VanWeyden
Bluelighter
Hi everyone, I'm VanWeyden, a 24 year old male from germany. started to use Marijuana at the age of thirteen, alcohol at 14 and increased use over the next 3 years to daily smoking and binge drinking every weekend. at 17 i quit both of them and did not use until i was 20. then started drinking a few beers now and then, then a few more, smoked mj again, the last three years i almost smoked daily. when i ran out of weed once i started doing benzos, not daily but regularly. 6 months ago i also started opiates, mainly fentanyl, tilidin and tramadol, more and more. After a 12 day binge on opiates and benzos i realised i'm about to hit the gutter, so now i'm trying to get clean again, started off with it 4 days ago. It's a tough time for me right now, but since i used bl to get information about how to get high for some time ive now started to read tds, which helped me a lot. thanx to everyone posting here, and i hope i can quit drugs for good, at least opis and benzos, they are just about to ruin my life.
I really have sooo much stress and problems in my life right now. I dont beleive in the devil but it feels like the negativity in my life feeds off itself and everyday is a new low. SWIM has a big list of problems and has been trying to get off painkillers but taking 2 weeks or longer of no sleep to get suboxone isnt in the realm of possabilitys for him. Ive been unemployed for too damn long busting my back for little bits of cash is gonna cripple me. I got no money to get a tooth pulled..especially since i need to see an oral surgeon. I feel like my body is shutting down...even with doing subs swim sometimes cant find the energy to get out of bed. When me and my gf fight i get gut wrentching pains in my stomach. Im 23 yrs old, and im starting to lose my spark for living. I know that i shouldnt dwell on the past and gotta make my destiniy but i really have problems. Being alive, sheltered, and clothed is about all i got going for me right now. I dont know if this is the place to ask but is anyone familiar with using neurontin while DTing? SWIM wants to quit suboxone even though it will probably lead him back to other hard drugs. 
... Ive wondered through the dark side a few times. Here lately I've been fiending for adderall, I haven't taken it too far but I figure I'll be using it quite a bit in the coming weeks. I love mdma and shrooms, they are my two favorites, but I don't seek them out like I do adderall and I use both safely and in moderation. I have extreme trouble focusing or staying on one thing and adderall makes me get on task and have hope for doing good in everyday life, I really would like to instruct myself to be at the top of my game without it, I know I can, I've been a high achiever without the stuff but sometimes I just need it, I went on weeklong binges before but now I try not to go more than 3 times a week. I usually take at least 40mg xr at a time, sometimes with a 10 or up to 25mg redose just a couple hours after. I haven't seen any physical tolls it may be taking, like I said my use isn't too out of hand, but I'll get shakes and a sore jaw later that night or the next day. I figure since its not as 'magic' as the other drugs I take that I can get away with using it more. I feel like a social superman compared to my usual self, but my usual self I've come to embrace, and try to make the best of without the help of any particular substance. Mdma and shrooms have helped me more than adderall in terms of life problems, I only use mdma once every 4 months and shrooms once every six weeks or so if they're around. I take more from those experiences of course, how could adderall compare to either of the two? I just wanted to share, it was on my mind.