• The Dark Side 💕 Welcome Guest 💕
    Posting Rules Bluelight Rules
    Notable Threads Urgent Hotlines
    Bereavement Mindfulness
    Suicide Support Anger Management
  • TDS Moderators: AlphaMethylPhenyl | paranoid android

Introduce Yourself! v.2.0

Status
Not open for further replies.
Hello

I have been lurking for a while, and thought i would join today.

so this is my intro post

I am 28 years old. I have Dysthymia and GAD. I have been on SSRIs for over a year now (currently paroxetine ) and methadone (bio-done) treatment for almost six months now.

I have suffered depression all of my adult life, and I think earlier years also. I go through ups, and downs.

This past month I have spiraled down. Getting very blue. These past two weeks I have not been able to attend work. But I feel better today.

I have my first shower in two weeks today! Also shaved, and cut my nails, put on clean clothes. Today has been a good day.

All last week I was spending about 20 hours a day in bed, only getting up to go to chemist and get my 'done. But this week I have spent progressively more time out of bed.

I don't eat - maybe 1 bowl of breakfast cereal a day, a few carrots.
Today I ate a fair bit of food, though not a proper meal.

Today I got out of bed and read in the sun on my veranda.

Both yesterday and today I have left the house to see ppl (to score.....does socializing with your dealer count?).

I have money problems. I have lots of drug debt.

I have out-grown my job and need a more self-fulfilling one.

But right now I feel too shit, too ill and have no drive, to get a job.
I would not perform well in interview (i doubt I could bring myself to send an application email, let alone turn up).

Catch 22:

My job makes me feel bad. A new job would make me feel better, but I feel too bad to get a new job.

Having lots of debts makes me feel bad. Heroin makes me feel better. I cant pay off my debts because I spend all my money on Heroin. So I feel worse with more debt. I then buy more Heroin.

I saw a social worker (brand new!) and my psychiatrist this week.
My psychologist has been sick for months. I have not seen her since March. I hope to see her soon - we do CBT to help my anxiety.

I see my case worker at the 'done clinic monthly - I try to be honest about how much gear I'm using - without saying too much. They won't kick me of the program. They might Up my dose too high. If its to high my paroxetine stops working.

If the done dose is too high I cant afford enough gear to shoot through it and get high.

I am going to see the social worker weekly now for talking. To help with depression? To fill up my afternoons so I cant use that day?

Sometimes I crave oblivion. Sometimes I hate myself, Sometimes I hate my life, Sometimes I hate my friends, Sometimes I hate you, Sometimes I hate tomorrow.

Sometimes I feel hopeless. Sometimes I feel like crying. Sometimes I don't feel.


But today has been a good day.
 
Hi and welcome silvercrimson, yanluo and Mr Tee Blah <3
I'm glad you've all come across this place, I hope you find The Dark Side to be an hospitable and supportive community :)


silvercrimson do you think you could open up to a friend or relative about how dark a place you're in right now?? Sometimes even just talking to someone about how you're feeling and telling the truth can help a lot <3


yanluo what are you currently studying? I'm a psych student in Sydney :)


Mr Tee Blah it sounds like you're doing really well man, keep up the good work. Sometimes having one good day can make a world of difference, and it's definitely something to be proud of <3
 
n3ophy7e said:
Mr Tee Blah it sounds like you're doing really well man, keep up the good work. Sometimes having one good day can make a world of difference, and it's definitely something to be proud of <3
Click to expand...

thanks mate,

that makes me feel nice.
 
Hello BLUELIGHT!

Figured I should introduce myself a bit, but I'm not sure exactly what to tell you all. Obviously I've an interested in drugs. Recreational as well as scientific (to some extent, I'm not very experiences in chemistry etc.). Benzodiazipines and dissociatives almost exclusievly though. PCP has caught my attention, although I never tried it. :(

That's all.
 
Most mods and older bluelighters will already know of me.... S.M.F.G is what i go by....been here on and off for a couple of years here now. Long story short my life should be full and happy, i got a wonderfull child and most excelent girlfriend.

Yet since about 5 years ago my life has taken a rollercoaster ride, mostly downhills, ive always been a pot smoker, and have tried pretty much everything else, calmed it all down from what it used to be, but i still beilive i have some serious mental, health, and addiction issues.

Atm im a slave to the pharm companys and awoke this morning quite a bit more disturbed than normal. Thus my ideal to return to b/l and share.

Also welcomes to all new bluelighters:\
 
Hi SMFG, I have seen you around the place, welcome to The Dark Side :) <3
It's really great that you acknowledge you might have some problems with addiction and mental health, that can be a very hard thing for people to realise and admit to themselves. Do you feel like you might consider getting some help for the issues you mentioned?
 
n3ophy7e said:
Hi SMFG, I have seen you around the place, welcome to The Dark Side :) <3
It's really great that you acknowledge you might have some problems with addiction and mental health, that can be a very hard thing for people to realise and admit to themselves. Do you feel like you might consider getting some help for the issues you mentioned?
Click to expand...

