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Is anyone else W/D'ing today? Post in here...

god man freaking out mentally, im on the tip of the iceberg for alcohol WD's... again..

god the anxiety is tearing my mind apart, along with the suicidal ideas.
 
Day 4 now - I started feeling quite a bit better last night, as most of the "deep freeze" as I call it had eased up, as well as the joint pain. I got about 6 hours sleep without the aid of alcohol or any other drugs, and felt pretty good when I woke up this morning. I couldn't fall back asleep once I woke up, and was slightly restless, but all together not too bad.

I'm still a bit run down, especially since I just worked for 5 hours in the hot sun taking down my brother-in-law's porch, but I'm over the majority of the withdrawal. I'm still craving like a motherfucker, but I didn't go out of my way to get money from my bro-in-law for the work I did. I figured tomorrow I can grab $10 off him, let him give my parents the rest (which hopefully I can manage without him telling them he gave me $10), and have a friend of mine drop me off one bag.

I'm not ready to quit heroin completely, but I did need this break. I was a successful chipper for a long time after staying clean for 6 months, and now that I don't have ready access to a car, or stable funds, I plan to go back to using at most once a week. Call it stupid if you want, call it a waste of clean time, but I love my dope, and am not yet ready to give it up completely.

~CTdopeLove
 
Day 5 - Woke up feeling cold, which is strange since the "deep freeze" had left me Sunday night. I slept 6 hours straight, thanks in part to working outside yesterday, and partly due to the 10 or so shots of whiskey I had 2 hours before bed.

I'm getting stomach cramps, and I'm sure if I allowed myself to shit it wouldn't be pleasant, but since I'm leaving for work in a couple minutes, I don't want to "pop the cork" so to speak. I figure once I get outside in the sun and do some work, I'll feel much better. It just feels strange, because I'm feeling more withdrawal now than I was yesterday or Sunday night, and I haven't used anything other than alcohol, so I should be better today, not worse.

I owe my parents lots of money, so I told my brother-in-law, who I'm doing the work for, to give the money straight to my dad (since my parents don't want me to be able to get any dope), but I'm hoping to snag $10 or $20 and grab a bag or two after work if I can get a friend to drop it off at my house. I have a feeling things aren't going to work out as planned, but I can still hope.

Anyway, hope any others going through WD today are feeling better, just remember it does get better.

~CTdopeLove
 
CTdopeLove said:
I haven't used anything other than alcohol, so I should be better today, not worse.
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alcohol can make withdrawl alot worse. u know part of withdrawl is your body eliminating traces of the drugs and so they leave your tissues, blood etc. alcohol is very toxic so it puts more strain on what your body has to do to withdraw.

if your gonna drink in withdrawl jus take it easy. like i feel like shit after i drink when not in withdrawl, so if i drink in withdrawl its that much worse.

i guess the only thing is it would be kind of cool if you could have some kind of anesthetic to knock you out while in withdrawl so youd therefore not be aware of your body. but ketamine might be better at that then alcohol
 
Still coming off kratom (since last Friday) but I'm finally on the right side of the bell curve. Should be mostly over with by tomorrow or the day after, except maybe for some post-acute depression. Maybe I'll get lucky & won't feel any of that this time.

Re: alcohol & withdrawal, sorry but I've been drinking quite a bit too... the agitation is too bad otherwise (kratom's primary w/d effects are severe akathisia and fatigue). But I'm not a drinker, & this will be stopping as of tomorrow or so.

Re: I don't believe how someone could say don't use alcohol for w/d, use ketamine... that one just blows my mind. I mean, ketamine is way more addictive than alcohol, probably more dangerous overall.
garuda said:
I thought its the other way around, lower doses are stimulating and higher doses sedating?
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No, not always. Actually, whether it's stimulating/sedating isn't really dose dependent, at least for me. Seems to depend more on alkaloid balance, which is pretty much always the same with high quality commercial grade leaf.

Thank goodness I'm almost off this garbage... I hate kratom. And all opiate agonists, the high is SO not-worth the addiction.
 
