I started partying when i was 13 with some friends then asked a sitter for some weed that led to a 3 year run with smoke and booze went to rehab for the 1st time to young learned about coke did that for a year or so got in trouble and did 21 months got out at almost 19. fell back into it fast sex drugs and rock n roll spent a summer eating mdma then settled down into snorting anything i could. my father gave me my first rock to smoke(crack) and i have spent the last 7 years chasing that hi. along the way my mind was split into many pieces all with there own dinamic and strengths/problems. I hit a bottem august of 07 went to gosnold and hated it enough to never want to go back. went to a few "meetings" but dont like them much atall the people there dont seem to want to move on with there lives reliving the past and all there rules and judgeing. not for me i'd rather move on with me life and live. I do still have these crasy thoughts of saying fuck it all and cooking up some weight and doing i dont know what. they pass but lately they pop up more often i guess my question is is this normal or comon around the 9th 10 th month of soberness?
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zombiesarepeaceful
Bluelighter
^yeah its normal, even if it lasts a lifetime which it likely will but will decrease in frequency
drug_wench
Bluelight Crew
mbarron - congrats on getting clean
ppl at the meetings i go to move on with their lives - in fact its cos we go to those meetings that we move on with our lives
and it gets it off my chest to talk about it at meetings i guess
but evryones entitled to their own opinions
the main thing is that wat u r doing is working for u
and it does get easier - its very up-and-down for a long time (im still in that stage) but yea apparently it gets easier
i know cracks a fucking demon drug to get off so hats off to u
ppl at the meetings i go to move on with their lives - in fact its cos we go to those meetings that we move on with our lives
and it gets it off my chest to talk about it at meetings i guess
but evryones entitled to their own opinions
the main thing is that wat u r doing is working for u
and it does get easier - its very up-and-down for a long time (im still in that stage) but yea apparently it gets easier
i know cracks a fucking demon drug to get off so hats off to u
Rexeh
Bluelighter
Hello all,
Not much to tell really, created my first account way back in 2003 but lost that email adress so decided to re-register. Currently 48 hours off the weed after 5 years of everyday smoking (at least 2 gram/day). I know weed isn't that hard to kick but realizing you lost 5 years sitting in your room smoking just sucks...
Feeling depressed and anxious as hell, can't eat or sleep etc... guess that's normal since I was high 24/7.
Not much else to say ATM, only that I'm a 22 year old Dutchie. Hope this post isn't too much off-topic but just felt the need to get this of my chest
Not much to tell really, created my first account way back in 2003 but lost that email adress so decided to re-register. Currently 48 hours off the weed after 5 years of everyday smoking (at least 2 gram/day). I know weed isn't that hard to kick but realizing you lost 5 years sitting in your room smoking just sucks...
Feeling depressed and anxious as hell, can't eat or sleep etc... guess that's normal since I was high 24/7.
Not much else to say ATM, only that I'm a 22 year old Dutchie. Hope this post isn't too much off-topic but just felt the need to get this of my chest
drug_wench
Bluelight Crew
welcome rexeh - not off-topic at all, in fact fairly relevant id say
wat ur experiencing is normal marijuana withdrawal - ive bn thru it myself, and while it takes a while to get thru, its worth it wen u can start functioning again
and weed is hard to kick if its ur DOC so u dont nd to downplay ur addiction
kudos for making a positive move
wat ur experiencing is normal marijuana withdrawal - ive bn thru it myself, and while it takes a while to get thru, its worth it wen u can start functioning again
and weed is hard to kick if its ur DOC so u dont nd to downplay ur addiction
kudos for making a positive move
MallyX
Bluelighter
Lurked for awhile, just recently started posting as the contents became more relevant to me.
Had a relatively normal adolesence dabbled in a bit of pot, drank a little, nothing hardcore/extensive......up until I fractured a vertebrae in April of 05 (the 2nd to be exact). For the next 2.25 years I suffered from increasingly intense chronic pain. This was less connected with the vertebrae, but more so with a sudden (and apparently unconnected) worsening of my scoliosis (in 2001 it was a 7degree curvature, by the time I had a fusion it was 40).
