Seriously, watch Supernanny. I know it sounds like a silly suggestion, watch some reality tv, but really, that show taught me so much! I applied so many of her techniques and they all were really good. I plan to use those same ideas with my own children one day.

Edit- I just wanted to add that obviously, discipline needs to change as the child changes and grows. The stuff i mentioned about time outs was what I used on a 3-4 year old kid, but I wouldn't treat an 8 year old the same way. I'd give my children more freedom as they grew older, in general, because that's how I was raised.

Perfect.

Resorting to spanking is just failure in maintaining control of the situation. Following through each and every time with a measured consequence will earn you respect and a healthier relationship with your child.

 

[Khadijah]

Spanking aint a "failure" in maintaining control. Absolutely not. Where do yall get these ideas from? 8)God damn, some of yall are sooooo judgemental.

 

[rangrz]

This is what I go by, and yes, I will enforce that section.

Assault

265. (1) A person commits an assault when

(a) without the consent of another person, he applies force intentionally to that other person, directly or indirectly;

(b) he attempts or threatens, by an act or a gesture, to apply force to another person, if he has, or causes that other person to believe on reasonable grounds that he has, present ability to effect his purpose; or

(c) while openly wearing or carrying a weapon or an imitation thereof, he accosts or impedes another person or begs.

Application

(2) This section applies to all forms of assault, including sexual assault, sexual assault with a weapon, threats to a third party or causing bodily harm and aggravated sexual assault.

Consent

(3) For the purposes of this section, no consent is obtained where the complainant submits or does not resist by reason of

(a) the application of force to the complainant or to a person other than the complainant;

(b) threats or fear of the application of force to the complainant or to a person other than the complainant;

(c) fraud; or

(d) the exercise of authority. i.e. Parents authority still does not grant consent.

Accused's belief as to consent

(4) Where an accused alleges that he believed that the complainant consented to the conduct that is the subject-matter of the charge, a judge, if satisfied that there is sufficient evidence and that, if believed by the jury, the evidence would constitute a defence, shall instruct the jury, when reviewing all the evidence relating to the determination of the honesty of the accused's belief, to consider the presence or absence of reasonable grounds for that belief.

R.S., c. C-34, s. 244; 1974-75-76, c. 93, s. 21; 1980-81-82-83, c. 125, s. 19.

Assault

266. Every one who commits an assault is guilty of

(a) an indictable offence and is liable to imprisonment for a term not exceeding five years; or

(b) an offence punishable on summary conviction.

 

[rant*N*rave]

Spanking aint a "failure" in maintaining control. Absolutely not. Where do yall get these ideas from? 8)God damn, some of yall are sooooo judgemental.

I'm beginning to believe that BL is a weird statistical anomaly where most of its members have been surrounded by disproportionately well-behaved children. I already know they are disproportionately inexperienced with children by virtue of the age and type of the average person frequenting these kinds of forums. There's also the fact that people that were abused and received abusive spankings will never dissociate spanking from abuse, and the fact that most people only see abusive parents spanking their children because it happens so much more often and most good parents would never do it in a public setting.