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i had my last dose of opiates on sat at around 10am, its now tues around 12:30.

it was easer than i though, maybe the fact that i knocked myself out with various things, as i posted in another thread.

i have no more physical symptoms, sleep is back to "normal". i say that becuase i have very bad insomnia since i was little

but mentally im in a spin. i stoped the ONLY thing that ever made me happy. its like whats to live for? i quit all on my own, and i cant explain any of this to my family. my phsch doc, didnt want anything to do with this when i talked to him the day before i quit. i all ready have bad depression, but this is a very different kind. i find no enjoyment out of anything. i just dont feel like doing anything. i just want to go far far away and be left alone

i hope it goes soon, i cant handle much more :(
what im feeling is like, being empty, and alone. i havnt
 
^yeah, it does get better, then you get a good hook-up on some good dope and it all goes downhill like you promised yourself it never would again.

I am on my 1st day again, been doing about 1 bag a day for about 6 months. Definitely not near as bad as any other time, but it still would be nice to have a little bit of "motivation" as I like to call it :)
 
disasterline said:
but mentally im in a spin. i stoped the ONLY thing that ever made me happy. its like whats to live for?
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IMO this is a severe problem with opiate withdrawal, even with milder opiate agonists like kratom. I know it all too well, having been addicted to both "real" opiates and kratom.

If this feeling continues, you'll either have to go back to the drug or think about anti-depressants. Please consider the latter option, go on an anti-depressant temporarily until you feel better. If you have to, start the antidepressant a few weeks prior to kicking opiates. Once the stuff is working, kicking should be easier.
 
day 2, immodium is a real life saver. The real bitch about all this is I don't really plan on quitting. Even if I go all the way through withdrawl, its just a matter of time before I get my hands on more opaites. Its hard to leave the house though. Even when i got to hang out, I have to have blankets and can only stay for a few hours. They start to wonder whatsup when I don't even wana go drink.
 
MDPVagrant said:
Re: alcohol & withdrawal, sorry but I've been drinking quite a bit too... the agitation is too bad otherwise (kratom's primary w/d effects are severe akathisia and fatigue). But I'm not a drinker, & this will be stopping as of tomorrow or so.

Re: I don't believe how someone could say don't use alcohol for w/d, use ketamine... that one just blows my mind. I mean, ketamine is way more addictive than alcohol, probably more dangerous overall.
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ok read posts carefuly. i never said everyone should go take ketamine during withdrawl- i said that it might possibly be useful as a anesthetic to induce a lack of consciousness or sleep to pass time during withdrawl. am i not allowed to speculate or think about things????? i was proposing for that purpose hypothetically it would work.

ok you took kratom for a little while. drink during sever opiate withdrawl. everything ive read from serious opiate users advises against it as does my personal experience. drinking once the physical withdrawl is over though is definately another story
 
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fucking clonazepam... day two of none...

tapered with the assistance of gabapentin, but inevitably the day came when i could not dose myself with cloz (as it is affectionately called by many of my personalities) any longer...

no sleep, pigeons, stomach = wtf, things look and feel fucking weird, cold shivers, did i mention no sleep? its 6am again.. jesus...

i have tiagabine, but a few more days off the cloz to ensure total elimination (receptor downregulation is another story) before i begin titration...

anxiety is a sane response to an insane world
meds are a sane response to the fact that changing said world is both difficult and daunting...



note: all meds mentioned are legally prescribed.. im just another lost boy obsessed by the colossal and jagged..
 
last week i got to day 5 and was fine. i was sleepin on my own, it will all good. well good except i had really bad mood swings with depression and TONS of panic attacks and anxienty attacks(had this for a long time). two nights of the week i stayed up all night, didnt even try to lye down in bed, because i had the worst anxienty/panic attack with a bought of really bad depression. i thought i was going to die. my heart was pouding so hart i was sure i would have a heart attack and die, sweat was pouring everyplace. it didnt start to get bad until around 1230. i stayed up to around 730 and went to sleep till around 12. i woke up feeling like shit. the norm for me is getting these attacks but NO WHERE NEAR of what it was for those nights.

my parents were on vacation for the week, i told them i was coming off ultram (they didnt know about my oxy use, i was getting vike es and other things for 6 months then went on ultram.) i figured it would be a good time to get off. i was on day 3 when they left.

i got to day 5, i got really drunk at my house with a very close friend who quit IV herion, and was clean for almsot a year. we just talked about it and shit, besides the PAWS, i was fine. I HAD THE MINDSET TO QUIT, i wanted to for every reason. while getting drunk, I LOST IT. I HAD NO MOVE WILL POWER, when a person called that has pills really really cheap, but only once in a while.so i caved, even though my friend tried talking me out of it.

