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Introduce Yourself! v.2.0

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Hello. I don't think I've yet introduced myself in this thread. My name's Ethan (though that's not my name in real life), and I'm 15. And so far, at least 3 people online have told me that I'm addicted to stuff, and I'm starting to think they're right. I don't really know how to fix that though, so I'm hoping that hanging out in this section of this site will help me.
So yeah, hi everyone.
 
Ah thanks everybody :) I'ts quite comforting to know im not the only one. I didn't think anxiety could have such an affect on the mind like that. Argh I finally got myself to make an appointment with my doctor.

Hey best of luck to you doomed. I never thought I'd be in that position but I to am starting to get more anxious about going out and about. Scared I'll have a freak out or panic attack or something. Thanks for the link effie I'm going to check out that axniety mega thread :)
 
Doomed2pain, Ethan and olab7, welcome to The Dark Side <3 Very glad you've all found this place, and I hope you all get something positive from being here :)
 
I don't know why i always forget to check this place :\ Welcome to everybody--doomed, olab, ethan. Hope you all find support here.<3
 
Thanks for the welcome herbavore. I have read your posts and you seem like a very strong and intelligent lady,i hope one day I can be as strong as you and get to grips with my mental health. You people are awesome and so supportive, id feel so much worse right now if I hadn't discovered tds. So thanks for the great job you guys do
 
Hello All,
Glad to have found this site. It looks to be very informative.
Thanks
 
Welcome dmging!

What brought you to our little corner of the Internet?

There's a ton of information available throughout our large variety of Forums. Before you know it, you'll look up at the clock and wonder how you've managed to lose 5 hours of time in a flash! :D
 
ritalin road

hello guys.
i'm steen, and i'm from holland, i am seventeen years old and honestly don't know how to behave sober,
i have been on ritalin since my eight and it took away all my problems: getting into fights, always saying my opinion,fighting for justice no matter who or what, and behaving properly i'm (extremely powerfull verbally btw (i'm smart! )) so i always had to take them.
I always hated the rits until 3 years back, i then discovered i could snort them and be super-clever be verbally even stronger but in a way that the people saw it as something good.instead of bad. EG: when talking with the principal about drug-rumors about me always talking with '' in my opinion " attached to what i said.

in the beginning of abusing it it was heaven, i used maybe 30 mg a day (60 was prescribed) and i had lots to share and trade.
but then the summer holidays began and i started a job as a well-paid dishwasher in an italian restaurant were i had to work 8 hours in a row withou a break in the most busy season of the year, and i fucking loved it. they brang me beer the whole day so i was enjoying myself, working top-speed and earning cash, but the pills werent working THAT good anymore so i once went to the toilet right before the busiest moment of the busiest day in the busiest season(lol) and i snorted 5 pills at once with already 4 beers in me. it was the best of the best, better then coke.
so that was the new dose for being a king in everything. my social life was great my relation with my 'rents was great everything.
but when the school started again and i had to go back to my boarding school i discovered that there were atleast 3 people that wanted to sell me their pills for ridiculous prices(4 euro for 20 pills was the highest price, extremely cheap) so i started buying and buying and i got a 150 mg a day habit, living te fast life.
after a 2 months of staying up atleast 2 days a weak (i had some abilify for keeping me normal) the sources dried up, so i stole a shitload of ritalin from some cunt i hated (30 x 20mg and 7 x 20 10 mgs) and upped my doses to 80 mg in the morning plugged or snorted and 20mg sublingual every 2 hours.
then i heard from a friend that some kid we knew died because of a heart attack due to a speed binge and i realised i needed to stop/taper down.
i started this week with just 60mg a day, taken how my doc prescribed it to me and i managed to succeed.
i was like fuck yeah i can kick this shit without problems i AM a fucking boss( i am a very narcistic and cocky)
but i was told to go to the principals office and they knew everything; the theft ,abuse, snorting, ever-y-thing!)
i denied everything(mind i had taken a valium an our ago and was relaxed and prepared: i threw all cards razors straws seals away)
and got away with it for now, but they are investigating it, the even offered help, but cant't risk losing my pills.
the best thing about this is that i refilled the ritalin MR caps with balls from a little pillow for my neck lol and the dude doesn't miss anything, not even the 140 ir pills i stole.


sorry for the rant but i had to share it, i will grammar check it later this evening.

STEEn
 
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Hi Steen, welcome to The Dark Side :)
It's really good that you've decided to taper down your usage now before anything bad happens to you. Do you think you can comfortably stick to your prescribed dose? Like, do you think you're going to have problems with abusing your meds (or anything else) in the future?
 
it is al going well now, i took only for monday 2 yesterday and 2 today, but i get 30 pills later this day so i don't know if the urge is going to be, i really crave 80 mg snorting sessions 3 times a day, that 8 days worth of pills in one go

thanks.