Throughout this period, april 05-june07, I was severely undermedicated, with nothing stronger then 30mg codeine/500mg APAP tablets to help me (and i develop tolerances very quickly, so I couldn't use the tablets for more then 2 days in a row without them loosing their effects). As the curve got worse a variety of different spinal surgeons all gave the opinion that it would continue to get worse and that a fusion was the best route to take.
On the 14th of June 07, I had a 7vertebrae fusion of my lumbar spine (cant remember the exact vertebrae though). Since then I experienced a sudden and agonising increase in my pain levels which has not diminished over time since the surgery. This is highly unusual obviously and non of the doctors know why. What they did know was that they wanted to reduce how many meds I was on, so with pain levels the same as when they were treated with 50mcg/hr fent patches, with 20mg oxycodone (immediate release) for breakthrough (as well as a host of other non opiates, including benzo's and ketamine) I now have 5mg Oxy tablets (limited to 4 a day - I get maybe 2 hours relief from each) and nothing for breakthrough (still have diazepam for muscle spasms and ketamine for tolerance control though).
Unsurprisingly this has taken quite a heavy toll on my ability to function as well as my mental wellbeing. Thankfully I have just recently started seeing a psychologist who has been very helpful, she has written letters to my doctors asking that I be medicated more appropriately and that they should investigate the continuing pain more thoroughly, so things are looking up to an extent. Unfortunately I am still sitting here right now, in agony (and I don't just throw that word around) unable to sleep, stressed about how I'm going to fail this semesters classes at uni because I can't stop hurting.
Meh, maybe should have posted this in the VENT thread, but it seemed to fit here more at the beginning and then I couldn't stop once I had started. I hope it is coherent enough.
Had a relatively normal adolesence dabbled in a bit of pot, drank a little, nothing hardcore/extensive......up until I fractured a vertebrae in April of 05 (the 2nd to be exact). For the next 2.25 years I suffered from increasingly intense chronic pain. This was less connected with the vertebrae, but more so with a sudden (and apparently unconnected) worsening of my scoliosis (in 2001 it was a 7degree curvature, by the time I had a fusion it was 40).
Throughout this period, april 05-june07, I was severely undermedicated, with nothing stronger then 30mg codeine/500mg APAP tablets to help me (and i develop tolerances very quickly, so I couldn't use the tablets for more then 2 days in a row without them loosing their effects). As the curve got worse a variety of different spinal surgeons all gave the opinion that it would continue to get worse and that a fusion was the best route to take.
On the 14th of June 07, I had a 7vertebrae fusion of my lumbar spine (cant remember the exact vertebrae though). Since then I experienced a sudden and agonising increase in my pain levels which has not diminished over time since the surgery. This is highly unusual obviously and non of the doctors know why. What they did know was that they wanted to reduce how many meds I was on, so with pain levels the same as when they were treated with 50mcg/hr fent patches, with 20mg oxycodone (immediate release) for breakthrough (as well as a host of other non opiates, including benzo's and ketamine) I now have 5mg Oxy tablets (limited to 4 a day - I get maybe 2 hours relief from each) and nothing for breakthrough (still have diazepam for muscle spasms and ketamine for tolerance control though).
Unsurprisingly this has taken quite a heavy toll on my ability to function as well as my mental wellbeing. Thankfully I have just recently started seeing a psychologist who has been very helpful, she has written letters to my doctors asking that I be medicated more appropriately and that they should investigate the continuing pain more thoroughly, so things are looking up to an extent. Unfortunately I am still sitting here right now, in agony (and I don't just throw that word around) unable to sleep, stressed about how I'm going to fail this semesters classes at uni because I can't stop hurting.
