Introduce Yourself! v.2.0

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Hi Guyz, my name E-life(you'll know why soon), I'm 18-19 soon, I got (Severe)Chronic Depressions (sorry for my english i'm French Canadian), I'm a MDMA and pot addict (pot since i'm 15 and MD since 17), it's been a couple months that I've been clean From X but can't stop smoking. Already had some other "Dark side" issue like self harm and some Alchool problem (went to hospital 2 time once i almost lost my hand and the other time almost died)I'm a new member since like 2 dayz and just wanted to say that this forum is probably one of the best thing i've came across in the last time...

Welcome to Bluelight and TDS, E-life!! So glad you found us... there are so many people struggling (or who have experience in the past struggling with) addictions and self-harm issues, to name but a select few. Look forward to reading what you've got to say... browse around, I have a feeling you'll find yourself at home pretty soon :)

Let TDS staff know if you have any questions!

much love,
~ vaya
 
Thankz Vaya, It Feel Good To See Some People Who Care About Me... I've Gone Thru Some Hard Time Lately, My Depressions Came Back, Not To Full Force But I Feel It In Me, my attitude and how i think. Just A Little something make me wanna kill everybody, including myself sometime... But In Overall I'm Good :) and yeah already feel like Home :D
 
Hello. My name is Steve. I'm a longtime lurker on bluelight, and I must say it has taught me a lot about HR, and how to responsibly approach opiate/drug use. I've recently finally realized that I cannot responsibly use opiates because I cannot control myself. I'm trying to quit, again, and hopefully this time I can do it. Don't know if I'm using the correct method, but CT hasn't worked and I'd really like to just fucking beat this thing in the head.
People here seem very, very friendly and supportive and I just wanted to say hello and pop my posting cherry.
 
Hi there^^^ welcome! It's really awesome you decided to officially post! This area of the forum is great. There are so many people here familiar with you same situation with opiates. It is a fantastic support network. Much better than any other I have found. It really is a healing place :-).
 
Glad you could pop that cherry on over here in TDS, Steve. Welcome to Bluelight's userbase man!

:)

~ vaya
 
Greetings!
Tripnotyzm here checking in from Australia!
Bluelight has been handy for me for over 5 years.
I have always enjoyed the Dark Side.. So much love, compassion & general outreach to the public.
Im an easy person to talk to, love making new friends and will give out (& seek) advice whenever it is needed.
So long for now!
:)
 
Welcome from the land of OZ, tripnotyzm. 5 years, eh? Glad you finally decided to officially join! :)

~ vaya
 
Hi all...My name is Kirsty and ive been to hell and back...I need a friend ATM...If its a cyber one, i dont care!...Like others, i have lurked around TDS...very very occasionally posting a quick post and leaving again!!Id like to thank you all over here for what you do...Your blood is worth bottling!! ( so my mum would say)...The very first time i came here was because of Herbavores post..(her 1st post changed my life for the better, saddest thing i ever read, and ever will, i think..)...I just want to say hi...And i hope you all dont mind ifn i hang out here for a while...I am all for H.R and not cock contests..(ie who can take the most, do the most.etc etc)..I try my damdest to ALWAYS have HR at the helm of my thoughts when repling to others......I have come looking for friendships as i have no human associates at all ATM...I see adults when i go out to chemist and to the DRs and i work at my daughters school twice a week...(very straight people there!!!)...But other than that i go up to 4 days without talking to anyone cept my daughter...I need a friend but i am scared to make friends now..(I need to NOT talk to my baby 8 year old like she is my friend). I will say why if anyone wants to hear more about me...I have a hummdinger to tell....As we all do....Thanks for your time....Miss Kirsty...........
 
Hi tripnotyzm and Miss Kirsty, welcome to you both. I still remember your kind words to me Miss Kirsty.<3 Jump into the social threads and reply when you feel the urge to do so or start your own thread for support and you will feel at home in no time. <3
 
Hello and welcome tripnotyzm and Miss Kirsty!! Always good to see some new Aussie faces here in TDS :) <3
 
Hey all. Just wanted to say howdy and I hope everyone is having an outstanding day regardless where on earth you happen to reside. Live in CA Sierra's and the snow is blowing hard right now. Opana is keeping the fire warm at present. Just sucks when you get the "down in the dumps" blues when you chase the glow too hard. PM for off then on for nearly ten years and giving it a serious nod to cleaning up in this next couple weeks. I know it's a rough row to hoe and not looking forward to the pain and misery; all things psychological and physiological. Cleaned up back in 05-06 from a whimpy 100 mg Oxy habit back then. Reintroduced to PM through health plan again in latter 05 and haven't looked back since until recently that is. Started out on fent, then Oxy and have moved on to an Opana habit. Anyway, I hope everyone is doing well or they best they hope to be.
 
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Hey Riptorn, and welcome! (from CA, but down on the sunny coast!). TDS will be a perfect place to come for support. I'm so glad you are here.<3
 
Thank you herbavore. I get all warm and fuzzy all over. :) Glad to be part of the BL.
 
