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Introduce Yourself! v.2.0
- Thread starter n3ophy7e
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jeckel
Bluelighter
well thanks mate, and yourself? You and your F***ing lolicore have created a MONSTER in me lol. I need to put in a complaint when I get around to it. I'm fairly sure that you have directly had an impact on my ability to hear properly 
MissMalena
Bluelighter
Hey everyone I'm MissMalena, I recently turned 17 and I just joined BL today.
My downward spiral that lead me to where I am now started when I was really young, I was never really happy (even though I had a loving family etc) I always felt different than the other kids.
My depression became clear to me when I was around 12, I kept it to myself.
When I was 14 I started drinking (almost everyday and often alone) a lot and partying, a bit more seriously than my friends but not too alarming. then I got bored of alcohol and starting smoking weed everyday.
As the year went on i got more and more depressed and was thinking about suicide a lot. It was around the time that I turned 16 that I was seriously considering it and couldn't go to school anymore.
The thought of killing myself and hurting the ones who loved me started to scare me so that's when I turned to cocaine last January. It made me feel happy at first but then I got addicted and things got worse.
I did things for my fix that I still cry over and I messed around with crack. My family intervened after I attempted suicide and got me a psychiatrist. But that only gave me new problems with all the medication he gave me which messed me up. I developed insomnia that I still struggle with, I have anxiety that keeps me from leaving my house, I don't speak with my friends, and I'm afraid ive permanently damaged my memory.
I did a lot of bad things and basically destroyed myself. I've got a stronger hold on the suicidal thoughts but everything else is still there. My doctors and family have done everything to help me but nothing is working. With all the drugs I've put in my body Im left sick and broken, I can't do daily functions without drugs and now the drugs don't work, any of them.
I joined this site because BL has always been helpful to me in using drugs more safely. But mostly because I can have support and advice from people who know what I'm going through unlike my therapist/family/friends and its nice to be around those who don't look down upon or judge me.
Sorry for making my post so long, it's hard for me to sum it up. Im keeping my hopes up for a brighter future and i wish u all luck in getting better and staying healthy. Much love to you all and thank you
My downward spiral that lead me to where I am now started when I was really young, I was never really happy (even though I had a loving family etc) I always felt different than the other kids.
My depression became clear to me when I was around 12, I kept it to myself.
When I was 14 I started drinking (almost everyday and often alone) a lot and partying, a bit more seriously than my friends but not too alarming. then I got bored of alcohol and starting smoking weed everyday.
As the year went on i got more and more depressed and was thinking about suicide a lot. It was around the time that I turned 16 that I was seriously considering it and couldn't go to school anymore.
The thought of killing myself and hurting the ones who loved me started to scare me so that's when I turned to cocaine last January. It made me feel happy at first but then I got addicted and things got worse.
I did things for my fix that I still cry over and I messed around with crack. My family intervened after I attempted suicide and got me a psychiatrist. But that only gave me new problems with all the medication he gave me which messed me up. I developed insomnia that I still struggle with, I have anxiety that keeps me from leaving my house, I don't speak with my friends, and I'm afraid ive permanently damaged my memory.
I did a lot of bad things and basically destroyed myself. I've got a stronger hold on the suicidal thoughts but everything else is still there. My doctors and family have done everything to help me but nothing is working. With all the drugs I've put in my body Im left sick and broken, I can't do daily functions without drugs and now the drugs don't work, any of them.
I joined this site because BL has always been helpful to me in using drugs more safely. But mostly because I can have support and advice from people who know what I'm going through unlike my therapist/family/friends and its nice to be around those who don't look down upon or judge me.
Sorry for making my post so long, it's hard for me to sum it up. Im keeping my hopes up for a brighter future and i wish u all luck in getting better and staying healthy. Much love to you all and thank you
Hi MissMalena, welcome to The Dark Side I'm sorry to hear you've had such a hard time through your teenage years so far, and I really hope you find some solace in this forum. I know you mentioned that you've been seeing a psychiatrist who prescribed you meds, but have you also been seeing a psychotherapist and doing some kind of regular talking therapy such as CBT or ACT? I think that could be of huge benefit to you. If you haven't tried that, would you consider giving it a try? If you have tried it, did you find that it helped at all? How long did you keep at it?
