feralkitten
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Apr 5, 2013
- Messages
- 63
Hi everyone. I'm a 32 year old (in fact today is my birthday) recovering alcoholic (a year and a half off alcohol) and former tramadol addict (quit 5 years ago).
Unfortunately I managed to get myself addicted to kratom. I knew the risks of addiction, I've studied with some really cool herbalists and botanists over the years and I'd been aware of it for some time, and about a year ago I was diagnosed with lyme disease and was having terrible arthritis pain in my knees and rather than take the tramadol i was prescribed (smart move) I decided to try kratom instead (even though the recovering addict in my head was like "you sure that's a good idea?"). Anyway, I got pretty out of control with it, went through withdrawal a few times due to lack of funds but always went back. But I miss being sober and I know that's the only way I'll get where I want in life.
I am 2 weeks into my taper and it's going very well and I feel like I am very close to my jumping off point. I don't expect it to be painless, but I know sobriety is worth it.
I work sort of a dead end job now in a crappy suburb, but I would like to eventually move to a rural permaculture geared community and practice hypnotherapy (I've already been trained) and continue to make art and just live a more fun and joyful life. I lived in a community like that a few years ago and it was the most at home I ever felt. It's my main goal right now along with getting sober.
Unfortunately I managed to get myself addicted to kratom. I knew the risks of addiction, I've studied with some really cool herbalists and botanists over the years and I'd been aware of it for some time, and about a year ago I was diagnosed with lyme disease and was having terrible arthritis pain in my knees and rather than take the tramadol i was prescribed (smart move) I decided to try kratom instead (even though the recovering addict in my head was like "you sure that's a good idea?"). Anyway, I got pretty out of control with it, went through withdrawal a few times due to lack of funds but always went back. But I miss being sober and I know that's the only way I'll get where I want in life.
I am 2 weeks into my taper and it's going very well and I feel like I am very close to my jumping off point. I don't expect it to be painless, but I know sobriety is worth it.
I work sort of a dead end job now in a crappy suburb, but I would like to eventually move to a rural permaculture geared community and practice hypnotherapy (I've already been trained) and continue to make art and just live a more fun and joyful life. I lived in a community like that a few years ago and it was the most at home I ever felt. It's my main goal right now along with getting sober.
. I have just lost another partner (my ex fiancee left me few years back) through my lies and using. I am at my wits end and think I have finally realised that I have no control over my using. My body is scarred, sick and weak from the years of intravenous use. My drugs of choice are strong opiates/oids (been on methadone for 7 years).. Thing is I was doing ok untill I had my first blast of meth.. The last couple of years have consisted of trying to chase that rush. I have had several near misses, overdoses and hospitalizations and my mental health has deteriorated to the point where my best friends and close family have given up or have been scared away. I have no $ (meth is ridiculously expensive here- $250 for 1/4g). I have no one apart from my using buddies.. Somehow I believe I can beat this (he says as he preps another shot).. I need to know it is possible and that others have made it out. I have been in touch with an inpatient rehab clinic and have an assessment in few weeks. I think its now or never, I really want to change but my mind plays tricks on me and i relapse easily. I am hoping for some support here, have been lurking a while here on DS and its about time I made myself known. 
