Jest83
Bluelighter
Hello everyone. Ive lurked, posted, and this, that or the other on BL since around 2001 or abouts. Ive not lurked TDS in a long time, and as I find myself more frequently visiting BL again I thought that posting in this roll call would be a good idea.
I am 25 years old and I currently reside in North Georgia. I've been here almost coming up on a year now. I am originally from South Florida. In 2008 my immediate family decided to relocate from FL to GA due to the economic decline. My grandmother, uncle, and half brother moved up to GA mid year 2008, with my mother and I to follow in august once my lease was up with my then roommate.
The day before my mother and I were scheduled to leave florida to join my family in GA my mother suffered respiratory failure and cardiac arrest due to many different complications stemming from COPD and numerous afflictions from birth defects caused by thalidomide. I passed out in a recliner next to the bed she was sleeping in, and when I woke up and went to get her up there
was no response, so the ambulance came and pronounced her dead. I was wrecked, and stormed out of her friends house which were staying at for a few days to walk down the street and try to think about what I was just told, only to come back hearing they had got a pulse and they were going to transport her to the hospital. I had no clue what to do, and dreaded calling georgia to alert the family of what happened.
It turned out she was already brain dead, but they were able to keep her on life support until the rest of my family could get back to florida to "see her off".
After about two weeks of dealing with the things that come with death we obtained her cremains and drove back to georgia to try and settle in.
Starting a new life in GA was going as well as it could considering the situation. My grandmother was diagnosed with cancer for her third time, she had beat it two times before hand, but things were kind of falling into place. She seemed as if she was doing well, and happy to be back in georgia where she was born. My cousin who I was very close to was nearing the end of his 5 year probation sentence, and was going to move up to georgia to get an apartment with me considering housing was so much cheaper here than in florida. Things looked good, and I was going to start anew with my own place shared with my cousin. We would be close to the rest of the family and help take care of mammie (our grandmother) and my cousin would be a stones throw from my uncle, good stuff.
Fast forward to November, things are settling into place. I got a transfer from the job I was at in florida to a slower store ( I cook for a living by the way). Things at my job were almost a cakewalk coming from a much busier store, and I was up for a promotion as well! Then it happens...
Mammie comes into my room at two in the morning, heaving, having trouble breathing, trying to tell me something. I jump up afraid that she needed help. She is able to squeeze out these words before pretty much collapsing in my arms. I will never forget what she said as it is etched into my memory.
"Jay, Jason is dead".
"What"??? I ask confused and shocked.
Come to find out my cousin Jason was killed in a car accident just an hour before hand. To say I am shocked is an understatement. I have to wake up my brother and tell him. He is decimated. My uncle, well, lets just say I have never met a stronger person in my life. His sister and son are now gone.
Around two weeks later my uncle drives back again to florida to attend his sons wake. Its huge, so many people show up they cannot fit them into the funeral home. I cannot go as I need to take care of Mammie while he is in florida. I hurt bad, but I feel myself getting a little numb. Mammie is getting worse, and she constantly has to go to the doctor and hospital.
My uncle returns from florida, with my cousin's ex and 3 year old in tow (they were living in TN and still are). Things start to get on track again until about three weeks later.
I come home from work, its an early out day. I can hear Mammie (my grandmother) breathing when I walk in the door. It sounds horrible. I do not know how many of you are familiar with what is known as a "death rattle", but Mammie has it. We call her nurse and hospice, give her some morphine, and learn its very common in cancer patients right before they pass on. I sit next to her bed all night, and at nine in the morning it stops and she passes away next to my uncle after he tells her to go and be with her husband, daughter, and grandson Jason.
I decide I NEED to go to work that day, just keep busy. Then days go by, she is cremated. We get her cremains and put them next to moms and my cousins. Then things start again. Now just my uncle, brother and me. We start underway again and live.
Proofreading and rereading this post I apologize for it being so damn long. lol I just wanted to introduce myself. My friends are great, and they have helped alot, but I need to get back home (to florida) soon but feel guilty about having to leave my uncle and brother up in georgia just so I can try and start my life again. I am a little drunk now, and think I will smoke a bowl before getting ready for work today. I feel like more often then not I am two completely different people. One who is always up and on who is always down.
Heh, I am always open to chat, and pride myself in helping others, especially when it comes to harm reduction with different substances.
In conclusion I guess I am a borderline psychotic line cook with a penchant for psychedelics and good company. Although sometimes I just want to lie in bed all day. Im a drunkard, and I say drunkard because I don't go to meetings. I guess we all do what we feel is necessary for us to keep on going.
Oh, and long live bluelight and the people that work so hard to keep it up and going for all these years.
Thanks.
