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Introduce Yourself! v.2.0

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Hi all, I’m Jack (Jeck to my friends, and while being new to this site I think I may have more here already then I have left in real life). I’ve done some stupid, STUPID things but am proud to say that I’m getting my life on track. I’m an oxy user and have been now for a while. It started out as a means to get off street drugs (after a few nights in lock up and a 3 month jail stint) but has now become an addiction.

There's not too much more to tell about myself except to offer my support to anyone that needs it. I've hit rock bottom a few times and know it can feel like a hole that you will never get out of, I'm living proof that it can be done. Self harm is a thing of the past for me and it was a support network, not unlike this one, that saved my life.

My old reflex reaction to feeling like there is no way out was to swallow as many pills as I could get my hands on. The new me sends out as many PM's as I need to until I find someone I can talk to while the feelings pass.

So I guess what I’m trying to say is; if you ever want an un-bias ear, feel free to hit me up. God knows I may need the help one day, so I’m more than willing to help someone who needs it now.
 
Hi jeckel, welcome to The Dark Side! It's always cool to see another Aussie on the board :)
Sorry to hear about your troubles with pills and self-harm (I'm a reformed self-harmer as well) and even your jail time. It sounds like you're making some really good advances in your attitude though. I'm sure you will enjoy your time here :) <3
 
Hey all I'm D 33 year young male and an addict. My main DOC is opiates but really I'm like the junk drawer in your kitchen. Everybody keeps throwing anything and everything into it until it's a complete fuckin mess and can't even open anymore. I'm the fun loving life of the party kinda guy who ended up staying at the party way too long. Only to find out I wasn't even invited. I really enjoy making people laugh and laughing myself. Though I can't seem to do that lately. I've seen alot been through alot and done more ridiculous crazy things than I care to admit.

I guess it all began 15 years ago when my bestfriend and brother was murdered. This is when I guess my heavier drug use began. The very same year my cousin and next closest friend commited suicide and I was the first to find his body as we were supposed to go out that night. Was in the process of grieving and met a great girl who helped me through alot of shit but the over abuse of E and oxys continued. 2 years later our best friend and roomate called me at 3 in the morning saying his truck was outta gas and to bring a full can. I jumped right to it drove out got gas and arrived to his truck at the park where he was and didn't see him. Looked around only to find him hangin from the swingset in the park. I just thank god I told my girl to stay in bed instead of taking the ride with me I don't think she coulda handled it. But I often wonder if I hadn't stopped to fill the gas can and just picked him up in my truck would it of saved him? Was there somethin I coulda said. 4 years later happy as could be with my girl. I was working hard making tons of money but still partying hard too. I move her to grad school in NC come back home to prep to move down with her.Only the very next week she won't even answer or return a single phone call. She completely disappears.

This is when things got really dark and I just completely lost all control of everything. She was my everything and held me together. Without her all I had was drugs. Which made me lose everything else that I didn't even realize I had till it was all gone. House , car,$$$$$$$$$, lisence, friends, family,credit. career, you name it I've lost it 5 times over. It took 8 years and being caught doing a felony breaking into a friends house to snap outta it only after doing 2 years in jail.

I've been clean now for the better part of 5 years now chipping occasionally for a day or two then getting right back on track. I guess getting to the point of this rambling post is. I'm here because there's tons of undealt with grief that was all buried with drugs at the time. So asking for advice is always good but at the same time just letting this diarhea flow helps. Also I'm still here by some miracle so if I could help someone else with a similar situation I'd gladly do it. Thanx to all who actually read this thru.
 
Hi dpatches, I'm glad you've found this place because it is a great source of support, and a great place to let those thoughts out "on paper" so to speak. And like you said, it really does help to let it all flow out.
I am really sorry to hear about all the difficulties you have faced. I hope the road ahead brings nothing but the love and good times you deserve.
Welcome to The Dark Side :) <3
 
dpatches said:
Thanx to all who actually read this thru.
Click to expand...

I read through it three times because I couldn't even begin to comprehend what you have to deal with. Have you ever done any grief counseling? I am doing it now through my local Hospice and I am finding it helpful, not because of anything they are telling me necessarily, but because it is an hour every week where I can give myself over to grieving. I have also gotten so much support here and I know you will, too. Share here as much as you need, whenever you need.
 
Hi, I am a young'n. I am 20 years old and have fought with major depression since a few traumatizing incidents throughout my childhood. I self medicate myself with a few choice drugs, and have had major trouble with the law because I've my addiction issues. Although I am young, I pride myself on working on my personal issues at this age instead of when I'm 40. Bluelight is most definitely an outlet for me to express this "dark side" of me that almost nobody in my true life knows about. Thank you bluelight for providing me and countless others the help, support, and knowledge that keeps some people like me going. good luck to all, and I hope to contribute more to these threads
 
trickfire said:
Hi, I am a young'n. I am 20 years old and have fought with major depression since a few traumatizing incidents throughout my childhood. I self medicate myself with a few choice drugs, and have had major trouble with the law because I've my addiction issues. Although I am young, I pride myself on working on my personal issues at this age instead of when I'm 40. Bluelight is most definitely an outlet for me to express this "dark side" of me that almost nobody in my true life knows about. Thank you bluelight for providing me and countless others the help, support, and knowledge that keeps some people like me going. good luck to all, and I hope to contribute more to these threads
Click to expand...

Thanks for givin us your story and may I saw welcome...
We may call this The Dark Side, but the matter is only dark because it is what we keep inside ourselves, hidden away from the sunlight and society.
May you light a fire of wisdom inside you that will not only illuminate and enlighten, but also to provide warmth.
There are those whose bodies, minds and/or souls are scarred.
These imperfections are cured with care.
We may not be perfect but we can follow the path of perfection and gain immense treasures from the journey.
And those treasures stick with us eternally.
Let us help you along the way.