so for about a week i used until my parents came back. today is day 1, and im fealing fine. i guess im lucky OR my prayers worked. lucky because i had a doctors appointment the day they came back. its a Doc that has specialty in depression, anxienty, etc.. i told him everything about getting off the ultram, how crummy im fealing, and how cymbalta did not work again. iv tried 50+ medicines for depression,anxienty, panic attacks. anyway he said im going to taper to 60mg cymbalta from 120mg. he said im going to take 60mg cymbalta and 20mg celexa (celexa is new to me)
THIS IS WHY IM LUCKY, OR PRAYER ANSWERED
during this time the doc was giving me Klonopins. .5mg a day, then i went to .25mg at night and then .25 in the morning. i said it wasnt working, and neither were they other meds. i also tell him that i cant sleep well, and nothing works for more then 2 days. iv tried a lot for that but nothing, i guess i get used to it by the 3rd night and im not tired by it. he asks he if the klonopin makes me tired, of course it didnt so i said the thruth.
THIS IS THE AMAZING PART
instead of getting 30 .5mg klonopin, he says that it seems i need more. i got 90
.5mg pills. i take 3 a day, with 60mg cymbalta, 20mg celexa, and 100mg seroqueal.



WILL POWER, is the hard part. its so easy to go back on. but so hard to keep STRONG! as i said before, iv had these mental probs before i got addicted to anything. since i was 13, im 18 now. after all these years of tying things almost nothing has helped. only thing that has helped is the klonopin, i still get really attacks, but it has saved me so much. now that im starting over, the klonopin and immodium is great. HONESTLY i have to WD


to shorten this all up:

1.iv hade problems with anxienty/panic attacks/depression since i was 13.so life has always been hard. now through quitting opiates, and everything WOULD get bad.
2. i know take 1.5mg klonopin a day, instead of the .5mg i was on. so far into day 1 again, im feeling fine. all is good. almost feel normal.iv been taking adderall or ritalin to counter the drunk fealing of klonopin. i hope im great tomarrow, because my High school grad party is tomarrow, and i do want to talk to the people and mingle.
3. I have said that im "lucky" because of getting an upped dose, and its greatly helping for anxienty and panic attacks. and is also easing the WD.
-HOWEVER-
iv been risen in a christian home, and just up until now i thought that there was no GOD. But for the past few weeks,iv been really praying. not going through the motions but actually praying, and asking for help. help in 3 ways. to be saved spiritually(go to heaven when i die) physically(save me from the physical side of opiate WD and mentally(to stay focused. its work for day 1.

ill clean this up tomarrow but i gotto go
 
i was forced into WD unexpectedly a few weeks ago and ever since then i have been trying to taper off, thinking about bupe, i don't know. the thing that is so fucking lame and makes no sense to me is that i've tried to go cold turkey off my tramadol use (between like 300-800 mg a day), and it's actually worse than when i went cold turkey off fent and alpha methyl fent!! i knoe it's illogical, but with cold turkey tramadol, i wake up in the middle of the night, and my body is literally burning from the inside in a way it never did during fent WD. during fent WD, i was all sweaty and goosebump-y, but it just didn't HURT so much. i also work at a hedge fund, and my back kiiiilllllls. ugh sorry for complaining so much. good luck to everyone else.
 
gonna withdraw from pods again soon. I have these great pods, pm me for source. or email me. pods are good for getting off the fast acting opiates cause its like methadone in terms of its action.
 
Damn, I've only been doing H for 3 days now, and I've already got damn withdrawls as well, is that even normal after such a short period of use? I've been using it on sunday, monday and thuesday night, for a few hours, and everyday I woke up more fucked up, yesterday was the last night after using it, and I woke up after sleeping for 13,5 hours, with a bad headache, pain in my joints, and with all the flu symptoms. I haven't used yesterday evening, but this morning I woke up again feeling like I got the flu, all my joints and muscles are sore and hurt, I have a headache again, and just like yesterday, no appetite at all.

I've certainly learned my lesson, I only wanted to try H just to know how it is, and fortunenately I don't have any desire to repeat it, let alone crave for any opiates and opioids. I just recieved 40 OxyContins this week, and still have other opioids lying around as well, but I don't have any desire for them, just because I know waking up the next morning is going to be even worse. I can't really understand how so much people get addicted to it, even though they know one day they might have to withdraw.

I know my withdrawl is nothing in compared to what most people on bluelight have to go through, but I just wanted to mention it.
 
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