-marce
 
hi,

i've been lurking for a few weeks. lots of info, so many first-hand accounts, friendly and interesting people, it's a great place you have here and has already helped me -- thanks. i can relate to a lot, especially having stunted emotional maturity and psychological development, and having suicidal ideation.

i'm a 30-year-old aussie with a psych history of depression, anxiety, ptsd w/self-harm from age 13. i stopped self-harming at 15 after my parents found out, but found new ways of escaping. pot and acid first, but these burned me out in less than a year. then i settled on alcohol for a looong time, and dropped out of society completely, resigned to uselessness. the 'lost years' left me with an acquired physical disability (painful) and heaps more emotional damage than before; not to mention the immense grief caused to my family and burden placed upon society. well, i stopped drinking two years ago, and i'm trying to patch together some quality of life: live without making the world a worse place, repay my debts, minimise deficits, get an education, a job, friends, partner, grow up...

easy -- right?
 
^ Welcome Heartofdarkness. That is aweful about ur doctor. At least he didn't do ur surgery. You are lucky. Now I am alarmed about the end of your post. I guess I will wait for your continuance before I respond.

Welcome Adinkra, and it is good to have you in TDS. It is not easy to grow up and find these things but it happens if we pursue it, and keep trying. Lots of luck.
 
hello bluelight! i'm a 31 yr old man who has been addicted to opiates form about 10 years. i am about to go back to rehab on monday and i am looking forward to living a drug free lifestyle once and for all. in addition to being a heavy drug user, i also struggle with having bi-polar dissorder. i came to this website as i was researching some info about the drugs i was using. I find this website to be filled with valuable information, and i love to just surf the threads and read about what everyone else is dong/researching. i too have a wealth of info reguarding drug use and anyone is welcome to contact me with any questions. thank you for taking the time to read this and i look forward to becoming a known member of this community.
 
^^ Welcome to The Dark Side pfohcp1, best of luck with rehab and please check in with us here to let us know how you're going <3


adinkra, hello and welcome from another fellow Aussie :) I'm really glad to hear that things are going better for you these days. I'm an alcoholic too, and have suffered with most of the things you have (depression, self-harm etc), so I know how hard it can be to turn things around. Keep it up hun <3


HeartofDarkness that was quite the intro! :) A very interesting read, despite some of the not-so-pleasant content. I look forward to reading a bit more about you. Take care <3
 
I am wells into my 50's and each day I am taking a mix of drugs so I can be normal and do what I have done for 30 years while functioning in this society. By age 42 they finally figure out the behavior is Adult ADHD, but the damage was done to me, my career, my credit and my career. Without Adderall I am useless and and have to con and manipulate to bide my time and avoid being fired. I somehow learned how to hide this, and the energy andtime I waste is much more precious as at age 50+ I try to rebuilt some purpose for being here. The Doctor give me Adderall, but I take 150 mg of adderall and at 5 or 6 tablets a day (and 20 mg of valium so I can deal with the anxiety) means a 30 day supply in run out after 10 to 12 days. First I sleep, but I can focus, then after 5 days every bit of the drug is out of my system and 18 to 20 days of ADHD and complete loss of concentration, apathy, cynicism, and I don't give a shit about my outbursts and the time I spend to survive. Those low abuse pills work, but at $350 for a 30 days supply the Pharmaceutical company has made sure it's not an option. I have a Provigil prescription and maybe 2 refills, but that Pharmaceutical company wants $850 for 30 tablets and if I am way too short on money. So I find the money and pay to have the Pharmacy $150 and ask they dispense 5 tablets. There is the coworker taking Phentermine and I can swap 5 of theirs and be back at my desk in less than 30 seconds. Rationalization means I just tell myself she is too fat since she sits around doing nothing the pills is useless. Except for the last situation I do not breal any laws. I promiose myself I will not do this again next time and I will tell my Doctor, but like the last 10 years, I repeat the same pattern. Someday something will end this insanity, but with new studies it looks like as long as I am alive, even at age 70 the ADHD is goingto renain and the Adderall, even if it is used as directed will have done its damage on my dopamine receptors and like a pacemaker, insulin, thyroid replacement medication taking ADHD medication will last until the day I die. It doesn't matter to me and screw those who regulate, demonize, prosecute and try to take it away. Yea, whether I use it as directed or not this society has already labeled me as a drug addict. Every state where my prescription is filled has my name listed on their drug database so and in my state any law enforcement employee can casually access it and with the assumption there they are, every person in our state who are prescription drug addicts we cannot arrest, but we will arrest a bunch of them for doctor shopping will god will deal with the rest. 42 years I was called a lazy drug user and after the ADHD was diagnosed now I got even with my father and ex-wife by being the best at what I do and since the yhave been fooled too, can't label nme an drug addict. The irony is if my drug of choice and addiction was money I'd be call that 1% of American's holding all the wealth. To be American means being addicted to something and most of us will go on with our crappy lives being used, abused, exploited and there is only one person who I will allow to make a choice and do what he must, it's me and I will not let you down. I may ruin my health, but I cannot let you down. I will be that you want me to be and when I am alone I will think how much I hate you and with intense cynicism wish you the worst as I find ways to survive another shitty day spent pleasing you, the assholes who make up this American society
 
