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Introduce Yourself

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I am Fletch, an alcoholic/opiate addict who stopped using opiates a couple of years ago but still struggles heavily with alcohol.

I welcome any pm's and certainly welcome and hellos.
 
Welcome EtchaFletch, Congratulations on quitting opiates - such a big thing for you to overcome, well done.

You'll find people here who can relate to your struggles and give you support<3
 
Introducing...me! I took a semester off school to sell E and do tons of coke. I only sold enough E to afford my daily cocaine habit (mostly insufflated, rarely cooked and smoked). I didn't want money. I didn't want things. I only wanted to do a fuck-load coke, so I kept my business to a minimum. Selling anything more was an unnecessary risk in my eyes, and it would've distracted me from my party on a plate. I got my bags, so I was good. Maybe I'm weird, because while other people want to socialize on the white, I wanted nothing more than to sit in a warm bath, blow lines and read. D:

Why E? Well, since the coke would disappear before I could sell it, I had to sell something else. I had done coke on occasion, roughly a bi-weekly event, during the year prior to this months-lasting binge. I always wanted to do more. One day, I found a good hookup for jars of rolls, and I took the opportunity. I never really like E, so I knew that they wouldn't disappear on me. I don't regret it. Most of the time, I had a good time, and I felt as though I was providing happiness, even it was faux-happiness, to the people buying my rolls up. I was chasing the same feeling.

My usual was a ball/day. Sometimes, I'd pick up a quarter. One day, I couldn't do up enough. No matter how much I put in my nose, I wasn't satisfied. I caught a buzz, don't get me wrong, but there were feelings of constant uneasiness. It wasn't making me happy anymore. It took me a week to finally swear it off.

When I tried to drop the habit, I couldn't enjoy anything at all. I slept for as long as I could, but I could only sleep so much. I would've killed for a bottle of Xanax. I didn't know what else to do. I felt NOTHING. If I'd have had some Xanax, at least I wouldn't have cared about feeling nothing. I could not think of one thing that I would enjoy in the day. I knew what was wrong: dopamine. I knew that the lack of this stupid chemical in my head wouldn't let me enjoy a damned thing.

So, I tried going back. I picked up another ball, but I still felt terrible. In some ways, I felt worse, because I knew I was that much farther away from enjoying life again. I was empty and hollow no matter what I did. After going through this more than a few times, I stopped selling E and told myself that this was it.

I didn't leave my bed for a week. I'd smoke ounces of bud while sitting there thinking about everything & nothing at the same time. I wondered how straight people went on about their stupid bullshit daily routine. The fact that they were happy confused me and kind of pissed me off. Why couldn't I be happy with going out to dinner or the movies, playing video games, chasing women or any of the other shit that keeps everyone else busy?

While I was going through hell, most of the 'friends' that I only knew through the drug scoffed at me: "you're only hooked 20 minutes after the last line lololol." What if there isn't a last line? What if you kept going for months? To which they naively responded, "I WISH I COULD!" If only they knew. Even my hookup couldn't relate to my situation, because he didn't touch the stuff; he was smart. Luckily, my family was supportive, because I was at the point where I could blow two fat lines, smoke a bowl, get lost in the buzz and fall asleep within minutes.

As every day passed, things got a little better. It felt almost imperceptible, so I finally opened up to my doc about it. He was surprisingly empathetic toward my situation. He prescribed me Wellbutrin & Adderall to get over these feelings and to go out and do something with my life. It's been about a month now. The Adderall, at the prescribed dosage, makes me tired and somewhat depressed, so I have some fun with it. The Wellbutrin, on the other hand, worked some magic.

Since then, a buddy called me up and invited me to a coke party. I went. I did some up, and it felt the same as it did at the end of my binge, only worse, because I had to see the freebase-fiends crowded around a sink with a spoon. That cliche was always something I feared, because they NEVER sit down and enjoy the buzz. They wait and wait for the next one, and when it's gone, they scour the carpet. It makes me sick. I'm glad I went to that party, because it finally cemented the fact into my head that I was truly done with the drug.

Now, that's all behind me. I'm set for the upcoming semester at a state university, and things are looking up, most of the time. I'm here to offer up all I've learned while in the scene and to lend support where I can.

Edit: I washed the stuff on occasion. For reference, 71% of the weight came back on the stuff I was doing.

Edit2: I just found out that the school thing isn't going to work out. Now, I'm planning on picking up these old habits again, because I've got nothing better to do. I'm picking up a half tomorrow morning. Yay.
 
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I've posted and lurked here for a while but I thought I should officially introduce my finally. I'm hazmat as you can tell. Just want to say thanks for the support you guys have gave me in dealling with my addictons and other problems. Once again, thanks.
 
hello my name is Lynne

psillocybin said:
I go back and forth.
Overall I'm happy I don't do drugs anymore, but I really really miss the lifestyle and the illusion of great happiness that it brought me.