I'm sorry to hear you've had such a hard time through your teenage years so far, and I really hope you find some solace in this forum. I know you mentioned that you've been seeing a psychiatrist who prescribed you meds, but have you also been seeing a psychotherapist and doing some kind of regular talking therapy such as CBT or ACT? I think that could be of huge benefit to you. If you haven't tried that, would you consider giving it a try? If you have tried it, did you find that it helped at all? How long did you keep at it?MissMalena
Bluelighter
I had a therapist for a few months that I would see weekly, she wanted to try CBT but we never got around to it cus I started to run away from my appartment whenever she came over, i couldn't handle the anxiety. it made me feel hopeless cus she and my psychiatrist admitted they cant figure me out. and in general the talking didn't help or make me feel any better, it never has really I just can't feel connected with people. I thought about trying the CBT but I had a lot of doubts, I can be a bit stubborn, Im convinced that my behavior/thinking can't be changed since its been the same since childhood. I am looking for another therapist tho and il try to give it a chance, I just don't think it's gonna work :/
herbavore
Bluelight Crew
Missmalena, I really hope that you will give it a try by keeping an open mind. Talk therapy can drag on forever with no real results which often makes us feel more convinced than ever that nothing can change. CBT is cool because it actually gives you real tools that you can practice using in your own thoughts. Like everything else worth having, it takes time and practice but it also gives you the power. I am old enough to be your grandma and I can tell you that nothing is unchangeable! I have transformed my thinking and myself many times in my life and I don't think I'm done yet.![:\](https://bluelight.org/xf/BL_Images/Orig_Emoji/wrygrin.gif "wry grin :\")
Keep us posted when you get the new therapist.
Keep us posted when you get the new therapist.
MissMalena
Bluelighter
I'll do my best and thank you for the support 
MissMalena..just my two cents... I think it was just after I turned 20 when a lot of things/people that I held in great importance no longer did. It relieved a lot of anxiety,pressure and depression. 17 is not a fun age for a lot of us. Wishing you peace.
Hi MissMalena, I don't have much to add that n3o and herb haven't already said, but just wanted to say welcome to TDS and I entirely agree that it is worth persuing therapy - I'm a huge fan of CBT, for the reasons herbavore mentioned
Good luck and I hope TDS helps you!
Good luck and I hope TDS helps you!
xHippiexchildx
Bluelighter
I'm Hippiexchild. I'm pretty sure some of you already know who I am if you are a occasional visitor to Erowid.
I've done so many psychedelics that i've completely changed my brain chemistry.
I'm bipolar, and just about anything can set off a psychotic episode.
I can't seem to give up the psychedelics even in my f***ed up state of mind.
I feel like Hunter S Thompson or something, and maybe i'll end up like him too, who the hell knows.
I've done so many psychedelics that i've completely changed my brain chemistry.
I'm bipolar, and just about anything can set off a psychotic episode.
I can't seem to give up the psychedelics even in my f***ed up state of mind.
I feel like Hunter S Thompson or something, and maybe i'll end up like him too, who the hell knows.
eukaryote
Bluelighter
Welcome! I am sorry to hear you are always ;tripping' have you seen a neurologist?
Please do not end up like him.
Please do not end up like him.
xHippiexchildx
Bluelighter
I'm supposed to have a PET Scan done to determine what is wrong with me. Medications that should work for most people, don't work for me most of the time.
Hey Hippyxchild, welcome to TDS
Ahh I'm sorry to hear that... it's incredibly hard to give up a drug, even when we know it is bad for us. The psychological addiction to psychedelics can be very strong.. have you tried drugs counselling? Good luck with the PET scan, let us know how it goes
Ahh I'm sorry to hear that... it's incredibly hard to give up a drug, even when we know it is bad for us. The psychological addiction to psychedelics can be very strong.. have you tried drugs counselling? Good luck with the PET scan, let us know how it goes
pammy
Bluelighter
Hi im new here so im unsure of what to do?im 32 years old and alone.Im bipolar,so i can be mentally unstable at times and i get so weak and tired of it.Iv got so so muchj pain inside me because of people hurting me all my life,iv never ever felt loved and i crave it constantly but im sure im unlovable and worthless as nobody seems to want me and it hurts so bad.