Hello, I am here to read your stories, you expertise and you beliefs and to share mine. Sometimes we can share common interests, teach each other something new, see how our societies make policy, exchange scientific information and feel we can talk about what has been generalized and made taboo elsewhere. I also am ADHD and at age 50+ the diagnosis came too late for me. I know many of us have stories to tell and find ourselves in a mindset that we need to express. Adult ADHD is manifested in different ways and as for me; one I deal with is obsessions that swing my mood and my emotional swings are getting to be too much for those on social websites. I often need to apologize and explain myself to friends who have to wonder. I know and I want you to know I mean no harm, but life can be as frustrating as it can be facinating. You are a facinating group of people and I am here to llearn and share... Oh yea, my first post comes on a day when my need to please, my need to fulfill my holiday expectations also involved someone who I care about and also abused me for 20 years is in great pain. She has reached out to me and I can help her, but even well we have become friends, I also must relive the events that have created a dark side I must hide.
 
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44 Post's in and.............. Hello!

Hello to all in the TDS! been posting a lot here since i joined Bluelight but didn't think to introduce myself to TDS so here's my story.......

Hey, I'm Schizaphonic, but you can call me me Schiz, age 27, i started drinking alcohol at 15 years of age, marijuana at 17, MDMA at 18, and Crystal Meth at 19, i gave it all up at 20 (although i still smoke cigarettes) but by the time i was 21 i was diagnosed with Clinical Depression, General Anxiety Disorder, and Schizophreniform psychosis. I was born with Asperger's, relatively minor, IQ 127 (Asperger's is not a condition or syndrome, it's a different type of mind, controversial but i stick by that) and i have had ADHD as long as i can remember (but it was diagnosed as an adult). The conditions developed from my meth habit (yeah I'm a mixed bag, but i actually score 1 point above 'normal' in the mental health test my psychiatrist gave me, purely thanks to a rigid regime of a finely tuned combination of medications/dosages, mindfulness, mediation and taking the time to occasionally treat my mind with a high).

For my conditions i take Ziprasidone, Venlafaxine and Clonazepam (i wish my psychologist would give me something for the ADHD cause it makes studying a bitch), Those three meds take care of most everything except for the negative symptoms of the psychosis but i can still get high (for temporary relief from the symptoms), which i think psychiatrists should take into account (give us something so we can "take a break" occasionally), I've been on many anti-psychotics (Ziprasidone, Olanzapine, Risperidone, Amisulpride and Risperidone) and many Anti-Depressants ( Venlafaxine, Escitalopram, Sertraline and Mirtazapine) i have also been prescribed Tamazepam, Diazepam and Clonazepam over the years (Clonazepam being my favorite Benzodiazepine) so feel free to ask questions about my experiences with these prescription medications.

I will soon have access to a private psychologist being paid for by an academic scholarship, Yay! (public system sucks) I like synthetic Cannabinoids, natural weed doesn't really agree with me, i get dysphoric (kinda paradoxical) and paranoid, I occasionally get some Zolpidem or a pack of Cold and Flu medication (Pseudo-ephedrine and Codeine) these three are my 'Holidays' from the negative symptoms, also Meth raped my imagination so i need something for relief from an essentially visually blank mind) I think my GP knows what i do, but he's a compassionate man and give's me some Zolpidem occasionally to help me 'sleep'. I'm generally a glass-half-full kind of person but even when depression gets a hold of me i still 'try' if ya know what i mean, i think this is my greatest strength.

About me? I'm not a religious man, but i am a spiritualist, i choose to believe in 'more'. As for my daily life I'm a University bum (don't have to work cause in Australia you get a student allowance mines like $450 a week) I'm living with my mum (moved in since my father left her a few years back) but only till i finish my study (she doesn't charge board) which allows me to invest in my hobbies (High-end Audio/Music and High Performance Computing or HPC) I'm studying a computer science major also picked up a psychology major (Bachelor of Information Technology requires two majors be completed and i think of studying psychology as personal growth), so if you can help me with basic psychology please do! also if you want some advice about your computer, give us a pm and i might be able to help (better than paying those clowns in the computer stores, they WILL rip you off big time)

I'm not a drug addict or abuser (anymore), but i do self medicate to a degree, i have strict rules and a bit of experience up my sleeves, so why am i here? to teach and to learn (mainly learn) :\

much love and peace

-Schiz
 
Hi EPP1961 and Schiz, welcome to BL!

I have to dash off now so sorry for not having time to digest your posts or say more but I just wanted to say a warm welcome and I hope you find TDS helpful and supportive. If you have any questions don't hesitate to ask :) <3
 
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