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Introduce Yourself

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doing things ass-backwards...

hello... i've been a member of bl for a few years but just recently started posting in the forums. i always researched what i was trying to find out and basically lurked. so now that i've taken the leap into posting, i thought i should introduce myself. y'all can just call me koolaid... i'm in kentucky. (sucks for me, i know) :p anyhooo, i'm all about opiates, and some weed and benzos occasionally. i have a very odd sense of humor, i use ... alot when i'm posting, and i rarely use caps. i'm usually on bl when i'm sober, when i have my beloved pills i don't even think about the pc much...~shrugs~... but i seem to be sober alot lately, so i'm finding myself addicted to bl~!

i know i posted this in the other basic new member introductions, but since i spend most of my time in tds, i figured i should introduce myself here as well.
 
i'm tree i'm a 21 year old male addict, schizophrenic.
i relapsed last march and used until last monday (less than a week ago.)
trying to get into recovery again because my life and mental state goes to shit when i use.
i feel pretty good right now, lots of anxiety cuz i'm trying to quit smoking too (probably a bad decision.)
i feel tons of guilt right now but i feel better than i have since i relapsed (on kratom, ghb, weed) even though its been less than a week.
i'm living in a group home (wack.)
i don't know how much i'll be in this forum cuz it seems too depressing to be helpful (i prefer the positivity of NA.)
not sure yet though.
 
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welcome treezy - no pressure, mate
come on and chat wenever u feel like it
if not, im glad ur getting something out of NA
getting clean is always a positive move even tho it feels shitty at the time <3
 
Hello, all. I thought that I might try to interact here on The Dark Side a bit. I had been primarily obsessed, from the age of 24 to 26, with research chemicals (RCs), primarily psychedelics, as well as cannabis, LSD, mescaline, and mushrooms. I thought that these substances would grant me insight, enlightenment, and understanding.

The only positive thing that I can take away from my short period of experimenting is that recreational drugs are really not worth using. The only thing my heavy use of psychedelics and marijuana did for me was bring out my Bipolar type I disorder, launching it into full swing.

Just after my 26th birthday this June, I found myself feeling somehow different. Looking back, I can see that I began to ramp up into mania from late May through the end of June. By the time July 6th hit, I was getting special messages from the television, from my music, reading into everything that my friends said, thinking that I was the messiah, or the reincarnation of the apostle Luke, the Buddha, an FBI agent, and the President of the United States of America.

I was completely gone and I wasn't on anything, no drugs in my body that day, although I did consume a hash cookie the evening before. This all came out of nowhere, and I was lucky to come back into my own head in such a short amount of time.

Fortunately, the hospital I went to actually helped me and found the perfect combination of meds for me: Seroquel and Trileptal, and I am walking about as my "normal" self, moods all in check, no more thinking that we're on planet mars and that I created everything in the world. Back to myself!

Unfortunately, my girlfriend of four years left me when I was in the hospital, and I had to go through absolute hell in the hospitals, and must attend an intensive partial hospitalization program 5 days out of the week. My psychiatrist has cleared me to return to my college courses in the next month or so and I will only need to go to that program twice weekly.

I'm happy that a place like "The Dark Side" exists. I was quite unhappy and confused when I returned to some of the forums that I used to post on in order to tell people what drug use will lead to, what bad things can really, seriously happen, to try to warn them and be helpful. I'd still rather tell someone how to dose properly so as not to kill themselves rather than just say "Don't do it". It's depressing that I can't go back to a lot of people and tell them that, if they continue doing what they are doing, this stuff could happen to them, too.

It stinks that everyone from before just calls me a liar, a hypocrite, and an ass. Better not to talk to them, anyway.

NA has helped me out a bit, but honestly it's been quite easy for me to stay clean on my own without working the program. Not everyone can do that, and I really think NA is a wonderful thing. It's motivation enough for me to stay away from drugs to know that, if I ever use them again, I will most likely go manic again and never be able to come back to being me.

Thanks for bearing with me with the long introductory post.
 
welcome lokai - good to see u posting on here now
send me a PM (greenlighters can post mods!)
as u know i admire u for wat uve bn thru and u r a dear friend of mine!
and dont worry about those other forums - IMO the one i will not name looks like its gone to shit ;)
 
Yes. Gone to shitty shit. Booo. ;)
I was told to come here, so I am.
Seems appropriate enough of a place for me to be for a while.
I can't take the heat today in the other forum that we will not name that is going to shit. IYO. I'm not quite posty enuf to have one of those...erm opinions.. yet.:\
 
u can hav any opinion u want no matter how 'posty' u r! ;)
welcome - hope u enjoy this place a bit better
if u hav bn directed from the place i suspect u were posting at before then chances r ull probly prefer BL :)
 
Haha 2 funny, it was actually another bl forum, but I like this. I lurked around a bit, and some of the topics seem a bit too familiar. 8o

TDS kinda hides in the shadows.. I just stumbled upon it recently :\
and thank you. Postey poster will post moar :)
 
subopm420 said:
Introduce youself to the community that is TDS!

We think it is time that everyone become known in a role call as a reader, poster, lurker of TDS. We just want you to shout out who you are and why TDS has helped you. Or at least check in our TDS role call. It is the first one I have personally seen in my time here in TDS but we have been in great need of one. So here post your existance as our family in TDS family tree thread, and been known.
Click to expand...


OK, here is my intro. Now can someone tell me what I am? %)
 
herekitty said:
Haha 2 funny, it was actually another bl forum, but I like this. I lurked around a bit, and some of the topics seem a bit too familiar. 8o
Click to expand...
ahhh well thats a little diffrent
yes we r 'shadow lurkers' i guess - glad uve stumbled across us tho
and welcome to u too lonestar!!! <3
 
Hallo, I'm really new here, thought I'd just give a shout out to TDS, reading about other people's struggles has been immensely encouraging. I am type II bipolar and have only tried to kill myself twice, but I definitely feel like I can empathize with a lot of the people in this forum and hope I can be of some encouragement in return in the future.
 
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