Hi everybody. I already introduced myself in the main thread, but since I have a feeling I'm going to be needing some friendly words of support soon, I'm kcwhite and I hail from Detroit, mi. I have had an addiction to heroin for going on four years and been trying to quit for the past two and a half. I've only succeeded so for with like a maximum of thirty days clean. I'll get thru the w/ds by self medicating..benzos, subs, methadone etc. then be clean for a short while and then go on a suicidal binge tht lasts for weeks, even months. Then to start over once again. Pure hell. It has been getting horrible, up to a week ago I was up to one, two grams everyday. In the past three months I've crashed two cars on total blackout. I know that I keep this shit up either I'm going to kill myself or someone else. I've got too much to live for and I don't want my fiancée to find my corpse in the toilet with my plunger still dripping blood. Not to mention my beautiful six month old little girl that i albsolutely cannot be without. But if i dont stop both the fiancee and my baby are leaving. So I've finally checked myself in an in patient detox and thirty day rehab to start next Monday. I have been eating subs for the past few days to help make the w/ds a little more bearable in detox. But I am having a lot of anxiety about this. I've heard a lot of mixed reviews on rehab and this is my first try at that. Any kind words or advice I very much so appreciate.
 
Hello my name is Trish, I'm 23, MAJOR opiate addict, slightly less major benzo addict... My maitenance dose (so I do not feel sick) is equivalent to two morphine 60 mgs a day, and at least two 30 mg Oxycodone. That's why I decided to introduce myself here, as I am often coming down or moody (my bf doesn't even know it is this bad, I hide from everyone) and sometimes I could really use some support. Also, I had to quit weed. :( a lot less sucky, but still. Sucks.

Before I was an addict, I had an award for the best English SAT score in the state and a great scholarship, however, my addiction made my life fall apart and I didn't finish my computer-science degree. I regret this every day.
 
Hi Kcwhite, welcome to The Dark Side <3 It sounds like you've got a lot of really good motivators for getting clean, and I sincerely wish you all the very best with rehab. Keep us updated with how you're going okay? There are a LOT of people in this forum who have been through exactly what you're going through. You've come to the right place :) <3


Trish welcome to you too <3 I'm sorry to hear of your struggles and the sacrifices you've made to accommodate your addiction. I know from personal experience how exhausting it is to hide your addiction from other people, especially those as close to you as your boyfriend! (I'm an alcoholic). Where do you feel that you're at with your addiction right now? Do you feel like you're getting close to wanting to get clean, or at least cut down your usage? Take care hun <3
 
hi Kcwhite, I have been through a 30 day program so I will try and give you a little information on my experience. What kind of program are you checked into? Is it paid by your insurance or is it more of a charity care based hospital program?

I went through an insurance paid program which worked basically like this: The first 5 days consisted of an extreme detox where you stayed in the bottom (nurses) ward where they checked on you constantly taking vitals and such. Opiate patients were given a 5 day suboxone taper and the rest of the new patients were put on a strong benzo (and I mean strong I didn't even know where I was). You weren't required to attend the daily schedule and you could take showers and eat whenever you wanted. After the 5 days you were then moved up into the dorms with everybody else for the rest of the 30 days.

The program I went through had a daily schedule that accounted for 15 hour of the day. Most of it was taken up by AA and NA meetings. The other majority was filled with classes much like a high school class. With an instructor (one of the councilors) and the classes ranged from teaching you about how AA or NA came about and why it works and encompassed a lot of topics about addiction. We were required to work the steps of AA. We had to give our story to the rest of the group and do other exercises to help us get to know our addiction and ourselves better. The program I went through was extremely thorough. We also received one on one attention with a counselor. The food was divine. The chef was actually a recovering addict just like the entire rest of the staff. All of the counselors, dean, cleaning crew, etc. Many of these people shared there stories with us in the meetings. It was very strange to see somebody who now has complete control of their life and basically your life (in the program) tell you a story about the dark days of their addiction. It was an overall very difficult experience but the teachings they instilled in me were very good.

As for the hospital type programs I had friends who attended those and they were a bit less luxurious. No cigarette breaks and no daily schedule (you sat around instead of going to meetings and classes, kind of like a school day). If you are going through a "clinic" type program do not let me deter you. I fully support these programs and they do work. It sounds like you need it, and want it too.

Both programs definitely will get you clean for 30 days and hopefully can plant a strong seed from which your sobriety can grow. So much luck to you. Your daughter, your husband, and most importantly you deserve this. <3<3


and also :)
Hi Trish and welcome. You have definitely come to the right place for support. So glad to have you with us! <3<3
 
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I am getting state funding bc I lost my job, no insurance. It's called sacred heart and it's in Michigan. They told me I can bring cigs. But I'm not sure which kind of program it is. I know that it is heavily based on 12 steps and n/a etc. i absolutely need my wife and my little girl in my life, so yea now is the time. I definitely don't want to become a corpse. I've tried methadone clinics, that just turned into a fallback for when I'm dope sick. Anyways thank you for your advice
 
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