hey and welcome,
I can sympathise about the mother situation.. well mine it's a little different situation, but has the same effects/outcome on me. Guilt, feeling responsible for her, trying to keep my issues away from her (like yours, she has enough of her own things to deal with), trying to help her probably more than she expects from me even though it wears me out (I love her but we do not get on well at all.. i feel i have to look after her even though the way she treats me is destroying me)
Dont forget she is your mother though.. you might not want to burden her, but deep down most mothers want nothing more than to help their children whenever they need it, even if it stresses them out, burdens them, etc.
I know what you feel about money too.. all my clothes are old and screwed up because I dont want to 'waste' my money on non-drugs. my phone is always disconnected from not paying the bill, my shoes are torn up..
It's cool that you have a girlfriend.. that must be a really big help to have someone there! Also to be able to put your attention towards other people - that's a good way to avoid the cycle of spiralling further into depression/anxiety/negativity - Try to focus on the world around you rather than within your own mind (although that's important in some ways too)
Glad that your studies are going OK.. just try to keep it up! I screwed up university more than once.. never finished. I have always been interested in many things, but the way they run university is not very flexible with drug addiction and being high all the time.. Now I just learn things myself.. I will never have a formal degree, but I dont really like the way society is anyway.. and hope I'll be able to get through life without having to fall into the expected path of career-homeloan-marriage-family-death..
What are you studying?
...Since you can't afford a psych, is there a free university counseling service? (with properly trained people.. not just religious reps/volunteers)
I don't know what the situation with that is in the US - here in australia it's good.. I wouldn't really trust the counsellors for diagnosing things, but they are perfectly able to talk, teach/engage in CBT (cognitive behavioural therapy) and offer some other help.
If you haven't done CBT, it can do wonders for changing how you view and deal with your situation.. especially with anxiety disorders, overly pessimistic view on life, etc... It's not magic, or a load of worthless nonsense... it's just about getting into the habit of logically/objectively analysing things/thoughts before your mind jumps to negative conclusions.. people generally think they are already logical, but when thinking of yourself the mind tends to normally just 'assume' that it is right.. but often if you analyse the thoughts and what's going on, there will be a logical discrepancy...
CBT isn't really a solution to your problem, but it can help to deal with things and keep you going until you figure it all out...
As for antidepressants.. They're just more drugs really! (not to say that some aren't legitimately useful of course) - but it seems like the way you're feeling is more a symptom than the base problem.
I can sympathise about the mother situation.. well mine it's a little different situation, but has the same effects/outcome on me. Guilt, feeling responsible for her, trying to keep my issues away from her (like yours, she has enough of her own things to deal with), trying to help her probably more than she expects from me even though it wears me out (I love her but we do not get on well at all.. i feel i have to look after her even though the way she treats me is destroying me)
Dont forget she is your mother though.. you might not want to burden her, but deep down most mothers want nothing more than to help their children whenever they need it, even if it stresses them out, burdens them, etc.
I know what you feel about money too.. all my clothes are old and screwed up because I dont want to 'waste' my money on non-drugs. my phone is always disconnected from not paying the bill, my shoes are torn up..
It's cool that you have a girlfriend.. that must be a really big help to have someone there! Also to be able to put your attention towards other people - that's a good way to avoid the cycle of spiralling further into depression/anxiety/negativity - Try to focus on the world around you rather than within your own mind (although that's important in some ways too)
Glad that your studies are going OK.. just try to keep it up! I screwed up university more than once.. never finished. I have always been interested in many things, but the way they run university is not very flexible with drug addiction and being high all the time.. Now I just learn things myself.. I will never have a formal degree, but I dont really like the way society is anyway.. and hope I'll be able to get through life without having to fall into the expected path of career-homeloan-marriage-family-death..
What are you studying?
...Since you can't afford a psych, is there a free university counseling service? (with properly trained people.. not just religious reps/volunteers)
I don't know what the situation with that is in the US - here in australia it's good.. I wouldn't really trust the counsellors for diagnosing things, but they are perfectly able to talk, teach/engage in CBT (cognitive behavioural therapy) and offer some other help.
If you haven't done CBT, it can do wonders for changing how you view and deal with your situation.. especially with anxiety disorders, overly pessimistic view on life, etc... It's not magic, or a load of worthless nonsense... it's just about getting into the habit of logically/objectively analysing things/thoughts before your mind jumps to negative conclusions.. people generally think they are already logical, but when thinking of yourself the mind tends to normally just 'assume' that it is right.. but often if you analyse the thoughts and what's going on, there will be a logical discrepancy...
CBT isn't really a solution to your problem, but it can help to deal with things and keep you going until you figure it all out...
As for antidepressants.. They're just more drugs really! (not to say that some aren't legitimately useful of course) - but it seems like the way you're feeling is more a symptom than the base problem.
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