Meh, maybe should have posted this in the VENT thread, but it seemed to fit here more at the beginning and then I couldn't stop once I had started. I hope it is coherent enough.
drug_wench
Bluelight Crew
welcome mallyX
yuk - sounds horrible, wat uve bn thru
i hope they can find sum meds that work for u so ur not in pain all the time
gd luck
yuk - sounds horrible, wat uve bn thru
i hope they can find sum meds that work for u so ur not in pain all the time
gd luck
MallyX
Bluelighter
Yeah it sucks, got a script for hydromorphone today though, so hopefully they will do the trick. Thanks
mecaib
Bluelighter
greetings
Hello, I'm mecaib. I just registered to BL last night. I've been lurking for quite a while, especially here at TDS. Just reading the posts and replies has given me comfort recently during this transitional period of mine. The emotional support people exhibit in this group is highly commendable, and somewhat of a rarity IMO.
About myself. I'm 30 years of age, male, and have substantial emotional problems, but I think I'm getting better. I have bi-polar disorder, with more down periods than up periods. I just broke up with my fiancé of 3½ years, which has been very, very rough. This event coincided with a cold-turkey cessation of antidepressants and mood stabilizers. I'm just now getting over the Lexapro WDs (don't take Lexapro, if you can find another AD med!), and it's been almost two months.
I'm a burden on society, I'm rather ashamed to admit. Actually, it's better that I receive government aid through SSDI, than try to work, become psychotic, and land myself in jail again, which would probably cost the government more money.
Oh yeah, I spent 6 months in jail recently because I became psychotic and took my psychosis to the streets. I was mis-medicated and homeless at the time. (2 SSRIs + BPD + homelessness + relationship troubles = bad news)
Well, that's about it from me for now. I hope to provide some support for my fellows, and maybe get some in return
~mecaib
Hello, I'm mecaib. I just registered to BL last night. I've been lurking for quite a while, especially here at TDS. Just reading the posts and replies has given me comfort recently during this transitional period of mine. The emotional support people exhibit in this group is highly commendable, and somewhat of a rarity IMO.
About myself. I'm 30 years of age, male, and have substantial emotional problems, but I think I'm getting better. I have bi-polar disorder, with more down periods than up periods. I just broke up with my fiancé of 3½ years, which has been very, very rough. This event coincided with a cold-turkey cessation of antidepressants and mood stabilizers. I'm just now getting over the Lexapro WDs (don't take Lexapro, if you can find another AD med!), and it's been almost two months.
I'm a burden on society, I'm rather ashamed to admit. Actually, it's better that I receive government aid through SSDI, than try to work, become psychotic, and land myself in jail again, which would probably cost the government more money.
Oh yeah, I spent 6 months in jail recently because I became psychotic and took my psychosis to the streets. I was mis-medicated and homeless at the time. (2 SSRIs + BPD + homelessness + relationship troubles = bad news)
Well, that's about it from me for now. I hope to provide some support for my fellows, and maybe get some in return
~mecaib
drug_wench
Bluelight Crew
welcome mecaib - im glad u feel like ur getting better
im sure u will b an asset to our community
im sure u will b an asset to our community
mecaib
Bluelighter
Thanks for replying, DW! You're a sweetheart
drug_wench
Bluelight Crew
welcome da2ra - looking forward to seeing that thread
MistynLisa
Bluelighter
Hi Dark Side
Whats up all? Well I have an initial intro in forums if you would like to know more about me... I'll keep this one short... I was recommended The Dark Side by many being that I'm in recovery... I really need support right now .... Although it's been sometime I feel like things are getting harder, they were great for about a year now it's all coming back to haunt me... I'm looking for some friends who know and feel what I do and who have already been thru it and made it past all this bullshit! Do people survive this shit? When will I stop being a dope fiend .... Everytime something goes wrong am I gonna wanna get high? I havent had any of this for a year on Methadone ... Now on my 15th month things are changing....WHY? Misty
Whats up all? Well I have an initial intro in forums if you would like to know more about me... I'll keep this one short... I was recommended The Dark Side by many being that I'm in recovery... I really need support right now .... Although it's been sometime I feel like things are getting harder, they were great for about a year now it's all coming back to haunt me... I'm looking for some friends who know and feel what I do and who have already been thru it and made it past all this bullshit! Do people survive this shit? When will I stop being a dope fiend .... Everytime something goes wrong am I gonna wanna get high? I havent had any of this for a year on Methadone ... Now on my 15th month things are changing....WHY? Misty
stellablue
Bluelight Crew
We do survive this, and it is all we can do sometimes to just move forward, but here in TDS we are a family in a way. We all are a family and network of friends that reach out to anyone that wants to be a part of TDS. I really think you will benefit from a lot of what the posters say and post in this forum. You also find life long friends along the way. If you would like to chat IM me or catch me in chat.