Thnx n3opy73<3
As i mentioned in my thread, I've been having counceling and have good and bad days, The issue with detox treatment is 1. Family services and 2. the other teqnuques ive tried to calm down aint nothin compared to the pharms biggest fear is totaly losing it without them. Has been considered although ive dug myself out of this kind of hole b4, Thistime it seems utterly intense and am truly worried. My doc sais im running out of options though. soz to be offtopic here,
Welcome again all new Bluelighters:\
 
hi im dropsonde. quit drugs, quit weed. now the feelings which were masked by the highs are coming full force depressed. my mind doesn't work right and never ever stops looping bad thoughts. thoughts of her. thoughts of what life could have been and nowhere it's going no willpower to change.
so lonely ever day. anxiety my stomach never stops twitching. internal problems. broke, unemployed, useless.
deleted facebook. wish I had money for drugs..but that would make things even worse
 
Hey dropsonde :) welcome to TDS, can relate to alot of what ur saying, im in the process of quittin all drugs, but im dependnt on benzos atm but im 5 days sober and 48 odd hrs without weed, and its hurtin:|

Good place to be for support so many wonderfull people on here, so welcomes again (hope i dont get my fingers smacked for this post might be a thing that the Mods do in intro thread)

All the best, hang tough n hope to see you around:)
 
Hi dropsonde, welcome to The Dark Side <3
It's great you've decided to quit drugs, how long have you been sober for now? Do you have many friends or relatives to give you support when you feel down or are craving drugs?

S.M.F.G said:
(hope i dont get my fingers smacked for this post might be a thing that the Mods do in intro thread)
Click to expand...
Of course not mate!! The more welcomers, the merrier :) <3
 
been off ketamine & psychedelics & weed for two weeks now. most, if not all my friends are stoners or psychonauts and quitting has shown I really have no true friends..only when I have bud do they want to be friends. family I have only very little, fairly broken, no love household. want to move out, too old for home, but money isn't there. the cravings are still theyre overshadowed by the lacking of any money... reading TDS my problems are far from what some others have so I try to stay humble.

thanks

also have been having dreams again, never dreamt when going to bed high (only after loads of MDMA :D) really strange dreams. I was prescribed 'Heron' in an inhaler for an ankle sprain? never have I done heroin..then woke and started a new dream which I remember bits but won't go deep. really strange. the thing that always sticks is a girl.. there's always a girl..
 
Last edited:
well heyheyhey,
alright so i creeped for awhile then decided to make an account.
so here i am:D

i was searching for the vent/rant thread but i couldnt find it so if yall dont mind imma rant right nao:\
im fucking sick of people,
every guy that i talk to IMMEDIATELY thinks that im flirting with him (im bi)
so i have like maybe 2 guy friends now.

the shit that i had to go through with my parents was enough, im dealing with PTSD from a year of being abused, and now i get to deal with being a loner in HS, idk, i guess some people are luckier than others.

so now im debating on going back in the closet, because i want my friends/life/everything back.
nothing good has come from coming out,
the only thing was that i became an individual. and im not sure if thats a good or bad thing.

oh and the best part? my psych thinks im schizo, i took some test and the results showed that there was a HUGE chance that im schizophrenic. and this makes so much sense because ive looked at the symptoms and thats exactly how im feeling/acting.

last part- i spend all of the money i recieve from birthdays/allowance on supplements for mental health/weight loss because i absolutely hate myself. im not even close to being overweight and i get comments on how great i look (haha im serious:\) yet i still hate myself and spend every minute of the day thinking about ways to improve my looks.

haha sorry about that, just hadda get it off my chest, ill try to contribute to TDS, i think it'll help me out (hopefully)

much love<3
Dylan
 
Welcome Dylan! :)
Glad you decided to post- Lurking is fun but interacting with everyone is even more fun ;)

If you're wanting to vent more or maybe get more responses to your situation, you can either, start a new thread or the vent/rant thread can be found here.
Your situation sounds tough. I think you'll find a good amount of support here in TDS and probably some people who can relate-
You may also want to check out SLR. There is a lot of great stuff there as well.

Welcome again and I look forward to reading more from you!
 
My goodness, this thread has disappeared! As per the discussion among the mod team, we've decided to re-sticky this one.
 
Sup guys. Just thought I'd introduce myself.

I'm just wondering this Earth in a daze wondering what the hell I'm doing. I'm a lonely guy (not that I don't like it...I've always enjoyed being by myself). I used to have a decent job, shit went wrong, I got fired/quit, dabbled in methylone for a while...then dove in head first. Made it a little more than a habit :(

But it just makes me feel like me. I'm open, friendly, I want to just shoot the shit.

Normal me...I'm quiet, anxious (extremely self-conscious), and avoid all human contact whenever possible.

I'm looking to change that and actually make something of my life. I don't want to continue to sit here and contribute nothing to society.

I'm 22 for fuck's sake. I should be out there having a great time...

Anyways, I'm rambling, this is me, take it or leave it.
 
Hi erics, welcome to The Dark Side <3
I'm glad you've found this place, there are a lot of like-minded people here who have been through the same difficulties that you're currently facing. I wish you all the best with making the necessary life-changing decisions, and I look forward to seeing you more around the forum :)
 
Hello, My Name is Adam. i'm 10 day's off 19- I've struggled with my own substance abuse for the majority of my teens and addiction (family members) has been a key
theme throughout my life. I'm not looking to quit drugs, i'm looking for a time and a place- the thought of not having another zoot, line. drop ever is a scary one, i just know that if i eliminate my use for a while, finish my education- rep the gym (started going) the possibility's for the future are endless. i'm here to share my experiences, gain some different perspectives and hopefully help others with the path they choose to walk. here's to tomorrow x
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Top