Hi pammy, welcome to The Dark Side
You've come to the right place hun, there are a lot of people in this forum who can relate to your situation. I'm sorry you've had such a hard time, and that you feel so much emotional pain. I know you've been hurt before but one thing is for certain, you are NOT unloveable OR worthless. Everyone deserves to be loved, and everyone is worthy of it, including you. Please believe that
You've come to the right place hun, there are a lot of people in this forum who can relate to your situation. I'm sorry you've had such a hard time, and that you feel so much emotional pain. I know you've been hurt before but one thing is for certain, you are NOT unloveable OR worthless. Everyone deserves to be loved, and everyone is worthy of it, including you. Please believe that
wait...You did not say crazy...but even if you did..I love crazy! you would have to be crazy to say you are unlovable!!! I am a troubled soul..I am anxious..drug affected..annoying at times...and I am a not so easy to understand individual. but we are not unlovable. Thats crazy... The truth is life and some people SUCK! Find something you love (I know thats hard..Im always looking) and just focus on it. (hopefully nothing narcotic lol ) anyways welcolme to bluelight..I am new here too but have been helped by many peeps (i'm way to old to use that word but did not delete it anyway lol ) Wishing you peace and inner love
S.M.F.G
Bluelighter
Welcome pammy
^ what debbbedeb just said nealy mirrors the way i am atm.... So know ul find the support u need here it's so full of people with common problems its not funny, uv found a gr8 place so welcome again and best of wishes
VaderisBaddAss
Bluelighter
Hi everyone! (I introduced myself a few weeks ago on the new member introductions but I lurk around here a lot more, so I figured I'd say hi!
I'm 26 and am on disability currently recovering from a liver transplant I had almost a year ago to the day! (went in at 4am on the 21st of January) So a year go today, I was sittin in a room dressed and ready to go, waiting..waiting..and waiting, unknown whether I will be able to receive a new liver, and virtually a new life!
Anywhom, as you guessed, I received the liver! Yay! And now, a year later, I'm finally having "normal" test results! They haven't been normal my whole life! And now, they are! :D
People tell me (friends, family, doctors, even people I've just met!) that I have been through and have experienced more in the past 4/5 years than anyone should in their whole life! Ive taken more different kinds of medicines than I can count. I have a lot of experience specially with pain medicines because I've been in chronic pain since I was around 20. (I have an enlarged spleen that the Drs hoped would shrink post-transplant, but hasn't and I'm just about stuck :/ I think I'm on meds for the long haul..unfortunately) I haven't been given any good news or reason to believe the spleen will shrink because it hasn't yet. All I can do is keep hoping! It does suck to have to be on pain meds to function, but sometimes the pain is so bad I can't even stand up straight
But onto the good news! I gained most of my weight back, well to a point where I am not malnourished. I'm eating healthy, and A LOT! Like more than my brother and father! Which is great! I'm headed in the right direction!
I'm here to offer anyone advise, support and even share my experiences and hope people can learn from them! I believe support I huge when trying to overcome anything, whether it be surgery or drug abuse!
So, if you have any questions, or just want to chat, feel free to PM me! And please do! %)
V
I'm 26 and am on disability currently recovering from a liver transplant I had almost a year ago to the day! (went in at 4am on the 21st of January) So a year go today, I was sittin in a room dressed and ready to go, waiting..waiting..and waiting, unknown whether I will be able to receive a new liver, and virtually a new life!
Anywhom, as you guessed, I received the liver! Yay! And now, a year later, I'm finally having "normal" test results! They haven't been normal my whole life! And now, they are! :D
People tell me (friends, family, doctors, even people I've just met!) that I have been through and have experienced more in the past 4/5 years than anyone should in their whole life! Ive taken more different kinds of medicines than I can count. I have a lot of experience specially with pain medicines because I've been in chronic pain since I was around 20. (I have an enlarged spleen that the Drs hoped would shrink post-transplant, but hasn't and I'm just about stuck :/ I think I'm on meds for the long haul..unfortunately) I haven't been given any good news or reason to believe the spleen will shrink because it hasn't yet. All I can do is keep hoping! It does suck to have to be on pain meds to function, but sometimes the pain is so bad I can't even stand up straight
But onto the good news! I gained most of my weight back, well to a point where I am not malnourished. I'm eating healthy, and A LOT! Like more than my brother and father! Which is great! I'm headed in the right direction!
I'm here to offer anyone advise, support and even share my experiences and hope people can learn from them! I believe support I huge when trying to overcome anything, whether it be surgery or drug abuse!
So, if you have any questions, or just want to chat, feel free to PM me! And please do! %)
V- Status