Realized I never filled out this thread.
What's up, I'm stephen.. been on BL since 01 (had an older user name). I was born and raised in a mid size city somewhat near Chicago called Rockford and currently live here. I've also lived in Indiana, Madison Wisconsin and London England. I love politics, history, being myself, sports, my friends, my family (including my dogs), my city and trying to help people. I also love learning.
Anyways when it comes to drugs I've been there done that. I've never touched crack but the only reason why is because my city has had a rising crack usage rate for 20+ years so I've seen what it can do. I've travelled all over the US, some of South America and a good amount of Europe as well. I love to travel.
Trying to clean myself up for the most part and meeting some success. Its a slow process (its taken years) but recently things have been great! I'm getting a little old for this life (25) and I can't really take it mentally or physically anymore. Sure I have fun from time to time, but I need to keep those times few and far between.
What's up, I'm stephen.. been on BL since 01 (had an older user name). I was born and raised in a mid size city somewhat near Chicago called Rockford and currently live here. I've also lived in Indiana, Madison Wisconsin and London England. I love politics, history, being myself, sports, my friends, my family (including my dogs), my city and trying to help people. I also love learning.
Anyways when it comes to drugs I've been there done that. I've never touched crack but the only reason why is because my city has had a rising crack usage rate for 20+ years so I've seen what it can do. I've travelled all over the US, some of South America and a good amount of Europe as well. I love to travel.
Trying to clean myself up for the most part and meeting some success. Its a slow process (its taken years) but recently things have been great! I'm getting a little old for this life (25) and I can't really take it mentally or physically anymore. Sure I have fun from time to time, but I need to keep those times few and far between.
drug_wench
Bluelight Crew
welcome misty - there r ups and downs in recovery
i wont say its easy but its not always so hard either
sumtimes ull get cravings, sumtimes u wont
i encourage u to post here in TDS wen ur having trouble wiv it
i wont 'welcome' u phactor as uve bn posting here longer than i hav
but its good to 'meet' u and u know i think ur doing a great job of cleaning up
i wont say its easy but its not always so hard either
sumtimes ull get cravings, sumtimes u wont
i encourage u to post here in TDS wen ur having trouble wiv it
i wont 'welcome' u phactor as uve bn posting here longer than i hav
but its good to 'meet' u and u know i think ur doing a great job of cleaning up
stellablue
Bluelight Crew
^ I love reading your posts DW. You honestly put your heart and soul into reaching people. You are very much needed and loved. Hope you know this....
%)
%)
drug_wench
Bluelight Crew
^thanks stella
u know i think the same of u!
u know i think the same of u!
Hello there.
I'm Feern or Feerny or Justin if you wanna get all technical. I've read bluelight for years, but just started to post often. I recently kicked a 3 year herion habit and thought this would be a good place to keep my head on straight.
thank ya kindly
I'm Feern or Feerny or Justin if you wanna get all technical. I've read bluelight for years, but just started to post often. I recently kicked a 3 year herion habit and thought this would be a good place to keep my head on straight.
thank ya kindly
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