By the way, I'm 18...
 
Thanks guys, and btw hewhohowls I respect your logic and your empowering advice. I deeply appreciate it
 
Hey guys,

I'm Reoze, been looking at the forums for a while. My wife used to be a regular poster here. I'm 22, The only thing I ever felt actually mentally addicted to was pot. Unfortunately this let benzos get the best of me, since march of last year I have taken klonopin on a semi-regular basis. Going from every day 2-3 times a day, 5-6mg a day to .25mg every every day, sometimes more. To make matters worse, I was never officially prescribed which makes getting help that much harder. Right now I'm experiencing the protracted withdrawl, if I take more klonopin I'll actually feel worse physical withdrawls when it wears off and the mental always stays the same.....there's times I just feel mentally numb. My wife can say the same thing to me 8 times over wondering what the fuck is wrong with me. I just don't know what to say anymore.

Anyway, there's my ramblings.
 
Hi Reoze, welcome :) <3

Sorry to hear you're going through a rough patch.. there are a lot of people on here who can empathise! Keep going, you can get through this. It's silly and obvious but make sure you are eating and resting well, keeping yourself as comfy as possible, and try to distract yourself as much as you can..

Ramble away, it's good to get it out :)
 
hi i stumbled on to this website whilst reading an account some1 had written that theyd experienced, I havent got a drug problem .....well i dont think so anyway
 
Hi Scouser, welcome to BL. Click around the site and I'm certain you'll find a wealth of info. Be warned... Bluelight can be quite addicting in and of itself :D
 
A bit late of an intro, but I suppose now or never.

My name is brett, but you can just call me badfish. I came originally across here when my friend started smoking heroin, but that was across google. I was looking up about how people originally got started on heroin and came upon a thread on here I liked. One day she shot up too much and the withdrawal put her in the hospital, I didn't know where else to go. I came here. I only intended to stay for a bit just to get some suggestions on what to do.Instantly I was shown support and love, and since then I haven't left.

I myself am kind of fucked up, right now I'm going through some depression issues. I'm looking up though, and hoping to solve them. I go to my therapist tomorrow. Generally I'm a really upbeat guy, but it's been a really tough year and I'm still trying to find ways to handle it, and it's all being channeled into anxiety and depression. Like I said, I'm looking up. I'm optimistic things will change, but for now I'm struggling.

If you ever need somebody to talk to, feel free to message me, any other outreaching member, or one of the lovely mods on here.

Thank you so much for all the support I've received on this forum <3 This really is a wonderful place.
 
Hi Brett :) <3
It's nice to read a bit more about you, thanks for sharing. I know what you mean about it being a tough year re: depression and anxiety, I've been in the same boat. It's great you're feeling optimistic though man, keep it up :) How is your friend now by the way? Is she okay?
 
Hi Brett,

Sorry I've not been about so much the past little while - have just moved back down to Bristol and had an army of friends coming round, has been quite hard to get on BL much! I've really enjoyed speaking to you and getting to know you a little.

I'm so glad you have found TDS. I think you'll get a lot of support here, but I also think you will give a lot of support to others. It is impressive being able to do this while you are struggling yourself - kudos! Make sure you don't concentrate so hard on fixing others that you neglect yourself, however.

Keep going with the positivity, it's so lovely to hear! I hope things go well with your therapist. I'm seeing mine tomorrow too, eek!

Much <3 :)
 
I don't think she's doing to well with it. Last time I talked with her about it, she started habitually shooting up every 2-3 days even though she promised to never use a needle (like we didn't see that one coming). I hope she'll learn, and I hope she'll come out of it alive.

Effie it's been nice meeting you as well. Thanks for talking to me on Saturday, it was nice to have somebody to chat with. I'm a little nervous to talk to my counselor today, but it's for the best.

Thanks both for the welcome <3
 
Hey all,
Just thought I would introduce myself to TDS. I'm pain, mainly because I'm always in pain. Im 37 yrs old male. If any of yall have seen my blog or my introduction over in the other forums, I've pretty much explained all about me there, however the short version is; I'm a recovering alcoholic, I've been sober for almost a year and a quarter now and honestly don't miss a day of it. Due to my disease I was blinded to some other issues that were going on with me health wise and my body snowballed into a mess. 2 years ago I was not expected to make it out of the hospital because I was in full renal shutdown and now I suffer from cirrhosis, and hepaticcellular disease, and have had my gall bladder removed. My Dr's are still doing work ups on me to determine my full prognosis, my GI Dr says I wont live to see 70, but I still have some good years ahead of me depending on when we can get a liver transplant done, though I'm not holding my breath on that. Then last year after my Cholecystectomy I was readmitted due to full blown pneumonia, a collapsed lung and MRSA in my blood, They told me that should have killed me too, but being the stubborn bastard I am, I proved them wrong and made a full recovery. I decided to come over here for a bit, as I think this is where I need to vent off a few things that are going on in my life atm and I really have noone I can talk to about whats going on. I will be starting a new thread in the right (hopefully correct) place. If I manage to place it in the wrong place or if it is decided that I'm not posting what I need to in the wrong place, plz let me know so I get it right in the future. Nice to meet yall and hope this place will be here to help me through some tough times.
 
Welcome pain. That's quite the story you have there, but I'm sure with some more hard work, you'll prove them wrong again and live past 70 (: And yes, we will always be here to support you through tough times, that's what the TDS is about. We have a wonderfully supportive community here.
 
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