I am 25 years old and I currently reside in North Georgia. I've been here almost coming up on a year now. I am originally from South Florida. In 2008 my immediate family decided to relocate from FL to GA due to the economic decline. My grandmother, uncle, and half brother moved up to GA mid year 2008, with my mother and I to follow in august once my lease was up with my then roommate.
The day before my mother and I were scheduled to leave florida to join my family in GA my mother suffered respiratory failure and cardiac arrest due to many different complications stemming from COPD and numerous afflictions from birth defects caused by thalidomide. I passed out in a recliner next to the bed she was sleeping in, and when I woke up and went to get her up there
was no response, so the ambulance came and pronounced her dead. I was wrecked, and stormed out of her friends house which were staying at for a few days to walk down the street and try to think about what I was just told, only to come back hearing they had got a pulse and they were going to transport her to the hospital. I had no clue what to do, and dreaded calling georgia to alert the family of what happened.
It turned out she was already brain dead, but they were able to keep her on life support until the rest of my family could get back to florida to "see her off".
After about two weeks of dealing with the things that come with death we obtained her cremains and drove back to georgia to try and settle in.
Starting a new life in GA was going as well as it could considering the situation. My grandmother was diagnosed with cancer for her third time, she had beat it two times before hand, but things were kind of falling into place. She seemed as if she was doing well, and happy to be back in georgia where she was born. My cousin who I was very close to was nearing the end of his 5 year probation sentence, and was going to move up to georgia to get an apartment with me considering housing was so much cheaper here than in florida. Things looked good, and I was going to start anew with my own place shared with my cousin. We would be close to the rest of the family and help take care of mammie (our grandmother) and my cousin would be a stones throw from my uncle, good stuff.
Fast forward to November, things are settling into place. I got a transfer from the job I was at in florida to a slower store ( I cook for a living by the way). Things at my job were almost a cakewalk coming from a much busier store, and I was up for a promotion as well! Then it happens...
Mammie comes into my room at two in the morning, heaving, having trouble breathing, trying to tell me something. I jump up afraid that she needed help. She is able to squeeze out these words before pretty much collapsing in my arms. I will never forget what she said as it is etched into my memory.
"Jay, Jason is dead".
"What"??? I ask confused and shocked.
Come to find out my cousin Jason was killed in a car accident just an hour before hand. To say I am shocked is an understatement. I have to wake up my brother and tell him. He is decimated. My uncle, well, lets just say I have never met a stronger person in my life. His sister and son are now gone.
Around two weeks later my uncle drives back again to florida to attend his sons wake. Its huge, so many people show up they cannot fit them into the funeral home. I cannot go as I need to take care of Mammie while he is in florida. I hurt bad, but I feel myself getting a little numb. Mammie is getting worse, and she constantly has to go to the doctor and hospital.
My uncle returns from florida, with my cousin's ex and 3 year old in tow (they were living in TN and still are). Things start to get on track again until about three weeks later.
I come home from work, its an early out day. I can hear Mammie (my grandmother) breathing when I walk in the door. It sounds horrible. I do not know how many of you are familiar with what is known as a "death rattle", but Mammie has it. We call her nurse and hospice, give her some morphine, and learn its very common in cancer patients right before they pass on. I sit next to her bed all night, and at nine in the morning it stops and she passes away next to my uncle after he tells her to go and be with her husband, daughter, and grandson Jason.
I decide I NEED to go to work that day, just keep busy. Then days go by, she is cremated. We get her cremains and put them next to moms and my cousins. Then things start again. Now just my uncle, brother and me. We start underway again and live.
Proofreading and rereading this post I apologize for it being so damn long. lol I just wanted to introduce myself. My friends are great, and they have helped alot, but I need to get back home (to florida) soon but feel guilty about having to leave my uncle and brother up in georgia just so I can try and start my life again. I am a little drunk now, and think I will smoke a bowl before getting ready for work today. I feel like more often then not I am two completely different people. One who is always up and on who is always down.
Heh, I am always open to chat, and pride myself in helping others, especially when it comes to harm reduction with different substances.
In conclusion I guess I am a borderline psychotic line cook with a penchant for psychedelics and good company. Although sometimes I just want to lie in bed all day. Im a drunkard, and I say drunkard because I don't go to meetings. I guess we all do what we feel is necessary for us to keep on going.
Oh, and long live bluelight and the people that work so hard to keep it up and going for all these years.
Thanks.
![:\](https://bluelight.org/xf/BL_Images/Orig_Emoji/wrygrin.gif "wry grin :\")
TDS was actually one of the first forums I started lurking when I joined Bluelight way back when, as I was in a very dark place and desperately seeking some support, even vicariously by watching you guys help others who actually posted. I may have posted myself at some point, but I certainly never followed through with it. Anyway, I think that it's important for me to visit TDS even as I use, because I don't want to forget how bad things can get (and have gotten for me personally). The sense of community on display in this forum is genuinely touching, and I hope that I can become a part of it over time.