I kinda wish I could go back to being a "recreational user" but I am unsure if I would slip into old habits. I get extremely jealous of my friends who use once every month or two.

I'll see what happens when I'm off probation...
Click to expand...
[/QUOTE] :\ :\ =D =D :o
 
I've have always said YOU HAVE TO HAVE CONTROL OF IT, DO NOT EVER LET IT HAVE CONTROL OF YOU
 
Ummm...Hi. I'm Ceria...or I was now I go by Sar most of the time but anyway I'm getting back on bluelight after being away from like 2.5 years or so because I have this feeling of being disconnected from the world and when I used to go to parties and talk to people on here I didn't feel that way. This is partially an effort to reconnect with friends from back in the day but even more so an effort to become part of some sort of community and develop a place I can go and talk to people who care. I'm 25 and from Dayton ohio.
 
Hey everyone....technically Im not new but haven't been active on the site in a LOOOONG time....recognize some familiar names...hopefully some will remember me, but I understand if not! Im glad to be back! :)
 
Hi everyone. I remember many of you and am glad to see you back!

As you will read in TDS and elsewhere on Bluelight, we've recently lost several of our own. Your help in counseling our fellow members, and seeking whatever advice and counsel you yourself need, is welcomed so gladly.

I realized I haven't really popped in here. I'm Mariposa, age 27 from California. I do not use hard drugs at this time, but alcohol has negatively impacted my life, both my own use and that of others. I've been unscathed by other addictions, though it easily could have gone the other way.

I'm at a transition point in my life: continue on with a career that brought me to hit bottom with stress/burnout, or go back to school and do something different? I've had a set of upheavals for, oh, a little over a year, and it seems like one thing follows another. I've just begun treatment with Wellbutrin, which helped me from the brink of some pretty bad feelings a few years back. I'm hopeful it will work again. Although in some ways I've appeared down on my luck, I know with hard work and persistence, I will make the positive changes I need. My goals are to return to school/find work that doesn't make me crazy as soon as possible, to move in with my wonderful, supportive boyfriend, and spend more time with the friends who have become my family over the years.

I have really big dreams, and there was a point where alcohol could have destroyed them. I'm glad I got a kick in the ass at just the right time that is enabling me to go on with my life in a healthy manner. TDS has provided me with a lot of support, and the moderating team in here is so wise, so experienced, and so comforting.

My jobs on BL are varied - I'm mod of SLR (please visit us sometime), and my secondary jobs, along with the lovely Samadhi, are to act as SMod of CEP and right here in TDS. I'm happy to support them in their efforts, and as I have told them before, the work I do here is among the most rewarding I've done on Bluelight. Bluelight's done me a lot of good over the years and I don't know what my life would be without it.

I hope this forum brings you tremendous benefit. The best lesson I have learned from TDS is that no one, nothing, no matter how desperate, is beyond repair. In times of crisis (like now :() for our board, we need as many kind, empathetic souls as possible. You may be just one person, and you may not yet have cured cancer or anything like that yet, but maybe the advice you give to a complete stranger or the sharing of your own experience could mean (literally) the difference between life and death.

Again, welcome. :) For all our dark subject matter, we are a place of light and welcoming to all. You are invited warmly to participate, and we look forward to hearing from you. :)
 
Hi All,
Zed here
Got referred/sent over here from the "Introduce yourself forum" ..
Just fell that the time to STOP everything is/has/about to arrived..
I'm on so many meds I rattle when I walk, (When I CAN walk), and the pain is getting out of control, so much so that I have given thought to "Other" pain management, (Heroin etc ) ..
I cant manage 4 hrs without major pain..
OH well maybe sliding 'round these forums/posts I'll find something of interest.
Take Care,
'Cause most of you seem to.
 
Aries said:
Hey everyone....technically Im not new but haven't been active on the site in a LOOOONG time....recognize some familiar names...hopefully some will remember me, but I understand if not! Im glad to be back! :)
Click to expand...

I missed this! Of course we remember you. Nice to have you back. :)
 
Hello everybody I'm Fishtail! New to BL. Even newer to tds. I think I'll be around these parts a bit though so I thought I'd say hello to all.
 
I'm Center. Nice to meet you FISHTAIL!

Welcome and feel free to start a topic with what's on your mind! Let it out, we're here for you when no one else is. <3
 
hi everyone... relitivly new to bluelight have been posting here and there and decided to cross over to TDS n say hi!.. i'm sure i have plentys of dark shit i could share but i'l leave that 4 another time. alredy seeing some familiar faces which is good... will c yaz round:)
 
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